Mr Blackwell: Teacher Student Romance (4 page)

11

‘Hi.’ She wraps her arms around herself and smiles. ‘I did your makeup once. Remember? When Trudy was away.’

‘I don’t remember.’

‘I love watching you act,’ she continues. ‘You’re amazing.’ She gives a shy smile. ‘Rory fell asleep. I wondered if you wanted some company.’

I wipe water from my eyes.

There’s no escaping who I am.

The girl is still watching me.

Her hair isn’t real blonde. It’s a yellowy red colour and hangs limply around her shoulders. She’s short, with the kind of curves that will probably get a lot bigger with age. One of her eyes is smaller than the other, and she has that sallow, grey look that tells me she’s been up all night.

The girl unpeels red underwear, her eyes alight with excitement.

I could control myself. But why should I? I know who I am now.

I open the shower door and pull her inside.

She gives a shocked laugh as she stumbles onto the porcelain.

‘It’s cold!’ she yelps, throwing her arms around my shoulders.

‘Stone cold,’ I growl.

‘You know … Rory won’t care,’ she says, shivering. ‘He knows I like you. I told him from the start.’

‘I know Rory won’t care. I wouldn’t have let you into the shower if he did. There’s only one girl Rory cares about – his fiancée. Her name is Katie, she lives in Canada, where he grew up.’

Rory fucks a different girl every night, and calls out Katie’s name when he comes.

I look down at the girl, my eyes fierce. I could kiss her. I could be slow, tender, gentle. But that’s not who I am.

I grab her wrists and force them up above her head, pushing her against the shower glass.

‘Oh!’ She looks startled, but then her eyes flash. ‘You’re so forceful.’

‘You like it?’

‘Yes!’

I watch her for a moment, my heart pounding. Then I squeeze her wrists tight.

She moans, closing her eyes. ‘Oh Marc!’

I put my lips to her neck and suck hard.

She lets out a little scream and struggles under my fingers.

I drop my hands to her buttocks, taking fistfuls of skin and squeezing hard.

‘Yes,’ she moans, her head dropping back against the glass.

I lift her off the floor and fit her around my waist, sliding her down until she moans so loudly that the glass vibrates.

Then I begin to move, pounding her over and over and over again.

I’m not gentle. Or kind. Or considerate.

I’m rough – so rough I know she’ll have bruises.

And she loves it.

‘Oh, oh, OH!’ she screams, as her head bangs the glass.

I grab the shower and spray freezing cold water between her legs and she screams with delight.

I feel blood pulsing between my legs. I was stiff before, but now I’m like an iron rod.

I hook the shower back up.

Then I reach behind her back and grab her long hair, pulling hard enough to snap her head back.

‘OH!’ She comes immediately, clinging to me.

I want to stop. I want to prove to myself that I’m still in charge. Still in control.

But it’s just like before. With Cassandra. My hips move on autopilot. I plunge in and out, in and out until I explode.

I collapse against the girl … the
girl
. I don’t even know her name.

Cold water cascades over us, and I hear the girl laughing.

‘That was great,’ she says, lowering a leg to the porcelain. ‘Oh my god. I knew you’d be good. I knew it. Sasha told me you’d be a stuck-up English man, but she is so wrong. That was the best fuck of my life. Swear to god.’

She lowers her other leg and I slide out of her.

‘I need to take you to a clinic,’ I say, snapping off the cold shower.

My hands are shaking – but not from cold. It’s from seeing the person I truly am. ‘I didn’t use a condom. I should have done.’

She laughs. ‘What? I’m on the pill. Don’t sweat it. Unless … you haven’t given me anything have you?’

‘No. I always use a condom.’

She giggles. ‘You didn’t just then.’

Christ.

‘Are you all right?’ she asks.

We hear the bedroom door crash open, and Rory calls out, ‘Louise? Lou Lou?’

At least I know her name now.

‘Uh oh!’ Louise puts a hand to her mouth, but she’s smiling. ‘Hope Rory doesn’t mind.’

