We Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus (23 page)

Remember that night outside Maxine’s? It’s better not to trust, not to lean on someone else.

“If I can afford him,” she said. “Otherwise, I’ll have to find someone who will take payments.”

“Money isn’t the issue. I’ll help you, babe.” He stepped toward her, as though he’d take her in his arms, but she moved away.

“Cole, I…” Briefly she closed her eyes, then tried again. “Burt sent something else with the court papers.”

Cole’s face darkened, the gravity of her tone no doubt giving him some inkling that what Burt had sent wasn’t good. “What?”

Without answering, Jaclyn returned to her bedroom and retrieved the list of women and their sickening, accusing words. She didn’t want to show it to Cole. She wanted to burn it and pretend she’d never seen it. But she’d spent her first three years with Terry in denial, and to do that again was stupid. Whether it caused her pleasure or pain, she had to face the truth head-on.

When she returned, she handed the paper to Cole, then watched his reaction as he read. At first his eyebrows knitted together in what looked like confusion; then they lifted
high, almost to his hairline in—what? Surprise? Guilt? Outrage?

Finally he looked at her. “I don’t know these women,” he said.

The hope that had smoldered deep inside Jaclyn threatened to burst into flame, but she tempered her reaction with the memory of how many times Terry had proved her a fool for believing him. “We went to high school with some of them,” she said.

“Maybe I’d remember them if I saw them again,” he said, “but I didn’t have sex with any of these women.”

Silence fell between them, during which Jaclyn tried to read Cole’s eyes. She wished she could see inside his heart and mind so she’d know what to believe. She loved him. She wanted to trust him and forget the past. But what if she was wrong—again?

He watched her for a moment. When he spoke, his voice was low. “I haven’t been a saint, Jackie. I’ve slept with my share of women, and I’m certainly not proud of the number. But I didn’t sleep with anyone else when I was married, except the one I told you about.”

Jaclyn didn’t say anything. She couldn’t. She was so torn, so confused. Were Burt and thirteen women lying? Or was it Cole? Burt had a reason to make her believe one thing. But Cole had his own reasons for wanting her to believe another.

Cole waited several seconds, his eyes pleading for some sign that she believed him. But when she didn’t say anything, made no move, he set the paper she’d shown him on the coffee table and put the small blue velvet box he’d been carrying on top of it. “If you don’t believe me now, you never will, Jackie. And we can’t base a relationship on that,” he said.

Hesitating for only a second, as though he wished there was something more he could say, something he could do to convince her, he kissed her softly on the temple and left.

Jaclyn stared at the little box on the coffee table, the clock ticking on the wall the only sound. Cole had brought her something. Jewelry?

Sitting on the couch, Jaclyn picked up the box, still holding her breath against the pain she’d felt the moment Cole had walked out the door, and opened the lid. It was a gold locket. Inside she found a picture of her children.

Tears filled Jaclyn’s eyes as she glanced from the locket to the list of women. Burt had caused this. Burt had purposely undermined her trust because he knew he could. He knew where she was most vulnerable. He’d lived with her, heard the arguments, witnessed her pain.

After clasping the chain of the locket around her neck, Jaclyn grabbed the list and tore it into shreds. She wouldn’t let Burt win. She wouldn’t allow him to hurt her anymore or cost her the one man she loved more than any other. She might be an utter and complete fool, but she had to go with her heart, or she knew, this time, it would break and never heal.

C
OLE COULDN’T GO HOME
.
Not after what had just happened with Jackie. He knew he’d be too alone, too miserable. Besides, Andrew and Chad were in town for the holidays. He wanted to see them as often as possible before they headed back to school. So he got on the freeway and drove to Rick’s, where he and his four brothers had spent the day eating the turkey dinner they’d purchased hot and ready-made from the grocery store.

Trying not to think about Jackie, telling himself he’d deal with that painful issue later, Cole wound his way through the neighborhood where Rick lived. But when he arrived at his brother’s place, all vehicles were gone but Rick’s Pathfinder and a Monte Carlo he didn’t recognize.

Where were Chad, Andrew and Brian? And who was this?

Cole parked across the street and went to the door. He felt comfortable enough at Rick’s place, having spent so many hours there today, that he almost walked in. Except that this time Cole was afraid of what he might see. Was the person who owned the other car Rick’s love interest? Was it the twenty-year-old girl his brother had mentioned?

Cole heard Rick laugh from inside the house and decided to leave. Obviously his brother had company. He was just turning to head back to his car, when the door flew open and he found himself staring into the widest brown eyes he’d ever seen, blinking at him from behind a pair of glasses.

“I told you someone was here,” the woman said to Rick, who came up behind her.

“Cole, what’s up?” Rick said. “I thought you went to see Jackie.”

Cole didn’t want to explain. He was still too angry. He wanted to sue Burt for slander or bust Terry’s lip, or both. But he knew doing so wouldn’t help anything. The problem was Jackie’s inability to trust him. What others said or did wouldn’t have any effect on their relationship, if only she could believe in
him.

“She wasn’t home,” he lied, to put a quick end to the subject.

“Oh.” Rick shifted, looking ill at ease.

