Winter (Four Seasons #1) (25 page)

Brandon’s
diatribe is far from expected. He’s usually so easy going and yet
it’s like I have touched a raw nerve. “Sorry, I…my head is just
totally screwed right now. I’m being a complete bitch.”

“
Yes. You are.
Listen, just get out of your mother’s house, okay? The air in that
place is probably toxic.”

“
I can’t.
There’s no way I’m going back to Columbia yet. And if you even
dream of telling me to go to Luke’s so help me I’ll
scream.”

“
You can’t go
to Luke’s. He’s on his way here. Said something about going up to
the house to look for your father’s journal. Apparently you
volunteered my services when he spoke to you about it?”

I slap my hand
on the counter, feeling the beginnings of a headache start to come
on. “I said that before! Why the hell is he doing this?”

“
I dunno.
Perhaps you hit the nail on the head. Maybe he
was
buried in a damned dark place
when he was a kid, and maybe your dad was the only person who cared
enough to dig him out. Maybe Luke feels what Maxwell did saved him.
Maybe he’s
grateful
.”

I chew on the
inside of my cheek, knowing that despite his soft tone, Brandon is
still reaming me out. “I’m sorry, okay. I guess I’m just a little
thrown by everything that’s happened over the past twenty four
hours.”

“
I know,
kiddo. You’ve got your own dark places you need digging out of,
too. You need to stop playing the victim, though. Get your ass back
to school.”

“
Speaking of
school, I need your help with something, Brand.”

“
What?”

I bite my lip,
figuring out how to ask him. “I…uh, I need to interview you about
what happened.”

Brandon
breathes in deeply on the other end of the phone. “What do you
mean, interview me about what happened?”

“
About what
happened…Dad dying. What happened to me afterwards.”

“
Why on earth
do you wanna do that?”

“
I don’t want
to. I
have
to.
It’s for my Media Law and Ethics class. My professor is apparently
evil incarnate, and wants us to dredge up our most painful
memories. Plus he wants us to get someone else’s version of the
events.”

“
Why don’t you
just pick something else, Avery? Something that doesn’t hurt so
bad?”

I press my
fingertips into my forehead, asking myself the same thing. I
already know the answer, though. “Because he cornered me. I told
him honesty was the most important part of being a journalist so
now if I lie, I’ll be a massive hypocrite.”

“
Well, okay,
if you really want me to then fine, Avery. But just so you know...I
think there’s someone a whole lot closer to you geographically who
would probably be a more sensible choice.” Surely he can’t mean my
mother? He can’t be that cruel. The sound of a car engine revs in
the background. “I have a customer, kiddo. I gotta go. Just think
about it, okay?”

He hangs up,
and I am left standing by the sink with a sour taste in my mouth. I
grab my coat, purposefully leaving the Mom’s apartment key
untouched on the counter, and I leave.

Twenty One

Threats

“
I WAS
wondering if you were going to come back. Were you going to
call?”

I make it
safely back to my building before I’m spotted. Noah sits on the low
steps up to the entryway with his hands shoved in his jacket
pockets. Again. My shoulders sag at the sharp look in his
eyes.

“
Seems like
you’re making a habit out of loitering on these steps,” I mumble,
pressing the teeth of my keys into my palm.

“
It’s the only
way I get to see you, love.” His casual usage of the word love
makes me cringe. He lets out a tight laugh. “Don’t worry, Avery,
it’s just a term of endearment.”

“
I know that.”
My voice is small, despite how hard I try to sound irritated. I
flick the keys over in my hand and motion towards the door. “I’m
not standing out here for everyone to see. You want to come
inside?”

Noah stands
stiffly, hunching his shoulders a little in his coat. “There’s no
one here, Avery. Everyone’s in class.”

“
Where you
should be.”

“
Where
we
both
should
be.”

I run my
tongue over my teeth. “I’m going in. You can come if you want.” I
let myself into the building and hold the door for a second,
waiting to see if he’s following. Noah hurries in after me and we
make our way to my apartment in silence. Somehow, I’ve forgotten
all about Leslie. She looks like a ghost when the door opens, her
eyes round with surprise. “Hey guys!”

“
Sorry,
Leslie. We’ll uh…we’ll go to the library,” I say.

“
God no, I was
just leaving.” She leaps off the sofa and shoves her feet into some
Ugg boots, slamming her laptop closed as she dashes out of the
room. She wasn’t just leaving; she’s wearing sweats and her hair is
a tangled knot on the top of her head. She doesn’t even grab a
coat. The sound of the door slamming closed rattles around the
living room. I automatically head to my room, my heart sinking in
my chest.

“
Shit.” I sink
down onto my bed and stare at my hands, not really paying attention
when Noah joins me.

“
What’s
wrong?” The smell of his cologne is familiar yet far too strong.
His arm wraps around my shoulders and he tries to pull me in, but I
remain stiffly upright.

“
Leslie
probably thought I was never coming back. She’s freaking out about
sharing a room with a serial killer’s daughter.”

Noah sighs.
“You’re over analyzing this. Not that I know her, but your roommate
seems like a nice enough person. She probably just wants to give us
some space.”

I let out a
bitter laugh and dig my nail into the leather strap of my bag. “I
doubt it.”

“
Why wouldn’t
she? I mean, I thought we were gonna give us a go?”

I turn to look
at him, raising my eyebrow. “What?”

“
We’re almost
a couple, Avery, or at least I thought we were. People have been
known to give other people in relationships time to be alone
sometimes.”

My mouth falls
open, horrified. “We’re not in a relationship. We said we’d just
see where things go. And now you’ve seen where things go for me,
time and time again.”

