Chasing Love & Rainbows (4 page)

“Anything,” he replied and smiled at me with pretty, white teeth.

“I want to know who the real Antonio Jackson is.  Not the basketball player that all the ladies like, but the one who is not afraid to open up to a real woman like myself.  Is that a deal?” I asked and held out my hand to him, but he grabbed me and placed a soft kiss on my lips. 

I pulled back and shyly smiled to him. He touched my cheek and we begin to get to know each other.  From that day on we have been inseparable.

My cell phone rang, startling me from my daydreaming and I knew it was Tony. “Hey Baby,” I answered.

“What’s up Precious,” he said.

“I have some bad news for us,” I said to him nervously. 

“What?” he asked. 

“I just found out I’m pregnant,” I said holding my breath because I knew this would be a turning point for both of us. 

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“Positive,” I replied with shakiness in my voice. 

“Well we can’t keep it. You have to get an abortion,” he immediately replied. 

“What!” I yelled.  Has he lost his mind?  “Antonio I am not getting an abortion!” I stressed in every syllable. When I got angry I called him by his full name.

“Well I’m not ready to be a father,” was his response.

“And you think I’m ready to be a mother?” I yelled at him. We were both silent for a minute and had to take a breather. 

“Look Precious,” he sighed into the phone and continued, “We can’t raise a baby and that’s for real. I’m in my freshmen year of college and you’re a senior who is about to graduate and go to Yale. We both can’t mess up our dreams like this.”

I started to cry because I knew he was right.  But I can’t see myself killing my baby. I would sacrifice school any day for my baby and to hell with Yale. “Well it’s too late for that Tony,” I softly said to him.

“So when are you going to get an abortion?  I’ll fly down there to be with you,” he said.

“I am not getting an abortion Tony. That is out of the question,” I again yelled at him.

“Man you straight tripping?  Yo, hit me back when you come to your senses,” he said as he hung up in my face. 

That son of a bitch, to hell with him!  I can do this by myself and I don’t need his sorry ass!  I got up off the floor to lie in my bed and cried myself to sleep. What the hell am I going to do now?

Chapter 3
~ Paris

I’m Paris, the oldest sister of the Hilton clan. Being the oldest has always been very hard for me. I’ve been taking care of my sisters since the age of eighteen. I never actually had time to figure out who I am as a person or what I wanted to be in life. The only thing I have going constant in life were my sisters, my job, and my man.  The lack of who I am always seems to creep up on me. My dreams were put on hold once my parents died, but I didn’t let that stop me from achieving some of my goals. 

At twenty-six I was living a pretty comfortable life. Who wouldn’t if their boyfriend were a NFL player?  Marcus Jones and I have been dating for about eleven years. It’s been a long time and we haven’t gotten married yet. I’m still working on it though. 

How can I explain our relationship?  It’s like Beyoncé’s song “Dangerously in Love.”  We started dating at the tender age of fifteen. But like in the lyrics Beyoncé sings “I am in love with you, you set me free, and I can't do this thing called life without you here with me, ‘cause I'm dangerously in love with you.  I'll never leave, just keep loving' me, the way I love you loving me.”

I will never leave my Boo. That’s just how deep my love is for him.  Why would I even leave him when he gives me the world, the sex is superb, and plus were best friends.  I know in my heart of hearts that I’m his soul mate and he’s mine. There is nothing I could not and would not do for him; that’s how deep our shit is.

I worry sometimes when he is on the road that he might slip up and sleep with a groupie.  Do I care?  Of course!  I have to trust that he wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize what we have, because our relationship is something that’s deep and special. 

From the first day I laid eyes on Marcus I knew he was the one for me. I guess you can say it was love at first sight.  He transferred from another school in West Palm
Beach, Florida.  His parents moved to Miami because his dad got a new job and they wanted to make a new start. Marcus ended up at Miami Northwestern with me. We clicked fast and from that day forth; we have been like Bonnie and Clyde.

We live together, along with my sisters, in a big ass house that he bought.  He has a condo in Miami Lakes when we want to just get away for some quality time together. It just feels so good and right when we’re sitting around like a family. I’m ready to get married and have some kids.  “Mrs. Marcus Jones” is who I want to be.

I’m not the type of girl to trick Marcus into anything like getting pregnant on purpose.  I remain on the pill for the time being until we decide when we are ready to have kids.  But I’m getting a little tired of that shit and I’m ready to do our thing. We already act like were married so let’s just seal the damn deal.

I find myself up late at night, like tonight thinking about the future and us.  I looked over at him sleeping and sometimes I wonder how I got so lucky.  Marcus is a Boris Kodjoe look alike. He is 6‘1 with a bald head like Boris. His face is not clean-shaven like Boris’ because Marcus sports a goatee. I love to rub his goatee when I’m riding him. It turns him on when my nails scratch his face when being passionate.  Marcus is a wide receiver for the Miami Dolphins and has been their leading receiver since he was picked in the draft.

He signed a contract with the Dolphins for forty-five million for six years.  I was very happy for him because Marcus loves the game of football so much that he breathes it.  I tried to ease out of bed hoping not to wake Marcus but I wasn’t successful. He grabbed me back around my waist.

“Where you going boo,” he asked in a sleepy voice. 

“Downstairs to get some water,” I whispered to him in a raspy voice.

“Did I work you that hard,” he joking asking as he kissed me in between my shoulder blades.

“Don’t be cute Marcus, I wasn’t the one yelling damn baby give me that pussy! Yeah give it to me,” I teasingly mocked him. 

“Oh so now you got jokes,” he said as he tickled me. I laughed and tried to get away.

“No, I don’t.  I just want you to know who is in control of this,” I said as I pointed to the middle spot between my legs. 

