Love Collides (Fate's Love #3) (19 page)

“Get her some water or something,” I heard Livy say to Ethan, but my body and mind had detached from one another in some kind of out of body experience.

I wanted to go to Kade, to wrap myself around him and just hold him. He was such a measured person. This would be eating at him. It already was, considering he was holed up in his apartment.

“He shouldn’t be alone,” I said firmly.

Livy and Ethan did that secret look thing again and both focused on me. “We agree. That’s why I called you. I thought if anyone could get through to him, it would be you. He won’t speak to anyone. Not even Jess.”

“She’s going out of her mind. Ashton’s mom, Theresa, has to stay with her,” Ethan added.

Dropping my head, I whispered, “I shouldn’t have left.”

But I didn’t know the anguish he was going through.
If only I’d known.

“We have to trust him on this. He says he needs time, we give it to him,” Livy declared.

None of us voiced the real question on our minds: just how much time did he want?

~ Kade ~

“…you’re just like your old man.”

His maniacal laugh echoed in the room as I sat up in bed. My heart pounded in my chest, and the damp sheets were strewn around me. It was the same nightmare over and over. Larry’s bloodied face laughing at me, refusing to stop no matter how many times I balled my fist and drove it into his red-stained skin.

After reaching over my shoulder to squeeze some of the tension out, I padded barefoot to the kitchen to get a glass of water. The calendar hanging on the side of the refrigerator served as a big neon reminder.

One week.

One week since my life went to shit.

My lawyer called earlier to inform me that Larry was still in the ICU. The police had witness statements from two neighbors that indicated they saw me attack him without provocation. One neighbor corroborated mom’s story that Larry was aggressive and the instigator. If Larry pulled through, I could be looking at battery charges…if he didn’t, I could be looking at murder charges. I could spend the next twenty years of my life locked behind bars because of that piece of shit.

The glass shattered as I slammed it down on the counter.

“Fuck,” I roared into the darkness.

In some sick and twisted way, I thought I might feel some sense of closure after what I did. But all I felt was sick. Sick to my core. And the anger that had lived for so many years just under the surface was now simmering. I had unleashed a monster.

And I didn’t know how to tame him.

~ Staci ~

“Do we have to go? It feels, I don’t know, inappropriate,” I said to Livy as she applied another layer of mascara to her eyelashes.

“It’ll be good for everyone. Ethan’s about ready to explode. It’s just one night. I think we could all use a drink.”

My mind immediately went to Kade. He was still refusing to see anyone, even his Mom, although he had called her. Jess called Ethan the second she got off the phone with Kade. We all saw it as a small breakthrough.

“Everyone is sick with worry. We need this.
You
need this.” Livy held my glare in the mirror and smiled.

I managed to nod. For the last few days, I’d driven myself crazy trying to break through to Kade. I’d tried calling, texting, even hanging around outside his apartment waiting for him to surface. But it was always the same.

Nothing.

This was no time or place for hurt feelings. Kade’s future was in the balance, and everything else—including any hopes of smoothing things over with him—had to wait.

“Okay, fine. Maybe the new year will bring us all better luck. Christ knows we need it.”

Half an hour later, we headed to Planters.

“Planters, really? That’s the best you guys could do?” I said with a hint of irritation in my voice as the taxicab pulled up outside the bar.

“It’s local and cheap.”

And not too far that we couldn’t be at Kade’s within minutes if we need to be.
Ethan didn’t say it, but I knew it was the hidden message in his words.

“And Hayley didn’t want to venture too far.”

Perfect. Just what I needed. A reminder of my own shit staring me in the face all night. Staying in to have one-sided conversations with Kade’s voicemail didn’t seem like such a bad idea now.

We found the whole group at our usual booth. Everyone except Kade. It didn’t feel right being here without him. Even in my short amount of time in Gainesville, Planters had become part of our story.

A hand curled around my waist, and Livy leaned her head on my shoulder. “How are you holding up?”

“Barely.” I gave her an honest reply.

“He’ll come around. I know he will.”

“And if he doesn’t? What if I’ve lost him for good?” I smiled sadly, trying hard to blink back the tears.

