Never Been Kissed: A Never Been Novel (14 page)

“I’m not sure how to be with him in that way. I feel like I need to read books on how to kiss. I might even have to watch porn and re-re
ad all my romances back home.”

“How many times do I have to tell you
it’s instinctual? His mouth’s gonna move, then yours is gonna move back, and Mount Vesuvius will explode again, the Earth will rotate out of orbit from the sun, and the galaxy will switch its swirling direction.”

I frown. “A lot of people have told me this is not the case
when they have their first kiss.”

Katie shakes her head. Here, she is Master Yoda and I am the untried and young Luke Skywalker, eager to learn. “Most of us had our first kiss with tons of people around us in an awful spin-the-bottle game, or in a musty closet at the age of twelve or thirteen.
Nobody
knew what they were doing. MacLaine,” she smiles and wiggles on her seat again, “oooh, that got me a little excited. Calm yourself, Delos, I’m joking. Or am I?” I just shake my head, ignoring it all.

“He’s older than us, right? He’s been at the game for awhile; he knows how
to play, sweetie.”

“This is so not helping me.” The brownie I ate is congealing in
my stomach. “If I’m just off the bench, about to debut in the NHL, how in hell am I supposed to play with him?”

“When this happens, I want details, sistah. De
-tails.
God, you lucky bitch. What a fine specimen he is. Shit, okay. Sorry, not sorry. Let him set the pace. Learn from him. Hell, drink a jack and Coke, minus the coke before you think he’ll try kissing you again. Blame it on the booze. Don’t get wasted – you’re a sad drunk – but just enough that you won’t care what he thinks.”

“I have to get drun
k to kiss Hunter. This is so sad.” I cover my eyes with my hands, rubbing them, hard.

“You’re going to be fine. I don’t even know why you’re worrying so much. You wanna practice on one of the guys? They’re good sports,
I’m sure they’ll be up to it.”

“Ack! No! What the
hell
is wrong with you to even suggest something like that? I can’t kiss any of them! I can’t even
tell them
I’ve never been kissed. No, no, no.” I shudder. “I’d ruin the whole friend-dynamic thing, and then I’ll never look at them the same way after that.”

Katie frowns, and stares at me.
“Why are you so worried, really?”

I take a deep breath, let out the words that I’ve held close to my heart for years and years and years. “When you’ve been told your entire life you’ll amount to nothing, you’ll be nothing, you
are
nothing – what do you think you believe?” My breath is shaky when I let it out, and the pain in my throat won’t go away. I’m sick of crying, I’m sick of my life not being what I want it to be. “I’m trying to fight it off, to get myself to believe in something else. It’s so fucking hard, K. I’m just tired of fighting, I’m
tired
of it.”

“You know that I think you’re amazing, and great, and badass?” Katie’s words are soft,
sweet. I keep my face tight, trying to stop whatever tears are forming.

“You know that I think you are such a good person and I’m
so lucky to have you as my best friend? I’m telling you that you’re going to be alright, and everything will turn out in the end. This life, right now, with your family, your job – it’s not going to last forever even though it feels like it might. You’re going to find your passion in life, you’re going to find the man of your dreams but you’re going to have to trust in life, and what she’s going to bring to you.”

“I hate that bitch. Fucking up everything.” No tears. I sit straighter in my chair, looking up at the ceiling, forcing whatever remaining wetness in my eyes to go back where it came from.
A hundred points to Gryffindor!

“
I think it’s time to give up on old hurts, stop wrapping yourself in them.”

“What if he’s lying to me? What if I’m just one of those girls, a piece of ass? God, and I have to live
next to my shame? No, no, no.”

Katie
just
stops herself from rolling her eyes. “I don’t think he’s lying. I really don’t. A guy who wants pussy will take any pussy, doesn’t matter who it is. I was there that first night, remember? He didn’t even
look
at me, and I looked
exceptional
that night.” She grins at me, putting her fingers in her dimples, trying to coax me into doing the same. “I have an idea, but I don’t know how well it’s going to go over with the boys.”

“Shoot.”
I drink some more water, munching on an ice cube.

“We all care about you – and, as a valid support system, I think you should bring Hunt to Alex’s housewarming this weekend. Leave Matty behind, though
, let you guys be one on one. You’ll bake something amazing, and Hunter’s going to fall in love with you and propose on the spot. We’re all going to be there to witness it, so we’ll be part of the wedding party and you get your happily ever after.”

