Manipulation (June Hunt Hope for the Heart) (2 page)

“You shall have no other gods before me.” (Exodus 20:3)

Although Sarai is indeed Abram’s half sister, this plan is all about a cover-up, and Sarai complies.

Once in Egypt, Sarai catches the eye of more than one court official, and soon she is whisked away to Pharaoh’s palace. Abram, of course, gets the royal treatment as well,
“for her sake,”
acquiring
“sheep and cattle, male and female donkeys, menservants and maidservants, and camels”
(Genesis 12:16).

But while Abram is pampered, Pharaoh is pummeled. God inflicts grave diseases on Pharaoh and his household because he has taken Abram’s wife, not merely his half sister.

Sternly, Pharaoh confronts Abram.
“‘What have you done to me?’ he said. ‘Why didn’t you tell me she was your wife? Why did you say, “She is my sister,” so that I took her to be my wife? Now then, here is your wife. Take her and go!’”
(Genesis 12:18–19).

How much better it would have been had Abram stuck with the truth, trusted God, and appealed to Pharaoh’s mind rather than trying to manipulate his emotions.

“I have chosen the way of truth; I have set my heart on your laws.” (Psalm 119:30)

• Persuasion
  is the act of convincing others by urging, reasoning, and appealing to their minds.
  2
  
• Persuasion
  is the process of winning over others by logical arguments and sound reasoning.
  

No other missionary for Christ is more well-known or more well-thought-of than the apostle Paul. He set the standard for how the gospel of Christ is to be shared with all people everywhere. And it is not through manipulation, but through persuasion.

“Every Sabbath he reasoned in the synagogue, trying to persuade Jews and Greeks. ... ‘This man,’ they charged, ‘is persuading the people to worship God in ways contrary to the law.’” (Acts 18:4, 13)

Q
UESTION: “What is the difference between manipulation and persuasion?”

A
NSWER:

• Those who manipulate use dishonest emotions to achieve their goal.
  
• Those who persuade use honest reason to achieve their goal.
  

The Bible speaks plainly about our need to appeal to others by using accurate reasoning.

“Unlike so many ... In Christ we speak before God with sincerity, like men sent from God. ... We have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception ... By setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God.” (2 Corinthians 2:17; 4:2)

Now Sarah is 90 years old—and apparently still a knockout.

This time the king of Gerar will be the recipient of the couple’s conniving. After Abraham again identifies Sarah as “his sister”—out of fear for his own life—King Abimelech takes Sarah for his harem.

God intervenes this time not with serious diseases as with Pharaoh, but with the most stern, most horrifying warning:
“You are as good as dead because of the woman you have taken; she is a married woman”
(Genesis 20:3).

Abimelech—perplexed, petrified, and perturbed —pleads his case before God,
“L
ORD
, will you destroy an innocent nation? Did he not say to me, ‘She is my sister,’ and didn’t she also say, ‘He is my brother’? I have done this with a clear conscience and clean hands”
(Genesis 20:4–5).

In a dream the Lord acknowledges the king’s innocence, and unveils His sovereign protection that had kept Abimelech from touching Sarah. Then the Lord gives this instruction:
“Now return the man’s wife, for he is a prophet, and he will pray for you and you will live. But if you do not return her, you may be sure that you and all yours will die”
(Genesis 20:7).

Some lessons are hard to learn! It’s been 25 years since Sarah and Abraham’s first lesson, but trusting God doesn’t always come easily. Manipulation, on the other hand, seems to come easily, even for the people of God, especially when it looks effective on the surface.

Clearly, although spiritual abuse is a relatively new term, it has been occurring for a very long time. Spiritual manipulation involves:

• The use of
  religious words or acts
  to manipulate someone for personal gain or to achieve a personal agenda, thereby harming that person’s walk with God.
  
• At the core of spiritual manipulation is control of others. Spiritual manipulation is acting “spiritual” to benefit oneself by using self-centered efforts to control others.
  A
  cting “spiritual” to
  B
  enefit oneself by
  U
  sing
  S
  elf-centered
  E
  fforts to control others
  

Spiritual manipulation was a problem even in the earliest days of the Christian church.

“There are many rebellious people, mere talkers and deceivers. ... They are ruining whole households by teaching things they ought not to teach.” (Titus 1:10–11)

• The religious leader
  who uses guilt to compel attendance, financial giving, or service
  
• The religious counselor
  who takes emotional or sexual advantage of a counselee in the name of “comfort or compassion”
  
• The religious people
  who accuse those who disagree with them of being rebellious against God
  
• The religious husband
  who demands submission from his wife as a means of control, getting her to placate his selfishness
  
• The religious parent
  who commands total, unquestioned compliance from children and uses harsh discipline, without compassion or understanding
  
• The religious employer
  who micromanages employees, expecting them to work long hours without equitable monetary compensation
  

Spiritual manipulators put confidence in their “position of authority” and their perceived right to use those under their influence to accomplish their own personal agenda. However, God alone has the wisdom, the power, and the right to accomplish His plans and purposes for those whom He has created.

“In his heart a man plans his course, but the L
ORD
determines his steps.” (Proverbs 16:9)

King Abimelech returns Sarah, but not before confronting Abraham “one-on-one” about his manipulative deception.
“How have I wronged you that you have brought such great guilt upon me and my kingdom? You have done things to me that should not be done. ... What was your reason for doing this?”
(Genesis 20:9–10).

