We Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus (17 page)

“We just decide to agree that we made a mistake and move on.”

“A
mistake,
Jaclyn? You think last night was a mistake?”

She nodded resolutely. “I know it was.”

He rubbed his bare chest and looked around as though he was so surprised he didn’t know how to respond. “I’m afraid I can’t agree with that. I thought it was the most wonderful thing I’ve ever experienced,” he said softly.

Something clamped down on her insides and wouldn’t let go, but she refused to acknowledge the hurt. It was better to bear up under the pain and do what had to be done to get over it, than to let any hopeful feelings linger. “I’m sorry. I really am.”

“So what am I supposed to do now?” he asked. “Pretend I’ve never made love to you? That I don’t want to do it again, right here, right now?”

“I didn’t mislead you, Cole. I told you last night—”

“I’m not accusing you of anything. I just expected…I don’t know. Something more.”

“I’m sorry to disappoint you,” she said. “Maybe it would be better if I just go.”

“Wait.” He reached out and caught her arm as she tried to slip past him. “Is this about your job? Are you afraid I’ll fire you if things go wrong between us on a personal level?”

“Partly,” she admitted. “I can’t risk losing my job, Cole. It’s all I have right now.”

“But I’d never leave you high and dry. You know that, don’t you?”

Wouldn’t he? Could she trust that? Jaclyn remembered the promise she’d made to herself the night she found Terry’s truck outside Maxine’s—
I will never let myself become so dependent on another human being again
—and knew better than to believe him. She had to keep her promise to herself. That was the only safe way to go.

“I appreciate what you’ve done for me, Cole,” she said. “I hope you know that. You’re a generous man. But I won’t need you to cover for me much longer. I’ve started my real-estate classes and will have my license in a month or two. Then no one will be able to leave me high and dry, because I’ll be just fine on my own.” She gently extricated her arm from his grasp. “I’ll see you on Monday.”

C
OLE RAN A HAND
through his hair and sank down on the bed. What the hell had just happened? Last night he’d made love to Jackie Wentworth, several times, and relished every passion-filled moment. He’d awakened happy, content, eager to spend more time with her.

And she’d just told him she didn’t want anything to do with him.

Had he done something wrong? Had she heard what he said to Terry and grown angry over it? She hadn’t mentioned her ex-husband. She hadn’t even indicated she knew he’d stopped by. But Cole couldn’t figure out what else
could have changed in the ten minutes he was gone from the room.

Trust.
She obviously had a problem with trust, and after what had happened with Terry, Cole could understand why. He was tempted to try to convince her he was different, that he’d never hurt her the way Terry had, but his own track record wasn’t anything to be proud of. What could he really offer her? She had three children, and he didn’t want to marry.

“She’s right. I’m no good for her,” he told himself aloud. Laura had needed more than he could give, and he’d let her go gracefully. He could do the same for Jaclyn, he decided. But when he stood to dress and saw the bed, all the memories of the night before came tumbling back, along with the overwhelming sense of connection he’d felt with Jaclyn—and he knew this time was going to be much harder.

I
T WAS ONLY
S
ATURDAY
night, less than twelve hours since he’d held Jaclyn in his arms, but it felt to Cole like an eternity. He’d already stopped himself from calling her a dozen times or more, and the battle wasn’t over yet. It was only six o’clock. He had the rest of the evening to go, the night that would follow, and tomorrow and the day after….

What was he going to do? He’d never been so consumed with a woman before. He’d tried to occupy his mind with work, tried to take care of some of the things that needed to be done on Rick’s desk, but his heart hadn’t been in it. He’d been more concerned with the fact that Jaclyn was probably sitting in her house, as alone as he was. The kids were still in Feld. There was nothing to stop them from seeing each other again. So
why
was he helping her turn him away? He couldn’t remember anymore. He kept telling himself that it was better for her, but he could no longer say why.

Picking up the telephone, he dialed her number. Then he
rocked back in his leather chair and stared unseeingly at the painting on the wall opposite him, waiting for her to answer.

