Never Been Kissed: A Never Been Novel (12 page)

“I also happened to find you leaning against the wall.” I
pull my hand away slowly. “It could’ve been her who found you, not me.”

Hunter keeps eating, packing in the protein. “Should’ve been her. She was in my apartment when I told her I wasn’t feeling good and needed to get out in
the hall for some extra space.”

The hallway is the tiniest part of the building. As always, my face does the talking for me. “I’m not rational when my sugar spikes. I can’t think properly or logically. I just want what I
want. And I wanted to get out.”

I nod, pretending like I under
stand.

“How long were you waiting out
there, in the hall?” I’ve curled my hands into fists, nails biting into my skin, the pain centering me. I bite down on my back molars and wait. And wait. And wait.

“It doesn’t matter.”

Say
whaaaat?
“Are you bloody kidding me?” I say through clenched teeth, pulling air through my nose. If I ever see this chick again, I’m going to stab her with a fork. In the eye. “You could have died out there! What if I hadn’t come up when I did? What the frak is that?” I snap, looking around our table, trying not to look at him. I don’t want him to stare at my face and see what’s there – I care what happens to him, more than I should.
Bloody hell!

People around us are starting to eavesdrop. I guess when I threw out the D word, s’more like a glowing neon sign over our conversation for
listen here!

When I look at Hunter, a supremely satisfied smile sits on his mug. It’s a good look on him, better than when Jane
Foster saw Thor in his full Asgardian armour. Hunter would look stunning in armour.

“I’m sorry. I forgot that my volume control’s off.” I wrap my hands around the condensation of my cold glass of water. I let the coolness soothe me, as much as it can.

“How can someone do that? Just leave you out there?” Staring at my water, watching the ice float, flashes of memory hit my frontal lobe as I remember that day. I glare up at him, eyes wide, mouth open.“Oh my God, what about Matty? She was there when I yelled out for him? What the fuck was she doing, taking a dump?” I growl, like a crazed cat, swiping and hissing at any moving objects in its personal space. I want to punch something.

Hunter laughs. A full head thrown-back belly kinda laugh. I did that.
Me
, Sera Delos, fat ass, big thighs, awesome nerdy shirts. I did that! But he doesn’t answer, so I leave it, for now.

The conversation is easy and light as we finish our meals and I order a cup of coffee. There is no dessert for either of us.

I learned that besides his favourite movie being
The Goonies
he has a healthy respect for all Martin Scorsese movies. When he told me he never watched any British television, I swore that it would rock his world. His eyes got that ember look in them again, and I squirmed in my chair. No one has ever looked at me like that before.
“I still haven’t seen
The Avengers
.” Hunt says with a smile. I’m sputtering, choking on my coffee.

“That could be on par with never having seen
Star Wars
.” All Hunter does is raise his eyebrows, like
oh, yeah?
“No. No way. What is wrong with you?”

“I have
a lot wrong with me, actually.”

I scowl, sticking my tongue out at him. “That’s not what I meant and you know it. Well, looks like you’re going to be borrowing a lot of my DVDs. There are rules to be followed when it comes to my preci
ousses.” Gollum would be proud.

“Why don’t we watch them together?” Oh, smooth, Hunter MacLaine.
Smooth.
“Friends do that. They watch movies together. It happens,” he shrugs, but if I look closely, he looks like he has a lot riding on my answer.

“This is true.” I gulp down more c
offee, ignoring his suggestion. I just can’t have Hunter, alone with me, in my apartment. I might do something that I
really, really
want to do.
Subject change!

I
’m now wondering how Matty is doing, if he’s okay with the Duchess and if his sugars have levelled out. “Can you call to see if Matty’s okay?”

Hunt’s eyes soften, the tension bleeding out of his shoulders and relaxing. Something m
akes me think that Alysha wasn’t very nice to Matty. Another reason to Karate Kid her skinny ass.

“I was going to call in a bit, but if you really want to know-” He dials up the number, puts the phone to his ear
while watching me. “Hey Mom. Put Matty on the phone, please. Yeah, I’ll talk to you later, but I want to speak to the kid. Yeah. Have a good night, then.” A pause, then, “Hey, little man. Did you get a shower?” Pause. “Good. Are you watching a movie? Which one? Ah, kid, again?” Babbling from the other end. “Alright. We’ll see you soon, okay. Yeah, love you, too. Sera says hi. Alright, I’ll tell her. Bye, buddy.”

I’m grinning like a fool, having listened to that conversation. How did I ever think H
unter was an asshole to his kid?

