Never Been Kissed: A Never Been Novel (21 page)

I swallow past the pain in my throat. “It’s
nice to be liked, you know?”

Hunter stares at me a long time, caging me in with an arm on either side of my head, as he leans down
, closer and closer. He nods.

“I’m going to kiss you now,” he s
ays, leaning down until he gets to my mouth. “Yes or no?”

He gives me a choice.
Bloody hell
, I like that. A lot.

I wrap my arms around his shoulders, go on tippy-toe until my tendons twinge and kiss him, forgetting about technique or worries or whatever because I want to taste him one last time before I go to sle
ep.

When we pull away, our rapid breathing makes us grin at one another. With one last kiss to my cheek, he opens my door. I hear him wait in th
e hall for me to lock up before his door opens further down the hall.

Goodbye Josi
e Geller, and hello, Sera Delos.

I get to my phone on the coffee table, typing so fast autocorrect doesn’t
know what I’m talking about.

Me: I’ve just been
KISSED. This is legit, no joke!

Katie: jhadhgdhghddghde! Whaaaaaaat?! How was it? Did the Earth move out of its orbit? Please tell me it did. A guy t
hat hot can’t do anything less.

I grin.
Me: I was dizzy if that’s what you mean, and I can’t feel my legs. I think I could kiss him for hours.

Katie: Lucky bitch! Ah! I’m so happy for you. We need to have sangria A-SAP. Tomorrow, after work, drinks on me! All is right in the world! I can’t believe it!
Do you feel like a new woman?

Me: Uh, no. Not really. I haven’t been reborn
or anything since he kissed me.

Katie: Pffft,
yes you have. And it’s AWESOME.

Me: Totally awesome. See you tomo
rrow!

Katie: Until then.

Fraking weird knowing Hunter is
just
next door, on the other side of the wall where my back is to the couch. The very couch where we made out, me for the first time ever! Rocky Balboa is grinning at me in my head like I’ve made him proud, like I’ve knocked the shit out of Apollo Creed and Ivan Drago at the same time.

My phone buzzes on the couch next to me, and my heart tries to come out of my mou
th when I realize it’s Hunter.

Hunt
er: What are you doing?

Me: Texting you, obviously
.

Hunt
er: Snarky. I like it.

Me: That’s good, I guess.

Hunter: Can I ask you something?

Me: Sure.
My heart thumps against my ribs. I wonder if this is what a panic attack feels like.

Hunter: Who told you
you were a bad kisser?

Me: Uh, I’d rather not divulg
e the source.

A pause, then:
Hunter: Why?
I’m getting ready to string my web of lies.

Me: You’ll end up beating him up, maybe going to jail, and orange is not a good color on you. I wouldn’t mind you getting more tats, but then Matty and I will have to see you behind bars, and I kinda really l
ike having you live next door.

Hunt
er: Fuck, now you’re being cute. Can I come over and kiss you again?

I should just get my grin tattooed to my face or something. My cheeks hurt from smiling so much. Seriously – best day ever.
Me: Tomorrow. Drive safe when you go and pick up Matty, ok?

Hunt: Alright. I’ll see you tomorrow, baby.

Oh. My. God.

Doubts swirl in my head the entire night.

One kiss does not change the world; it doesn’t even matter to some people. A kiss is something that’s just done – usually a prelude to sex. A kiss doesn’t matter, a first kiss
ever
is usually forgotten, a muddied memory from a time when we were all awkward and uncertain.

One kiss doesn
’t mean there’s a relationship.

One kiss doesn’t mean that I have a claim on Hunter MacLaine, especially if Alysha had a claim on him first. I don’t even know what I’m doing with him.
Is
he just playing me?

I wake up late and have to rush my morning routine, only swiping a couple of coats of mascara on my lashes and some lip gloss quick quick. Oh, snap. My mouth is swollen, sensitive to the brush I’ve swiped with gloss across them.

And now I’m red. Nice.

Stuffing my feet into my TARDIS blue Chucks, nabbing my purse and keys by the TMNT lanyard, I open my door to have my nose collide with something
hard and soft at the same time.

“Motherducker!” My nose stings and the burn in my eyes tells me tears are about to come without me wanting them to. I sniff, stuff a finger under my nose to see if I’m
bleeding. Nope.

“Hi, Sera!” Matty’s voice comes clear even if he’s blurry despite my glasses. I wipe underneath my eyes, and stare up at Hunter, unease making my stomach twist, and
my heart stumbles on its beats.

“Hey, little buddy.” The kid’s jumping in place, and he lunges forward to snag my hand, both of his holding two fingers each.