The girl standing next to him nudged him in the ribs. “Aren’t you going to introduce me?”

When Rick hesitated, she stuck out her hand and introduced herself. “Hi, I’m Abby Walters. I’m Rick’s study partner.”

“His what?” Cole repeated, shaking her hand.

“His study part—”

“She’s just a friend of mine,” Rick interrupted.

“I’m his older brother,” Cole said, wondering what the hell was going on. From the looks of her, Abby could easily be the twenty-year-old Rick had mentioned. But unless Cole was mistaken, she’d just said something about being Rick’s study partner. What would Rick be studying? He hadn’t even graduated from high school.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Cole said, getting the impression that his brother wanted him gone. “It was nice to meet you, Abby. I’ll leave you two to—” he glanced at Rick “—your studies or whatever.”

“Rick’s always talking about you,” Abby called after him. “I feel like I know you already. Maybe the three of us can go to dinner sometime.”

“That would be great,” Cole said over his shoulder. He got in his car and shut the door, but he didn’t leave right
away. Instead, he stared at Rick’s house as the front door closed, trying to figure out the riddle of his brother’s behavior.

But while he was more confused now than before, he also felt a great deal of hope.

W
HEN
C
OLE LET HIMSELF
into his house, he knew he hadn’t drunk nearly enough. He was still conscious and functioning, which meant he still wanted Jackie, still couldn’t quit thinking about her. He considered calling Chad on his cell phone to see if he and Andrew and Brian had left the bar where they’d spent the past hour, thinking he should have had one more drink with them, after all. But the taxi that had brought him home was gone, and calling another one seemed altogether too much effort. It was better that he’d come home. Maybe if he could just fall asleep, he’d forget Jaclyn, at least until morning.

So much for the plans he’d had for Thanksgiving, he thought morosely. He’d wanted to give Jaclyn the locket he’d bought her and tell her he loved her. He’d said as much on the phone, but not directly, and for the first time in his life he was excited to tell a woman that—to feel strongly enough that nothing she asked of him would be too much. Marriage. Anything. Instead, he’d been confronted with Burt’s letter and rejected, and he’d gone barhopping with his brothers.

At least he’d enjoyed seeing Brian and Andrew. They were doing well in school, were dating and happy. There had been times when he’d thought he’d never get them raised, but they were adults now, and good men besides. He was proud of them.

Stripping off his shirt and pants as he made his way down the hall, he didn’t bother with any lights. They’d only hurt his eyes, and he wasn’t particularly worried about putting anything away. His bed was waiting for him. But when
he crawled beneath the covers, his sheets weren’t cool and crisp. They were warm and—

Cole almost jumped out of his skin when his bare thighs brushed up against something warm and wonderful and very much like a woman.

“Cole? You’re home?” Jackie mumbled, when he cried out in surprise.

“Jackie?” he responded, the buzz he’d been feeling instantly dissipated by the shot of adrenaline that finding her sent through his system. “Where’s your car?”

“It’s right out front. Didn’t you see it?”

Cole hadn’t noticed, but then he hadn’t really looked. Sometimes the construction crew parked cars out front and left them overnight. He hadn’t expected Jackie and hadn’t been paying attention to make or model.

“What are you doing here?” he asked. Jaclyn was still wearing her clothes. She’d obviously fallen asleep while waiting for him.

“I wanted to talk to you.”

Talk. She wanted to
talk.
But Cole wasn’t sure what she was going to say, and he didn’t want to take the risk that he might not like it. Not when he already had her in his bed, within the circle of his arms. She’d come to him. That’s what mattered. They could talk in the morning, after he’d given her a few more things to think about.

“Can’t we talk later?” he asked, kissing her neck and pulling her to him at the same time.

She closed her eyes and seemed to give herself over to him, but just as his hand slipped beneath her shirt, she stopped him with a question. “Don’t you think we should settle some things first?”

He withdrew his hand and tilted her chin to the left so that the moonlight illuminated her face. “I just need to know one thing, Jackie,” he said. “It’s as simple as that. Are you willing to trust me?”

She hesitated. “I’m willing to try.”

“Then, we’ll go from there.”

“Where? Where will we go, Cole?” she asked.

“You don’t know?”

“I need you to tell me.”

“What do you want to hear, Jackie? That I love you?”

He felt her body tense.

“If it’s true.”

“It’s true,” he admitted. “There’s never been anyone else for me. Only you.” Then he lowered his lips to hers, tasted the sweet moistness of her mouth and felt desire slam through him when she moaned and arched against him.

That was when she quit trying to talk and simply let go. Cole could feel her start to respond, and vowed in some tiny corner of his mind that he was going to make love to her like this every night for the rest of his life.

J
ACLYN WAS EMBARRASSED
when she woke up. She’d come to Cole’s house to talk to him, to apologize for doubting him and to promise to work on her issues of trust. But she’d been cold and tired and had fallen asleep in his bed waiting for him. And then she hadn’t gotten very far when he came home. Cole had wanted to communicate in a different way and had made love to her again and again, as though he feared she’d leave him before he could get enough. Their time together had been passionate and heady, but now Jaclyn was left to face the day and wonder if she was going to regret what she’d done….

