Savage Bear: BBW Paranormal Shape Shifter Romance (5 page)

“What the hell are you doing?” he roared.

When she heard his voice, anger replaced her fear and she yelled back.

“Walking, duh.”

She kept moving forward, and he continued to inch along the curb.

“Get in the fucking truck!”

“No!”

“Leah,” he growled in warning.

“Don’t you have a date to worry about?” she snapped back.

“I don’t care about her and you know it,” he admitted. “Now, get in the truck.”

She stopped walking and glanced between him and the road in front of her. She didn’t want his help, but she still had a long walk ahead of her and her feet hurt from standing for the past nine hours.

“Fine,” she said, exasperated, and got in the vehicle.

“What happened to your car?”

“I don’t know…it finally died, I guess.”

He nodded, but he didn’t say anything else until he stopped in front of her apartment building. The tension in the cab was palpable, and the small victory she’d felt when he’d admitted feeling nothing for the woman was short lived when she remembered the comfortable silence they used to share.

“I know I hurt you,” he said, “but I warned you in the beginning that I don’t do commitment. It’s better to hurt a little bit now, then to continue this charade and hurt a lot later. I’m a bad man, Leah, and you deserve someone decent and kind, and… You deserve someone like you.”

“A few fights doesn’t make you a bad man, Jared. We can move past that.”

“Leah,” he sighed, “it’s more than just a few fights. When I was fifteen, my parents kicked me out because they didn’t want me anymore and I had nowhere to turn for help. I had to learn to survive as both a man and a bear, and it wasn’t always pretty. I’ve killed, sweetheart, and sometimes I even enjoyed it. The fact that I’ve done jail time isn’t just a rumor, and it wasn’t for manslaughter. I’ve got a record a mile long, and I don’t regret most of what’s on it. I’m trash, and one day you’ll thank me for letting you go.”

It was the first time he’d shared anything personal, and though she knew it was meant to push her away, it only made her love him more.

“That’s not true,” she said, moving across the bench. “I know you’re a good man, and I don’t care about your past—”

“You don’t care?” he roared. “What the fuck is wrong with you? My past defines me. It will stay with me forever. If I have kids, it will plague them, too. You’re too young and naïve to think it doesn’t matter, but I’m not. It matters, and this conversation is over. We. Are. Over.”

She was only six years younger than him, but she didn’t argue the point. The way she felt about him had nothing to do with naiveté and everything to do with love, but in that moment she knew she’d never be able to change his mind. She moved back to her side of the truck and gathered her belongings.

“Okay, you win,” she said. “It doesn’t matter how much I love you, or the fact that I’m willing to accept all of you without judgement. The only thing that matters is you, and the way you view yourself. Even though you’re an asshole most of the time, your friends and coworkers still love you, I still love you, but you keep everyone at arms-length and refuse to let them in. You’re standing in your own way by denying yourself even the tiniest bit of happiness, and I hope one day you figure out that it’s not worth it. Despite your past, you deserve to love and to be loved in return.”

She opened the door, and looked at him one last time. His hands gripped the steering wheel so tight his knuckles were white, and she had a feeling he’d be searching for a replacement part in the morning.

“Goodnight, Jared.”

He didn’t say a word, and she closed the door and watched him speed away. Probably for the last time.

She wasn’t a bear, but she instinctively knew he was meant to be hers, and the finality of his departure made her heart ache. Tears filled her eyes, but she didn’t let them fall until she was safe inside her apartment.

Even though he’d warned her ahead of time about not committing to a relationship, she’d started to believe he’d changed his mind. They were so good as a couple, and when they were together, he’d treated her like she’d meant something. It was one of the reasons she’d bought the mugs, which turned out to be a huge mistake.

Now all she had to do was figure out how to live with a broken heart.

Chapter Five

Jared peeled out of the parking lot and raced toward the forest at the edge of town. The shifters in Liberty were lucky enough to have two places to roam in their bear forms, the nature preserve on one end of town, and the forest on the other.

He gripped the steering wheel so tight it cracked in his hand, and the stupidity of that action fueled his rage. He wanted to hit something, to fight, and not just with his fists.

He saw the tree line ahead and he aimed for the biggest, fattest trunk. He stepped on the gas, determined to hurt physically so the band around his heart would disappear.

At the last minute, he rejected his plan, and turned the wheel sharply. The tires bounced over moss, ivy, rocks and dirt, but he saved everything except a taillight on the passenger side.

The crush of the plastic echoed in the cab, and some of his anger dissipated. He’d done a lot of damage in his life, but he didn’t usually try and destroy his personal property.

This wasn’t about the truck.

It wasn’t. It was about pain.

As soon as he left Leah behind, the tension in his body returned full-force. The more distance he put between them, the more his tension grew. Being around her made him feel grounded, calm and…loved. How was he supposed to live without her?