“Ready to go?” I nod, fishing
for my wallet in my purse. Hunter gives me a Terminator look that probably means cease and desist. I do neither of these things.
“I’m going to pay for what I ate. We’re friends. Friends share the bill. It’s a proven fact. You don’t mess with fact, Hunt.”

His eyes get lazy when I use his nickname, like I’m stroking a puppy and he loves the feel of my hands on his back. “Not if one friend decided to treat the other one, for you know, looking after him twice, and getting him
to the hospital that one time?”

“I... uh...” Shit
.“ You can’t use that bloody trick forever!” I shove my wallet into my bag again, letting him do what he wants. “Next time, it’s on me. Got it?”

“Sure.” He might as well have said
never
for all the good it does.

As we leave the restaurant, Hunter grabs my hand again, tugging me along with him until we stride beside one another back to his car.

“You have gone out of friend territory. Please turn back at the slightest convenience,” I say using my GPS voice.

I get a squeeze along my fingers, Hunter’s palm getting tighter to mine.

“Who said I ever wanted to be friends?”

“I did. I’m pretty sure I did. Yes, I did.” I nod like he should understand what I’m saying. “I can’t be with you... like that.”

“What’ll it take to convince you, then?” He opens the passenger door and shuffles me into the seat
once we get to his car. He’s leaning too close, way too close to me. He’s my world again.

I don’t
want to want, but I fraking do.

“A kiss?” Hunter stares at my mouth and I swear my lips start itching, tingling.

If this was that cracked universe where him and I get together, I would lean forward about now, having him step back a few steps so I could be standing right in his space. I’d relish his body heat and put my hands to his ribs, under the hoodie.

I would
smell the way his detergent mixes with his cologne and the smell of insulin, I would pull it deep in my lungs. I would let my hands trail up onto his pecs, maybe even graze his nipples and the piercings he has there, and up, up, up to his neck letting my hands get used to the warmth there.

I’d hear his breath get heavy, fast. Maybe he’d even put his hands on the small of my back, fingers slightly hitting the globes of my ass – just enough of a suggestion that I’d beg for him to touch me there. Or maybe they would clench at my hips, and every little thing I did that he liked would cause his hands to tighten around them, pul
ling me closer to his big body.

And then, I’d scrape my palms along his skull-trim, and bring his head closer to mine. Slowly, so slowly that I’m going to die if I don’t get to taste him soon.
There
. Lips connect, touch, and go back to our respective spaces only to collide once more, again and again. I’d flick my tongue out, trace his bottom lip, get him to open for me and get his taste. I’d become drunk with it, delirious with the pleasure of it.

So, the answer’s simple, just really hard to say. I’m not that person, and this is real
life. “No.”

In the thirty-minute drive to Hunt’s mom’s house I’ve contemplated opening the door and throwing myself onto the highway five times. Five. Times.
I can’t stand the quiet, and the way the silence wraps around me, and makes me think of what
could have been.
What his kiss would’ve felt like, what it would be like to finally,
finally
have my first kiss.

Then I opened my mouth to say no, of all
bloody
things.

Hunter’s reaction to my negatory response has my stomach all twisted up in a labyrinth more convoluted than Ki
ng Jareth’s. He’s been silent. With the radio off, it presses down on me, sitting heavy on my shoulders when all I want to do is break it apart and say something that’ll make him laugh.

I need to make him laugh.

His hand’s on the stick-shift, just settled there, clutching it casually. Keeping my eyes directed straight ahead, I reach for his hand. Cradling it between both of mine, I settle it on my thigh, lacing our fingers together.

Rejection sucks all the way around, and I’ve hurt him, I think. He doesn’t move from my grip, but he doesn’t acknowledge the presence of my fingers between
his, either. Damn it.

Hunter parks on the street, the mansion on his side of the road, looming up with its glorious lighting on the front grounds. A mansion is just as majestic as its ligh
ting, and the Duchess knows it.

Tugging his hand back, I keep both of mine wrapped around his paw. He kisses my knuckles, keeping his lips pressed there as his eyes stay stuck on
my face, asking for permission.

“I like what we have. I like being with Matty, and I like hanging out with you. Don’t ruin it,” I say, voice soft in the darkness of the car – his door light’s busted. “Please don’t ruin it.” I can’t breathe – we’re too close to each other, his lips still warm on my skin, like a mark, a brand. That little
contact has changed me forever.

A grunt from Hunter. His lips lose contact with my hand, but I won’t let go. “What about what I want? When do
I
get to choose?” His teeth flash in the dark, the shadows covering half his face. He might as well have pulled my heart out of my chest and stepped on it. I’m offering what I
can
offer without becoming destroyed when he walks away. Can’t he see?