Her voice came across the line following the third ring. Just the sound of it caused Cole’s breath to catch. “Jaclyn?”

She paused. “Hi, Cole.”

“What’re you doing?”

“I’ve been studying my
Real Estate Principles
book.”

“How far along are you?”

“I’ve finished my first two open-book tests and mailed them off. I just have three more to go. Then I’m finished with the course and can schedule my state test.”

“I have some sample questions you can study beforehand. They’ll help you more than the course will.”

“Great. I’ll have to remember to bring them home with me.”

I could bring them over right now, if you want,
he thought, and nearly said so, but he wanted to get some idea of how she was feeling toward him first. Last night had definitely spooked her. He was hoping now that she’d had some time to think things over, she’d be more open to continuing their relationship.

Cole took a deep breath. “So what are you doing tonight?”

“I thought I’d go to bed early, get some sleep.”

“It’s only six o’clock.”

“I was planning to study a little more first.”

“Have you eaten?”

“Not yet.”

“What if I said I’d like to take you to dinner?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?”

She paused. “I wouldn’t want it to result in another night like last night, Cole.”

“I hate that you regret what happened last night,” he said.

“Why? What does it matter to you?” she asked. “You can go out tonight and repeat the experience with someone else.”

He sat up straight, feeling as if she’d just slapped him. “Are you saying it didn’t mean anything to you when we made love?”

“Why does it always have to mean something to the woman when it never means anything to the man?” she said quietly.

Then the phone clicked and the line went dead.

L
AYING HER HEAD
on her arms, Jaclyn gave in to the tears that had threatened all day, and let herself sob. Damn Terry for teaching her such hard life lessons. And damn Cole for making her want to forget everything she’d learned.

She’d probably have to find a new job now. How could she continue to see Cole every day? How could she expect to move on with her life when she was so stuck on the wrong man?

Maybe she should take a look at the want ads, she thought. Make a clean break of it. Now that she was getting her real-estate license, she could probably get by waiting tables for a few months. Then she could continue with her original plan to sell houses. Either way, she’d eventually get where she wanted to be if she worked hard and was smart about it. Margaret might even be able to help her find a job; she’d worked at quite a few places.

Jaclyn was just getting up to retrieve the paper, when the doorbell rang. Was it Cole? After their last conversation, she doubted it, but she didn’t want to see anyone else, either. She considered pretending she wasn’t home, but her car was out in the drive for all to see. She wasn’t going to fool anyone who knew her.

Wiping her eyes on the sleeve of her sweatshirt, she
pushed herself away from the table and went to see who was standing on her front porch. A peek through the peephole told her it was Mr. Alder from next door.

“Just what I need,” she muttered, then threw the bolt and opened the door, standing as far back in the shadows as possible, hoping he wouldn’t notice her red-rimmed eyes.

Unfortunately he did notice. And he mentioned it right away. “What’s wrong?” he asked. “Are the kids okay?”

“They’re fine. They’re with their father this weekend.”

“Oh.” He hesitated, looking distinctly uncomfortable, then held out the Tupperware containers in his hands. She sometimes had Alex or Mackenzie run some supper over to Mr. Alder to give him a break from frozen dinners. He’d never acted particularly grateful, but her dishes always came back empty and clean.

“Thanks,” she said, and started to swing the door closed.

He stopped her with one bony hand. “The bread pudding was good,” he said. “Just like my wife, Bonnie, used to make.”

Jaclyn raised her brows. A compliment? From Mr. Alder? “I’m glad you liked it,” she said.

“I noticed that Alex’s bike has a flat. Thought maybe you’d put up the garage door so I can fix it.”

“You’re going to fix Alex’s bike?”

“Just thought he’s probably been missing it. Haven’t seen him on it for a while.”

It had been three weeks, to be exact. Alex kept asking her to have the tire fixed but he always mentioned it after the bike shop was closed, and Jaclyn couldn’t seem to remember it any other time.

“He has been missing it. I appreciate the help.”

“It’s no trouble,” he said. “You sure nothing’s wrong?”

