Destroy You (Destroy #3) (9 page)

Chapter 11

Trent

I took a step toward Toni, and she took a step back. “No more running, Wildcat. If you try, I’ll chase you.”

A mischievous smile spread across her face. “I might enjoy being caught.” She lunged to the side and ran for the door.

I let her get past me and into the hallway before I went after her. Toni made it halfway to the back door before I wrapped my arms around her stomach. She squealed when I swung her up into the air and over my shoulder.

“Trent, put me down,” she shouted and tried to wiggle out of my hold.

I smacked her ass and headed toward her bedroom. “Quit squirming. I told you not to run. Now you’ve got to go to your room.”

I dropped her down on her bed and settled on top of her, pinning her down. I searched her face to see if I was pushing our little game too far, but her eyes were shining and still searching for a way to win.

“Toni,” I whispered before I kissed her. Too many words had been spoken between us already. We needed a different kind of conversation. Pretty words haven’t done either of us any good in the past.

From what little she’d told me, it sounded like her ex-boyfriend excelled at smooth-talking but lacked follow-through. What she needed from me was a passionate promise. I wanted to pour my feelings into every brush of my lips and every stroke of my tongue.

We kissed until my body vibrated with need and I had to roll away. I turned onto my side and traced her cheek and jaw with my finger. Her pupils were dilated, and her breathing was shallow. “Your ex must have been an insensitive asshole.”

Toni blinked a few times. “Completely, but why do you say that? I’ve tried not to talk about him too much. He isn’t worth the waste of breath.”

“Well, he cheated on you on your birthday. Oh, and he called Jeremy a fag at your friend’s wedding.”

She squeezed her eyes shut and nodded. “Yeah, that was bad, but what I meant was why are you mentioning it right now?”

I kissed her again, softly, and her hand fisted in my shirt. “Because when I kiss you, you respond immediately. The fact you didn’t enjoy his touch tells me he wasn’t paying attention to you at all. I can tell when you want me by the look in your eyes, by the flutter of your pulse at the base of your neck and the speed of your breathing.”

“Maybe he did everything right and I just didn’t want him,” she replied.

I pulled her close to me again and tucked her head under my chin. There was a war raging inside of me, and I didn’t want her to sense it. She challenged me, made me think, feel, and hope for things I never thought I’d have.

My dad took off when I was six and my older brother was nine. I was old enough to realize what happened and to watch my mother suffer because of his absence. I swore to myself I would never make a promise I couldn’t keep. When I got older, I kept my relationships with women superficial, always afraid I’d inadvertently lead them to believe we were more without meaning to. As a result, I never put any effort into fostering a real relationship. After a while, my reputation for being a player attracted the type of females that preferred no-strings-attached sex.

I should have been happy—at least, that’s what my friends thought. Well, my friends besides Melody. She told me I treated myself like a whore and my dick was going to fall off if I wasn’t more discriminating about where I stuck it. The truth was, even though my guy friends envied me for the quantity of women I’d been with, sleeping around made me feel empty.

Women threw themselves at me, especially after I started college and wasn’t living at home. Before long, the only ones that hung around me, with the exception of Melody and Trinity, were those I only had to crook my finger at to get them to fall into my bed. There was no challenge, no seduction, and I grew bored.

A few weeks before I met Toni, a woman slipped me her number under her credit card while I was tending bar. She was my type, or the type I took to bed, beautiful in an overt and overdone way and absolutely not interested in getting to know me on a personal level. I doubted she even knew my name. The only thing she was interested in was how many times I could make her scream before morning came and she stumbled away from my place, as if I would take her there. I’d turned myself into an amusement park ride, and I was disgusted with myself.

I handed her back her card and threw her number in the trash as soon as she turned her back. Without examining my actions, I continued to throw away every scrap of paper or bar napkin women used to pass me their number from then on. Melody caught on by the middle of the night and smiled at me.

There wasn’t a “come to Jesus” moment or anything that had me practicing celibacy. I really hadn’t thought about giving up womanizing at all. Every time I took a woman to bed, it was the same miserably awkward experience. Most of them would try to make me understand that they “never did this sort of thing,” which meant they did it way too often but didn’t want to think of themselves as sluts.