I grin at h
er, then try to forget about Hunter proposing
to me
. As if he can even try any of my baking. Bloody hell, the one thing going for me, and he can’t even enjoy the pastries I make.

B
ut all in all, not a bad plan.

“Alright, can you ask Alex if it’s okay if I bring a guest?
Uh, what the hell should I introduce him as?” I’m starting to get nervous again, my mind racing with potential scenarios as I walk into Alex’s door this coming Saturday. “I’m going to turn red, I just know it. Shit, shit, shit.”

“Stop sweating over the stupid little things. Ask Hunter if he wants to hang out with us this weekend. Nothing special – movies, beer and wine, cake, and good
company. We’re not assholes, but you can bet your sweet ass we’ll be judging his every word. I swear this’ll turn out good. And you’ll have your answer about his intentions, alright?”

“I’m sure all kinds of other girls don’t make their friends
do this shit.”

“God, stop with the negative comments. I don’t care how many times I have to tell you you’re awesome, you
will
believe me one of these days. I swear to God.” She puts her palm up, like she’s doing exactly that. “I’ll text you Alex’s new address when I get back to the office, and the time. Now, what will you grace us with this Saturday?”

“You know Alex loves strawberry cheesecake – so that’s what I’ll make. Even if i
t cracks, he’s going to choke it down, and love every bloody piece of it.”

“See? Now, this girl in front of me? This girl’s a badass! Forcing food down picky-eater
s’ throats since twenty-fourteen. Awe
some
.” Katie nods like I’ve done her proud.

“Thanks, broski. You
’ve made me feel a lot better.”

“S’what I’m here for. Best friends are psychiatrists on a part-time basis. I expect you to return
the favour in the near future.”

“You bet.”

“Good. Now, let’s get our asses back to work. Time is money, bitches!”

“So I guess I can’t stay over at your place this week,
not even until Saturday?” I ask.

Katie looks at me seriously.
“Little chicks are pushed out of their nests so they can learn to fly.”

I shake my head, gathering up my purse from the seat next to me.
“Actually – that’s a common misconception. They say that about eagles, but I read somewhere that it isn’t true.”

She slings an arm over my shoulde
r, hugging me close to her side after we plop down our cash and move towards the door. “Why did I have to have a geek for a best friend? I can’t even say things without you correcting me.” She gives me another shoulder squeeze. “Hunter’s going to love you. Just like me and the boys do. Start believing in that, instead.”

“I’ll try my best.”

Katie smiles, a big wide one with teeth and crinkly eyes. “Do or do not. There is no try.”

You just can’t argue with Master Yoda logic. You just can’t.

‘
Sera. I’m sorry. I got carried away. Christ, I’m sorry.’

‘Sera? Please, just call me back. I keep thinking you got abducted in the damn hall, and-shit. Just call me,
please? So I know you’re okay?’

‘God, I’m sorry. I’m an asshole. I promised you I wouldn’t be an asshole. I thought you were with me, baby, every step of the way. I’m sorry,
I misread the whole situation.’

‘I don’t want to let you out of this because I fucked up. Please, give me another chance. I’ll do better. I’ll
be
better. Just... call me, text me, whatever you want.’

And the last voicemail: ‘
Just tell me where I stand. Yes or no? You don’t even have to talk to me, if you don’t want. Text me the answer, Sera. I need to know if this is goodbye.’

I’m a sucker. I save every single voicemail. Replay them with my eyes closed. Could all this be a lie? A ruse? A game? If it is... he sure sounds sincere. If it is... it must be so exhausting to fake those kinds of emotions, unless he’s a sociopath – and an expert emotional chameleon. Note to self: read up on sociopaths and make
sure Hunter MacLaine isn’t one.

I text him back – n
ot ready to hear his voice yet.

Alive and well. Have not been kidnapped.

Three seconds later:

Hunter:
Good. Matty had a nightmare last night. Sometimes happens when his sugar has been going haywire all day.

Hunter:
Why didn’t you wait for me? I would’ve stopped, you have to know that. All you had to do was tell me no.

Hunter:
You wanna come over? Just me and Matty. We’re having pizza and you’re welcome to join us.

Oh, courage, where are you? I could really use you right now. I don’t want to be a coward anymore. It’s time for a new start, a new beginning, and maybe Hunter will hel
p me with that. Maybe he won’t.

But I have to se
e for myself.

My legs shake as I knock on his door. Shoulders squared, back straight, I stare defiantly into the peephole. Without an arched eyebrow I’m not sure if my ‘haughty disdain’ l
ook is perfected, but whatever.