“Nothing that can be fixed as easily as Alex’s bike,” she said, and went to open the garage before poring through the want ads.

T
ERRY BROUGHT THE KIDS
home late Sunday night. Jaclyn had expected them at dinnertime, but they didn’t arrive until after eight.

“How was it?” she asked, as they came trooping in. She brightened her smile as much as possible so no one would suspect the heartache she was experiencing underneath. “Did you have a good time?

“It was fun,” Mackenzie said. “Grandma and Grandpa took us out for ice cream before we left.”

“That sounds good. What about you, Alex? Did you have fun?”

Her son didn’t answer. He shot her an angry look, nudged past her and went straight to his room.

Jaclyn winced, wondering what she was going to have to deal with this time, then shoved her hurt feelings aside. She was already particularly vulnerable tonight and didn’t want to dissolve into tears.

Alyssa had fallen asleep in the car. Terry carried her to her room, and Jaclyn helped him put her to bed.

“Thanks for taking them,” she said, following Terry back to the front door. “They like getting to see you and your folks.”

“And you like the freedom you have in their absence, right?” he said, pivoting so fast that she nearly ran into him.

Freedom?
Jaclyn had spent a long, lonely weekend, at least since Saturday morning, one of the most difficult of
her life. But she had managed to do a lot of studying—studying she wouldn’t have been able to accomplish if she’d had the kids. “I’m getting my real-estate license. It was good to have some time to study, if that’s what you mean.”

“We both know you were doing a little more than that.”

Jaclyn took a deep breath and counted to ten. She wasn’t going to come undone. Eventually Terry’s jealousy and his sneering comments would disappear from her life. Besides, his reaction was probably natural enough, considering the fact that her being with another man was a whole new concept for him.

“Thanks again,” she said quietly, ignoring his baited words.

Her dogged politeness seemed to diffuse his anger. He stared at her for several seconds. Then his expression softened. “Was being with Cole what you thought it would be?” he asked.

Jaclyn’s first instinct was to not reveal anything. But she’d known Terry almost her whole life. He was her high school sweetheart, her husband of twelve years, the father of her children. If he didn’t have the right to ask her an intimate question, who did?

She nodded.

“God that hurts,” he said, closing his eyes.

“I’m sorry.”

“Does that mean you love him?” he asked, acting as though he didn’t want to pose the question but couldn’t help himself.

Jaclyn considered telling him no to spare his feelings, but there didn’t seem to be much point in lying. Whether she loved Cole or not, she wasn’t ever going back to Terry. He needed to accept that and move on. She hoped this would help.

“I do,” she said.

“Since when?”

Jaclyn wasn’t sure she could say, exactly. Since Feld, certainly. Since the day he’d hired her, possibly. Maybe since the day she’d seen him in Joanna’s. “It already seems like forever.”

Covering his face with one hand, Terry took a deep breath. “I blew it, didn’t I, Jackie? When we were together, you tried to tell me what I needed to do to save our marriage. You tried everything to get me to listen, but I wouldn’t. And now…”

And now it was too late.

M
ONDAY WAS AWKWARD
.
Cole kept himself buried in his office, for the most part, and wouldn’t even look at Jaclyn when he came to the front office to speak to Margaret. Jaclyn was busy sending faxes to various mortgage companies. She said hello to him when he entered, but he acted as though he didn’t hear her, finished his business with Margaret and left. When she made him dinner, he sat down and ate in silence, then went back to his private office before she could even finish the dishes.

“I’m leaving,” she said, ducking her head into his office on her way out.

“Good night,” he responded without inflection and without looking up.

Jaclyn paused before starting down the hallway, wanting to apologize and explain why she’d said what she had on the phone Saturday night. She wanted to tell him the truth, that the night they’d shared meant too much to her, not too little. But she knew she’d be opening a can of worms. She’d put some distance between them. That was the important thing. It was better to move forward now and let what happened on her birthday fade into the past. She hoped, with time, that Cole would forgive her and forget.

