Losing Control (5 page)

Fawn decided to drive over to the
shopping mall for a bit of browsing and maybe a nice lunch at one of the quaint
restaurants there. The sky looked a bit iffy; storms had been forecast but she
figured she’d chance it anyway.

She washed up, stepped into a fresh
pair of shorts and a red T shirt with French cut sleeves. The convertible top
of the MG was already open, so she eased into her seat and started down the
drive. The pink bougainvillea and heirloom red roses and splashy yellow mimosa
made a lovely, fragrant backdrop. She was happy; being there was right, and
true. There was no other place she’d rather be. So why did the bad dreams haunt
her sleep? Why did she feel as though everything could come tumbling down
around her shoulders at any minute?

She hung out in a drugstore for
awhile, sampling new mascaras and eye shadows, finally bought a few, plus a
tube of lipstick in a magenta-pink that looked great against her skin.

A clothing shop caught her eye; she
entered and wound up buying two skimpy sundresses, one in red, the other in
lavender. Then, of course she needed shoes to match each dress, and a purse.
Their lingerie was to die for; she hadn’t bought anything sexy in years.
Richard’s tastes were too old-fashioned for her: lots of frills and ruffles and
bows. She liked the slinky simple stuff, wound up purchasing a black bra and panty
set, and a leopard print teddy, and a magenta-pink bikini to match her new
lipstick. It never occurred to her why she was getting all these girly items.
For once in her life she allowed herself the freedom to buy without thinking,
to indulge herself without feeling guilty. It was stimulating!

She had a late lunch at a charming
Japanese steakhouse that was decorated with tatami mats and low tables with
pillows for seating. Her appetite, which was usually quite dull, surprised her.
She wound up ordering a huge bento box full of sushi, salad with ginger
dressing, tangy noodles and wonderful shrimp fried rice, with a cup of sake on
the side.

A sudden rainstorm blasted the air as
she rushed to her car. Frantically, she threw her purchases into the trunk and
raised the convertible top, getting thoroughly drowned in the process. Finally
safe within the wet car, she started the engine and stepped on the gas, only to
discover that one of the tires was flat!

A curse hissed from under Fawn’s
breath as she braved the storm to check the damage. Somehow a sliver of glass
has gotten wedged into the tire. She thought back on her drive up from
San Diego
, vaguely recalled passing by a minor
traffic accident, where the only injury was to a vintage sedan’s windshield.
Leave it to her to pick up a souvenir.

“Oh, well,” she shrugged. “It won’t
get changed with me just standing here!”

She slicked her soaked hair back
behind her ears and wrestled the spare tire and jack from the trunk. She had
taught herself to do simple car repairs on her MG. Richard hated anything old,
refused to deal with it. But it was a gift from Connie on her twentieth
birthday – which meant it was her most prized possession besides the bungalow.

Funny how ungentlemanly these rich
Southern California
guys were – not one had stopped to
offer her assistance. Not that she needed it but somehow it would have seemed a
nice gesture. They were probably afraid of mussing up their two hundred dollar
haircuts or ruining their designer suits in the rain.

Lightning struck a tree on the hill
above the mall; Fawn jumped, began to struggle harder to finish the job. Then
she noticed a large, gleaming silver truck slinking towards her. The passenger
window slid down, revealing Taury Trahern, dressed in a stylish black suit with
a striped vest and tie. He looked like he’d just stepped off the runway in
Milan
or out of a cologne ad. She gasped.

“Need a hand?” he asked.

“I’m almost done.”

“Well, let me do the rest. You hop up
in here before you catch cold.”

He opened the passenger door.

“I’ll get your seats damp.”

“No problem. They’re leather.”

She stepped up into the cabin.

“But you shouldn’t be out in the rain
in that suit. You’ll ruin it.”

“I’m itching to get out of the damn
thing anyway.”

He started to remove the jacket, then
the tie, the vest, and a white shirt. Fawn couldn’t help noticing the sensuous
curves of his torso, and the tuft of golden hair just below his belly button.
“Here I go again,” she thought, trying to calm her booming heart.

Taury smiled at her as if he knew what
she was thinking. Then he climbed out of the truck and went round to her car.
She watched him as he made quick work of attaching the spare and replacing the
tools into her trunk. The rain sheathed his broad, tan shoulders, darkened his
hair, and sent her off on a fantasy where the two of them were locked in a wet
embrace in her shower. She gasped again.

The click of the truck door as it
opened brought her back to reality.

“All done!” Taury announced. Fawn
lowered her gaze, patting her flushed cheeks with damp hands as he got in and
turned the engine.

“Thanks, I really appreciate it.
Guess I’ll head on home.”

He sat quietly for a moment, looking
at her.

“You don’t like me much, do you?”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“Yes, I did. But I don’t know why
you’d ask such a question. I don’t really know you.”

“Would you like to?”

“Look, you’re a sweet guy. You’ve
been kind to me but…”

“But what? You’re just not into me.
Is that it?”

“I’m not ready to be into anybody
right now.”

“Why? Because you think it isn’t proper
so soon after your divorce?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“I don’t believe that. And I don’t
think you really do, either. You’ve been conditioned to act a certain way,
that’s all.”

“Taury, I’ve just come out of a bad
marriage. I can’t trust any feelings I might have right now, about you, or
myself.”