Everyone was drinking and chatting, but the mood was somber. Still, it didn’t stop everyone from ignoring the huge fucking elephant in the room. They were stronger than I was because I was falling apart at the seams. Kade had been holding me together, and now that he wasn’t here, I was crumpling. And it occurred to me that was perhaps what drew us together in the first place; our damaged souls called to one another.

“Well, this sucks,” Morris yelled over the music. “Anyone would think someone had died.”

“Morris, fuck, man.” Keefer nudged him hard in the ribs.

“Shit, I didn’t mean. Shit.” Morris’ face turned bright red, and he dropped his eyes, clearly embarrassed about his slip.

Livy squeezed me tighter. “We’ll get through this. And when we do, you and I are going to have a long chat. You’ve been holding out on me.” She pressed a kiss to my cheek and left me to go join Ethan.

For the next hour, I sat there numb. So numb that when Livy grabbed my hand and tugged me toward the restrooms, I didn’t even have the energy to fight her.

As we moved through the crowd, the people around me blurred. Faceless shapes in the dark lighting. Until my eyes fell on a familiar face.

“What the fuck?” Livy cussing startled me, and I glanced from Kade to her and back to Kade.

“He’s wasted,” I stated unable to take my eyes off him as he grinded clumsily behind some brunette dressed in a barely there outfit.

“He’s dead.” Livy started in his direction, but Ethan grabbed her hand and yanked her to him. “What the hell, Liv?”

“Look!” Her finger flew out in Kade’s direction, and Ethan growled. “Oh shit, he didn’t.”

Kade was oblivious, arms clasped around the brunette as she pushed her ass into his crotch in an attempt to be sexy.

I was done.

So done.

Spinning on my heels, I turned and ran. As fast as my killer heels would carry me. Having Kade tell me he wanted me to leave his apartment was one thing. But watching him feel up some slut was inexcusable.

“Staci. Staci, wait,” Livy’s voice called after me over the music, but I kept on going and didn’t look back.

~ Kade ~

“You want to take this somewhere a little quieter?” The brunette stared up at me with hooded eyes. Her hand curled around mine, and she started leading me away from the dance floor.

Everything was a little sketchy. Ethan had called and left a message that they were going to be at Planters. And then I was here, watching all of them—my friends—chat and laugh. Only they were background noise to her. Staci. She shone like the fucking sun in my dark, but she was also the reason I didn’t go over to them.

“Kade,” the brunette purred. “Kiss me.”

She yanked my head down to her lips, and I stumbled, pressing her up against the wall. My head was so full of shit that I couldn’t feel anything. My dick didn’t even stir.

“Ford, break it up.”

“Ethan?” I mumbled into her mouth.

“Ethan? Who’s Ethan? I’m Casey, remember?”

I pulled back and closed my eyes trying to focus.

“Kade,” she purred again, but I forced her off me and pressed a hand to the wall to steady myself.

“Let’s go.” Ethan hooked his arm around my waist, and Livy appeared to steady my other side as they led me out of the club and into a cab.

“I fucked up. Happy fucking New Year,” I groaned before everything went black.

~

Voices woke me, pounding loudly in my head. I rolled my tongue around my mouth and almost puked. And then I heard a voice that had me fighting against the hangover to sit a little straighter.

“…I can’t do it, Livy. I ruined my chance, and now with everything… it’s too late. I’m sorry.”

“Staci, just give it time. One more chance. He screwed up last night, but he’s got a lot on his plate.”

“I know, and that’s why I’m going. He doesn’t need the shit with us, too. What’s done is done.”

“Can I say anything to make you rethink this?”

What’s done is done.
I scrambled behind me for a pillow and brought it down over my head. I didn’t need to hear anything else.

~

“Kade. Get your sorry ass up. It’s after twelve.”

“Fuck off,” I growled.

“Not happening. This is my place, so it’s my rules.” Ethan’s laughter rang out on the other side of the door.

I dragged myself out of bed. Still dressed in the clothes from the night before, I downed the glass of water on the bedside table and went out to the living room.

“And he joins the land of the living.”

“Fuck off.”

“Pleased with yourself?”

“Ethan,” Livy’s voice warned. “Leave him alone. He has enough going on.”

“Thanks for the reminder, Liv. Just what I wanted.”

“Kade, stop being an ass. We’re your friends; stop pushing us away.”