“You made all this fucking shit, my entire fucking life, better just by walking into it with your stupid shirts.” Hun
ter’s eyes are blazing, the most animated I’ve ever seen him. I’m struck dumb, in awe of what he’s showing me. “That’s all it took. One look at your shirts, a different one every day after you’d come home, and fuck – Fuck! I wasn’t drowning anymore. I couldn’t wait to see what you had next. I’d listen for you to come out of your place, wonder what other little facet of you you’d show me.”

I do an awesome fish-out-of-water impression, and continue to stare. What? Who? Whe
re am I? Am I still Sera Delos, geek extraordinaire?

His hand has left the cage of mine, and wrapped itself around the side of my throat, fingers curling around the nape of my neck. I can’t breathe, I can’t
breathe
.

“I’m not going to kiss you.
Not until you’re sure of what you want, Sera.”

I
deflate, sucking in air. “Good?” Jesus, wrong punctuation. Hunter notices, too, since his fingers give me a playful squeeze around my neck, like I’m being cute. I didn’t know I could be cute. I can do awkward
really
well.

“I want you to know that this happening. I’m going to be in your life, and you’re going to be in mine and Matty’s. You make it better. I just have to find a way to make yours just as good.”
For one second, I believe him.

“I... I don’t know what to say to that.” I clear my throat. “I’m not sure if the appropriate respo
nse is ‘stalker much?’ or not.”

Hunter laughs, getting sexier by the second. I get another squeeze around
the side of my neck and he brings our foreheads together. I close my eyes and let myself have this moment, because I want it, damn it.

He’s not for you.

“Maybe I’m being too intense. Maybe I’m going to scare you off.” He lets go of me, unbuckling my seat belt with a jab of his finger. “Maybe you’ll realize you’re the one I want and shut up about it.”

I rear back and snarl,
“Yeah, okay, best way to get me to fall for you – be a dick. This isn’t
Fifty Shades of Grey
, MacLaine! I don’t ‘yes, Master’ and follow like a good little bitch. Jesus, you almost had me. Almost.” I get into a scuffle with my belt, which has trapped one of my arms, and won’t let go. I start growling at it, but with every movement I make, the belt just keeps getting tighter and tighter. Wrenching myself free, arm smarting, I wrestle the door latch and get out of the car.

Hunter’s laughing behind me as he catches up to me
halfway up the stone steps. His arms go around my ribs and I freeze – waiting for that awful pinch of my fat that many family members have done to me. As if I could forget that my belly was there.
My back is flush to his chest, ass hitting his upper thighs, and Christ, he’s hot! And then, and then! His face nuzzles my neck, kissing that place where shoulder meets throat. I might just
die.
I may also have made an embarrassing sound – like a moan and a whimper rolled in one. I think I missed my calling as a porn-star sound-maker.

“You keep making those sounds and I’m going to get in trouble,” Hunter says, his voice vibr
ating in his chest. I can pretend that he wants me, that I’m not drowning in the way he holds me, this craving I’ve always wanted but never got to have. I want it to be like this, always. And it scares the shit out of me.

“I didn’t do anything! You’re the one instigating all the fraking time. C’mon, poor Edouard’s probably all tuckered out; Matty knows how to party.” I move forward, but Hunter’s still at my back. I let him walk us up the stairs like that. He has to catch me a couple of times when I become too distracted by his touch and trip
up
the stairs, twice. I like the way his laughter sounds and I sure as frak don’t like it when it dies down the closer we get to the front door.

Hunt knocks
and we wait.

He doesn’t let go of me, instead wrapping his arms tighter around my ribs, making me come full-contact with
every inch of him
. I’m going to combust. I bite my lip so I won’t whimper or moan or do anything embarrassing in front of the MacLaine’s butler/pseudo-babysitter.

Edouard opens the door, the wide thing
swinging open, light hitting our little patch of porch and Matty half-asleep, wobbling on his feet.

“Why didn’t you just let me come in and get him?” Hunter says, anger making his voice vibrate. He bites off the words like he’s trying to keep himself in control. Hunt steps out from behind me and I lose the heat
at my back. I shiver.

Moving forward with him, I watch Edouard’s haggard face, and t
he way his eyes won’t meet mine, but stay locked on Hunter as he picks up his son.

“What’s he at?” I ask the m
an. The little guy’s a mass of limbs, legs and arms sprawled as Hunt settles him on a shoulder, head flopping forward between Hunt’s neck and collar bone.

