Yiddish with Dick and Jane (7 page)
schlep
(shlep) – To lug or carry laboriously; to travel arduously or simply over an unnecessarily long distance, e.g., “Of course I invited Magellan! But he can’t make it. Why? Because all of a sudden he decides he has to
schlep
around the globe for two years.”
schlock
(shlock)—Junk, crap, inferior merchandise or meretricious work, e.g., “Eminem’s Christmas album?
Schlock!
” Addition of
-y
yields
schlocky,
meaning crappy, lousy, cheap-o. Further variations (schlock-o, Schlock City, Schlock-orama) are post-Yiddish constructions, and beyond the scope of the present inquiry. Plus they’re kind of
schlocky
.
schmatte
(SHMAH-teh) – A rag, a cheap piece of clothing. Often used to describe a favorite old garment you just can’t get rid of, no matter how decrepit. Also, according to your mother, something you are not leaving this house wearing.
schmo
(shmo)–A hapless sucker, an ordinary jerk. Slightly pejorative, but it could be worse (e.g., could be
putz
or
schmuck
).
schmooze
(shmooz) –To have a friendly, gossipy, heart-to-heart talk or chat. Or to cultivate socially, usually in conversation; to suck up to or kiss ass.
schnoz
(schnahz)–Nose.
Schnozzola
(schnah-ZO-lah) is (archaic) American-Yiddish slang for the same thing.
shanda
(SHAHN-dah) –Not only a pity or a shame, but a scandalous shame, an affront to decency. Back in the sixties, during the wild and krazee trial of the Chicago Seven, Yippie goofmeister (and defendant) Abbie Hoffman protested the proceedings by shouting at the judge, Julius Hoffman (no relation),
“Shanda far di goyim!”
What Abbie meant was, roughly, “It is a scandal that you — a Jew, whose ethnic history of oppression should have made your moral sense more acute than most — are presiding over this outrageous, trumped-up, repressive show trial, and, in the presence of and in collusion with Gentiles! Who, let’s face it, we sometimes quietly pride ourselves in setting an example for in terms of secular morality.”
sheygets
(SHAY-gits) – A Gentile male. (A Gentile female is a
shiksa.
) Usually used with pejorative connotations, but not in this book, because we’re nice.
shlemiel
(shleh-MEEL) – A foolish person, a sucker, a sap; an unlucky person; a clumsy person. The classic distinction between a
shlemiel
and a
shlimazl
is, the
shlemiel
spills his soup, and the
shlimazl
is the one he spills it on. More a term of pity than opprobrium.
shmegegge
(shmeh-GEG-ee, all
g
’s being hard)– An unadmirable person, a nobody, an ordinary Joe who lacks the talent, intelligence, or moral stature to be considered a full-fledged person. Mildly pejorative. Most often used in the hypothetical/ general sense, e.g., “Then she moved to Miami and married some
shmegegge.
”
shmy
(shmy) – To stroll, meander, window-shop. Unlike
tanz
, which is done with attitude,
shmy
is more of an aimless walk. “They
shmyed
from one end of the mall to the other, just killing time.”
shnorrers
(SHNORR-erz) –Literally, “beggars.” Moochers, freeloaders. Which is not to suggest a lack of discrimination.
A shnorrer
will pile up his plate with shrimp, yes, but he will not take a bunch of matchbooks (or yarmulkes) with the Bar Mitzvah boy’s name on them
even though he could
.
shpilkes
(SHPILL-kiss)–Pins and needles; edge, as in “on edge.” Mothers “sit on
shpilkes
” until their children get back to
Hotzeplotz
and call to say they arrived safely.
shtikl
(SHTICK-l)–A little bit, slightly, somewhat. “Why is she shouting? Because she’s a
shtikl
deaf, that’s why.”
shtunk
(shtoonk, where the “oo” rhymes with “hook”) – A stinker, a jerk, an asshole, a nasty person. An example of Yiddish onomotopaeia, or however you spell it.
