Bittersweet (2 page)

Chapter Two

“Mommy,” Jayden yelled as soon as she got out of the car. He ran toward her and almost made her fall over when he threw himself into her arms.

Even though she’d only been in the hospital for two weeks, it felt like a lifetime since she’d last held him in her arms, and she broke down. Though filled with sadness and guilt over the loss they’d suffered, she was overjoyed to be with him again. He was Tyler in miniature.

“Why are you crying, Mommy?”

“Because I missed you,” she held him closer to breathe in his scent.

“Where’s Daddy?”

His question left her speechless and surprised that her parents hadn’t already told him. She wasn’t sure what to say, and thankfully her father came to the rescue. “Come with Poppa, Jayden,” he offered the boy his hand. “We’ll go out in the yard for a while and let your mom settle in first.”

She looked to her mother for answers as they walked away. “What have you guys told him?”

“Jenna, I couldn’t…I mean, we didn’t know how. I should’ve told you sooner, I’m so sorry.”

“Okay, I just need a little time to figure out how to break it to him.”

She could feel another breakdown coming on and just couldn’t fall apart in front of everyone. In the privacy of her old room, she let the stress consume her. Jayden was only four. How was she supposed to explain Tyler’s death without traumatizing him? He and Tyler had been close.

She managed to pull herself together a few hours later to join them for dinner. Although not much eating was involved, thankfully Jayden didn’t ask her too many questions, and Jenna knew then that she had to stop procrastinating.

“All right, Monkey, it’s almost time to wash up and get ready for bed. Afterward, Mommy has something important to speak to you about.” Her throat constricted, and her eyes watered just thinking about the horrible task ahead, and she turned her head to hide it from him.

“Aw, man,” he whined. “Good night, Grandma. ’Night, Poppa.” After he gave them his big, sloppy good-night kisses, he and Jenna headed upstairs for the night and into the privacy they both would need to grieve.

“Mommy, I can’t wait to see Daddy. Poppa took me fishing, and next time—”

Her little boy ran into the room and jumped up and down on the bed with pure excitement, but he stopped suddenly when he realized she was crying.

Jenna still wasn’t sure how to give him the news, but she knew she had to. “Jayden, did Grandma tell you why it took Mommy so long to come and get you?” she asked carefully to gauge how much he already knew.

“She said you got sick, but you’re better now, so why are you so sad?” He placed his hand on her face and tried to wipe away the tears streaming down it.

“I’m sad because Daddy’s gone, honey.” Her words seemed to confuse him. “I was sick for a little while, and I was able to get better, but Daddy wasn’t. They couldn’t fix him, honey, and Daddy went to heaven. Do you understand?”

“Well, is he coming back?”

Jenna couldn’t form the words to answer. She just shook her head and held him close, hoping he would understand while fearing at the same time that he would.

He cried just as much as she did, and they fell asleep in each other’s arms.

***

Three days later, it was time to say their last good-bye. Tyler’s funeral was long and exhausting but beautiful at the same time. If not for the support of her family and her friend Sam, Jenna couldn’t have gotten through the day still standing. There were a few words said at the church in the small, intimate ceremony for close friends and family. She couldn’t bear the thought of a burial, and instead she’d had him cremated so she could take him home with her.

Besides Tyler, Sam was her best friend. Just after Jayden was born, Tyler had received a promotion and they were finally able to afford a bigger house. Sam was one of their neighbors, and she and Jenna had hit it off immediately. Sam was a professional photographer and got to travel the world, and Jenna envied her that.

Her last destination had been beautiful Ireland. Jenna admired the scenic photos she’d taken while Sam told her all about the amazing places she’d visited while there.

***

One Month Later

“It’s not fair,” Jayden screamed.

Tyler’s parents had come for a visit, and at first her son didn’t seem to want them there. He’d run upstairs and into her room to curl up on his father’s side of the bed. Jenna had to take a deep breath before walking farther than the doorway. She hadn’t slept in there since the last morning she’d woken with Tyler at her side. The room just wasn’t the same without him.

“Jayden, are you okay?”

He turned around and shook his head, “I’m mad at Daddy, and I’m mad at Grandpa.”

Through tears, she managed to whisper, “Why are you mad at Grandpa?”

“Because he looks like Daddy.”

She laughed, startling even herself. “Yes, Grandpa looks like Daddy, Jayden, but so do you. You look just like Daddy, honey. That’s why you’re so handsome.”