“
I’ve heard
some nasty rumors, all of which were about your Da, not you. You
should have talked to me yesterday instead of running like
that.”

“
I couldn’t.”
I pull in a deep breath and close my eyes.

“
What about
now? Can you talk to me now?”

I shake my
head and fall back onto the bed. I still haven’t taken a shower
since leaving Luke’s and despite how messed up everything has
gotten, it feels weird that Noah is so close to me when my skin
still smells of another guy. Noah swivels so that his body faces
me, but thankfully he doesn’t lie down.

“
Can’t or
won’t?”

“
Can’t,” I
whisper.

“
Okay, Avery.
Just so long as you know I’m here for you. I’m not giving up the
beginnings of whatever it is we have here.”

“
You can’t be
serious?” Never in a million years did I think Noah would stick
around after finding out about my dad. I thought he would come and
apologize for his unfortunate text message, but then make his
excuses and politely leave me to my nightmare of a life.

He’s silent
for a moment and then takes hold of my hand. I open my eyes to find
him staring determinedly at me. “You don’t grow up where I did,
when I did, but more importantly
around
the people I did, Avery,
without knowing a few killers. Some of my friend’s Da’s are still
in Portlaoise with no hope of ever being free men again. It doesn’t
matter how many times your parents fuck up in this life—their
mistakes are their own. Whatever he did, love,
he
did. I’m only concerned about what
you do. What you’re going to do next.” He squeezes my hand and
slowly stands. He tugs me gently so I’ll sit up. I do, hanging my
head so my hair hides my face.

“
Look at me?”
His voice is soft. It makes my eyes prick. I do as he asks,
flinching when he picks apart the expression on my face. “I want
you to come with me.”

“
What?”

“
Come with me
on my internship to Sierra Leone. It’ll give us a chance to get to
know each other better. All you’d need to do is talk to Professor
Lang. He’d work out the small print so you could still apply for
the journalism program later on in the year. I’ve already spoken
with the people in Africa and they’re more than happy to have
another pair of hands helping out. It would look great on
your—”

“
Noah!
”

“
What? Tell me
you wouldn’t love some time away from this place. You’d only need
to get through the next week and then Columbia closes for
Christmas. By the time we get back, everyone will have forgotten
about—”

“
Noah, I slept
with Luke.”

He stops
talking. For a second I can’t believe the words have escaped my
lips. Can’t understand why I’ve said them out loud. Confusion
flickers over Noah’s face. “Luke? The guy from the bar? But…but you
said he was just your friend?” His voice is strangled, and my
stomach twists at the look of hurt on his face.

“
He is. I
mean, I… he
was
my
friend. I don’t even think we’re that anymore.”

“
And you slept
with him?”

I nod, not
trusting myself to make any sense if I speak. I scoot away so that
my back rests against the wall, drawing my knees up under my chin.
Noah crouches down by the bed and puts his head in his hands. For
two whole minutes he just breathes deeply in silence. Eventually he
drags his hands over his face and looks up at me.

“
It doesn’t
matter.”

The hell it
doesn’t. I’m about to say as much when he holds up his hand,
cutting me off. “It’s not like you cheated on me. You were
distraught over your Da. You probably only did it so you could stop
thinking about everything, right?” The hope in his tone is painful.
I’m a hideous, hideous person.

“
Yes, you’re
right, but that doesn’t mean it was okay. Even if I’m not dating
you, I shouldn’t have done something so stupid.”

Noah clenches
his jaw and shakes his head. “You’re coming to Africa with
me.”

“
Noah—”

“
No!” He
stands quickly, rubbing the back of his neck. “None of that
matters, okay? Look, I’m not saying I’m happy about the idea of you
sleeping with another guy. I’m not saying it doesn’t sting a
little.” He gives me an infuriated look that makes me feel even
worse. “But that’s it, you see…that’s exactly the reason why I
can’t let you go. I’m feeling like utter shit right now, and that’s
because I’m wishing it had been me. I want you, Avery. I don’t want
to share you. I want you all for myself. So you have to come to
Africa.”

Part of me
wants what he’s saying to be an option. I could just go to Africa
with him and pretend my one night stand with Luke didn’t happen.
But the reality is, despite the circumstances of how we actually
ended up in bed together, I’m not ready to move on from my brief
moment with Luke. I’m especially not ready to fall head first into
a relationship with another guy and move to another country. A
dangerous, war-torn country at that.

“
Look, I’m
really sorry, Noah. I know this is really unfair to you, and I feel
bad for wasting your time, but—”

“
You feel bad
for wasting my time?” Noah’s eyes are alight when he snaps his gaze
to mine. I should have seen how his eyes have the capacity to look
wild like this, like he’s seconds from jumping off the deep end. He
rakes his hands through his hair, pacing up and down the length of
my bed. “
Wasting my time?
You really are a silly little bitch, Avery. Do you
have any idea how many girls have been trying to screw me the past
few weeks, huh? I’m so—” He looks like he’s physically lost the
words he’s searching for. I am still reeling from him calling me a
silly little bitch when he clambers back up onto my bed, crawling
up over me so that his legs bracket mine, his palms pressing
against the wall on either side of my head.

“
I am so
fucking stupid,” he breathes. His whole body is trembling, and his
face has gone deathly pale. Every ounce of him screams,
Rage!
I should be afraid,
especially when he leans in close and jabs an index into my face,
but I just can’t manage it. I stare blankly at him, calmly
wondering if he is about to hit me, which seems to enrage him even
further.

“
You’re coming
to Africa with me, Avery.” His voice shakes as he tries to control
himself. “Don’t you even think about telling me no. I’m not taking
no for an answer, you hear?”