“Why not? It’s what I’m good at, apparently? I didn’t dream it, right? She left. Again. Well, good fucking riddance. I don’t need that shit in my life. Not now, not ever.” The lies rolled off my tongue so easily that I almost believed the conviction in my words.

Livy reached for my hand, but I recoiled. I didn’t need or want her sympathy. This was the icing on the clusterfuck of cake my life was shaping up to be.

“Kade, go after her. She’s hurting. But she came back for you. Don’t let her run again. Give her a reason to stay.”

“And when I get sentenced? Then what?”

“Do the right thing here, man.” Ethan came to sit with us.

“I am.”

My decision was made.

~ Staci ~

My body remained twisted in the seat until Livy’s apartment was out of sight. I wanted him to come after me. But I knew he wouldn’t. He was too lost to his own demons.

I had been too late.

After Livy and Ethan had brought a barely conscious Kade home with them, I had sent an email. He looked so peaceful in his drunken slumber, but it was all a mask for something much darker. Something damaged. Between us, we could make a whole. We could even heal one another, but Kade had bigger concerns right now. And I didn’t want to be with him without being honest and coming clean about my past.

It was time to walk away.

Maybe in another time, we would have gotten our chance. But it wasn’t to be.

So I had asked Drew to get me on the first available flight back out. He didn’t ask questions; he just asked me to give him a couple of days to make the arrangements. He hadn’t asked me about a return flight, and I suspected he knew this time it was for good. At least I could say I tried.

But this time there was no coming back.

Chapter 15

~ Staci ~

“Dad, it’s me.” I called out into the house, making my way into the kitchen. Dad had his head stuck in the refrigerator.

“Staci?” He slammed the door. “I wasn’t expecting to see you around these parts again for at least another six months. I thought you were back in Africa.” He handed me a beer and smiled.

It was a first. But since my last visit, some of the air was cleared between us. That was about to change when I told him my plan.

“Ecuador, Dad.”

“Africa, Ecuada. It’s all the same,” he muttered, and I didn’t bother correcting him.

“Well, something came up and I flew back a week ago.”

Dad’s head snapped up. “Wait, you only left a few weeks ago. You’ll have to help me out a little here because you’re making no sense.”

I chuckled and took a long pull on the beer. “It’s complicated.”

“Don’t tell me Staci Ann Jameson met a guy. Well, I’ll be damned.”

“Really, Dad? Is it that surprising?”

He scoffed. “Been waiting for the day my baby girl came home and told me she’d met a guy good enough for her.”

Well, shit. My old man had feelings, after all.

“Like I said, it’s complicated.”

“Always is, always is. I’ll call your brothers. They’re down at McGregor’s shooting pool. Bessie took the girls over to her mom’s for the evening.”

We drank in silence, both of us craning our necks to see the game on the television in the other room. My whole body ached from the nine-hour journey. But I couldn’t stay in Gainesville. Not with Kade so near. And I owed it to my family to say goodbye properly.

“Do they play football in Ecuador?”

“Not the American kind. It’s soccer in South America.”

“Soccer, pfft. So what’s this guy of yours like? Treats you right, I hope.”

“Enough of the father-daughter talk, Dad. I’m beat. Call me when they get here.”

I left Dad to go shower and change into some clean clothes, trying hard to keep myself busy and avoid staring at my cell and willing it to life.

He isn’t going to call.

We both knew our shot had passed us by. If Kade had asked me to stick around for the hearing, I would have done so in a heartbeat. But he hadn’t. Instead, he’d drowned his problems in alcohol and gone back to his old ways.

Dad and Joel’s voices drifted into my room, and I made my way out to them.

“Happy New Year, sis.” Joel pulled me into a hug.

“Happy New Year.”

“What’d I miss? Pizza, nice.” Eric joined us, swiping a slice of pizza from the box and dropping into one of the wooden chairs. “What’s up, sis.”

“Nice to see you too, Eric.” I flashed him a look.

“What? It’s only been a few weeks; I figured you must be planning on being around more.”

“Actually, that’s why I’m here.”

The three of them all looked at me, waiting.

“Spit it out then. This pizza isn’t going to eat itself,” Dad said.

“I’m moving to Ecuador permanently.”

“Okay.” Joel mouthed through a mouthful of food.

“Okay?” I asked a little taken aback at his dismissiveness.

“Well, you already live out there, don’t you?”