You’re not, asshole. That’s why she’s your mate.

He didn’t deserve a mate. She said she didn’t care about his past, but one day she would wake up and realize her mistake. Once he marked her, it would kill him to let her go, and her joyless smile would return for the rest of their lives.

He couldn’t do that to her.

He parked the truck on the side of the road, jumped out of the cab and walked into the forest. The shift into his bear form happened in an instant, and he liked the fact that the magic allowed him to change without taking off his clothes.

He sniffed in the crisp forest air, and then he ran.

The need for physical contact drove him hard. He rushed tree trunks head-on, turning at the last minute to collide against the bark with his ribs, and tried to make jumps he knew were impossible for his large bear form. Branches and bark scrapped his body and tore at his flesh, but he didn’t care.

He ran, and tumbled, and fought with nature until his battered and bruised body rolled down an embankment, and landed in a ditch lined with rocks on the side of the road. He tried to get up, but he lacked the strength to move, so he closed his eyes and let the healing process begin.

A few hours later, the rays of the sun warmed his fur, and he opened his eyes and surveyed his surroundings. Even though he’d travelled for most of the night, he’d paid no attention to direction, and he’d ended up only a couple miles from his truck.

He stood on all fours to lumber back to his truck when he noticed the house across the street. The huge lot was surrounded by a white wooden fence, and the same style posts were used to make the railing on the porch that wrapped around the house. White shutters and trim detailed the light blue home making it look like something out of a fairy tale.

A
For Sale
sign in the yard caught his attention, and with three bedrooms, and two baths, it was the picture-perfect place to start a family. His bear grunted in satisfaction, and the man had the urge to smile again. Though the feeling frightened him, it didn’t feel like it would suffocate him like it had before.

Instead, he felt hope.

Suddenly the weight of his past lifted and he realized Leah had been right. Again. He’d given his past too much power, and in return, it threatened every aspect of his life.

He kept his apartment nearly empty, because he never intended to plant roots. Except for the furniture, which he would leave behind, everything would fit in the back of his truck. He never let people close, because his parents, and so called friends on the street, had broken his trust nearly twenty years ago. He fought to stay alive so often, he forgot how to live without using his fists.

The truth was, he wanted a home and a family.

He wanted to live in a story book home, and have a mate and children. He wanted friends to invite over for a Sunday barbeque, and he wanted to lose the urge to fight all the time. He wanted to plant roots, and open up a business showcasing his secret barbeque sauce. He wanted all of those things, and he wanted them with Leah.

His past may have sucked, but he wasn’t his parents. He was capable of love, Leah had shown him that, and he knew he would never forsake his family. He may have done evil things in the past, but he wasn’t evil. Except for fighting, which was an excellent way to manage his tension, he didn’t purposely look for ways to hurt people. If he did, Leah would have dumped him first.

Shit! I am so fucked!

His bear roared in triumph and he ran down the street in his bear form. It was the shortest path to his truck, and he needed to get to the vehicle as soon as possible.

His whole life was about to change, and he couldn’t wait to get started.

***

A few hours later, Jared poked his head into Gabe’s office and rapped his knuckles on the door. Gabe worked the floor every night with Lucky, but he always came in early to do paperwork without the distractions of the club.

“Hey, can I talk to you?”

“Sure, come on in,” Gabe said.

Even though no one else was in the building, he entered the small room and closed the door behind him.

“Your dish is in that bag,” Gabe said, pointing to the shopping bag on the end table.

“Thanks,” Jared said, sitting down on the small couch.

He swallowed several times and looked around the tiny room as if he’d never seen it before. To his credit, Gabe watched him patiently, but he didn’t say a word.

He knew he shouldn’t be so nervous, but he’d always had a hard time asking people for help. After spending the morning on the phone and running errands, he needed to make one more change before he pleaded with Leah to take him back.

“I’m going to need a few days off,” he said finally.

“Not a problem,” Gabe said. “When?”

“Tonight, tomorrow and Thursday. I’ll be back on Friday to help Isabelle with the weekend crowd.”

“Sounds good,” Gabe said. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” he said, “I’m going to try to get Leah back.”

“Good,” Gabe said. “She’s perfect for you, and we all love her.”

“I know we’re not supposed to have fated mates, but she’s the only woman my bear and I have ever wanted, and somehow she wants me, too.”

“Yeah, the whole
no fated mates
thing is a bunch of bullshit. Lucky, Izzy and I all knew, without a doubt, the moment we’d found the one. I don’t know why more people don’t talk about it, but there’s definitely someone out there specially made for every bear. I’m proud of you for not letting her go.”

“Well, I did—and she’s pretty mad—but I’m working on my apology.”

“She’ll forgive you sooner or later,” Gabe said. “Everyone could see how much she loves you.”

