Winter (Four Seasons #1) (22 page)

“
Fly high,
Icarus
.”

Eighteen

Need

MY HEART stops
beating. Luke squeezes my hand and inches closer. “What is it? You
know what that means?”

I can’t speak.
My throat is burning so badly that I struggle to swallow. I just
nod and let my tears slide free down my face. He makes a distressed
noise and tugs on my arm. “Let me hold you. Please?”

His pain looks
as real as mine. It seems to swamp him, makes him look a little
lost. I sit up and crawl to him, climbing into his lap. He wraps
his arms around me and presses his forehead against my temple,
whispering soft, soothing things into my hair while I cry. We sit
like that for a long time before I have the strength to pull myself
together. Those words—
fly high,
Icarus
—they are a message. A message for
me. They have to be. I can’t tell Luke that, though. I’m too
screwed up to talk about it, so instead I do something I know I’ll
regret. I bury my face into his shoulder and let myself cry for one
more minute before I draw back a little and kiss his jaw, just
below his ear. He stops whispering, his hands stilling where they
were stroking gently up and down my back. I freeze, trapped in my
indecision. Part of me wants to do it again, but part of me wants
to scramble out of his lap and run for the door. Then I think about
sitting on the subway all the way back to Columbia, and the
posters, and Noah, and Tate still missing, and I need him. I need
Luke so badly I can’t breathe. I push down the desperate urge
inside me to start tearing at his clothes and carefully press my
lips to his skin again.

He makes a
guttural sound in the back of his throat, like he’s trying to form
words. His hand travels up my back and he slowly gathers my hair in
his fist, drawing it back out of my face. He slouches just a
little, searching for my eyes. I hide from him and reach up to the
back of his neck, threading my fingers cautiously into his
hair.

“
Avery,” he
whispers.

I don’t say
anything. I can’t. I just shift my body and twist my leg around so
that I’m straddling
him
now. I dig my fingers into the skin at the back of
his neck and whimper when he places his hands on my
hips.

“
Avery
,
” he
groans, his voice catching in his throat. “What are we
doing?”

At least he
didn’t say, “
what the hell are
you
doing?”
I shift in his lap and press up against him,
feeling his chest rise and fall quickly against mine.

“
Avery
.”

I dip and
press my mouth against his throat and his head tips back. “Please,
Luke…” I cry softly. “I just need…I need…”

His hands
tighten on my waist and then they’re fumbling through my hair. He
pulls me back, cupping my face in his hands. His eyes are on fire,
searching mine. There’s frustration in his voice when
speaks.

“
We shouldn’t.
You’re upset. This isn’t a good idea.”

“
Please,
Luke!” I cover his hands with mine, finally daring to look at him.
“Everything hurts. Just make it go away.
Please
, make it go away.”

The moment he
gives in is like a wall crumbling between us. A fierce intensity
changes the way he looks at me. Concern and uncertainty transform
into hunger. He growls and sits up to crush his mouth to mine. My
head spins as he wrestles with the bottom of my shirt; he rips it
clean off and presses his powerful hands into my back so that I
fall forward against him. His fingers work quickly at the clasp on
my bra and I claw the straps over my shoulders in my hurry to get
it off.

“
This is such
a bad fucking idea,” he says, his voice hoarse. “I don’t want you
to hate me.”

“
I’m not going
to hate you, Luke. I need you. I need you right now.”

A fleeting
moment of doubt passes over his face, and I act. I grab hold of his
hand and cover my bare breast with it, and right then I know he
won’t push me away. His need is visible, evident in the way he
reverently strokes his finger across my sensitive skin. I shiver
and he looks up at me in a way that makes my lips tingle. I lick
them, imagining his mouth on mine again, and Luke watches me,
fascinated. He huffs out a heavy breath and tips his head forward
to take my nipple into his mouth, turning my breathing ragged. A
warm rush floods through my body, and I rock down against him,
trying to tighten my thighs around his waist.