Returning to the office, Jaclyn gathered her jacket and purse, then threw a glance at the avalanche of paper on Rick’s desk and sighed. Too many things were falling
through the cracks at Perrini Homes, which worried her, for Cole. But he wasn’t willing to let her help him, and she couldn’t do it on her own. She didn’t know where to start.

Locking up, she tried to put those added concerns out of her mind. She had a lot going on already. The kids would be hungry, and she was too tired to think about cooking again. Or maybe she was too depressed. She’d tried to talk with Alex after Terry had left last night, but her son wouldn’t open up to her. She knew he held his father’s unhappiness against her, but he was too young to understand all the factors that had led to the divorce. She could only love Alex and hope he’d come around, which was easier to do when she wasn’t so strung out. In any case, she wanted to climb into bed and pull the covers over her head so she could kick herself, without interruption, for getting involved with Cole in the first place.

W
HY HAD
C
OLE CALLED HIM
?

Rick stayed in his seat long after the others had filed out of the classroom, staring into space and thinking about the phone call he’d received from his older brother the week before. He’d already analyzed the conversation a dozen times or more, but he still couldn’t figure out what it was Cole had wanted. Was there problem at the office? Did his brother need something he was too proud to ask for?

No, Cole had always done just fine on his own. Maybe if Rick were Andrew or Brian, Cole would have called simply because he missed him. But Rick had always been a liability. Cole could only be glad to be rid of him, especially now that he’d had time to make the transition at the office.

At the front of the room near the chalkboard, Professor Hernandez was gathering his teaching materials. “Don’t forget to read the first third of
Les Misérables
for next Monday,” he said as he left.

Rick waved to acknowledge his words, then unsnapped
the cell phone from his belt. He’d tried to call Chad last weekend to see if he wanted to go do something, but Chad hadn’t been home and Rick hadn’t talked to him since. Maybe Chad could tell him what was going on with Cole.

“Hey, what’s up?” his brother said when he recognized Rick’s voice.

“Not a whole lot. What’s going on with you?”

“I’ve been busy, man. It’s Thursday already, and we only have until Monday to finish the due diligence on those lots in Sparks. I’ve been taking care of some customer callbacks on the houses we sold at the last development, and we’re starting Phase II at Oak Ranch. It’s crazy.”

“Sounds like it. So Cole got the funding for the Sparks project?”

“Yeah. Schneider came through. Again.”

Rick had never expected to miss the office or what went on there. Before he’d left, he’d been eager enough to break away and branch out on his own so he could correct the mistakes he’d made in his early years. But he felt strange now, as though he wasn’t where he was supposed to be. As though he was missing out on something important.

“Cole has never had so many brands in the fire. How’s he managing?” he asked. He didn’t add
without me,
but that was what he wanted to know. Had his leaving made an impact?

Chad hesitated. “He’s getting certain things done. Other things are falling through the cracks.”

“Like what?”

“Like just about everything you used to do.”

“Why hasn’t he hired someone to replace me?”

“I don’t think he wants to replace you.”

“What about Jaclyn? She could take over some of that stuff—all of it, eventually.”

“She’s busy.”

“Doing what?”

“Cooking and cleaning for Cole.”

Cooking and cleaning?
What was up with that? It took Rick fifty hours a week to keep up with Cole and his projects. Who was running the office in his absence? “But he can’t go on like that. Eventually he’ll bury himself in paperwork.”

“We’ve got a real-estate agent selling houses like mad. I think we’re there already.”

Rick sighed. After all he’d put into his job, it was difficult to watch it go to hell. “This doesn’t make sense,” he said. “Cole’s not one to let things go.”

“I don’t know, man.”

Remembering the call he’d received in the middle of the night, Rick wondered how it tied in to everything he was hearing. Did Cole want him to come back? And if so, was Rick willing to go?

“Push him to train Jaclyn,” he said. “It’ll save him time in the long run.”

“I think he likes what she’s doing.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Take a wild guess.”

“They’ve got something going on?”

“He took her out to Feld last weekend.”

“Cole hates Feld.”

“He must not hate it anymore. He just bought a sand rail.”

Obviously quite a few things had changed since the first of September. “So what’s going to happen next?”