The really confident women would strip immediately and take away the fun of the slow unveiling that built sexual tension. It was like waking up Christmas Morning and having someone quickly unwrap all of your presents before you could get to them. Shy women would insist on turning the lights off or down so low I could never see them clearly. Their touch was hesitant, and usually a little sad. They wanted me, but they didn’t like the fact they were giving in to their desire.

Then one night, Toni walked into the bar. I don’t even know what it was about her that drew my attention, but when she sat at the bar and spent more time examining her phone than my ass, I was intrigued. I had to work fast and lay on the charm to get her to keep talking to me. It was a challenge, and for the first time in a very long time, I was interested in more than a quick fuck.

I had to get to know her, and I worked hard for every tiny interaction I had with her. I had moments where I was afraid I was only drawn to the challenge she presented me, but I was tired of holding myself away from people to prevent making the same mistakes as my father.

I opened my mouth to reply to Toni’s last statement about why she hadn’t responded to Miguel the way she did me. I’d been quiet too long, and I didn’t want her to get suspicious of my train of thought. But before I spoke a word, the soft sound of her breathing let me know she was asleep.

I willed myself to follow after her and closed my eyes. Lying next to her and actually sleeping was a new experience. There was more intimacy between our fully clothed bodies than any of the sweaty sessions I’d had with other women between their sheets.

Resting next to Toni gave me some of the most erotic dreams I’ve ever had. Sensations were heightened like they never had been before. In them, I buried my face into the elegant curve of her neck. Since anything is allowed in a dream, I nibbled my way up to the corner of her jaw. Her skin smelled like sandalwood and vanilla.

Her firm ass pressed into my aching groin, and I held her tight as I rocked against her. I slid my hand against her smooth skin under the elastic of her lace panties and let my other hand travel up under a soft cotton shirt to cup a full breast. I stroked my thumb against the peak until it hardened in my hand.

Please don’t let me wake up
, I silently begged. Afraid that any minute my dream would disappear, I sped up the teasing motions with my hand in her panties. I couldn’t hold out a moment longer and began pumping my fingers in a rhythm I wanted to perform with my painfully hard cock.

“God, don’t stop,” she moaned.

My eyelids started to lift and I realized my dream was realistic because it was real. Toni was looking over her shoulder, her eyes glazed over, and her lips were parted. I couldn’t tell if she was turned on, or in shock at my audacity.

“Oh, Toni. I didn’t mean to. Shit…I thought I was dreaming.”

“Don’t tell me you’re sorry, and don’t stop,” she demanded.

“Are you sure?”

“Please,” she begged.

I pulled my fingers out of her and slowly teased her most sensitive bundle of nerves. “Tell me what you want.”

“You, I want you.”

I hadn’t touched another woman for almost a year, and I really thought I could hold out for a while longer. I was wrong. I had to know if I had feelings for her because she was a challenge or if there was more between us. There was only one way I knew to find out. It wasn’t the gentlemanly thing to do, but I’d never wanted a woman this bad. If I still wanted her in the morning, and I couldn’t imagine a reality where I wouldn’t, then I’d know we had more connecting us than physical gratification. If my feelings for her evaporated into smoke, I’d have to accept that I was as big of a bastard as the man that spawned me.

“Are you sure you can take me?” I taunted.

Her response was a low moan.

I chuckled. I wasn’t sure how tomorrow would play out, as this was new territory for me, but I’d make sure she enjoyed tonight. “I’ll take that as a yes,” I said as I kissed my way down her body.

Her T-shirt was the first thing to go, and I replaced my hand on her breast with my mouth. Toni slid her hands over my head as she tried to find something to hold on to, to keep my mouth where it was. For the first time I regretted keeping my hair cropped close to my skull.

“Let go, Wildcat. Trust me to take care of you.” That was a first. I never demanded a woman trust me. Usually, I only took the physical pleasure they offered, but this time was different, I wanted Toni’s trust.

I pushed her sleep shorts and panties down her legs. I wanted to keep taunting her, but my control was slipping. There was one thing I had to do before I gave in to the demands of my arousal. I pulled her legs over my shoulders and blew against her flesh, smiling when she began to thrash around. She’d do anything I asked at this point.

Again I replaced my fingers with my mouth. With rhythmic strokes of my tongue and gentle scraping of my teeth, I brought her back up to the edge but refused to push her over just yet.