“I hope you’re right,” Jared said, “because I’m buying her a house and I’m going to ask her to marry me.”

“Really? That’s wonderful,” Gabe said. He stood and outstretched his hand. “Congratulations.”

“Thanks,” Jared said, clearing his throat.

He sat back down and took a deep breath. The rest of what he had to say was more difficult, and he contemplated leaving, but he wanted to know.

He needed to know why Gabe had kept him around.

“Something else on your mind?” Gabe asked.

He took another deep breath and jumped in with both feet.

“How come you never fired me?” he asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Why have you kept me around all this time when I cause so much trouble?”

“Because…,” Gabe searched for the right words. “Jared, you’re family. The minute you saved my life, we became brothers. I know you don’t believe in love, but we love you. All of us. As much as I wish you would channel that energy into something productive, you’re not going anywhere unless it’s your choice.”

“That’s exactly what Leah said,” he said, solemnly.

“Smart woman.”

“I actually have an idea,” Jared started. “But I understand if you don’t want to hear it.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Gabe said. “Spill.”

“Well…I’m thinking about opening a small barbeque pit, but something so big is a bit daunting right now. A smaller venue would still build an audience while allowing me to test the waters.”

“Great idea,” Gabe said. “How about Friday and Saturday nights?”

The man’s automatic agreement surprised him, and he felt the same mushy feeling he’d experienced when Leah had given him the mugs.
Damn!
He was turning into a wuss, but he still needed one more thing.

“That sounds great, but I think the girls are going to need some extra help on the floor.”

“I’m sure your mate could help them out permanently,” Gabe offered.

“Are you sure about this?” Jared asked.

“Absolutely,” Gabe said. “I think it’s an excellent plan, and we can meet next Tuesday to discuss the details. That should give you plenty of time to get your girl on board.”

They shook hands and Jared left the building happy and excited. The two feelings were foreign to his normal tense, brooding demeanor, but he welcomed the change.

He’d already met with the realtor and his tattoo artist, and had Leah’s car towed, but there was one more stop to make before his plan was ready to be set in motion.

The pushy sales clerk in the jewelry store followed him around for over an hour, and he was about to give up when he’d spotted the perfect ring.

It was a blue topaz and diamond eternity band in platinum gold. The setting was impressive without being gaudy, and classic without being plain. The blue reminded him of her striking eyes, and she deserved more than one diamond for putting up with him this far. If she agreed to marry him, an eternity band would seal the deal properly.

The only thing left on the list was convincing his girl to say yes.

***

Leah glanced at her cell-phone again and cringed.

Jessica: Jared’s gone again…we know what u guys are doing. LOL!

Meg: Get yours girl…don’t let that man get away. Love u!

Ashley: Who needs money when you’ve got hot sex! Have fun u 2!

If she took the time to tell her friends she and Jared had broken up, they would stop, but she didn’t want to share the news just yet. Unfortunately, the women were a powerful force when they decided to do something. It was a good thing her cell plan had unlimited texting.

It had been two days since she’d watched Jared race out of her apartment building parking lot, and during those two days, he’d also missed work. She’d elected to skip the
Wild Bear
both nights, too, so her friends automatically assumed they were playing hooky together.

She would worry about his safety if she hadn’t spoken to him the day before, but she had.

“Hello?”

“Hi Leah, its Jared. I’m just calling to let you know I had your car towed to Blake’s Auto Repair. He said it should be finished by tomorrow morning. He’ll give you a call when it’s done, and someone from the shop will pick you up. Do you need a ride to work today?”

“You had no right to tow my car,” she seethed. How dare he end their relationship and then think he still had control over her.

“It needed to be fixed,” he answered back, calmly.

“Yes, and I’m perfectly capable of taking care of it on my own,” she said. “Look, Jared. I followed all of your rules and you still decided to let me go. What I do, or don’t do, with my car is no longer your concern. Please don’t call me anymore.”

She’d hung up the phone and fought the threatening tears. Telling him to leave her alone was one of the hardest things she’d ever done, and she wanted to take it all back. The only reason she didn’t was because that would put them right back where they’d started, and she couldn’t go there again.

Somewhere along the way, her plans had changed. Instead of being satisfied with a one night stand, or a relationship full of sex and nothing else, she wanted more. She wanted bear mugs in the kitchen, and a permanent date for Sunday barbeques. She wanted a home filled with family and love, and she wanted a man who wanted those things, too.

In short, she wanted the fairy tale, and she wanted it with Jared. Taking care of her car was a nice gesture, and paying for the work was a nice surprise, but she knew those things were done out of guilt, not out of love. She didn’t want his guilt, or his money, she wanted him, flaws and all…forever. Unfortunately, he wasn’t willing to risk loving her.

When her shift was over, she walked out to her car and saw Jared leaning against the driver’s side door. A million thoughts raced through her head, but she only wanted one of them to be true.