Luke reaches
up behind me and holds onto me, scooting forward on the sofa so
that he’s sitting on the very edge, and I wrap my legs around him,
groaning when he bites down on my nipple. I arch my back against
his hands and push down, wanting to feel him between my
legs.

If I’d doubted
whether he wanted me before, that fear is cast out and blown to
tiny pieces when I feel how hard he is. I rock my hips, grinding
into his lap, and he groans, breathing heavily against my
breasts.

“
Fuck, I…” he
murmurs. “I don’t know what to do.” He sounds pained. I lace my
fingers into his hair and tug his head back. I stare down at him,
unwilling to look away as I fist his t-shirt and yank it up over
his head. I throw it on the ground and press myself to him
again.

“
I need to
feel your skin on mine,” I pant. A low, animalistic growl rumbles
out of Luke’s mouth and he slips his hands in between us, stroking
the material of my jeans between my legs. I cry out and clench my
thighs around him, pushing against the pressure of his
fingers.

“
Hold onto
me,” he orders. I wrap my arms around his neck as he hooks his
hands underneath my legs, standing up in one swift, fluid movement,
as though I weigh nothing at all. Our lips meet and he pushes his
tongue into my mouth, stroking over mine, hot and impatient, as he
carries me to his bedroom. He puts me down on the bed and leans
back to unzip my jeans as I kick off my shoes, and then he falls on
me again. I grip hold of his arms where they support him on either
side of my head and bite down on his bicep, making him suck in a
sharp breath.

“
Oh God,” he
groans. “I want you, Ave. I want you so bad.”

Hearing him
say it makes my heart pound in my chest. I kick out of my jeans and
gasp when he reaches down and drags them off my body, his hands
rough and hurried. When he lets his body press down on top of mine,
I hitch my legs around him and squeeze him to me. I tilt my head up
and gently lick my tongue across the sharp black lines of the
tattoo sweeping over his shoulder. The severity of his expression
makes me panic for a second, but when he shudders and his eyes
close, I realize he’s enjoying the attention. I run my tongue up
and over his neck, tasting the salt on his skin, the smell of him
filling my head. He smells, tastes, feels so damn good. I moan, and
that’s when he snaps.

He rips my
panties down with one frantic tug and pushes his way in between my
legs. I’ve thought about his hands finding me, about how it would
feel and how I’d lose myself in the sensation of his fingers
sliding inside me. I never imagined his tongue, though.

“
Ahh!” I grip
hold of the bed sheets and pull, the muscles in my legs
contracting. I kick helplessly against the waves of pleasure
coursing through my body with every languorous sweep he makes. He
moans into me, his tongue still lapping persistently at the very
center of me, causing my back to arch off the bed. Reaching up,
Luke finds my hips and pulls me down hard against his
mouth.

“
Shit, Luke,
please… please…” I beg, not sure what I’m begging for. What I need.
My desperation seems to drive him crazy. He lets go of my hips and
does what I’d imagined, slowly pushing a finger inside me, while
gently rolling his thumb over my sensitive clit.

“
Fuck, you’re
so wet, Avery,” he breathes. Our eyes lock down the length of my
body and I buck against him, unable to stop myself from reacting to
the searing heat that surges through my body with every thrust of
his fingers.

“
Please…please…ah, Luke!”

“
I’m gonna
make you come,” he whispers, removing his thumb so he can replace
it with his tongue again. My body is fire and ice as I shamelessly
rock against his mouth. His tongue is unbearably hot, his movements
torturously slow. I reach down and bury my hands in his hair,
surprising myself with the weak, helpless noises I’m making.
“Luke?” I pant, feeling the burning between my legs increase with
every gentle lap.

“
Yeah?” His
voice is broken as mine.

“
I need you
inside me. Please…”

“
I am inside
you.”

“
Not…not your
fingers…” I stammer. I don’t know how to ask for what I want, but
he already knows.

“
I’m going to
make you come first. I want to taste you.”