“Please, please, please,” she chanted.

I released her and quickly stripped. Before I shed my jeans, I removed a condom from my wallet and set it next to me. When I was completely naked, I took a moment to sheathe myself.

Toni’s gaze raked over my torso and landed on my erection. I gave her a second to look before I yanked her part of the way off the bed. I guided her so her stomach was on the mattress and her feet were on the floor. She looked at me over her shoulder and bit her lip.

“Are you sure?” I asked, holding myself at her entrance.

She nodded, and I plunged deep inside her. She screamed, and I picked up the pace, driving into her ruthlessly until she shuddered around me. The only word I could make out of her loud moans was my name, which she repeated over and over.

The sounds she made caused me to lose what was left of my mind, and I took her harder and faster. Her moans turned to grunts, and she squeezed me so tight I gave in. My release was the strongest I’d ever had. Totally spent, I collapsed on top of her.

“I’ll move in a minute,” I promised.

“I won’t. I think I’ve lost the ability to ever move again.”

I shifted my weight to my side and pulled her with me. This was the moment of truth. I took a deep breath and waited for the familiar feeling of being trapped, but instead of wanting to leave, I couldn’t hold her tight enough. My chest ached, and a different kind of panic coursed through me. I realized she could leave me, but I’d never willingly leave her. Losing Toni had just become my number one fear.

Chapter 12

Toni

The aroma of coffee permeated my room so strongly it smelled like it was brewing on my nightstand. I stretched and groaned when I was greeted with pleasantly aching muscles. When I cracked my eye open, I found Jeremy leaning against the doorframe, leisurely drinking a cup of coffee as if it wasn’t weird he was watching Trent and I sleep.

I checked the blankets to make sure he was all covered, which earned me a quiet chuckle from Jeremy. I stuck my tongue out at him, and he rolled his eyes. Yes, we were extremely mature.

“Quit staring at my ass,” Trent mumbled into the covers.

“I wasn’t. Toni forgot to cover up the girls. I’m trying to decide if I like women or not,” Jeremy retorted.

Trent laughed, and I pulled the covers over my chest. “If you have to think about it that hard while looking at Toni’s impressive rack, then you are most definitely gay,” Trent answered, still facedown on the bed.

I narrowed my eyes at Jer. His face seemed sad. He was teasing like he always did, but the laughter didn’t reach his eyes. I hated to see the sparkle fade from his stunning baby blues, but every day he and Cameron hadn’t repaired the rift between them I saw it disappear a little more.

“You saw Cameron last night?” It wasn’t really a question, because Cameron was the only person that brought that look to Jeremy’s face.

Jeremy nodded. “He brought a date to Melody’s gig. We haven’t talked for a few weeks, so he had no idea I was going to be there. But it sucked even though I knew he wasn’t trying to hurt me this time. I guess I believed the women he hooked up with were all attempts to put distance between us.”

“He was with a woman? Are you sure she wasn’t a friend?” I asked hopefully.

Jeremy shot me a look that questioned my intelligence. “That depends. You and Cameron are friends. When you hang out, does he greet you by examining your tonsils with his tongue?”

“He better not, or I’ll rip his fucking tongue out,” Trent grumbled and rolled onto his back.

I ignored Trent’s outburst. He was adorably grumpy in the morning, but I’d have to focus on that after Jeremy didn’t have that heartbroken look on his face. “I think he’s really bi, Jeremy.”

He sighed. “I know.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, took a deep breath, and dropped his arms with a defeated look on his face. “It’s time for me to let him go. I’m not sure how to do that while we’re both here, but graduation is only a few months away. I’m not sticking around after.”

My throat constricted, and a small squeak escaped before I could control myself. The thought of losing Jeremy never occurred to me. We’d been inseparable since the summer Becca and I spent at my parents’ lake house where we met him and Aiden. He was the person I turned to when my best friends moved on with their lives and mine stayed the same.

He was the same age as Aiden, but Jeremy had decided to go with a double major in business and marketing, which delayed his graduation a year past Aiden’s. I loved how ambitious he was and that we would graduate together. It was another sign to me that he and I were like a different kind of soul mates. Stupidly, I’d viewed graduation as a beginning for us, not the end.