What had she been thinking? She started to berate herself, but when she lifted her eyelids and found Cole watching her intently, the panic and the worry evaporated almost instantly.

“I love you,” he said, as soon as their eyes met. “I never dreamed I could love a woman so much.”

Jaclyn smiled. How could she not trust this man? She loved him, too, couldn’t imagine life without him. Surely everything would be all right.

“Will you marry me?” he asked without moving, his eyes still caressing her face. “I know I said I’d take things slow, but they don’t really want to go that way, and I don’t see any point in waiting. I want to build you and the kids a house, right here in Oak Ranch, or in the Sparks development, if you like it better. And I want to come home to you every night.”

The mention of marriage brought back a flicker of the old fear. Marriage equaled vulnerability, and vulnerability frightened Jaclyn like nothing else. What if she and Cole married and it didn’t work out? She’d be right back where she had been after her divorce from Terry, only this time she was sure she’d be even more emotionally devastated. She wasn’t sure she could go through that again.

“I may not be the best man in the world,” Cole was saying, “but I’ll put everything I have toward being a good husband and a good father, Jackie. I’ll make you happy.”

“Do you think you can love the kids?” she asked.

“I know I can. I already do.”

“And what about my work?”

“What about it?” he said. “That’s really your decision, but if you’re going to work, I’d want you to work with me. I’ll build the houses. You sell them.”

A team. A partnership. That was something she’d never been able to establish with Terry.

“What do you say?” he asked. “Will you be Mrs. Perrini?”

Could she do it? Could she trust him enough? It was like standing on the edge of a cliff with Cole standing across from her on another, prompting her to jump to him. In between them was a deep gorge with a rock-strewn bottom. If she fell…

“Say something,” he prompted. “You’re scaring the hell out of me.”

Jaclyn squeezed her eyes shut and fisted her hands.
Don’t
look down,
she told herself, then shoved the doubts and fear aside and made the leap. “I will,” she said.

He pulled her into his arms, his chin above her head, the beat of his heart thrumming a steady cadence in her ear. It seemed to say,
You’ve made the right choice, the right choice, the only choice.

“We’ll make it, Jackie,” he murmured. “We’ll do it together.”

“I know,” she said. “I love you, Cole.”

“Y
OU’RE
WHAT
?”
Chad and Rick stared up at Cole from where they were sitting around his kitchen table, their mouths agape.

“I’m getting married,” he told them, putting the frying pan he’d used to cook eggs into the sink to soak. “Just after Christmas.”

Rick whistled and drummed his fingers on the table. “Jeez, Cole, I was only joking that day I said we should get fitted for tuxes. I never dreamed you’d tie the knot so soon. Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

“I’m sure,” he told him, putting the orange juice away and wiping off the counters.

Cole had invited his brothers over for steak and eggs, but it was Thursday, a workday, and he knew Chad had a construction crew waiting to pour concrete for the driveways of the model homes over at the Sparks development.

Chad shoved the rest of his breakfast into the center of the table and stood. “Isn’t this a little sudden?” he asked. “I mean, what happened to an engagement period and all that?”

Bottom line, there didn’t seem to be any point in waiting. He and Jackie knew what they wanted. They were only trying to hold off long enough to give the kids time to adjust. They’d broken the news to them together on Sunday night after Terry had dropped them off, and in the four days
since, Cole had been spending a lot of time at their place to ease them into having him around on a permanent basis.

At first Alex had seemed resentful of having another man in his mother’s life, especially when Cole touched Jackie or kissed her. But Cole had taken Alex to the stock car races this week, and they were planning a trip to Sand Mountain with the dune buggy over the Christmas holidays, which helped show him some of the positives to the arrangement. Fortunately the little girls had been happy about having Cole as a stepdad from the beginning. They didn’t perceive him as a threat. Alyssa, especially, saw him as another adult willing to give her love and attention, which was exactly what he planned to do.

Cole was starting over. Amazingly enough, the responsibility of raising Jackie’s kids no longer frightened him as it once had. He’d be part of a team this time—a team of three because he had to include Terry, the children’s father, in their lives. With sufficient goodwill they’d manage…. It was a second chance for Cole, a chance to do better than he had at eighteen. And though he was marrying the girl from his high school English class, Feld and what had happened there had never felt farther away.

“We’ll do it before Andrew and Brian have to go back to school,” Cole told them. “It’ll be a small, intimate church wedding.”

Rick and Chad looked at each other and shrugged. “We’re with you, if that’s what you want,” Chad said.

“That’s what I want.” Cole smiled, feeling happier than he’d ever been in his life. He remembered the many times he’d sworn he wouldn’t marry. He’d eat those words when he stood at the altar by Jackie’s side, but he’d be grinning like a fool when he did it.

“Is Jaclyn going to come back to work at the office?” Rick asked.

“She’s not sure. We both think it might be good for her to get experience elsewhere for a while, working with dif
ferent types of buyers and loans and other real-estate transfers. But I hope she’ll want to come back eventually. I’d like to have her here with me.”