His Absolute Authority: A Scandalous Billionaire Love Story (Jessika, #3) (5 page)

Elise agreed with me, but obviously she would.  "I don't know why he brought me there," she said.  "I was so confused about everything else, then even more confused about that, and then I got angry.  He didn't come to me, though.  He didn't try to apologize, and the worst part is I don't know if he would have, either.  If I didn't act mad, what would have happened?  She's better at it than me.  His ex, or whatever she is.  Maybe not a girlfriend, but still.  I can't be like that.  I don't even know how.  She had uh... Lucent likes his BDSM things, you know?  Of course you know, because uh... I don't know.  I know you know, but it's hard to talk about for me sometimes."

Yes, I knew.  It was hard not to know.  Lucent didn't make a secret of it, but he didn't openly talk about it, either.  Still, the rumors persisted, and Elise's erotica story she'd written kind of confirmed it.  I knew Lucent and Asher talked about that sort of thing sometimes, too.  Not in, an... uh... sexual way?  I didn't think they talked about me and Elise specifically, but I heard Asher talking with Lucent about some particular things, and then later in the day, Asher brought some newly learned expertise to the bedroom, so...

I didn't know if I should tell Elise that.  This wasn't that kind of conversation.  "Maybe Lucent's confused, too?" I offered.  "I knew a little about what you said.  I know that he's helped Asher with things privately.  I don't know the full extent of it, but I don't think Lucent is a bad person, Elise." 

That sounded like a good way to phrase it.  I really didn't think Lucent was a bad person, but I still didn't know if I agreed with the things he and Asher had done without um... legal approval?  They never did anything malicious, at least.  Landseer Enterprises wasn't going around illegal conspiring against other corporations and bringing about their downfall, or partaking in mafioso-style murder and extortion.  I hoped they weren't, at least.  I was positive they weren't, but it would make for a good book now that I thought about it.  I could flesh that idea out for later and maybe write about it...

"I know everything is hard right now, trust me," I said softly.  "It's hard for me, too.  I don't know if you heard, but apparently there's a sex tape of me and Asher all over the internet.  It was in the tabloids today, too.  So..."

"What, really?" Elise asked.

I laughed.  It wasn't actually funny, but it was funny to see her ears perk up and the curious expression on her face.  "Asher said the police are looking for you both, so it's kind of different, but I understand in a way.  I'm confused, too.  There was that vandalism in my office yesterday, then the fire, and when I woke up this morning I found out about the sex tape, and... what if there's more?  What's going to happen next?  That's what I keep asking myself."

Yes, I kept asking myself that, worrying about the future, but I really didn't want to know the answer.  I just hoped everything was done, and we could start picking up the pieces and figuring out how to fix this mess.

Elise nodded, listening intently.  She looked a lot less worried and upset now.  The mascara smeared around her eyes made her look sad still, but the look in her eyes was hopeful.  We could commiserate with each other, and become more powerful because of it.  That's what I hoped, at least.

"Asher always acts so confident," I told her, swallowing hard and struggling to explain myself without choking up.  "He acts like none of this could ever bother him.  It might not bother him, too.  How, though?"  I'd asked myself this a lot, and I could never figure out the answer.

"I was so scared last night," I confessed.  "I thought you and Lucent were trapped in the fire and I thought you were dead.  They had to give me sedatives and bring me to the hospital to calm me down, except in the morning everything got worse again.  I think the only thing that kept me going was Asher and the fact that you and Lucent were fine.  I thought you were, at least, but then you called, and it hurt all over again.  I don't know what to do, Elise."

I looked down at the bed, trying to hide my tears.  I didn't want this to happen.  I didn't want any of this to happen.  I just wanted to be happy, but I wanted more, too.  I wanted all of us to be happy.  I knew that maybe that was too lofty of a dream, and everyone couldn't be happy all the time, but I didn't think that people needed to be forced into sadness and depression, either.  Sad things happened, and I understood that, but no one should intentionally cause more sad things to happen to someone else, you know?

I wiped at my eyes and sniffled.  I didn't want to burst into tears right now.  I didn't want to cry over nothing.  I'd cried enough over so many things these past couple of days.  I didn't want to do it anymore.  I wanted to stop, to become stronger, to figure all of this out and to be happy again.