He hid his face again on top of Tyler’s pillow and said, “But I’m still mad at Daddy. Why did he have to leave me? It’s not fair. He’s making me sad, and he’s making you sad all the time too.”

In that moment her heart shattered again. Life was a cold, cruel bitch at times, and this was one of them. “I’m sorry, honey, but it’s not Daddy’s fault. He didn’t have a choice. I want you to know that he’d be here if he could. I need you to know that, Jayden, and it makes me sad to hear that you’re angry with him, but I understand. He loves you just as much as I do and always will, even in heaven. Do you understand?”

“But it’s still not fair,” he whimpered. “I want him back.”

“I know, Jayden. I do too, but it gets better with time. I promise.” Those words were easier said than lived with. Jenna knew it would take a long time before the family survived Tyler’s loss, but she looked forward to that day, anyway.

When he was ready to visit, Jayden went back downstairs, hugged his grandfather tightly, and apologized. “I’m not mad at you anymore, Grandpa. You don’t look like Daddy; you look like me.”

***

The months that passed hurt to live through, but Jenna’s anger eventually faded, and life got a little easier with time. Jayden started to return to his normal self again, and he and Jenna developed a routine that got them through their rough patches. Jenna was still numb, though; she felt empty and barely had an appetite. Regardless, the time flew by.

On the anniversary of his death, she and Jayden decided to spend the day by themselves, no matter how much Sam or her parents bothered her about not being alone.

“Do you know what today is?” she asked him that morning.

Jayden nodded and whispered, “The day Daddy left.”

“It is, Jayden. So what would you like to do today?”

“Could we go to the park?” he asked, not making eye contact.

“The park sounds nice. Maybe we could stop and get some ice cream.”

Jayden loved his ice cream, but the smile on his face was what she’d hoped for. Smiling back, she reached for his hand. “It’s okay to be sad, Jayden, but it’s also okay to feel angry or happy. It’s okay to laugh or cry. I love you, honey, and I just want you to know that showing your emotions is okay if you need to, especially today.”

“Can we bring Daddy with us?”

She nodded and went to get the urn. “Are you ready?” she asked, and didn’t care how stupid it may have looked to others. Her number one priority was to do anything she could to make things easier on Jayden. They spent the day as a family, and her son got whatever he wanted and then some.

***

Jenna was finally able to have her meltdown after Jayden fell asleep. She’d gone upstairs to change into one of Tyler’s shirts, but that night it just didn’t feel the same. Anytime she’d put one on before, she could smell him, could almost feel his arms wrapped around her, as if he were still with her. But that night she felt nothing. He was gone, and she needed him back. She needed that feeling of security, but he’d left her, in body and now in spirit.

She ran to the closet and pulled out everything that belonged to him, but she still felt nothing. “No, Tyler, don’t leave me,” she cried, sitting in the middle of the heap of his clothes.

That’s how Sam found her when she stopped by to check on her. “He’s gone,” Jenna sobbed.

Sam rushed to Jenna and hugged her tight. “He’s been gone for a while, Jenna.”

“No.” Jenna shook her head, trying to explain. “I could still feel him, though. He was still with me. His scent still lingered, and I could sense him around me, and now I don’t feel anything, Sam. Please, he can’t leave me. Please, Sam, please, just make him come back to me.”

“I’m so sorry, Jenna. I wish I could.”

Hours later when she’d cried herself out, Jenna looked at her best friend through puffy, red eyes, and wiped at her runny nose. She whispered her thanks as Sam held her the entire time, to listen to and comfort her. Now, she just felt exhausted but was thankful to have let her feelings out.

“I know what you’re going through, Jenna,” Sam said. “I was married once. His name was Antonio, and I met him in Italy when I was first starting out. We fell in love almost instantly. Ugh, that man drove me insane. I lived there for a year. Did I ever tell you that? We dated the whole time, but my visa expired. I tried to get it renewed, but of course I was denied. I was crushed. I loved him, and I had to leave him. Antonio got angry the night I’d told him I had to go, and we argued He stayed away for a few days, then showed up the night before I left. The expression on his face was priceless. He had this determination about him. I swear that night was the best sex I’ve ever had.”

She laughed loudly, but Jenna knew the hard part was coming because Sam then started to cry.