And I’m sure the whole ‘I don’t care’ look is ruined
with my Justice League Chucks, my work-appropriate pencil skirt, and a coral blouse that makes me feel happy because it’s so bright.

The door opens, slow enough to rival any creepy door-opening scene in a hacker-slasher, but behind it – I get Hunter. He’s wearing a white shirt with what looks like grease stains on it, and a pair of jeans so light – all he needs is the peacoat and he’s Connor MacManus from
The Boondock Saints
.
Hubba hubba
.

“Hi,” he says with a smile, looking me up and down.

I swallow hard and watch him shuffle backwards, movements slow enough like I’m a skittish animal who doesn’t know if it’s going to be petted or hit. He pulls the door open wider and wider and I force my legs to cross the threshold.

I half expect for some sort of invisible force-field to cut me in half or electrocute
me as I cross over but nothing happens. My whole body breaks out in goose-bumps, and I shiver so hard my neck cracks.

“Sera!” Matty yells, colliding with my legs. His chin goes to its familiar place on my quad, looking up at me with his beautiful little face. His smile is a gift, a treasure, and I know that if anyone would try to hurt this boy, I’d die trying to
protect him. “We’re eating pizza with pineapple on it! Isn’t that cool?”

“You bet, kiddo,” I grin at him, pushing his hair back. I lean down, nearly b
reaking two ribs to kiss the tip of his nose. Matty giggles, still staring up at me, blue eyes bright and full of mischief, he’d give Loki a hard time. “Here, let me get my shoes off.”

“Whooooaaah.” This from Matty. “Is that... is that Superman? And Batman? They’re friends!?” He leans right down with me as he points to the outer sole of my Chuck Taylors where the four more famous male faces of the Justice League are. He jabs my ankle every time
he sees someone he recognizes.

“
Hey, hey. Even though Batman is best friends with Superman, we both know who the cooler one is, don’t we?”

Matty
continues to stare at my sneakers. I’ve just won a shit load of cool points. “But Superman can fly!”I keep going at my laces, then switch to the other foot. I don’t know what Hunter thinks of all this. I don’t care. Gah! Maybe I do.

“What does that ha
ve to do with anything?” I ask.

“Sera, he can
fly.
” Matty says it like I should understand, arms out on either side of his chest, and he pretends to be an airplane. When he comes back to me, I level with him.

“Matty, flying around doesn’t mean yo
u’re better than anybody else.”

His little face clearly conveys that I am a) insane, and b) weird. “He’s the best because
he can fly! Duh.”

I shake my head, and move to stand, grabbing a hold of his hands. I look around Hunter’s apartment – the exact mirror of mine, minus the whole geektastic accessories – and settle us at the kitchen table.
I feel more than hear or see Hunter move to the kitchen.

“Batman’s parents died when he was a kid.
” Oh fuck, Matty’s tearing up. I hold onto his fingers between mine. “But he grew up to be a good man, a strong man, one dedicated to stop crime, to save lives, maybe to forgive himself that he couldn’t do it when he was younger, that he couldn’t save his Mom and Dad. Clark was born super strong – there’s nothing special about that.”

Matty’s eyes are bright
, and he ends up staring down at our hands. “So... Being strong means you’re not a hero?”

I smile. “It means that anybody can do the rig
ht thing. Anybody. Understand?”

“No.”

I look up from our conversation to see Hunter staring at me, face unreadable. His arms are braced on the kitchen counter, and he’s practically glaring.

“You and I both helped your Dad when he was tired, ri
ght? We helped him out, right?”

Matty’s face lights up, and he kisses me on the cheek. “I’m Batman! Daddy, I’m Batman!” Matty moves away from my grip and bounces into the kitchen, that tuft of hair in the back of his he
ad flopping up and down.

I look up at Hunter as he ignores his kid. Hunter MacLaine isn’t Superman, or Batman, or the Flash or Green Lantern. Hunter doesn’t need a costume, or a cape. Doesn’t mean he isn’t a superhero in his own right.

I swallow hard, wondering if he’s as nervous as I am. If he is, the big bastard doesn’t look it.

Maybe he’s changed his mind about...us? Maybe he’s decided I’m too skittish, t
oo insecure. And that’s fine, really. I can deal with that. We could really be friends now, and I could babysit the little man and life would go on as normal.

