Life Begins (3 page)

              But, he couldn’t seem to avoid the need to look back at her door. He knew in that moment, in his very spirit, that things weren’t going to be easy. He didn’t want to admit it, but it didn’t take much thought to admit that he was going to be marrying Josie. He just didn’t want to do it, but damn if he didn’t actually dream about it in the comfort of his own sleep.             

              Josie quickly got her kids changed and in bed with little trouble. But that didn’t bring her any comfort considering the night she just had. She didn’t know what to think about her neighbor with the strange name. He didn’t appear interested in her. He didn’t even appear nice, no matter the help he gave her. She couldn’t figure out what he wanted from her and it frightened her to think that she would end up in another trap, falling and living life for a man that would destroy her.

              It would be so easy to do, too, while she was vulnerable, because no matter what she said about marriage, she knew that she was desperate to have a husband to raise her children with. She didn’t want to have to go this way alone.

              Her cell phone rang, interrupting her growing panic. She rushed to answer, knowing that it was probably Marisol calling to check up on her. “Hey, Marisol.”

              “Girl, where the heck are you? You never came back to group.”

              Josie collapsed on her couch, staring at the brand new car seat purchased by a stranger. “The new guy gave me a ride home. He wanted to leave so quickly that I guess I didn’t have time to tell you.”

              “Oh, and he had car seats and everything?”

              Josie could feel her face begin to heat, knowing what it would sound like. “That’s why he went to the store, to buy the seats.” There was silence at the other end and Josie worried about what the other woman was thinking. “It’s not as bad as you’re thinking. I met him this morning,” she said, trying to make it sound better.

              “That doesn’t mean you should let the man know where you live. None of us have a very good feeling about him, Josie, and you are so new to your divorce that I have to say that I’m worried about you. This is a time where you are going to be at your most vulnerable.”

              Josie tried to hold back her frustration. She was a grown woman after all. “Look, Marisol. I know you’re trying to help, but we live in the same building. That’s how we met. In fact, we live on the same floor and his apartment is right next door to mine.” She wished people would stop trying to tell her what to do, first her mom, then her husband, and now Marisol. She had no intentions of falling into another relationship any time soon, especially not with a man that clearly had too much life experience.

              No. When she decided to date again, she knew that she would need God to provide her with someone that was boring and completely family orientated. She didn’t need deep mysterious eyes and lips that appeared more suited to sneering than smiling. She didn’t want to have a pretty package. She wanted a plain brown paper bag, reliable and predictable. No one had to worry about her letting in a bad man.

              Marisol seemed to get the message. “Well, I suppose then that it’s a good thing that you found transportation. Let me let you get yourself to bed. The little ones are going to take a lot of your time and attention after all.

              “Yeah, they do,” She said quietly, then sighed. “And Marisol…thanks for calling. I know that you’re just concerned about me.”

              “Hey, I know how it feels when you’re tired and are dealing with strong emotions. I know what your irritation isn’t truly with me, but with the place you are currently in. Just know that I am praying for you. And, I’m here for you, Josie.”

              “Thank you. You’ve helped me out a lot during this time. I don’t know what I’d ever would have done without your friendship.”

              “Survived. It’s how we’re built. Good night, girl.”

              “Good night.” They hung up. Josie leaned laid back on the brown couch that also doubled as her bed. She knew she had to get up and take care of the bedding because it was too cold in her apartment to not have at least a blanket. “Come on Josie. You’ve got to get yourself together.” In the morning, she would just have to tell Žarko that she could just get her kids to daycare and herself to work without him. Life was safer for her that way.

Chapter 3

              She woke up late to Jason and Jane screaming like someone was killing them. Josie struggled to sit up and then get her mind working so she could finally take care of her babies. She got both kids fed and bathed, before she began the fight to get Jason dressed all over again. She’d barely gotten him into his pull-ups before she heard the heavy knock on her door.

              She glanced at her watch and fought down the curse word that wanted to escape. “Oh no. You can’t be here now.” Jason took off screaming toward the front door, forcing her to chase him down. Then, of course, Jane had to start crying as well, overwhelming the young mother until she could no longer fight the tears running down her eyes.

              The banging on the door refused to go away, so she forced herself to open it, allowing Žarko and his girls to see the nightmare that she currently lived in. He didn’t take a moment to blink before he scooped up Jason and the clothes she still held, taking her son back to his bedroom and proceeding to get him dressed. The older of the little girls headed toward the nursery, where she assumed she would try to calm down Jane, while the youngest started picking up the bedding from the couch to begin folding.