“C’mon, c’mon! I have to go to school today, and then Daddy will drive you to work!” Matty starts dragging me closer and closer to the elevator only because I’m letting him.

“No, no. Really, I’m jus
t going to take the metro and-”

Hunter’s hand somehow sneaks under my loose hair and covers the nape of my neck, his thumb stroking the side of my
throat in mesmerising swipes.

“Sera. I’m going to drive you. That’s all there is
to it.”

That thumb is causing shivers to erupt along my spine, down to fingers and toes. I don’t want it, I don’t want this reaction, not
when I’m not sure of anything.

“I would really,
really
like to take the metro. Have a good day at daycare, little buddy, but-”

“Matty, cover your ears. Now.”

I swallow whatever little saliva I have left, and shake my head.

“Don’t,
it’s okay, Matty-”

Hunter’s nostrils flare, like a dragon about to
blow fire. “Block your ears, kid. Now.”

We march into the elevator, a smile on Matty’s fac
e, hands clapped over his ears.

Hunter’s hands go to my shoulders, cupping them, then sliding dow
n to my wrists, down to my good hand, where our fingers entwine. I’m not sure if I want to pull away or not.

“Sera. What the fuck? What happened after I left?” His face is soft, eyes pin-balling all over my face, finge
rs holding me close. I’m scared; I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared in my life.

I clear my
throat, chew on my bottom lip.

“We just kissed, okay? It was just a kiss. No big deal.” Fraking hell, it was a big deal, it
was.
At least to me.

I stare down at my blue shoes, and Hunt’s badass biker boots
. Nerd and badass. Yeah, right.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now? What the hell happened after I left? Who did you talk to? Who twisted everything around? Sera?” He punctuates each word with a twisting of our fingers, makin
g sure we stay locked together.

My throat gets thick.
“Nobody twisted anything around,” I shrug, like that should answer everything. “We just kissed, and it was a bad idea. This...whatever this is. For the love of the Winchesters, this chemistry, attraction, what-the-frak-ever – why did Aly come see you the night before? For what reason?”

I can’t believe I kissed that mouth, now set into a straight line, jaw locked and eyes hard. “She came to see me. I haven’t been answering her calls or texts for over two months. Ever since that day I went to the hospital. I’ve told you this already.”

I yank my fingers out of his, twinging a couple of knuckles, ignoring the pain in my bad hand. I’m just a giant mess right now, using the emotional spectrum like a roller coaster and I’m in the front seat, feeling the brunt of every single one.

“I won’t be a sidepiece.” Frak, I knew he would hurt me like this. I knew it, I
knew
it.

“I didn’t ask you to be one. I want to be with you. I t
hought I made myself very clear,” he says. The words hit the empty space between us, the
bing
of the elevator doors opening jarring us both.

“I don’t understand what’s happening.” I shove a hunk of hair behind my ear, adjust my glasses up my nose. “Are we in a relationship? Because we’re not following
the traditional steps and all.”

Hunt grins at me. “Fuck. Even when you drive me crazy, you do it all cute-like.” His palm smoothes along one of my cheeks, landing a kiss to my mouth right before he lea
ds us out the doors to his car.

“Can I listen now?” Matty pipes up from thigh-level. He looks between us both, from Hunt to me and back again, a small smile tugg
ing at the corner of his mouth.

“Can I? Can I?”

“Sure, kiddo,” Hunt says, ruffling his hair. “Let’s get you to daycare, yeah?”

“Shotgun!” he yells, bolting out into the parking lot to head to Hunt’s car just when screeching rubber echoes about the
underground lot.
Ohgodohgodohgod
. No, no, no. I scan the whole parking lot in a quick sweep, unsure of where the sound is coming from the underground acoustics.

No, no, no.

Stomach knotted, heart in my mouth, I watch as if my legs are stuck in molasses; the signals my brain puts out to my muscles are lazy and sluggish. I won’t have enough time to catch him if the car I’m hearing whips around the corner.

I watch that tuft of hair at the back of Matty’s head bounce in time with each footfall as he runs to Hunt’s car in slow-motion. I watch as he turns around at the sound of burning rubber, and trips on his feet, stumbling to the ground. I watch as the hood of a blue Mustang comes around the corner, gleaming in the fluorescent lighting, t
oo bright. And moving too fast.

I’m going to be too slow.

I’m going to be too
slow
!

Hunter bolts out of my peripheral vision, sprinting across the lot, boots biting into the pavement with a
thudding
sound. I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe. A screech of brakes ricochets around the jip-rocked walls, over and over again hitting me from all angles.

Matty’s on the ground, and Hunt’s almost there, God,
he’s almost there-

I squeeze my eyes shut.