shtupping
(SHTOOP-ing, where the first syllable rhymes with the singular of “whoops!”) – Having sex, fornicating, etc. It can mean either doing it right this second (“Look! They’re
shtupping
!”) or doing it in a general, ongoing way (“‘Good friends’? Don’t kid yourself. They’re
shtupping
”).
shtuss
(shtooss, where the “oo” rhymes with “hook”) – In this case, a commotion, a to-do. Can also mean nonsense, poppycock, balderdash.
simcha
(SIM-chuh) – A blessing. A happy, joyous occasion that merits celebration. “Talk about a
simcha
— the brisket was on sale
and
I had a coupon!”
takeh
(TAH-keh)–Literally, “truly.” Thus, “
I’ll
say,” “on stilts,” “with a vengeance,”
“really,”
etc. Used to amplify the emphasis of the basic assertion. “Her face doesn’t move. That’s
takeh
some Botox job.”
tanz
(tahnss) – Literally, “dance.” To sweep into a room with attitude; to waltz in. “I had a standing appointment with the Eyebrow Nazi every other Saturday at 10 a.m. She would always
tanz
herself in at 10:20 as if she hadn’t kept me waiting for twenty minutes.”
tsedoodelt
(tseh-DOOD-elt, where the middle syllable rhymes with “good”)–Confused, mixed-up, wacky. While there seem to be a number of Yiddish words to describe this addled state (and in increasing levels of severity), there seems to be no word meaning, simply, happy. The reason? Jews are allowed to be publicly confused, but a public declaration of happiness invites reprisals from the Evil Eye.
tsedreyt in kop
(tseh-DRAYT in KOP or KUP) – Literally, “turned around in the head.” Can be used in reference to someone who is disoriented or confused, but mostly used when describing someone who doesn’t take your advice.
tsimmes
(TSIM-miss) – Literally, a dish of cooked vegetables (sweet potatoes, carrots) and dried fruits (prunes, raisins), usually with honey. It’s complicated to prepare. Thus, figuratively, a big deal, a complicated matter, a federal case. “Look, let’s not make a
tsimmes
out of it. We’ll go in separate cars.”
tsuris
(TSOOR-iss)– Troubles, problems, woes. What constitutes
tsuris
depends on a person’s tolerance level. The range can encompass everything from a leaky faucet in your kitchen to a malfunction in your space capsule. “Houston, we have
tsuris
.”
tuchas
(TOOCH-iss, rhymes with “book-kiss”) – Rear end, behind, ass, etc. The present usage (“gets up off his
tuchas
”) suggests the narrators think Bob is lazy, which we actually don’t.
vo den
(VUH DEN, in which both syllables are accentuated; rhymes with “good men”) – “What else?” “What did you expect?” “Don’t tell me you’re surprised.” And so on. Actually, the most concise way of describing this is to say it means “So
nu?
”
zaftig
(ZAHF-tig)–Usually with regard to a woman: pleasingly plump, large-breasted, ample. Whether used as a sincere term of flattery or as a euphemism for . . . you know. . .
fat
, depends on the speaker. A slim woman with large breasts would usually not be called
zaftig
. (Like she would care.)
zetz
(zets) – A hit, a punch, a blow. More forceful than a
klop
, which is a whack. A
klop in keppe
is mildly rebuking, like “a hit upside the head.” A
zetz
is a real sock.
E
LLIS
W
EINER
has been an editor of
National Lampoon,
a columnist for
Spy,
and a contributor to many magazines, including
The New Yorker,
the
New York Times Magazine, Mademoiselle,
and the
Paris Review.
His recent books include a novel,
Drop Dead, My Lovely
(NAL, March 2004), and
The Joy of Worry,
with illustrations by Roz Chast (Chronicle, June 2004). He lives in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.
B
ARBARA
D
AVILMAN
began her career in New York in advertising, created and ran her own greeting card company (which was featured in
People
magazine and on the
Today
show), and was then summoned to Los Angeles to write for sitcoms that, thankfully, no one remembers.
G
ABI
P
AYN
, illustrator of
Yiddish with Dick and Jane,
has worked in television animation for many years and lives in Los Angeles.