“But you can. Look, all I know is
that I’ve felt a connection to you since I first saw you up on the hill. And
then, that night in my house, when our eyes met it was like a cannon went off
in my heart. I want you, Fawn, I can’t be more honest than that. And I know you
want me. I can see it in your eyes. Now, I don’t do the one night stand thing.
I’m not a casual man. I want you for always. And if you’re not ready, I’ll
wait.”

This was too unreal; no one had ever
said words like that to her, not Richard, or any boy she dated in high school.
She wasn’t the type to be waited for.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Well, then don’t say anything. Go
home and think about me, and the way I make you feel. Or the way I could make
you feel … if you’d relax and let things flow.”

She gazed into the deep set blue
eyes. He seemed sincere, but how could she know? He was a stranger. She knew
nothing about him besides a few dry facts.

“Maybe … maybe we could get to know
each other, like most people do. Go on a few dates and talk a lot…”

“And waste precious time when we
could be in bed.”

She was about to have an orgasm just
at hearing that word ‘bed’ come out of his luscious mouth. How could she sit
through conversation and movies and dinner when all she wanted was to lie down
with him and never get up?

“Is that all you’re interested in?”

“No, I want to know everything from
your conception up to before I drove here. But the pull between us is killing
me, Fawn. It must be the same for you. Say it is.”

He slipped his dark hand over hers,
squeezed it tight. She looked into his eyes again. They were glistening with a
heat she’d never seen before. She reached her free hand to touch his cheek. He
took that as a ‘yes’, drew her to him, bound her up in a strong but gentle
caress. Their lips met, melded. It was like she’d never been kissed till then.
His mouth molded hers to suit his needs, urging her on softly with his tongue.

“Wait,” she whispered. “We can’t, not
here.”

“The windows are tinted. The doors
are locked. No one can see.”

“No,” she pushed him away
reluctantly. “I can’t, not like this.”

“Okay, so you’re not ready. Go home,
Fawn. I’ve got to fly up to
San Francisco
anyway, for some company meetings.
I’ll be back late. My door will be open for you. I won’t come to yours.”

He leaned across her, pushed the
truck door ajar. Fawn stumbled her way out, feeling confused and ashamed. She
watched him drive away. Then the tears she’d been suppressing burst out of her
eyes and were lost in the rain that pummeled her face. She raised her head; let
the cold rain consume her.

SIX

“Thanks for letting me come over,
Steph! I don’t think I could’ve handled being alone just now.”

“Hey, what are cousins for? Besides,
I’m on my own tonight, too. My guy is in
France
for a big tournament. Wish I could
have gone with him.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Too many cases that need to be
settled; sometimes I hate being a lawyer!”

“Well, it’s hard work, I guess, but
look at the perks you get.”

Fawn pointed her gaze towards an
exquisite sunset painted across the horizon. Stephanie’s house had a bird’s eye
view of the sea. Sitting atop a purple hill dotted with lemon trees, it was a
divine reinterpretation of mid century modern. All of the walls were stark
white, the floors textured and stained concrete, with lots of hopefully
earthquake proof glass running from floor to ceiling throughout. Sleek,
designer originals from the Eames and Le Corbusier, Eero Saarinen, and Marcel
Breuer gave the place a museum feel but Stephanie had warmed it up with
colorful art and sheepskin rugs.

“You know my mom gave me this house
after she made a bundle on that cosmetics deal. I could never have afforded it
on my salary alone.”

“Oh, that’s right.”

Fawn settled into a red sofa, sighed
as she stared out at the view. She was wearing the lavender sundress and
matching high heels, had gone home after Taury left; showered and fancied
herself up with all the new make-up. Why, she had no clue. Then she had the
urge to call Stephanie, hoping to talk everything out with the only real female
friend she’d ever had.

The two women celebrated nightfall
with a light salmon and wild rice supper, aided by some delicious Pinot Noir.

“So, Taury is the one, maybe?”

“Oh, God, Stephanie, I don’t know.
How can I trust my feelings at this point in my life? I’m only now getting to
know myself. I can’t jump into bed with a stranger, no matter how urgent it
feels.”

“The important thing is how he makes
you feel. You said he sounds like he’s crazy for you, what else do you need to
know?”

“Who he is, maybe? I thought of
googling him, but my internet isn’t up and running yet.”

“So, let’s use mine!”

She sprang up, grabbed a laptop, and
joined Fawn on the other side of her steel and glass dining table.

“Now, let’s see here… oh, there are
tons of pages on him! Look!”

Fawn glanced over the screen, was
amazed at the seemingly endless list of articles and interviews.

“Well, he’s quite a boy, your Taury!
He took over the Trahern Candy Company at the tender age of eighteen, after his
father died unexpectedly. In the past four years he has branched out into
‘green’ industries, and managed to triple the company’s profits by implementing
some innovative measures in their factories, increasing his own worth by millions.
And you thought he was just a kid!”

“How could anyone so young do all
that?”

“Skipping college, probably; seems
like that wastes a lot of time that a person could be using to try their hand
at getting rich. You do know all those tech tycoons quit college to start their
businesses?”

“This coming from a lawyer; how many
years did you ‘waste’ in college, Stephanie?”

“Ha! More than you’d think. But
seriously, Fawn, this guy is fantastic!”

“Too good to be real, you mean. He’s
got to have some flaws.”

“Well, everybody does. But aren’t you
willing to find out what they are personally?”