Edouard licks his lips, and straightens his suit jacket. Who the hell is wearing a suit jacket at eleven o’clock at night? Poor guy.

“His levels have come down to a ten. His supper consisted of a hamburger and fries. Dessert was a small bowl of fruit. I checked his sugar an hour ago. I also administered the prescribed dose of insulin right after he ate.”

Hunter isn’t listening, his big hand’s on Matty’s back, rubbing in circles. There’s something more going on here.
I can see it in the way Hunter’s movements are stilted, like someone else is holding his strings.

“Thank you, Edouard. You’ve been a great help. I’m Sera, by the way.” I offer my hand for him to shake, smile when he gives me a brisk one. Nothing worse than when people take only your fingers and give them a wiggle.

“Thanks, Eddie. She’s gone to bed, I guess?” Edouard nods at Hunter.

“She’s
also been speaking with Alysha, sir. I overheard the phone call while I prepared Matty’s supper.”

Hunter’s shoulders
slump, head bowed down. “Alright, Eddie. Have a good night.”

“Come see me once in a while, Hunter. This old house misses you.” Edouard’s face has changed. Gone is the polite mask with which he used to speak to me. Now, looking at Hunt, there’s a friendly concern, features that tell of a history between the two of them. “I miss you. I’ve packed all her things, you needn’t see them, if you do not want.
It’s been three years, Hunter.”

“That’s enough, Eddie. I
’ve got to go home. G’night.”

Hunter turns and goes down the stairs. I’m rooted to the spot, staring at him walk away from me, walk away from the butl
er who clearly cares about him.

“Please, S
era. Please watch out for him.”

Edouard looks like he might start bawling.

“I’ll do what I can. Have a good night. Thanks again for all your help.”

“I know if she were here, she would be delighted to see him with you.”

I should be telling him I’m not Hunter’s girlfriend, and it’s not my place to take care of him. I just nod at the cryptic message and go down the stairs. Questions for later, not now. It doesn’t matter, anyway. I can fight Hunter off, I can make myself immune. I can keep my distance.

Liar, liar, pants on fire!

In the car, Hunter’s quiet again. I put my head back on my seat and close my eyes.

“Sera... Wake up for me.” Hunter’s voice
has my eyes flashing open. I’m in a car, not my bed, and we’re in the parking lot of our building. I have to get out of the car. Riiiight.

“I’m up, I’m up.” I yawn a jawbreaker, and rub my eyes. My neck is
pissed off, and my muscles are sore, but I’d still rather not move. My bed just feels so far away.

“Fuck, you’re cute.”

“I’m still dreaming, aren’t I?” I say, yawning again. “You want me to get Matty or you?”

“I’ll get him. Just make sure you can stand.” Hunter leans in and kisses my cheek. I tremble at the prospect of having his mouth so close to mine. If I were more awake, maybe I would’ve read his intention and moved my face over to get that final mouth-to-mouth contact. Anxiety curdles in my belly.

I can’t kiss Hunter. I’m going to be awful at it, like I’m awful at everything else. I’m going to fuck it up, and he’s going to laugh at me. Sucking in a deep breath through my nose, I get myself out of the car, stretching out my spine by reaching for the ceiling.

“Sera?” Matty’s voice is no longer sleepy. I think he got his second wind. He’s draped over Hunter’s body again, but his eyes
are wide and alert.

“Yeah, little buddy?” I yawn again, huffing out
a breath, and closing my door.

“Can you read to me
again? But I want to be in my bed this time. Is that okay, Daddy? Can Sera read to me?”

I only read to him that one time he slept over, and now the kid wants it to become a nightly thing. I smile, and feel the warmth in my chest expand to hit my ribs.

“Only if she isn’t too tired,” Hunter says as we get into the elevator. “And buddy, she looks sleepy.”

“No way, she doesn’t! Look! Her eyes are
open
.” As if this is the only criteria for being alert. I can’t help but grin.

“Yeah, I’ll read to you. What do you want?” I hold back anothe
r yawn, clenching my jaw tight.

“Peter Pan!”

“Again?”

The little guy’s grins
. “We didn’t get so far last time, I fell asleep! I want to read about Peter and Wendy going to Neverland!”

“Alright, I’ll get the book and come right over, okay?” I look to Hunt who give
s me a nod. “See you in a bit.”

Letting myself into my apartment, I get myself sorted. I brush my teeth, fix my bun, and put on some sweats. I leave the tank on, lock up and head over with my copy of
Peter Pan
.