It doesn’t
take long. The muscles in my legs start to cramp as the pressure
builds inside me. Hot. I’m too hot. Every part of me burns. Just as
I’m ready to start begging again, Luke slips another finger inside
me and groans, and I lose the ability to speak. I can only moan and
pant and twitch under him as he slowly pumps me with his fingers.
“Come on, baby,” he growls. “Come for me.”

I want him to
go faster but he doesn’t; he slows so that I feel every single inch
of his fingers as he pushes them inside me, feel each teasing draw
of his tongue as he strokes and sucks on me. I’m vibrating by the
time the pressure explodes, stealing the air out of my lungs so I
can’t even cry out. I tremble under him and contort as he carries
on, ignoring my thrashing legs.

“
Stop, stop!”
I gasp, clawing at my own thighs each time he licks. He lets out a
savage groan and finally stops, climbing up my body, leaving a
trail of burning kisses on my hip, my stomach, my breasts as he
rises. He looks up at me from under heavy eyelids and another
shiver runs through my body, the heat in his gaze too scorching to
bear.

“
You’re
amazing,” he whispers. He goes to brush my hair, plastered to my
skin with my own sweat, out of my eyes, but I catch hold of his
wrist. Slowly, I lick at his fingers and watch his mouth fall open.
I carefully wrap my lips around his index and middle finger and
slide them into my mouth, running my tongue over them and sucking,
tasting myself all over him. Luke’s body judders and an agonized
sigh stutters out of his mouth.

“
Holy
fuck.”

Suddenly aware
of the fact that I’m naked and he’s still half dressed, I go about
rectifying the matter. My hand is on his belt when he places his
other hand over mine.

“
Avery, I
don’t know if… I don’t think I’m gonna be able to stop myself if
you do that.”

I make sure
he’s looking at me when I say the words, not wanting him to doubt
me. “I don’t want you to stop.”

I unzip his
jeans and push him back so I can inch them over his hips and he
grunts as he works them off with his feet. Not wanting to give him
time to over analyze anything, I slide my hand down the rock solid
planes of his stomach and tease at the waistband of his boxer
briefs. His eyes grow wide as I slip inside, and when I wrap my
fingers around his hard erection his body tenses
dramatically.

“
Oh fuck.
Fuck!” he growls, biting his lip and closing his eyes. “That feels
so good.”

I tease him
the way he teased me, incredibly gentle with my contact, until he
is quivering in my hand. His shoulders hitch up and down
erratically and he struggles to keep his cool. I fractionally
increase the pressure, adrenalin rushing like liquid fire through
my veins every time he groans. “You’re going to make me beg, aren’t
you?” he whispers.

I refuse to
answer. I inch down his body and pull his boxers off, studying the
sculpted lines of his torso and legs as I go. He stops breathing
when I tentatively lick the tip of him, his body
jerking.

“
I can’t. I
need to be inside you,” he rasps, digging his hands into my hair.
“I won’t last.”

“
Maybe I want
to taste you, too,” I whisper.

Luke’s hands
suddenly tighten around my waist, and he picks me up and throws me
onto my back again. “I want to be inside you. I need to feel you
around me, Avery. You’re so fucking tight. I have to. Please.
Please let me.” He kisses me fiercely, forcing his tongue into
mouth, and my body reacts, curving into him. I wrap my legs around
his waist once more, but this time there’s nothing between us. No
jeans. No underwear. His cock presses up against me, deep between
my legs, scaring and thrilling me at the same time.

Luke shakes
his head, as though trying to clear it, and nuzzles into my
breasts. “God, I know this is
not
right, but so help me I want you. Say it. Please
say yes,” he groans.

I push up
against him, feeling him slide down so that he is on the verge of
entering me, and I whimper, “Yes. Yes.
Please.
”

He quickly
sits back and I think he’s finally freaking out, but he isn’t. He
pulls at the drawer on his nightstand so hard it flies off the
runners and slams to the floor with a crash. Doesn’t seem to both
Luke; he rummages around for two seconds and comes back holding a
small metallic blue square in his hands. He rips it open and I
watch as he slips the condom into place, faintly aware of the fact
that I’m staring. When he’s done, he pushes back on top of me and
braces himself over me.