“I’m in control and you know it,” he replied as he reached down and touched my clit. “It’s mine and it’s marked ‘”Marcus’ territory,” he growled as I moaned and rolled my hips a little.

“Yeah baby it’s all yours,” I said leaning over and kissing him.  I climbed out the bed to put my robe on and asked Marcus, “You need something from downstairs?” 

“Nah,” he said and snuggled back under the covers. 

“Alright,” I replied.

I made my way downstairs when I heard voices.  My sisters were sitting at the kitchen table.  Patrice looks as if she were crying. 

“Hey,” I said.

Patrice hurriedly wiped her tears. She was a little late because I already saw her tears.  She seems to go to Porsche whenever she is having problems with Tony. I always wonder why she never comes to me and it kind of hurt my feelings when she doesn’t.

“What’s going on,” I asked.

They both were silent until Porsche spoke, “We were sleeping peacefully until you and Marcus woke us up with his loud mouth saying give me that pussy Boo.”  I covered my mouth with my hands because I was so embarrassed.  I was so shocked they heard me. 

“Oh my…I’m…” I stuttered. Hell, I didn’t know what to say.

Porsche put up her hands and said, “Don’t. We know you’re not a virgin and we damn sure not, so chill.  It’s bad enough I have to picture my sister getting freaky and shit.”  Patrice smiled for the first time.

She was my baby and I loved her like she was my on child. I went and stood next to her and bent down to wrap my arms around her. She leaned her head against my arm and I asked, “You alright baby?”  I looked into her eyes to see if I could read what was going on. What I saw there was sadness and heartbreak.  I wanted her to open up to me so bad but I didn’t want to push her.

“Yeah, Porsche and I were just talking about mom and dad,” Patrice said.  I looked up at Porsche and I knew it was time to tell my sister the truth about how our parents really died. I was dreading this day but now Patrice was old enough to know what really happened.

I looked over at Porsche again and she knew the time was now. I asked her, “You ready?”  She nodded her head yes. I took a deep breath because I knew I would never be ready for this moment. 

“Um Patrice, we have something we need to tell you. But before we do, we need you to come with us into the family room,” I said. She looked confused, wondering what was going on. 

“Ok,” she finally said.

Porsche grabbed her hand while I went into my safe and got the tape out with Patrice’s name on it that my mother left behind. I did the same thing with Porsche and it was extremely hard on her. The good thing about it though was
that I was there for Porsche.
When I
saw my tape, I was by myself.
I had to deal with the news on my own. If it wasn’t for Marcus I would have fallen apart. I walked back into the family room, popped the tape into the VCR, and then sat beside Patrice and Porsche.  After a pause, I turned around to speak to her as I begin to cry.

Tears were in my eyes because it still hurt my heart about my mother killing my dad, and I still can’t believe he was HIV positive.  Dealing with their death and raising
two young girls was extremely hard on me.  I could sense Porsche about to break down too. But I had to stay strong.  Patrice kept looking at us confusedly and finally I spoke, “Patrice, mom left a tape behind for you.”  Her eyes became wide as I saw the tears begin to form in her eyes.

“Why?” she said brokenly.

I took a deep breath and tried to explain the best way I could, “She left a tape behind for all of us. Porsche and I have already seen our tapes, and now it’s time for you to see yours.  I know you always ask us questions about what really happened. We never could explain it to you because mom wanted to.”

I grabbed one of her hands and Porsche took the other one. I pressed play and our Mom popped up on the screen. She still looked just as beautiful as ever, just like the actress Vanessa Williams. I turned my head when I heard Porsche sniffle.  Pressing pause, I got up to sit between my sisters. I knew they needed my support. They always need me. I’m their strength, and always have been. They need me more than anything.  How I feel doesn’t even matter. My sisters’ happiness always comes first before mine. I grabbed both of their hands in mine and pressed play again with the remote. My mother began to speak.

“Hey momma’s little girl, I know you’re wondering why I’m making a tape like this for you.  I don’t want you to go through life wondering how your father and I died and I think you are old enough to understand now, but at ten you would have never understood.  Patrice, I killed your dad and myself. I had to and I didn’t have a choice. That day killed us as a family when I found out that your father was HIV positive.”

Mom continued, “I was too afraid to go and get myself checked out and I felt I really didn’t have a choice. I didn’t want my babies to see me suffer. I thought the best thing to do was to just kill us both. I didn’t want to put you all through seeing your father and I sick. So it was easier for all our lives and I’m so sorry baby.” 

Our Mom ended with, “Please forgive me for leaving you at an early age but I know Paris will do a good job in taking care of you. I love you and I want you to grow up to be a wonderful young lady. We will see each other again in another life.” My mom kissed the screen and smiled and then the tape went off.

Patrice burst into tears as I held her. Porsche was leaning on my other shoulder and I had to muster up all my strength to hold my sisters together. I’m their caretaker and they depended on me. They look up to me as if I were a replacement for my mother. I tried to be mother, father, and sister all in one. We sat and cried for a good ten minutes until Patrice finally looked up at me.

Patrice asked through her tears, “Why Paris, Why did dad do that to her, to us?” She cried uncontrollably.

“I don’t know sweetie,” I said as I hugged her to me.

“I hate men,” she yelled, “I hate the ground they walk on!  Fuck Tony!”  I knew she was speaking out of anger but I didn’t allow her to curse.

“I‘ll let that slide since I know you are upset,” I said.

Patrice replied, “Upset?  Upset, I could kill right now!” I was rubbing her back while she was venting. 

Porsche just looked on as if the world was coming to an end, and finally Porsche got up and said, “I’m going to bed y’all, I need to be alone.”