‘He won’t. He’s fucked girls I’ve brought home before.’

As if to prove the point, Rory comes crashing into the bathroom holding a giant carton of orange juice.

Louise and I are naked in the shower.

Rory bursts out laughing. ‘You’ve had quite a night, young Marc Blackwell. Am I interrupting?’

I scratch the back of my neck. ‘No. We’re finished.’

‘Are you indeed!’

‘Yes.’ I open the shower door and help Louise to stumble out. Her hair is soaking wet, and she has a big, silly grin on her face.

‘Let me get you a towel.’ I grab the only towel from the rail and throw it around her. ‘Dry yourself off. Then I’ll buy you breakfast.’

12

I take Louise to a diner just down the street. It’s famous for its burgers and chilli fries, but it does great steak and eggs too.

The guys I share with tell me I’m too nice to my one-night stands. But I’m hardly going to fuck a woman and throw her out without breakfast.

I have respect for women. At least … I thought I did.

My stomach sinks as we take a red-leather-padded booth, because Louise is looking at me with big, glazed eyes and a soppy smile.

‘You know what just happened, don’t you?’ I say, passing her a laminated menu.

‘Oh
yes
. Yes, yes, yes.’ She’s cupping her chin in her hands and gazing at me.

‘No. I don’t think you get it. I just fucked you in the most disrespectful way.’

‘Yes you
did
,’ she says breathlessly, taking the menu and scanning it.

I push her menu down. ‘You’re not getting it. This is no romance of the century. Okay?’

‘But it could be—’

‘No. Listen – I’m being straight with you. Most guys don’t tell women the truth. But I do. Men like to have sex. It doesn’t mean anything. No matter how good the sex was—’

‘It was
so
good.’

I lower my voice. ‘No matter how good it was, it doesn’t mean anything. Okay? It doesn’t mean we’re going to be spending any more time together.’

Louise’s face crumples. ‘But … so why are you taking me here?’

‘Because I wanted to make sure you had something to eat. You’ve been up all night. You don’t look well.’

‘Oh.’ She drops her eyes back to the menu.

My stomach screws into a knot.

‘I’m sorry,’ I say. ‘For doing that to you—’

‘I liked it,’ she tells the menu. She takes a deep breath and lets it out. Then she looks up at me and throws on a heart-breakingly fragile smile. ‘So what are you gonna order?’

‘Steak and eggs. You should have the same. They’re good here.’

‘Do you bring many women here then?’

‘Not here. You’re the first.’

I actually see her heart lift. Her shoulders pick up and a smile lights her face.

‘But it doesn’t mean anything, Louise. Okay? I’m not the one for you. Trust me.’

‘Is there some other girl—’

‘No. I’m not the one for anyone.’

13

Beside me, Sophia is fast asleep.

I stare at the white ceiling.

Ghosts come back to haunt you …

I know that when Sophia and I go public tomorrow, there’ll be ghosts.

I hate my past. And when I think of it, I hate myself. I don’t want Sophia caught up in any of my old ugliness. It was a different world. A different life. And one I have no intention of going back to.

That first night with Cassandra, I discovered something dark and powerful. Uncovered a part of myself that could never again be buried. Every girl after that, I had the Cassandra way – tied up or held down, and me in charge.

I had no desire to see Cassandra again. No desire to go any further than I’d already gone. But somehow, I knew I would …

14

‘Christ, Danny. Why didn’t you tell me?’ Shouting at my director probably isn’t my best career move. But right now I couldn’t care less.

‘What’s the big problem?’ says Danny, spraying ‘Billy Sucks’ on a school locker.

We’re on the set of
Geokids
, and Danny, my director, has decided the set isn’t rough enough. So he’s vandalising it with Neon Deon paint.

Danny is a big bear of a man with a grey and white beard and glasses. He usually wears a baseball cap, but today his slightly lank, brown-grey hair is uncovered.

I’ve acted on this set before. This exact same set.

