Never Been Kissed: A Never Been Novel (33 page)

I can’t swallow past the lump in my throat. God, he just swore on his sister’s life – that has to
mean
something, right? Please let that mean something. I just watch him, hulking shoulders blocking out a nice-sized portion of the table. I don’t know if I can talk. And I don’t even know if I’m being played again.

“Swear on your life. Swear on your life you didn’t touch her, you didn’t kiss her with the
same mouth you kissed me with.”

His mouth twists into an ugly grin, a grin at his own expense. “I swear on my life I didn’t touch her. I just nee
ded a ride to the hospital. Aly’s not for me, baby. You’re for me, and Matty. You’re it.”

My heart’s stopped beating. Blood pounds at my ears, at my temples, and my mouth is Sahara dry. God, I want to
believe; I want to, I want to.

“Sera,” he continue
s, spearing with the look in his eyes. My breath hitches and that ache in my chest blooms wider, stronger, unfurling like the petals on a flower to encompass my entire body. My fingers flex in his, and he puts his mouth to them, kissing our combined fingers. The feel of his warm mouth brings back memories of those lips on mine, his taste, even the sounds he makes when I do something he likes. “I love you.”

I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe. Where is all
the air in this fraking place?

“You- you don’t mean that.”

His mouth thins out to a grim line, and his blue eyes harden, looking at me hard.

“I love you, Sera, and I’m going to keep saying it
until you fucking believe it.”

I can’t think. God, his words, they hit me in the heart and that pain, that constant pain that I’ve lived with for the past month dies a little. The pain was an all-consuming fire and his words of love are like a vacuum, starving
the pain until it withers away.

“Say it again,” I order, daring to believe him. Could he really not have cheated on me? I mean, even in this tricked out body, could I
ever
compete with the beautiful Alysha?

“I love you.” I want to ask:
how can you love me when you don’t even like yourself?
“Again,” I say, pulverizing his fingers in my grip. “Say it again.” I need to hear it, over and over again so it’s a given truth, rather than a question about how he feels about me.

“I love you, baby. I bloody
love you,” he says, letting me hold onto his fingers with mine. I look down at our hands, notice my knuckles have flashed white, and slowly ease up on my Hulk-like grip.

“You’re only saying that because I lost weight.” The reflex is automatic; I deflect what he says he feels for me by cheapening it with how I look in this moment. His fingers spasm in my grip this time around, like he’s unsure
whether to pull away or not.

“You sure don’t look like you could haul my ass to the hospital
now. Too scrawny.”

I lift my head, eyes wide. “Are you makin
g a joke? At a time like this?”

He grins, kisses our fingers again,
crushes his mouth to them with more than a hint of desperation. My heart does a fluttery thing, like the way a piece of silks floats its way down in the air to gently fall to the ground.

“I’m going to start feeding you pancakes for breakfast, lunch and dinner for the next
few weeks. We’ll sort you out.”

I sputter, trying to start a conversation. “What? You can’t just expect that you tell me you love me and
everything is okay?” I watch his mouth twist into something ugly, something forlorn and broken I don’t know what to do with it. “Why didn’t you come with me to the hospital?” I whisper, and it’s a miracle he even hears me.

The question was meant for him to go back into his bubble in space, not come closer into mine and smack a hard kiss on my mouth. My heart does that fluttery thing again, and the way he grins at
me, I feel it between my legs.

“I was pissed. Thought I would cool off.” Now he does move back in his space and can’t meet my eyes.
“I was wrong to yell at you. But fuck, you shoulda seen you, giving it right back to me. We’re going to have problems whenever you get mad at me, baby. I wanted to haul you on my bed, and let you use me. I was wrong to yell at you,I was wrong to get pissed at you wanting to take care of Matty when I didn’t want you to.”

My blush is back, except now it’s covering every single inch of my body. Every centimetre of exposed skin tingles. My nipples get hard underneath my bra, a su
rge of wetness coats my
awesome
Loki panties.

Hunter stares at me with that determination like he had in the hospital, all that time ago.
“I promise for the rest of my life, I will show you how much I love you, how much I want you in my life, in my... son’s.”

Oh yeah,
that.
“Why did you lie to me?”

“I never lied to you. I told you I don’t lie. You forg
ot.” People say shit like that all the time, and they never mean it. “I never called Matty my son. That first night, when I came to get the movie – I told you he was my nephew. But I’m the only parent he’s ever known. I’m his Dad, even though I’m really his uncle.”

Right
. “You could have told me. You should have told me.” I couldn’t care less if Hunter is Matty’s biological dad or not.