“The pizza’s not here yet, but give it fifteen minutes. Can I get you a drink?”
Hunter’s voice has gotten deeper, and there’s a dangerous look about him. He ends up moving from the counter, and coming to sit across from me at the dining table, while Matty plops himself on the couch and starts bringing up Netflix.

“You look beautiful,” Hunter says
, his movements so damn slow, I feel the inches of space separating us compress with energy as he comes close enough that our knees bump. He lands a kiss on my cheek, lips staying there longer than what a usual kiss on the cheek goes for, all warm and soft.
Oh, wow.

“Alright...” I can’t say thank you to the compliment. As screwed up as I am, I’m not sure I believe hi
m. Instead, I smile at him when he lifts his head from me, blue eyes full of questions.

“Drink?” He prompts again,
eyes roving my face.

“Sure. Water, please.”

“I’ve got a real die-hard party girl, over here.”

I blink slowly at him. I’m not used to
Hunter teasing me in this way, being this close. I drink it up, this tiny moment of affection because I know that no matter what happens, I’m going to cherish it until the day I die.

“Yeah,
I know. I’m badass like that.”

“Bad word! Sera said a bad word!” Matty’s between us now, bouncing up and down, tugging on my hands. “You owe me a whole quarter!” He m
akes it sound like I owe him a million bucks, my left kidney,
and
my signed copy of
Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone
.

Hunter
leans back from me, a tiny grin on his face, while he ruffles Matty’s hair. I push my glasses back up my nose, and enjoy the moment. God
damn
Hunter MacLaine is fraking hot. And sweet. And badass. And I’m going to have pizza with him!

“I’ll pay for her today, bud. We invited her for supper; we can’
t just make her give us money.”

Matty’s eyes cloud with confus
ion. “But she said a bad word!”

I ruffle his hair, super aware of Hunter moving behind me, close enough to touch as he goes into his kitchen, opening cupboards. “I know, buddy. Sorry.”

To Hunter, I ask, “Can I help with anything? How ‘bout me and Matty get the table in order?”

“What does that mean – get the table in order? It’s a table, Sera.” I start laughing as I tickle Matty, the tension from before completely gone.

“It means that we need to set up all the plates, glasses, fork, knives and napkins. Do you have placemats, Hunter?”

Hunter
frowns then shakes his head.

Matty grabs my hand and drags me over to the table, even going so far as to pull out my chair. “Why thank you
, kind sir!” I exclaim, clapping my hands like it’s the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me.

“I’m going to set the table for you, Sera, you watch, then tell me how I do.” Matty stomps over to his Dad, holding both arms out while Hunter places a plate in his hand. The little guy clutches it
to his chest tight, crossing his arms over it, stopping the plate from potentially slipping out of his grasp. He doesn’t walk back to the table, but glides like the wooden floor is made of ice.

I can’t stop grinning, even when he puts it on the table, sans placemats and instructs me so politely to get the napkins ready and forks and knives. I lean over the counter, hand outstretched for Hunter to give me the cutlery. Instead, he grabs my hand and puts a swift
kiss in the center of my palm.

Pretty sure my eyes are huge.
“Uh...what did you do that for?”

Hunter’s eyes are soft, that warm navy like an ocean full of dark and mysterious secrets. He lets go of my hand, thumb rubbing across my knuckles once it’s right side up. “I invited you for dinner, not to set my table.
Matty can do it. Have a seat.”

I nod, struck dumb at receiving his kisses. Friends
definitely don’t do that.

I walk back to the table on numb legs and mutter a distracted ‘thank you’ when Matty pulls out my chair for me again. I scoot closer to the table and watch him run around, tryin
g to get everything set.

When the pizza has been buzzed in, and Hunter has paid, we settle at the table, listening to Matty chatter about what happened at daycare that d
ay.

“We made play-doh, but it didn’t come from the yellow jar!” His eyes light up, and he keeps looking
at me like I should be amazed.

I frown, tapping my lips with my finger. “Then, where
did it come from, little man?”

“I
made
it!” He jerks his thumb, practically stabbing himself in the chest with it, he’s so bloody proud.“Yeah! I made it. Out of flour and some other stuff, and I painted it blue with red swirls. Then it turned purple!”

“Sounds like fun,” I say, chewing on my slice of Hawaiian pizza
, which now that I’ve discovered it, is absolutely delicious!

Two little hands come up, palms out, and I feel like I’m looking at Katie, the gesture is the exact same. “It was.” His hands fan out, and the palms are facing up at me again, like he
really
wants me to believe him. “It was.”