“I wish I knew. Gotta run. Concrete truck’s here.”

Rick let his brother hang up, then sat tapping his forehead with his phone. Cole had put too much into Perrini Homes to let things slide now. What was happening?

He doubted Chad could tell him any more than he already had. But he knew someone who might have the answers.

T
HE REST OF THE WEEK
wasn’t any easier than Monday. Jaclyn thought Cole would eventually lapse into his old self
and forget about what had happened between them, but it didn’t look as though he was going to do it anytime soon. He barely spoke to her. When he did, his sentences were clipped and formal. And every time his gaze landed on her, he looked quickly away.

He probably disliked her immensely. Jaclyn hated the thought of that, but she told herself it didn’t matter. She’d placed some calls to other companies, looking for new employment, and had sent out a few résumés. She would come up with something. She just needed to weather the emotional storm she’d caused by making that one colossal, stupid mistake on her birthday, and keep moving forward.

At least she knew how to survive difficult times. The past fourteen months had taught her to duck her head and keep putting one foot in front of the other. And that was exactly what she planned to do.

Only, sometimes she didn’t want to go forward. Sometimes she wanted to go back—back to last Friday night. Regardless of the repercussions, the time she’d spent in Cole’s bed had seemed like a once-in-a-lifetime experience. And maybe it was. She’d fallen head-over-heels in love this time. Far more powerful, both physically and emotionally, than what she’d ever shared with Terry. Her compulsion to be with Cole was so strong it hurt.

She picked up the sweatshirt he had tossed on his bedroom floor and held it to her face, pausing in her cleaning to breathe in the scent that lingered on the thick fleece. Spicy and masculine, it conjured Cole in her imagination like nothing else could. The feel of his warm neck when she’d kissed the pulse at his throat…the solid weight of him pressing her into the mattress…the silky feel of his hair between her fingers—

“What are you still doing here? It’s after five.”

Jaclyn spun to find Cole in the doorway. She was running late, but Margaret had had to leave early and he’d
been gone all afternoon, so Jaclyn had been in no hurry to leave. She liked cleaning Cole’s house, feeling him all around her in the things he touched and used and owned. But she’d lingered too long.

“I just finished your dinner,” she said, swallowing nervously. “I put it in the fridge since I didn’t know when you’d be back. Would you like me to reheat it?”

“No, I’ll eat later.”

“It’s meat loaf,” she added. His favorite. She’d also made garlic mashed potatoes, asparagus spears and a German chocolate cake for dessert. And she’d finished ironing his shirts and slacks, washing his blue jeans, dusting his room and mopping the kitchen floor. For some reason, she found taking care of him in those personal ways very gratifying.

He didn’t answer. He just stared at her standing in the middle of his floor, hugging his sweatshirt, and raised his eyebrows in question.

Jaclyn glanced away, folded the sweatshirt, and put it neatly on his bed, which she’d just made. “Larry Schneider called this afternoon,” she said. “He’s been waiting for that new set of financial statements for three weeks. He wanted to know what was taking so long.”

Cole rubbed his jaw and sighed. “He knows Rick’s gone.”

“He wanted to know if that meant things were falling apart around here.”

“They’re not falling apart. I’ll get to it in the morning.”

“I’d be happy to do it for you, if you’ll just show me how.”

“I’ll take care of it.”

“You’re not going to hire someone to replace Rick?”

Cole suddenly looked tired, sad. “Rick’s not someone I can replace,” he said.

“I know.” Jaclyn was tempted to put a hand on his arm,
to comfort him in some way, but she didn’t dare touch him. “I’m sorry, Cole. Maybe someday he’ll come back.”

He nodded but held himself rigid as Jaclyn skirted past him.

“See you tomorrow,” she murmured.

“Jaclyn?”

She paused at the threshold.

“Sometimes it means something to the man,” he said softly.

That simple statement took Jaclyn’s breath away. It was exactly what her heart longed to hear, exactly what she’d hoped—that their night together had held meaning for him, too. But how much meaning? And what was he willing to do about it?