“Don’t give me that look, Bite-size, I’m not abandoning you. I don’t think you realize yet, but you aren’t going to need me like you used to. I’m not the main man in your life anymore. Please don’t give me grief over this. I need to move on, move forward, or maybe just move. Please, Toni,” he begged.

I opened my mouth to argue, but I couldn’t deny the pain I saw on his face. I closed it and nodded my agreement.

“Thank you,” he whispered. And that was as much serious emotion as Jeremy could handle. A tiny glimmer came back into his eyes, and his mouth curved up. Always a bad sign. “I want to switch rooms with you.”

“Huh?” I asked, confused.

“You take my room, and I’ll take this one. Something about it creates earth-shaking orgasms. You’ve had your turn in the sex room, now you can take my room,” he explained.

“Sex room?” I asked, waiting for something that made sense to come out of his mouth.

He took another sip of his coffee. “I was sure Becca and Aiden were going to get slapped with a noise violation with their activities in here, and now I have an urge to build a Trent shrine due to the number of times I heard you say his name combined with God’s last night in my sleep.”

“Oh my God,” I exclaimed, embarrassed.

“Trent,” Jeremy added. I gaped at him. “Sorry, you weren’t praying? I heard ‘Oh my God, Trent,’ over and over last night. It’s wormed into my subconscious.”

Trent chuckled, and I slapped his chest. “Don’t encourage him,” I hissed.

“Anyway, if you were planning on praying again this morning, better make it a quickie. Aiden called. They are having a barbeque, and he expects everyone to come. Becca is getting restless, and he wants her to have some fun without leaving the house.”

“I’ll let you know.”

“Two hours and I’m dragging your ass out the door. You can’t keep avoiding everyone, Toni,” Jeremy retorted. He shut the door, preventing me from arguing with him.

“Don’t you want to see your friends?” Trent asked, studying my face.

I sighed. I did, but tension built in my stomach every time I knew I was going to be around them. I wasn’t sure what the cause of it was, but I knew exactly when it started.

It was almost two years ago now when Jeremy called and told me Becca was missing. I was stunned, terrified, and helpless. I couldn’t imagine who would want to hurt her, but looking back, we should have seen it coming.

Aiden’s mom and his ex-girlfriend Vanessa were trying to come between him and Becca. At the same time, a couple of sleazy lawyers from Colorado came to town to harass Becca so she wouldn’t testify against the pedophile that I now know raped her when she was thirteen. Becca stood in the way of Aiden’s gold-digging mom and ex getting their hands on his sizeable inheritance, and when the opportunity to try to get rid of her arose, they jumped at it.

Aiden’s mom and Vanessa paid the lawyers—more like hired goons—to abduct Becca, and they hit her over the head and shoved her into the trunk of their car. Quick thinking on her part helped her escape, but she’ll never get over the fact she killed one of them and put the other in the hospital.

Becca was able to make it to a vacant barn and hide in a storage closet until Reed, who was still a detective at the time, found her nearly frozen and suffering from a concussion. The rest of us spent the night worrying, praying, and trying to comfort each other.

Aiden was a mess, and I didn’t want to burden my friends by having my own freak out, so I locked the fear away deep inside myself. At least that’s what I tried to do, but that night, during the little sleep I managed to get, my nightmare returned.

Instead of the young woman with long, dark hair and a face I never saw clearly, Becca was there. I watched the same events unfold, but the woman I watched die while I hid, shaking in fear, was my best friend. For days after she came home from the hospital, I’d had flashbacks of that image.

Without examining it much, I turned to Kate rather than Becca. I know my distance hurt her, but Aiden and the birth of their son soon distracted her. I hated myself for pulling away from her, but every time I saw her, I felt panic rise in my gut.

Then it all started again when Kate’s ex-husband found her. She started getting creepy gifts, like a doll made to look like a dead baby. He was tormenting her for the child she lost after he beat her and her twin brother, putting both of them in the hospital.

Except this time it wasn’t only my friends that found themselves in danger. I was unlucky enough to be home the night he broke into our house to find her.

Ever since that night, I’ve had two versions of my nightmare. Most nights it’s the same as when I was a kid, and I watch the unknown woman get beaten to death, but some nights the woman looks like me.

It isn’t their fault. They don’t even know I have nightmares, but being around them reminds me of how vulnerable I feel in the dream. Sometimes I’m angry with them because they don’t see how scared I am all the time. It’s stupid, because I do everything I can to hide it, but I still wish they’d notice.