“Anyway, I left, and he didn’t follow. I waited as long as I could at the airport for him, but he didn’t show up, and I cried the whole way home. About three weeks later I got a knock on my door. It was cold outside and really late. I lived in a really crappy one-bedroom apartment in a not-so-good neighborhood, and I was afraid to open the door at first. But the knocking wouldn’t stop. I finally became annoyed enough to see who it was, and it was him.”

She smiled. “The first thing we did was make love. Afterward, he proposed, and I couldn’t have been happier. We had a simple ceremony and started our lives, together forever. On our third anniversary, we took a trip back to Italy. It was as beautiful as I remembered, but when we got back, Antonio became sick.”

She turned her face away then and whispered the next part. “He died six months later.” Don’t you see, Jenna? I know exactly what you’re going through, but I need you to know that although you’ll never forget, it gets easier to cope with time.”

Jenna looked at Sam and realized she’d gained a new type of respect for her that day. She was one of the strongest people she knew, and Jenna longed for the day where she could be that strong herself.

“Okay, enough of all of this,” Sam announced, gesturing at Tyler’s pile of clothes. “I’m going to help you find yourself again. I’m going back to Ireland. I know you’ve always wanted to go, so you’re coming with me, and don’t you dare say no.”

Jenna had always imagined traveling with Sam but never thought it possible. But Sam wasn’t taking no for an answer and cut through all of her objections. She had about a good six weeks before Jayden started school, and when she asked her parents if they could watch Jayden while she was away, they also thought it was a fabulous idea.

It was time she did something nice for herself, a time to try to move on, so with her parents’ encouragement, Jenna accepted Sam’s vacation proposal with mixed emotions.

Chapter Three

“Um, if I forget to say this later, thanks, Sam.”

“You’re thanking me in the airport,” Sam said with a laugh. “That’s very sweet, Jenna, but just wait until we get out there.” She gestured at the beautiful scenery of Dublin visible through the doors. “I’m really hoping that you can have a good time. Start out fresh in new surroundings, have an adventure, live a little, let loose, and have fun. Now that’s the vacation I’m hoping to have.”

Sam put an arm around her, then stopped walking. “Speaking of beautiful scenery, what have we here?”

Jenna turned to see what she was talking about. Two men stood only a few feet away, staring at them. She felt an instant attraction when her eyes met the piercing blue ones of the sexy dark-haired man, and she panicked because it had been the first time any man had got a reaction out of her since Tyler’s death.

“Sam, I don’t think I’m ready for this,” she whispered, wide-eyed.

“Relax, Jenna. It’s okay if you’re not ready today, but honestly, hun, how long has it been?”

Jenna was confused. “How long has what been?”

“My guess—in fact, I know—is that it’s been over a year now.”

She looked Sam straight in the eye and nodded because it was true. “But I’m just not ready to do that to Tyler yet, Sam.”

Sam nodded while trying to hide her disappointment.

Jenna sighed in defeat and felt bad for her friend. Sam was obviously interested in the other man. The problem was, Jenna just wasn’t sure where she stood with sex and men anymore, but she hoped to get there someday.

***

“Wow.” Jenna sighed in delight. “This is place is amazing.”

They had settled in at the Westbury, located right in the city’s shopping district. After spending most of the first day looking for souvenirs, they dined in at Wilde, the restaurant located inside the five-star hotel. The next day Sam took Jenna on a tour of the National Photographic Archive. It had hundreds of thousands of beautiful photographs in there, but there wasn’t enough time in the day to possibly go through them all. They strolled around Merrion Square looking at the sculptures and sat near some beautiful flowers while they had lunch. Finally, they went back to the hotel for some much-needed R&R before heading out that night.

“Well, how do I look?” Jenna bounced through Sam’s room, actually excited to be going out. “I haven’t had a girls’ night out in God only knows how long.”

Sam laughed, giving her a once-over. “You look great. Sexy but comfortable, I like it.” Jenna wore a comfortable pair of skinny jeans and paired them with a slim-fitting shirt that draped off one shoulder.

Jenna laughed. “Thanks, but, um, where are we going?” She’d left the decision up to Sam because she’d been to Ireland before.

Sam shrugged. “Haven’t figured it out yet, so I guess we’ll have to wait and see.”

***

Whelan’s was just getting busy by the time they arrived.

“I think we need a few drinks,” Sam announced, raising her voice to be heard above the band.