Asher and I were happy together now, and I was glad of that, but I knew that we needed to do things that threatened to break our happiness, even if in the long run we'd be happy again.

Elise and Lucent weren't happy together right now, and that hurt me more than I could have imagined.  I wanted them to be happy again soon, though.  I knew they could be.  They could be strong together and overcome this.  I needed to know that they could do it, because if they couldn't I... I just didn't know if I could, either.  Maybe that was the wrong way to think of these things, but I wanted guidance in a way, even if I knew I shouldn't rely on someone like that.  I just wanted all of us to be happy together, even if that sounded stupid and didn't make a lot of sense.  It made sense to me.

"I'm... I'm not trying to make excuses," I said, regaining some of my composure.  "I don't want to make excuses for Lucent, because if he did something wrong, that's unacceptable.  He's always so excited about you, though.  I mean, it's Lucent, so his excitement is a little hard to see sometimes, but when he's looking at you, there's always something special in his eyes, like a little sliver of awe on the outside showing the way he feels about you on the inside."

"You're important to him, Elise," I continued.  "Asher acts confident all the time, and indifferent about the media hounding him, but I think sometimes it bothers him, too.  He just doesn't show it.  I think Lucent might be like that, also.  Maybe you two can make up?  I'm not saying you need to, but if he apologizes?  And... you know?  Maybe?"

I really hoped they could.

Elise turned to look towards the door, to where Asher and Lucent were.  I wondered if she was thinking about him, if she wanted to go to him right now and ask him to apologize to her?  Or would it be better if he apologized on his own?

I just wanted to know what she thought, what she was thinking.  She was so quiet sometimes that it was hard to tell.

She turned back to me, smiling sadly, and said, "I want to.  I really do, Jessika.  I want everything to go back to how it was, except I don't know if it ever can.  I don't know if I'm enough for Lucent.  I don't know if I'm holding him back or he's acting a different way to make me happy, and he's restraining his real self.  Sometimes Lucent is scary.  I've never been scared of him before, and I don't think I am now, but I wonder if I should be, you know?  Maybe I'm being too naive?  Maybe my expectations are... wrong?  I don't want to believe it, but it's hard not to."

No.  I shook my head.  I didn't believe that.  I thought Elise was so strong and confident.  Yes, she was quiet, but I didn't think she was wrong.  I didn't think Lucent was wrong for her.

"Everyone has doubts.  If we didn't, we wouldn't be normal," I said.  "Just... just be open, alright?  I know how Lucent is sometimes, but you know him even better than that.  You said you don't know if he's holding back and hiding his real self, right?  I think he's shown you more of his real self than he's probably ever shown anyone before.  It’s scary to open up to people sometimes.  It's really scary when we love the person, because I think we all worry about losing that."

She raised one brow, looking at me curiously.  "Do you really think that?"

I nodded.

"Maybe I'll talk to him.  In a little bit.  Not right now, if that's alright?"

I grinned and agreed with a quick nod.  I hoped this was good.  It was a start.  I knew it was silly, but I felt like if I could help Elise, then I could do a lot more, too.  If I could deal with this one problem tonight, then I could deal with any number of problems tomorrow.

"It's up to you," I said.  "We've got cheesecake and cookies and ice cream, so there's no rush."

All of these things made everything better, I thought.

"Ooh, right!  Cheesecake?"  Elise peeked around, looking for it.

I crawled over to her side of the bed and grabbed the half-empty pie tin from the opposite bedside table, then plopped it into her lap.  She stared at it for half a second, then grabbed her ice cream spoon and scooped it into the cheesecake.  Gathering up a big bite on her spoon, she poked at it with the tip of her tongue.  Then she stuffed the entire spoon into her mouth.

I laughed.  I liked this.  We should do it more often.  We spent time together and hung out sometimes, but it always seemed like an extension of work in a way?  Maybe not
always
, but we used that as an excuse.  Why couldn't we just go out and have fun without needing to say it was for writing or for work or anything like that?

I took a bite of cheesecake, too, savoring the taste before chewing softly and swallowing.

"We're going to get fat.  This is probably a bad idea," Elise said.