Count to ten.

This isn’t happening, this isn’t happening.
Thisisn’thappening!

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Hunter’s voice booms in the now silent lot. His voice is
an angry hellfire of rageand the poor bastard sitting behind the wheel is going to get singed. I don’t feel sorry. “It’s not fucking NASCAR, you fucking asshole!”
I open my eyes.

Matty’s secure in Hunt’s arms, while Hunt has a fist pounding into the hood of the blue Mustang that nearly killed them both. I have a dim memory of locking my knees or else I’m not sure what to do with my legs now that I’ve become unstuck. My lower lip trembles, and the world swims in an ocean of tears that cascade down
my cheeks.

I can breathe again.

I can move, but I don’t want to. Not yet. Instead, I take in the sight of my boys, alive and well and so very nearly taken away from me. Life has a way of showing you things, showing you how easily the good can be taken away.

A teenaged kid with Daddy’s car opens his car door, white-faced and trembling does he face down a father’s wrath. It could have been much, much worse. And thank God it wasn’t.

Walking over on numb feet and legs to Hunter, I grab the fist that has split skin along the knuckles from punching the hood of the guy’s car. Temporary pain, easily fixable. The idea of him being mauled, under the car has my belly doing somersaults and not the good kind.

The kid behind the wheel stands half in, half out of his car, staring at us all, maybe thinking he almost destroyed a family.Stammering out an apology,
Hunter is having none of it. He keeps yelling, but I’m bothered by Matty’s silence and what that might mean. Did he pass out?

“Let’s just go, please. You know where the kid lives, you can always beat him up later, al
right? Let’s get Matty to daycare. C’mon, Hunter. C’mon,” I coax the Beast with a gentle voice. I move slowly mostly because my legs are still refusing to work at full capacity and the awful
what ifs
keep bombarding my brain and taking up all my attention.

“God damn it, Matty, who the fuck told you to run off like that? Fuck. Just, fuck. Here take him, put him in his car seat.” Hunter s
ays, handing his son off to me.

In the cradle of my arms, I can feel the little guy tremble, his whole body buzzing with the movement.

“You okay, little buddy?” I ask, rubbing his back, petting his hair, doing what I can to soothe him as much as myself.I should go back there and beat the shit out of that kid, like a mama bear would. But I’m not Matty’s Mom, and it’s not my place.

Matty’s arms wind tighter around my n
eck, his cheek pressed to mine.

“I’m sorry, Sera. I’m
sorry
. I just wanted to have some fun,” Matty whispers into my ear, the words a ghost of what his usually happy voice sounds like. I’m so happy to hear it, I want to cry.

“I know, baby. I know you didn’t mean for that car to come around. It’s not your fault.” I rub his back, up and down, up and down, while Hunter walks back and forth the length of the parking lot, hands clenched into fists, boots punishing the pavement he walks on.

“Why is Daddy so mad at me if it wasn’t my fault? I didn’t mean to fall. I coulda gotten up real fast in another second-”

I set
tle his butt on the trunk of Hunter’s car, making him look at me. I cradle his face with my hands and wipe away the trace of tears. I bend close and kiss his forehead, smelling baby shampoo and little boy rolled into one.

“He was scared.
I
was scared. People get angry when they get scared. Nobody likes getting scared, Matty. That’s all.” What a useless thing to say. “I’m so happy you’re alright and nothing happened to you. I mean, who would I read
Harry Potter
to?”

He looks down at his Iron Ma
n shoes with the flashing heel. “Maybe you’ll find a little boy who’s better than I am. You’ll love him more than you love me.”

Pain lances through me but I’m not bleeding or physically hurt. I lean forward and hug him tight, trying to convey as much love as possible in the simple movement.

“Matty, I
love
you. I love
you.
There are no other little boys that I could ever love this much unless you had a little brother, then I think it would be okay. You’re my favourite little boy in the whole wide world.”

“Sera, why does Daddy hate me?”
The words come out in a whisper.

I gasp; I can’t help it. “Why do you think that?” I back up to look at him in the face,
heart knocking against my ribs.

Matty looks down at his shoes again, refusing to look me in the eye.

“He never tells me he loves me. I hope he knows I love him.” His baby blues look up at me as he twists his fingers together.

My entire life I’ve been verbally abused – told I was less than nothing, and I believed it.

“Of course he loves you, little man. Who wouldn’t? All my friends love you, too. That’s more people than you have fingers on one hand! Do you know how special that is?” I’m saying the words, but he’s not listening. He hears them alright, since he’s nodding at me, but they aren’t sinking in, they aren’t becoming a part of the little boy he’ll grow up to be.