Jenna held on to her hand as they made their way to the bar to order. After getting their drinks, they found one of the only free tables and sat down to enjoy their surroundings and each other’s company.

“I’m not sure I’d be able to drink this stuff too often, but it’s not bad,” Jenna said after finishing off her Guinness. The foamy, thick beer went down smooth. “Want another one?”

Just as Sam nodded, more arrived, brought to them by one of the waitresses working the floor.

“Wow, talk about service,” she teased.

“They’re from a couple of admirers.” The older woman gestured toward the bar. Jenna tensed as the woman left.

“Okay, Jenna, don’t freak out,” Sam warned.

“The same two guys? First the airport and now here? What are the odds? Did you know they were here the whole time?”

Sam nodded. “I noticed about an hour ago. Are you up to this? It’ll be kind of rude if we just leave, don’t you think? But we will if that’s what you need.”

Jenna shook her head and took a deep breath. “I’m fine, really. I mean, it’s a free drink. Who could be upset with that?”

As a polite gesture, Jenna turned toward the bar, held up her drink, smiled at the same one who had caught her eye the day before, and took a sip. She told herself she was doing this for Sam since Jenna still felt bad about their earlier encounter.

“Wow, Jenna, I’m impressed, but now you’ve done it.” She gestured toward the two men, who were now approaching them.

Jenna laughed. She was surprised at how comfortable she felt, as though her old self was resurfacing. Maybe it was because of the surroundings without the constant reminders of home anywhere near her, or, then again, maybe it was just the drinks. Either way, she’d felt better about herself in that moment than she had in a long time, and she enjoyed the change.

“Hi there,” Sam purred, scooting her chair closer to Jenna so the men could sit with them. “My name is Samantha, and this is my lovely friend Jenna. It’s a pleasure to meet you both.”

Jenna gulped nervously as the one she was attracted to took her hand into his. He didn’t take his eyes off her the entire time he spoke. “Lovely, Jenna, Samantha, the pleasure is definitely ours, I assure ye.” He lifted her hand and kissed her palm before continuing, “I’m Brady, Brady Connelly, and this is my good friend, Caleb O’Donnell.”

Is it just me or is it getting hot in here?
Jenna pulled her hand away and blushed.
Good Lord, these men are beautiful.

Brady Connelly knew how to make a woman’s toes curl with just a look. Tall with thick, black hair, piercing blue eyes, and a smile that could make your heart skip a beat, he oozed sex appeal. He was the complete opposite of Tyler, who’d had blond hair and brown eyes, but the attraction was there nonetheless. She couldn’t deny it, no matter how hard she tried.

His friend Caleb whisked Sam away with the excuse of getting refills at the bar.

“You guys are very good at what you do,” Jenna teased. She was nervous and had to take some of the pressure away.

“What are we doin’?” Brady asked with mock innocence, and she could see he was trying to hold back a smile.

“Well,” she said, smiling in return, “if you wanted some alone time, you could’ve just asked.” Shrugging, she looked over at Caleb and Sam, who were sitting at the bar. Caleb was quite fetching as well, and Sam seemed to be enamored with him. He was tall, on the thin side of athletic, and exuberated confidence. He had dark eyes, dirty blond hair, and deep dimples on each cheek every time he smiled, and she could definitely see his appeal, but he didn’t do it for her like the sexy Irishman in front of her did.

She sighed, he laughed, and she couldn’t help but smile. “Next time, I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Hmm,” she mumbled, “and you’re confident too. I like that—next time?”

“Well, I was hopin’ there would be a next time, if that’s okay with ye?” he said, making her speechless as he reached across the table for her hand.

She felt as if a spark ignited within her at his touch, and she could feel butterflies in her stomach go haywire with the excitement. Her response both shocked and freaked her out a little.

Sam interrupted them. “Hey, Jenna, um, it’s getting late. Are you ready?”

Jenna nodded. “It was nice to meet you, Brady,” she said, stroking her thumb across his fingers before pulling away from his hold on her hand.

“Until next time?” he asked.

Unintentionally her smile grew wider. “Wow,” she said when she meant to only think it, and he laughed. Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, she was distracted when Caleb wrapped his arms around Sam as they walked out. It was so like Sam to make friends easily, and they’d obviously hit it off.

“It’s gettin’ late. How ’bout a ride back to yer hotel?” Brady asked.

“A ride?” she repeated, making him laugh again.

“Aye, I just wanna make sure ye ladies get back safely.”