Abraham fumbles with feeble excuses:
“I said to myself, ‘There is surely no fear of God in this place, and they will kill me because of my wife.’ Besides, she really is my sister ... I said to her, ‘This is how you can show your love to me: Everywhere we go, say of me, ‘He is my brother’ ”
(Genesis 20:11–13).

Abimelech extends gracious gifts to the reunited couple, and Abraham prays on behalf of the king, for
“The L
ORD
had closed up every womb in Abimelech’s household because of Abraham’s wife Sarah”
(Genesis 20:18). There are indeed negative consequences to our deceptive manipulation. Sadly, wrong assumptions can lead to wrong actions, and manipulation of relationships is often the result.

• To manipulate
  is to unduly restrain, restrict, or rule in a relationship by use of deception.
  
• To manipulate
  is to suppress or oppress a person by subversive overt or covert tactics.
  
• To manipulate
  is to have excessive, cunning control.
  

However, God alone is to rule and reign over us.

The Bible warns ...

“You shall have no other gods before me.” (Deuteronomy 5:7)

The town of Gerar is beset with guile—
again
.

This time Abraham’s son Isaac and his beautiful wife, Rebekah, will do the duping, and poor King Abimelech will become a victim of manipulation.

Isaac fears that the men of Gerar might kill him if he reveals that Rebekah is his wife, so he takes a page from his dad’s book:
“She is my sister”
(Genesis 20:2; 26:7). The same deceptive words are uttered by father and son on two separate occasions—simply to shield the truth, simply because of fear.

The couple carries off the cover-up for a significant period of time until King Abimelech “happens” to cast a downward glance through a window and sees Isaac and Rebekah, not having a sibling squabble—but
caressing.

The king summons Isaac and fires off accusations and questions.
“She is really your wife! Why did you say, ‘She is my sister’? ... What is this you have done to us? One of the men might well have slept with your wife, and you would have brought guilt upon us”
(Genesis 26:9–10).

Like Abraham, Isaac expresses his fear for his life, and Abimelech gives orders throughout the land that anyone who harms Isaac and Rebekah will be killed.
And also like Abraham, Isaac, the second patriarch of the faith, succumbs to fear ... and resorts to manipulation.

Once more faith is forgotten. Once more someone is manipulated. Once more someone is misled. Once more someone suffers.

To be manipulated is to allow:

• Another person to dictate your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors
  
• Decisions to be made for you
  
• Others to have control over you, rather than allowing God to control you
  

Scripture tells us ...

“The mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace.” (Romans 8:6)

The fabric of fear and the mantle of manipulation have passed from Abraham to Isaac and from Sarah to Rebekah, from father to son and from mother-in-law to daughter-in-law. And it does not stop there. This sin mushrooms into the third and fourth generations, and beyond, to an even greater generational maze. Like all other sins, manipulation continues until it comes face-to-face with faith—the antithesis of fear.

“He [Jesus] said to his disciples, ‘Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?’” (Mark 4:40)

• Abram and Sarai manipulate Pharaoh
  into thinking they are not husband and wife (Genesis 12:11–13, 17–19).
  
• Barren Sarai manipulates circumstances
  to build a family for herself through her maidservant Hagar (Genesis 16:1–2).
  
• Aged Sarah attempts to manipulate the Lord
  by denying she had laughed when He said she would give birth to a son (Genesis 18:10–15).
  
• Abraham and Sarah manipulate King Abimelech
  into thinking they are not husband and wife (Genesis 20:2, 4–5).
  
• Jacob manipulates his brother Esau
  by bartering his birthright for a meal of lentil stew (Genesis 25:29–34).
  
• Isaac and Rebekah manipulate King Abimelech
  (of Gerar) into thinking they are not husband and wife (Genesis 26:7, 9–10).
  
• Rebekah and Jacob manipulate Esau and Isaac
  to secure birthright blessings for Jacob (Genesis chapter 27).
  
• Rebekah manipulates Isaac
  persuading him to agree to send Jacob to her brother Laban by claiming she feared he might otherwise marry a Hittite woman (Genesis 27:46).
  
• Uncle Laban manipulates Jacob
  on his wedding night by giving him—not Rachel—but her older sister Leah (Genesis 29:21–25).
  
• Barren Rachel manipulates Jacob
  to build a family for herself through her maidservant Bilhah (Genesis 30:1–3).
  
• Leah, unable to continue bearing children, manipulates Jacob
  to continue building her family through her maidservant Zilpah (Genesis 30:9–12).
  
• Rachel manipulates Leah
  into giving her some of her son’s mandrakes, an aphrodisiac she hoped might help her become pregnant, in exchange for a night with Jacob (Genesis 30:14–16).
  
• Laban manipulates Jacob’s ability
  to acquire a large herd from among his livestock as they agree to go their separate ways (Genesis 30:31–43).
  
• Rachel manipulates Laban
  by stealing his household gods and sitting on them inside her camel’s saddle while he searches her tent in vain (Genesis 31:19, 34–35).
  
• Jacob manipulates Laban
  by secretly leaving for Gilead with his family and all of his possessions (Genesis 31:20, 26–29).
  
• Jacob’s sons manipulate the Canaanites
  to be circumcised so that while they are still weak in recovery, the brothers can massacre the rapists who violated their sister (Genesis 34:13–17, 24–29).
  

His name says it all.

After nine months of jostling in Rebekah’s womb, Jacob comes into the world just behind Esau, his hand grasping Esau’s heel. The name
Jacob
means “heel catcher,” but its significance also stretches further into time when Jacob’s character will one day mirror the name’s additional meanings—“trickster” and “supplanter.”
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