I shrugged, tossing her a nonchalant grin.  "It's fine.  I'm trying to get pregnant.  This is for the baby."

"Yes, well, I'm not trying to get pregnant.  I don't have an excuse."

I glanced towards her stomach, hoping she didn't notice.  She was wearing the same dress she'd worn to the Landseer party at the mansion the night before.  Maybe this was weird... I don't know?  I kind of thought she'd look really cute if she was pregnant, though.  I hoped I looked cute if I got pregnant, too.

When
, I reminded myself.  Not
if
, but
when
.

Maybe Elise and I could have a baby at the same time?  That might be nice.  It'd be fun in a different sort of way.

Thinking this, I said, "You might change your mind?"

She laughed.  "I guess I might!  I really doubt now is a good time for that, though.  Also, Lucent and I haven't even talked about it.  We haven't talked about um... marrying or anything, either.  I don't know if he'd want to.  I doubt it.  I'm not sure.  He doesn't seem the type?  That doesn't make sense.  I think he might.  I'm mad at him now, though, so..."

I had the oddest urge right now and I desperately wanted them to have a baby.  I didn't know why.  Maybe that was the baby-crazy thing people talked about?  Was I that?  I... didn't know.  Maybe?  Sure, why not?  I mean, I didn't want everyone to have a baby, just me and Asher, and then Elise and Lucent.  Two babies.  That's not baby-crazy, that's just two, right?

I nodded and tried not to sound crazy.  "Yes, but angry sex is usually really good sex.  You could take advantage of that."

She rolled her eyes at me.  I hoped I'd planted a seed in her mind, though.  Hm... plant a seed in her mind so that Lucent will plant his seed in her womb?  That was, perhaps, the cheesiest thought I'd ever had in my entire life.  It made me laugh.

We could do this, though.  Babies or not, tonight was just the beginning.  I was stronger than any of this.  The problems I needed to deal with weren't going to lord themselves over me.  Elise, too.  We were more powerful than people gave us credit.

Yes, Asher was a billionaire CEO and certainly powerful in his own right.  Lucent was a prominent businessman and essentially the public figurehead of the company, as well.  Both of our men were certainly commanding in their own ways.

What kind of women did people think they were with, though?  Powerful men don't just want strong women beside them; they need them.  I wasn't a trophy wife, I was Asher's other half, and he was mine.  I would show everyone exactly why that was, too.  I wouldn't sulk and pout and cry.  I wanted to start a family with Asher, and I was going to do exactly that, no matter what anyone else thought.

And I wasn't going to stop there, either.  I'd write a book, I'd become a New York Times, USA Today, and Wall Street Journal best seller.  I'd turn Landseer Publishing into a force to be reckoned with.  People weren't going to know me because of a sex tape scandal.  They were going to know me because I was Jessika Landseer, who, yes,
was
the wife of Asher Landseer, but before that I was Jessika Fevrier.  As Landseer or Fevrier, I was still the exact same person, and that person was deserving of respect.

I wasn't worthy of respect because I was Asher's wife.  I was worthy of respect because I was myself.

***

A
sher waited until Jessika and Elise retreated to the bedroom before starting in on Lucent.  He didn't want to reprimand the man, or to yell and chastise him for his actions, because that wasn't his place.  He thought he had a right to say something, though.

"What are you doing, Lucent?" he asked.  "I understand things have been difficult these past few days, but I still don't understand.  I don't blame you for anything, alright?  I want you to know that.  I know there's a good reason why your suit jacket was in the data storage room at the mansion.  I know that you've helped me immensely and that's probably why you feel like you're forced to hide out right now.  I don't care about that.  Those are things that we can handle."

"What I care about," Asher continued, "is why Elise ended up calling Jessika like that?  Why was she crying?  Why did you make her cry?  I don't want to hear excuses or reasons.  I don't think there's a good reason for it, if you want me to be completely honest."  He took a deep breath, unsure of what he was about to say.  He needed to say it, though.  "You can't do this.  You can't make Elise cry like that.  She doesn't deserve that.  And, you know what?  You don't, either.  You're both good people, but more than that you're both good together.  I don't know what more to say other than that, but I'd like to hear your side of the story."