The ride back was pretty quiet. The only time anyone spoke was at the beginning, when Sam let Brady know where they were staying. Every once in a while, Jenna could feel him take his eyes off the road for a split second to look at her.

Feeling awkward with Sam’s make-out session in the backseat, she began to laugh and fidget nervously. Hey, she’d been out of the game for a long time being married to Tyler and then grieving him; she just wasn’t used to this kind of attention from a man anymore.

“What’s so funny?” he asked, taking one hand off the wheel to brush his fingers against the side of her face.

“Nothing, really.” She smiled up at him shyly. “Honestly, it’s just been a while since I’ve been out. I’m not used to it.” She shrugged, not knowing how else to explain things. “But it’s nice to see that our friends are getting along.” Chuckling, she gestured toward the back.

He nodded and looked at her quickly again. “So I’m curious,” he said, “ye never did give me an answer. Can I take ye out sometime?”

“I was curious if you would ask again.”

“Well, how ’bout it? I just wish ye’d say yes already.”

“Yes already.” She giggled.

He smiled as he glanced over at her again. “So is that yer answer?”

“Absolutely,” she told him as the car came to a stop. “Well, now that you know where we’re staying, I guess I’ll see you around.”

“Definitely.” He nodded and then cleared his throat. His voice was huskier when he spoke next. “Jenna—” he slowly moved closer to her “—I enjoyed meetin’ ye tonight.” He moved one hand to the small of her back and adjusted her closer to him while he cupped the back of her head with the other. His lips were close to her ear, his breath so warm it made her nipples hard. “And I know we just met, but I have to kiss ye, darlin’.”

She just went for it. His lips took hers in a hot, open mouthed kiss that left them both panting. She leaned back to look at him as she said good night and got out of the car. Sam waited for her by the hotel door. By the time they reached the elevator, Jenna was still flustered thinking about the kiss.

“See, it’s not as hard as you thought, is it?” Sam asked as she pushed the Call button for the elevator.

“Sam,” Jenna groaned, “please, don’t rub it in. I’m enjoying the moment here. The last thing I want is to overthink it and begin to feel guilty. This is still new for me.”

“Okay, okay.” She laughed. “It’s just nice to see you loosen up and have a good time.”

“And have I said thank you yet today?” she teased. “Because I’m so glad that we’re here.” Thinking about it made her teary-eyed. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “They’re happy tears, I swear.”

“Aw, Jenna, just enjoy it, honey. I know I am. Hell, with those two tonight, it can only get better, considering we get to see them again.” Jenna laughed as Sam wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

“God help me, Sam, you are such a bad influence, but I love ya anyway. You’re like family to me.”

“Aw, Jenna, I love you too.”

***

“Knock, knock,” Sam announced her arrival to Jenna’s room the next morning. “How’d you sleep?”

“Great. I’m showered, dressed, and ready for whatever’s on the agenda today.”

“I’m glad to hear you say that, because I’ve made plans with Caleb, and I believe Brady is coming to surprise you.”

“Brady. Coming here? Today?” Jenna had to let that sink in. Yes, she’d agreed to see him again, but she didn’t think it would be so soon. “Um, okay. I’ll see you later, I guess. Just promise me that next time you do a deliberate setup like this, you’ll give me a little more warning. Not last minute like you’re doing now.”

“You got it, toots. Have fun and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” Sam wrapped her arms around Jenna. “On second thought,” she whispered, “get wild.”

Jenna shoved her aside with a chuckle. “Don’t you have to go and get ready? Go on, get out of here.”

Her date was certainly going to be a test. Had last night’s courage come from the alcohol or was her confidence coming back?

Twenty minutes later someone knocked on the door again. “What now? Is there anything else you failed to mention?” Jenna asked. She’d barely finished applying her makeup.

“Did I come at a bad time?” Brady asked.

“Not at all.” Heat flared to her face from embarrassment. “Sorry, please come in. I thought you were Sam. Just let me get my purse and I’ll be ready to go.”

He grabbed her hand and pulled her closer before leaning in for a kiss, but she was shyer today and only gave him a quick peck. “Brady,” she whispered, leaning her head on his shoulder. “You seem like a good guy and I like you, but I need to go slow right now. I hope you understand.”

His fingers traced slowly up and down her back in a comforting gesture. “It’s okay, love, I won’t bite unless ye ask.”