“I couldn’t talk about it. My sis
ter... she died because of me.”

I freeze, hardly even dare to breathe. This is the
puzzle that is Hunter MacLaine.

“I was diagnosed with diabetes when I was eighteen. She thought she would get it, too, but she didn’t. She didn’t need to follow me around, you know?” He’s struggling with something and suddenly I’m an anchor to the present moment while he goes back through h
is memories, telling his story.

“After the first month of taking injections, of getting beaten up daily with the sugar spikes and lows, I went to a Timmy’s and bought a dozen donuts. I took them to my room in my parent’s h
ouse and ate every single one.”

“You wanted to kill yourself?”
My fingers twists in his.

He shakes his head. “It wasn’t about ending my life, it was about showing the doctors, my family,
myself
that I was okay. That I didn’t have diabetes. I ended up in the hospital, nearly went into a coma because of it. The whole thing ruined my sister. And I didn’t help matters. She was my twin.” He takes a deep breath, blue eyes intent on me. “I got into drugs, drank heavily, just punishing myself for not being normal, for being sick. Diabetes... you can’t even imagine what it’s like to have a part of
yourself
give up on you. It screws with your head, just fucks with you in ways I didn’t even know until my sister died. Jules.... she tried to get me out of it, tried to get me clean until one of my druggie buddies took a liking to her and ruined her life.

“She was so smart, hilarious and sweet. She would’ve been a great Mom once she got clean. And she would have loved you, loved the way you take care of her son.

“Because she followed me around, because I was a spineless fuck that thought drugs and drinking were a better way of dealing with my fucked up body, I got my sister hooked into drugs. I was out of my mind with my own misery, I couldn’t see what was going on around me, I wouldn’t see because I was a selfish kid who should’ve known better.” His voice is so hard and mean, the way he talks about himself.

“By the time she was twenty-five she was a full-on junkie until she OD’d in an alleyway while Matty was in his crib at my parent’s place. That night I became a father and I wanted nothing
to do with him. Nothing at all.

“I
was so fucking angry. Why couldn’t I have gotten her help, why didn’t she just
listen
to me once I got clean?”

I close
my eyes, hiding from his pain.

“Sometimes, listening is the hardest thing to do when you don’t believe a word someone says,” I tell him, throat thick with his pain.
And aren’t I doing the same thing? I’ve been too scared to listen to him,
really
listen. I’ve been to scared to listen to myself. I know who he is, and I know who I am.

“I’m so sorry. Abou
t everything. God, I love you.”

He doesn’t ask if I love him back. He doesn’t even look at me with a pleading look, and he doesn’t wait for an answer. He just gives me the words, and promises to show me what he means. There’s a bravery in that, a courage that breaks my heart all over again.
He ends up walking around the table, keeping our hands locked together, as if I’m going to run away. Hunter tugs our hands, and pulls me up out of my seat. Even with the heels I only get to his nose.

English music comes on, and I hadn’t even registered how long it’s been playing. The dance floor is completely crowded, and Hunter’s back keeps getting jostled. I watch my friends dance and shout and laugh at each other’s moves, trying to outdo the other in ridiculous dance moves. Tommy starts hip thrusting like he’s in
A night at the Roxbury
. I want to grin but my mouth won’t move.

“
You can’t just show up and say a few words and expect everything to be okay.” I remember Aly’s laugh that night, like she won. I rip my hands out of his grip. “You need to get your life straight, Hunter, and I can’t do that for you. You need to help yourself first. I’m sorry.”

And with that I make my escape (on these stilettos, no less) to the bathroom. I refuse to cry out of principle.
The fraking tears come anyway.

Katie finds me. She does something to the turning lock on my stall and pops the door open. One arm wrapped around the door, she leans against it and stares down at my pitiful form.

“How badly did I fuck up?” she asks, coming into the stall, leaving the door open and crouching down on her heels. She looks up at me with her chocolate eyes and reaches for my hands, squeezing them like she’s trying t
o give me some of her strength.

I can’t do anything but shrug. My throat hurts too mu
ch to speak right now, anyway.

“I really thought he didn’t cheat on you, and by talking it out, you’d guys be back together and all would be right in the world. You know I just had your best interests at heart, right? Fuc
k, I didn’t mean to do this...”

I clear my throat and croak, “He says he didn’t.” I sniff, move a hand out of her grip to wipe
my face. “He says he loves me.”

Katie is quiet for some time, and the warmth in her ey
es dissolves into a hard glare.

“
And why don’t you believe him?”

“About which part?”

“About fucking all of it! Why are you sitting here crying your eyes out for no bloody reason!?”