              It all allowed Josie the time she needed to wipe her eyes and take care of her own ablutions so that she could get ready for work. She found everyone waiting for her in the living room once she finished, her coat over the arm of the couch, waiting for her to put it on. No one said a word as she locked her apartment door. Žarko held both of her kids, leaving her to follow behind him without question. Josie felt foolish and so much like a failure that she couldn’t prove herself capable of looking after two small children. She was never going to convince him that she didn’t need his help, not when his girls behaved like a well-oiled machine.

              A small hand slipped into her own. The smaller of Žarko’s girls smiled up at her. “
Tata
says that it is difficult to be a
majka
to the
bebe
because they like to cry a lot.”

              Josie had absolutely no idea what all of that was supposed to mean, but she assumed that the little girl tried comforting her. What was this world coming to when a child had to be the voice of reason for an adult? “Thank you, sweetheart.”

              “I’m Desa. That’s Ljiljiana,” she said pointing to the older girl.

              Okay. She had nothing else to say for the rest of the trip to the car. Then there was only the matter of getting her children strapped in and then giving directions to her children’s daycare center. Once her little ones were dropped off, she had no choice but to go with him to take his girls north to school and then hopefully, to work, even if it would be going early.

              “What time do you have work?” he finally asked her after pulling away from the elementary school his girls attended.

              She glanced at her watch. She had about an hour and a half, plenty of time to maybe stop somewhere and get something to eat and maybe a cup of coffee that she desperately needed. “Maybe you can drop me off at the McDonald’s back near the apartment. That’ll give me time to get something quick and catch the bus to work.” She couldn’t give him an honest answer without giving him an out first. She couldn’t imagine that he didn’t have to get to work or have something else more important to do than to chauffeur her and her kids around.

              He didn’t say anything, but considering they were headed in the direction she asked, she hoped that meant he would just leave her at the restaurant. When they arrived, she shouldn’t have been surprised that he didn’t leave her as she asked. He parked in a spot and turned the car off before exiting the vehicle. She rushed behind him in order to catch up. “What are you doing? I’m giving you the chance to leave.” Why did he always seem to ignore her?

              She followed right behind him, determined to deal with this. “I’m talking to you.”

              Finally, he turned to her. “No. You are being silly girl. You would rather fight over stupid matter.”

              How the hell was she being silly? She hadn’t asked him to drive her around, but maybe that was the thing. He wanted to waste his time on her. She didn’t know if that made him a fool or her one for letting him. As long as he didn’t expect something out of her. “Fine. You want to drive me around while my car’s in the shop. Go ahead. I guess I can work out a way of getting you gas money or something.” It was worth fighting over.

              She stood in short line, trying to work things out in her mind. She couldn’t tell Marisol or really anyone about this situation. She didn’t want to have to hear the opinions on how everyone thought she was being stupid to trust a guy she didn’t know. She already was aware of it. Had figured out pretty quickly that she wasn’t going to be in control of this relationship.
Not relationship, friendship. A man like him can only be a pseudo-friend at the most
.

              When it was her turn to order, she chose the cheapest option, thinking she would have to pay for it, but naturally, Žarko added his order to hers and presented money before she could even reach into her pocket for what little cash she possessed.

              This time, she kept her mouth shut. She scanned the dining room for a good seat and decided that it would be in her best interest to wait and let him do what he wanted. She wouldn’t be able to think about how to deal with him without a nice cup of coffee. In fact, when he sat at the table, she ignored him in favor of taking care of her drink. The very first sip warmed her spirit because it was exactly what she needed.

              “Why does your son cry in the morning?” Žarko asked. She glanced up at him, finding that he didn’t pay her attention. Instead, he sat sipping his own coffee and staring out the window.

              “He doesn’t like daycare. He’s used to me being at home with him, but since the divorce, I have to go to work and he just doesn’t understand it.”

              He leaned back in his seat, dark eyes watching her like a hawk. “You are stay at home mom?”

              She nodded. “Yes. When I got married, Gary thought it would be best if I stayed at home. But, he didn’t tell me that he had no desire for us to have children when he decided this.”

              “You enjoyed it?”

              She nodded, staring down at the lid of her coffee cup. She loved being at home with her children, had found that she had peace with the idea of being involved with the raising of her little ones. “I trust myself to know how to take care of them. I was going to start writing when they started attending school. Maybe take some art classes or something.”  But that was a dream that had to die. She would probably never have the chance to do what she desired. It made her sad to think about. “So, you came to the United States from Serbia? I have to admit that I don’t really know where that is.”

              “You would know it as the former Yugoslavia.”

              Oh, well that was interesting. “Okay. Why come here?”

              He shrugged. “Why not?”