The American high school is popular in the movies. They’ve changed a few things since my last movie. The graffiti on the lockers, for one.

I’m dressed as an American school kid, wearing a backpack and carrying a skateboard. And shouting at Danny, because I’ve just found out Cassandra has been cast as my on-screen girlfriend.

I knew I’d see Cassandra again. I just didn’t expect to be acting alongside her.

Danny examines the spray paint nozzle. ‘Cassandra Kilburn is a damn good actress. We’re lucky to have her. Or would you rather have Lynda back?’

I frown. ‘No, of course I don’t want Lynda back. No one does.’

Christ.

I’d thrown Cassandra’s card away. Never called her. But LA is a small town when you’re in show business.

Danny stands back to admire his graffiti.

‘So who chose the replacement?’ I ask.

‘You mean Cassandra?’

‘Yes.’

‘I did. What’s your problem? Surely anyone’s better than Lynda.’

Probably true.

Lynda Corsell was an absolute fucking nightmare. Late on set. Hung-over. Stealing other people’s prescription medication. Screaming at Danny on a daily basis.

The part she played, Deena Day, is a bad girl. So in that respect, Lynda was the perfect choice. As a matter of fact, she was cast because of her bad girl reputation.

Cassandra gives me a knowing smile from across the set. She knew I was in this movie, of course. They’d have given her a full cast list before she joined, complete with photos.

Danny gives me a nudge. ‘What’s the matter? Have you got the thunderbolt or something? She’s striking, I’ll give you that. Bit old for you. But those lips. I wouldn’t mind those wrapped around—’

‘I know her,’ I’d snapped. ‘That’s all.’

‘Really? Because you look like you’re standing in the road with a truck hurtling towards you. You must know her pretty well.’

‘Not that well.’

‘So you’ve slept with her then.’

I have a reputation on set. It’s not undeserved.

‘Well?’ Danny shakes up the paint can.

‘Just … it’s a bit awkward, that’s all.’

‘Well, you’d better forget about awkward right now. Because you’re up kid. You and the new girl.’

I swallow. ‘Fine.’ I get to my feet and stroll onto the set.

I watch Cassandra taking a final look at her script. She’s skinnier than I remember. Almost bony. And very pale. She’s tall like a model, and I’m willing to bet she had some modelling work before she became an actress. She has those striking cheekbones.

Her long black hair is straight down her back and swings a little as she drops her script and walks towards me. She’s dressed in a plain white t-shirt and tight, black jeans with frayed knees.

She sticks out a skinny hand. ‘Hi Marc. I guess we’ve already been introduced, haven’t we?’

She grins, showing a large, perfect smile under huge, pillowy lips.

‘Indeed,’ I say, shaking her hand. I’m wary and she knows it.

She’s grinning, like this is all some big game. Which I suppose it is to her.

I frown.

Admittedly, I’ve been exploring my dark side since I met her. There have been girls. But none of them like her. And I have no desire to get pulled further in.

‘Well.’ Cassandra is still shaking my hand. ‘Good to see you again. Maybe we can catch up—’

‘No.’ I slide my hand from hers. ‘If you’ll excuse me, I need to speak to Danny.’

Danny is watching us with interest, one elbow propped on a camera. He’s a very smart man, and I doubt those extra few seconds Cassandra and I spent talking passed him by.

‘Danny.’ I march up to him.

‘Uh oh.’ Danny adjusts his heavy body against the camera. ‘So you slept with the new girl, right? That’s what your problem is.’

Fucking perceptive Danny.

I glance back to see if Cassandra is watching us.

She is.

‘Say no more.’ Danny holds his hands up. ‘That look tells me everything. Okay. We won’t linger too much on the kissing scenes. All right?’

‘Appreciated.’

‘Marc?’

‘Yes Danny?’

‘You sleep with half of Hollywood, you’re going to leave ghosts all over the place. And ghosts come back to haunt you. Remember that. LA is a small town, when all is said and done. Same old places, same old people.’