I rear back from the anger in her voice.
I
didn’t do anything wrong.

“When people say I love you, they generally mean it. When I tell you I love you, you believe it, right?” She’s so agitated, she stands up and starts pacing back and forth in front of my stall.

I nod.

She throws her arms out palms up. “Well, what then? How come you don’t believe Hunter loves you? I swear to God, if you even attempt to throw the fat card right now, this stiletto is going so far up your ass, you’ll be
admiring them from a much closer vantage point!” She growls, panting as she looks at me with fire in her eyes.

I clench my teeth together. I don’t fraking deserve this attitude. I stand, walking towards her with an index finger poin
ted out like a weapon.

“Watch yourself. I didn’t do anything wrong! He cheated on
me
!” I’m just trying to make a point. “Besides, he stayed with her after the fact! He didn’t come after me!”

“He said he didn’t
on you.” She clutches her head like she can’t believe what’s coming out of my mouth. “I believe him. He knows what he has with you, why would he go and ruin that?”

“Maybe ‘
cause I didn’t spread my legs fast enough!”

Her mouth firms up and her nostrils flare as she breathes in deep through her nose. She looks like a
bull about to skewer me for kicks and giggles.

“Even better! Goddamn it, Sera, he
cares
about you, don’t you see? For being so smart, you don’t do good with deductive reasoning, huh?”

“Now is not the time to compare me
to Sherlock Holmes.”

Katie
shakes her head and the way her mouth twitches, she’s so fighting a grin.

“Do you really want to risk the chance of ruining what you guys have because some bi
tch drove him to the hospital?”

My breath hitches. I will not cry. No, not me. “How can I trust him ever again?”
That’s not the real question, Delos, and you know it. Stop making excuses.

Katie shakes her head. “Did you
forgive that shit-head Russia?”

“Tha
t’s different and you know it!”

She looks up the ceiling for guidance. “We both know he’s going to be a dick in the near future, and open his stupid ass mouth and spout shit. We know this, and yet, we all still love him. And you forgave him, even when he lies about telli
ng you he’d never do it again.”

I
yoga deep-breathe.

“Now, you have this guy who begged me to set this up, knowing full well that our friends would maul his ass if he fucked up. Hunter could be fighting to the death right now for all I know.” She flashes me a bloodthirsty grin. “All so he could apologize for his behavio
r and explain to you how he didn’t fucking touch that slore for anything. And then, he tells you he loves you. I mean, how thick are you?”

“People say shit they don’t mean
all the time
,” I say through clenched teeth.

“Am I lying to you?”

I frown, and stare at her. “No,” I say, not sure where she’s going with this.

“Have any of the guys ever lied to you? Forget your family for a second, we know they’re assholes.”

“No?”

“Say it like you
mean it. Jesus.”

I clear my throat, ignoring the way the beat of my heart has sped u
p. “No.”

“Sherlock it out, sweetie.” She says softly. “I’ve never seen you so happy, Sera. Ever. That man and his son put that smile on your face. Don’t you think you should try
and keep that, no matter what?”

I put my face in my hands, shaking my head. “I don’t know. I just don’t know anymore. I
’m scared, I’m
so so scared.
I… I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I want to feel
good
.”

Katie pulls my hands away from my face. “How can you appreciate the good if you’ve never had the bad? You know what your life is like without him, and you prefer it with him and Matty, right? Then my vote is you belie
ve him and try to work it out.”

Katie snickers. “Who knows? Maybe this time next year, we’ll be having this kind of party for you and Hunt
er.”

***

Hunter left. I don’t know why that pisses me off so much, but it does. Like, couldn’t he have even said goodbye? After all the ‘I love you’s’ I think I deserved a fraking goodbye. At least.

I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t want all the guys to ask me if I’m alright and then show off how much testosterone they have by inventing gruesome methods of torture for Hunter. I just want to go home, put on some s
weats and go to sleep for days.

I beg Katie to take me home, and she relents, vowing that she’s going to try and convince me of Hunter’s innocence the whole ride home. By the time I get to my door and unlock it, my ears are ringing and I have a supreme headache. My eyelids are heavy and my eyes feel like I’ve face-planted onto a beach. My bed is calling me with sweet lullabi
es, and my feet are killing me.

Before I get the door open, I look to my
right at Hunter’s door. Dare I?

Not giving myself time to think, I rush over to his door and knock, heart racing in my chest, blood pounding in my ears. If this keeps up, I’m going to pass out
before he even opens the door.

But it’s
like he was waiting just behind it, waiting for me to get home, the door opens so fast. And there he is, my Hunter, standing in the doorway, still wearing his suit and looking at me like I’ve created a miracle before his eyes.