“Yeah, but I mean I’m staying. I’m not coming back.”

Dad’s face hardened. “What do you mean you’re not coming back?”

“Home will be Ecuador. The project.”

The empty pizza box flew across the room, and Dad slammed his fist down. “For the love of God, Staci Ann, your home is here with your family. I thought you’d go traveling, get it out of your system, and come home. You’re twenty-seven, girl; it’s time to grow up.”

Anger rushed to the surface and I stood up, fists clenched on the table. “Dad-”

A loud thud at the front door diverted our attention, and before anyone could speak, it banged again.

“Go and see who the hell that is, will you, Eric,” Dad commanded, and my brother stalked off.

“This conversation isn’t over, young lady.”

I held Dad’s glare. It was foolish to think he would ever support my choices. He never supported me—I was alone. I had been for my entire life.

“Hmm, Staci. There’s someone here to see you.”

My head whipped around and my heart stopped.

He’s here,
my heart screamed. But my head knew better. It wasn’t Kade. It couldn’t be.

“Wh-who is it?”

Eric glanced at Joel with a confused look and said, “Mikey Turner.”

“Oh, fuck no.” Joel stormed out of the kitchen, and I followed.

“What the fuck, Mikey?” Joel was all up in Mikey’s face.

I lingered behind, ready to intervene if Joel took things too far. It had only been weeks, but Mikey looked different. Smarter, cleaner. He looked good, a resemblance to the guy I had once loved.

“Whoa, Joel. It’s not what you think. I just want to talk to Staci. Ten minutes. Please.” His eyes flashed to mine, and I knew he was pleading with me, not Joel.

“Joel…” I laid my hand on his arm. “It’s fine. Please.”

“I don’t like it, Staci,” my brother said, never taking his eyes off Mikey.

“Joel-” My voice was sharper. It wasn’t a request; I was old enough to look out for myself. I’d been doing it long enough.

“Fine. But lay a finger on her, and I will fucking kill you, Turner. Got it?”

Dad and Eric appeared in the hallway with confusion on their faces. I ushered Mikey off the doorstep, pulling the door closed behind me.

“What the hell, Mikey?”

“Please. Can we go somewhere and talk. I owe you an apology.” His eyes looked everywhere but directly at me; his anxiety rolled off him. “Please.”

“Fine. Meet me at Gina’s diner in ten minutes.”

He nodded and returned to his car, which he’d parked across the street. If I was leaving for good, it was time to lay the past to rest. And looking back at my family’s house, I realized it was time to come clean to them as well. Maybe then they would understand my decision—the life I’d chosen for myself.

I opened the door to three angry Jameson men.

“Please explain to me what the fuck Turner is doing here demanding to see you?”

“Joel, not now.” I sighed. “I need to do this, and then I’ll explain everything. Please.”

Dad stepped forward, and I readied myself for his dressing down, but inside his eyes softened and he said, “Joel, let Staci take care of her business. We can talk later. Take the truck.” He motioned to the keys on the hook.

“Thank you,” I called behind me as I left for Gina’s.

~

Gina approached our booth at the back of the diner. “Here y’all go. Two coffees. Can I get you anything else?” She eyed me carefully, and I smiled, trying to reassure her. “We’re fine, thanks.”

After she had left us alone, Mikey said, “Thank you for agreeing to talk with me.”

“You look different. Good different.”

He ran his hands around the mug. “I’m trying. Baby steps, you know. Staci, I’m so sorry. What I did…said, it was the drugs talking. Sherri, my girlfriend, broke things off, and I lost control. It’s always the same; my relationships fall apart, and I start using again…” He hesitated. “My mind goes back to you-”

“Mikey-”

“No, wait. It isn’t like that. I’m just trying to explain things. As fucked-up as they seem, I don’t think I ever got over you.”

“You left me, Mikey. Not the other way around. You shattered my heart.”

“Fuck. I know, I know. But I broke my own heart, too.” His eyes closed and his face contorted with pain. “I should have told them. I should have stood up for us.”

The diner closed in around our booth; the weight of the memories crushed me.

“I was pregnant,” I whispered, shocked how calmly the words came out.

His eyes flew open and his mouth dropped open. “Wh-what?”

“When you left, I was pregnant. I didn’t find out until a few weeks later. I drove out to LSU to tell you.”