              She had no more conversation she could think of and so concentrated on eating her meal and then getting to work on time. Being a typical male, Žarko had finished long before she did and together, they walked back to his truck and he took her to work, promising to pick her up at the end of her shift. She agreed, but part of her doubted that he would be able to do so. It seemed impossible, but she wasn’t going to tell him that. If he did, then he would be much more trustworthy than Gary and that would simply exacerbate the issue she already faced.

              She hated spending so much time on her feet. The market wouldn’t let her be a cashier where she could sit. No, she had to stock shelves and lift heavy boxes until her body literally could no longer do it. If it weren’t for the fact that she had to pay the bills, she certainly would quit. She hated this job that much, but she also knew that without working experience or a college education, she was highly limited in her options. Damn Gary.

              At four o’clock, she handed off the duty to another co-worker while she clocked out in the employee office. She barely gave herself time to take a deep breath before she shuffled her way toward the exit, hoping that her neighbor had been serious about picking her up, because if she had to carry two children on public transportation, she highly doubted that she would survive it.

              Outside, she saw the dark SUV waiting for her at the curb. Her body sighed in relief, even as she quickly climbed into the tall truck to take a seat.

              “
Dobar dan
,
devojko
Josie,” both girls said.  Josie turned behind her to wave at the girls.

              “Hey, girls. Did you have a good day at school?” The question felt natural to ask, even if it wasn’t exactly any of her business. She didn’t know much about where they went other than the fact that St. Sava’s Academy was obviously a private school.

              “It was good,” Desa answered first followed by Ljiljiana nodding.

              “They go to Serbian school,” Žarko said finally. “It is dual language to remind them of home.”

              “Wow. I’m glad you guys could find a place like that. I only learned English growing up and then tried to take Spanish in high school. I don’t really remember how to speak it though,” Josie said with a grimace that had more to do with the pain in her body than the fact that she couldn’t speak another language.

              “You should learn Serbian,” Ljiljiana said quietly, “You and the
bebe,
because
tata
says that we can only speak Serbian at home.”

              Josie didn’t know a nice way to decline the offer. She was sure that Serbian was nice language and all, but she didn’t expect this family to be in her life for all that long. Besides, Spanish would probably be the better option considering the area of the city she spent the most time in. But, all she could say was, “I’ll certainly think about it. I bet it would be interesting.”

              “Yes, because then we can help you,” Desa said, starting to get excited. “It will be fun.”

              Funny how their
tata
didn’t say anything about it. Josie engaged the young girls in conversation about their school curriculum. Sure, she had no interest in sending her own children to that school, but since she’d never heard of a Serbian school, she thought it cool to know about something going on in her own city.

              By the time they stopped at the daycare to pick up her own children, Josie had fallen just the slightest bit in love with Žarko’s daughters. They were funny and very easy going, which shouldn’t have been surprising since they’d been good every time they met. It was just nice and gave her hope that her own children would turn out well with a single parent in charge of them.

              Then she saw her son having a tantrum the moment she stepped inside. She sighed. Somehow, she would have to ask Žarko how he raised such well-balanced children. No one else seemed to have any insight into how to get her crazy toddler to obey his mother.

              Žarko didn’t just drop his daughters off at the apartment this time. Instead, he wanted them all in Josie’s space so that he could have a talk with her. After their talk that morning, everything she’d said had weighed heavily on his mind. He knew how he could help her, but he definitely needed to have her give him something in return.

              “If you girls have homework, you can use the table in the living room,” Josie said to his daughters. Then she turned to him and paused briefly. “I don’t know how long you plan to stay, but you’re welcome to eat dinner.” She went to place her daughter in the baby swing in the corner facing the couch. She turned it on, letting soft music play as the seat swayed calmly back and forth.

              Her son had already removed his coat and shoes and ran toward the back of the house, items of clothing trailing behind him. He watched Josie sigh as she moved to pick up the discarded clothing. “Let me make sure he’s not getting himself into trouble. You can have a seat if you like.” She then took off after the boy to do whatever it was she planned to do.

              He made sure his girls started their work before he moved into the kitchen area adjacent to the living room. Josie had a small dinette table complete with two chairs. He took the one near the back door, knowing that it would give him a good view of both the whole kitchen and the living room because of the half wall. He saw Josie reenter with her son carrying some kind of toy before she walked into the kitchen to begin going through the refrigerator.

              “Is there anything you or your daughters are allergic to?”

              “
Ne
.”

              She nodded before pulling out a container of meat. “I think spaghetti might be the best thing.” She glanced at him quickly, as if uncomfortable with the idea of him being in her space. He didn’t allow it to stop him from watching her. She would eventually get used to it.

              It did make him think about the kind of relationship she had with her husband. He must not have been any sort of man considering the way she seemed so uncomfortable around men. He couldn’t imagine keeping his hands off of her if she had been his wife, let alone spend much time in a room away from her. “How long were you married?”