I pull in air like I’m on the verge of drowning and let him pull me into his apartment. Action is good. I don’t want to think. I want to
do
. I stumble forward in my heels, hitting his chest while he wraps his arms around me. He’s shaking and I know I did the right thing by coming over here.

Words surface in my memories, and I
decide to put them to the test.

“Kiss me, Hunter. Kiss me like
I’m the only you’ll ever want.”

His hands come up to palm my cheeks as he tilts my face upwards and kisses me. Long and deep, with sweeps of tongue and nibbling and sucking. God, I missed him so much. My hands are somehow on his head, scraping through his scalp, his hair ticklin
g my palms. His hands move to my lower back, one palming my left cheek.
I need more, I need more of him.

He licks at my mouth, tasting every corner of me, making me dizzy as all I can do
is feel. He possesses me in the way his mouth molds over mine, as he shapes my lips, tasting and learning every inch of me.

His arms become bands of steel at my lower back, pressing us closer together, so I can feel all the hard ridges of his muscles, his hips,
him
, and all the softness that is me crushed up against his big body.

Hunter pulls away and lets me catch my breath. For a second, I don’t k
now where I am, what day it is.

“I love you,” he whispers, kissing the corner of my mouth. “I love you.” A kiss to my cheek bone. “I love you,” he ghosts another kiss right below my ear, making my whole
body erupt in shivers and goosebumps.

“I
know you didn’t cheat on me. I… I guess I used it as an excuse. This whole time we were together… I thought it was too good to be true, you know? That I was going to mess it up and you’d leave me.” I read for his arm, sneaking my hand underneath his shirt and suit jacket until I touch his skin. “
We’re all self-fulfilling prophecies
. I’m sorry, too. I’m going to need to get used to this, to us. It’s your turn not to give up on me, okay?”

“Thank you, baby,” he smiles, and it’s a real smile, like he’s truly happy. Warmth hits my chest in a glow that has me feeling like I’m going to burst at the seams. I put that smile there. Like magic. Ha
rry Potter’s got nothing on me.

I kiss him, gasping when he uses his arms at my lower back to lift me clear off my feet so we’re the same height. That shouldn’t be hot, him being able to lift me. It shouldn’t be hot the way he rumbles in his chest, like a lion purring.

I’m on fire, and I need to burn him for it to leave me.

“Come with me,” he says, pulling away and grabbing my hand. I follow him blindly into his room, wait for him to turn the light on. I can’t stop staring at the bed. I mean, it’s a bed. A mattress. With springs and stuff that gives you lumbar support and whatever to sleep on. I don’t intend to
sleep.

“W
e go as far as you want, baby.”

I want to ask him who he’s been talking to but find my mouth opening to give out orders. “I want you to lie down, right here, next to me.” When he lies down, my brain
gets in gear. “Where’s Matty?”

Hunter snickers and kisses the corner of my mouth, like I’m being cute. “At
my mom’s. We’re alone tonight.”

I refuse to gulp like I’m in major trouble. When I expect him to take over and start kissing the life out of me, he just settles on his side and brings me close so that we’re face to face. He looks at me for a long time.

“I swear I’ll never hurt you again.” He moves the bulk of my hair over my shoulder, exposing the skin of my throat. He leans in and kisses me, the softest grazing of his lips. The feeling is bliss and torture mixed together. My body is made of electricity dancing along my skin, along my insides as I feel myself needing him, wanting him like I’ve never wanted anyone before.

When he reaches that spot just below my ear, I shiver hard enough for him to be dislodged and hear his chuckle as he nuzzles my neck. “Fuck, e
verything you do gets me hard.”

I’m astonished that I can do that – make him hard, by really doing nothing at al
l. “I didn’t even do anything.”

Hunter doesn’t answer because he’s kissing me, and I’m kissing him back and it’s never been this good, this desperate. I become acutely aware that I can do this; I can give him my virginity.

When my arms go around his neck and I crush myself to him, Hunter rolls us so I’m on my back and he’s got one thigh between my legs, pinning the skirt of my dress to the bed underneath his weight. I feel him, hard through his pants, resting against my hip, and I want him, I need him inside me.

One of his hands goes to the base of my throat, the drum of my pulse beating against his fingers as I slowly become wild with lust. I tug at the shoulders of his suit, unwilling to move my mouth from his to tell him to take it off.

Hunter pulls himself from me, struggling with his suit jacket, trying to take it off before tossing it to the ground. Panting and up on his knees he looks down at me like he can’t believe his luck, like he can’t believe I’m real.