His face just stared blankly at me, and then his eyes widened as it all clicked into place. “When you visited that once? Fuck.”

“Yeah.” I grimaced unsure of what else to say. It was like talking about something that happened to two strangers. Not two people who once meant the world to one another. But we were strangers now, only my secret binding us together.

“Staci, I had no idea. Fuck. What happened?”

“You really want to know?” The bitterness in my voice was obvious.

He scrubbed a hand over his face and nodded.

“I was going to tell you, but then I heard you come back to the house with someone. A girl. I freaked, figured you had forgotten all about me and about what we had. So, I left. I think up until that point, I was going to terminate the baby. I just thought you had a right to know. But something in me changed. You changed me, Mikey. And by the time I got back to Kaplan, I had decided I was going to keep it. I was going to be a mom.

“It took me a while to build up the courage to tell Dad and Eric, but the night before I was going to do it, something went wrong. I was almost twenty-four weeks when I lost her.”

“Her? It was a girl.” He gulped, his eyes glossy with unshed tears. “We had a daughter?”

I swallowed hard, but tears were already streaming down my face.

“A baby girl.”

We sat quietly, letting my words fill the void between us. So much time had passed since then. Ten years. But the emotion was still raw for me. Gina was right; I had never dealt with it…I had ran. And I had been running ever since.

“Staci, I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say here. I am so sorry you had to deal with that alone. Fuck, if I had known-”

“Don’t. I’m not here to reconcile or take a trip down memory lane. What’s done is done. But you deserved to know.” I rose from the booth. “Please, don’t ever try and contact me again. Good luck with life, Mikey. I hope you find what you’re looking for one day.”

I didn’t look back as I walked out of the diner, but I felt lighter. Now I only had my family to tell, and then I could put my past behind me and finally look to the future.

~

I inhaled a deep breath before pushing open the door to Dad’s house.
You can do this.
Telling Mikey should have been the hardest, but I feared telling the three men sitting on the other side of the wall would be something else entirely.

Dad, Joel, and Eric were focused on the television when I entered the room. Grabbing the remote off the arm of the couch, I hit the power button and stood in front of them.

“I have something I need to tell you all. Please don’t interrupt until I’ve finished, okay?”

Three blank faces stared back at me after I finished relaying the story to them. Dad shifted uncomfortably in his chair, and he cleared his throat. “Pregnant? When you were sixteen with Mikey Turner’s child? Joel and Tanner’s Mikey? The same Mikey I treated as good as one of my own?”

I moved to the edge of the couch and sat down. “Yes.”

“And you kept it a secret all of this time?”

I nodded.

Joel stood and started to pace the room. “I always knew something was going on, but I never thought… fuck, I never thought he was molesting my sister.”

“Joel!” I shrieked. “I was sixteen.”

“Sixteen is underage, and too damn young to be involved with Turner.”

“Son, calm yourself.” Dad’s tone was firm, and it felt like we had been transported back to arguing as kids.

“Shit, Staci. How did you hide something like that from us?” Eric asked.

“Does it matter? I’m only telling you now because I can’t go on carrying this secret with me. I hadn’t realized until lately how much it’s affected me.”

My mind drifted to Kade.

“Does it matter? Of course, it fucking matters, Staci!” Joel roared. “You were pregnant with our niece or nephew, and you didn’t think to tell us or turn to us?”

I sat there with my mouth hanging open as if he’d just slapped me.

“Joel Peter Jameson,” Dad said in an eerily calm voice. “Talk to your sister like that again and you can get the hell out of my house.”

“But, Dad-”

“Niece.”

All heads swung back to me and Eric said, “Niece?”

“Yes, I gave birth to a baby girl. She didn’t make it.” A river of tears started again, and Joel dropped to his knees and ran a hand over his head. “Fuck.”

“Okay, okay. Enough.” Dad stood, clearly uncomfortable with the situation. He shared a look with Joel and Eric and said, “Let’s call it a night. I’m sure your sister could use some sleep.”

Joel and Eric left the room reluctantly, and Dad turned to me and said, “Get some sleep. But in the morning you and I are going to have a long talk.”

I wiped my eyes and smiled inwardly. Whether he knew it or not, Dad had just showed me compassion for the first time in my life.