I knew I needed to tell them, but the words never came to me when they were around. It was easy to slip into our expected roles. Jeremy hides behind his humor, and I hide behind my carefree attitude. The truth was we were both a couple of liars.

Only, Jeremy confided in me sometimes. I knew how hurt he was over the way Cameron treated him. Until last night, I’d never even shared the fact I had nightmares. I rarely told him anything about how horrible my relationship with Miguel was, and when I did, I glossed over the details.

Maybe I was lying, not just to my friends, but to myself. I was ready for someone to know me, to see my pain and love me anyway. I hoped Trent could be that someone, and so I told him everything.

“You’re afraid of losing them,” he said when I was finished.

I nodded. Even though it wasn’t a question, I answered. I hadn’t even really allowed myself to get close enough to my feelings to figure out why I felt the way I did. I was terrified of something happening to them, which made the fact I was pushing them away all the more stupid.

“Do you want to go meet my friends?” I asked quietly.

Trent pushed my hair out of my face. “How are you going to introduce me?”

My mouth went dry. We’d talked about us, and I was pretty sure we were together, but what if he didn’t see it the same way? Just because we’d had sex last night didn’t mean he wanted me to skip around town telling everyone we were together.

“How do you want me to introduce you?” There, I managed to throw the ball back in his court.

“I’d like them to know I’m your boyfriend. They’re the most important people in your life, and I hope that’s why you want me to meet them,” he said, staring deep into my eyes.

I licked my bottom lip. “I’d like that.”

We took our time getting ready, which included a joint shower that lasted until the hot water ran out. Jeremy offered to drive us, but I opened my mouth to protest. I felt the need to have my own means of escape and was going to suggest Trent and I take his bike there.

“Don’t start, Itsy-bitsy. You have to get over whatever is creating this distance between you and them. They are your friends, and they love you. Why are you constantly pushing them away?”

Jeremy was right. I’d already come to the conclusion that I was being stupid. Unfortunately, realizing something was easier than actually changing my behavior. “You’re right, but I don’t want to discuss it. We’ll ride with you.”

Trent gave my hand a reassuring squeeze, and I told myself I was doing the right thing.

***

It didn’t take long for us to reach the edge of town where the houses became mansions and electronic security gates blocked the driveways. Becca’s life was so much different since she’d married Aiden Ryan, and I was thrilled for her. Not because of his money, but because Aiden was one of the sweetest men on the planet. He wasn’t hard to look at, either. That is, if you went for the tall, muscular, blue-eyed, sexy, boy-next-door look.

Trent’s eyes were wide when we walked around the back of the giant house. After having spent so much time here, I stopped seeing the property for what it was. Now it just seemed like a second home, a crazy, fortress-like second home.

I leaned into Trent and whispered, “I told you a bit about what happened to Becca and Aiden. He has a compulsion to keep them protected, and this is the result.”

“Seems reasonable,” he remarked.

I raised my eyebrow at his reply. I understood the reasons behind Aiden’s overprotectiveness, and I felt comfortable on his compound, but I don’t think I’d ever describe this sprawling property, six-foot fence, and hi-tech security system as “reasonable.”

Trent smirked at my expression and kissed me on the head. “He has money. And from what you’ve told me, he’s already experienced what some people will do to get access to it, and one of those people was his mother. Your friend doesn’t look like she feels smothered by the attention.” He jerked his chin in Becca’s direction.

When he put it that way, Trent was right, and Becca did look happy and loved. She was leaning against Aiden while he rubbed her belly. She was nearly eight months pregnant and had a noticeable bump. We all hoped this pregnancy would be easier than her first, since the drama in her life had gone way down, but she suffered from extreme morning sickness like she had with Scott.

I grabbed Trent’s hand and pulled him closer to where they were gathered. “Come meet my friends.”

We moved into the group, and I felt everyone’s eyes lock on to us. I’d never brought a guy around before, not even Miguel. Kate and Becca were practically vibrating with the urge to pull me aside and ask a million questions, but they held back. Jeremy was right; I’d pushed them away too far and for too long. There never used to be boundaries between Becca and me especially, but now there was a distance in our friendship that was completely my fault.