Destroy You (Destroy #3) (10 page)

I smiled shyly. “Guys, this is Trent McKenzie.” I squeezed his hand. “Trent, you met Kate and Reed at their wedding. You know Jeremy. Kate’s twin brother, Cameron, is over there. I think you also met Aiden and Becca at the wedding, too.”

Trent greeted everyone, and it didn’t take long for the guys to engage him in a serious discussion about baseball. Aiden played for the university before he met Becca. After Becca was abducted, he quit the team because he couldn’t stand the idea of being away from her for most of the spring. I think he missed it sometimes, but he was looking forward to coaching Little League when his children started to play.

Reed and Cameron both played in high school, and Jeremy was getting ready to start his last season playing for the college in a few weeks. Needless to say, baseball was practically a religion with these guys. Thankfully, Trent was a huge Mariners fan. I’d have to remember to ask him if he played in school.

With Trent preoccupied, I decided to get the inevitable talk I could see Becca and Kate wanted to have over with. Kate and I moved away from the guys, and Becca waddled quickly in my direction rubbing her lower back with a hand as she made her way toward me.

“Hey there, Momma. How are you doing this time?” I inquired.

Becca looked tired. Her face reflected an ache she was struggling to hide from everyone, probably to help Aiden relax. “I’m fine. Just some back pain,” she replied.

“Don’t try to distract us, not when I see you are finally getting together with the hot bartender,” Kate demanded.

I placed my wrist on her forehead, pretending to check her temperature. “Who are you, and what have you done with my friend Kate? Have you seen her? Tall, blond, legs for days, kinda shy?”

Kate rolled her eyes. “Please, I was reserved, and you try staying that way and be married to Reed, I dare you.” Her expression turned serious. “Don’t think we don’t realize you’re still trying to avoid talking to us.”

My friends deserved honesty. Jeremy ordered me to cut my shit, and he was right. “I wasn’t avoiding you. Well, I was, but not because I didn’t want to see you guys. I’ve almost lost both of you, and it scared me. I suck, I know that, but I’ll do better.”

Kate and Becca exchanged a look and nodded at me.

“We forgive you, but don’t disappear on us again,” Kate said and waved her hand in front of us, as if clearing a slate. “Now that that’s done, tell us about the sexy bartender.”

“Kate,” I exclaimed and laughed. I was still getting used to how she was now that her past was truly behind her. She was so free, and I envied her for that. I shrugged. “Trent and I met at my birthday after everyone left. We’ve been flirting and slowly getting to know each other, but the last few weeks he’s been more demanding. We’re together now, but I don’t know what that means, exactly.”

“Reed gets demanding sometimes,” Kate blurted out and waggled her eyebrows. “It’s hot.”

“Oh my God! I don’t need to know that shit. Reed and Aiden are both hot, but at this point they’re like my brothers. I do not need to hear that Reed likes to get freaky,” I begged.

“Aiden gets all growly and possessive. Obviously it works for me,” Becca said and rubbed her expanding middle. She then winced, and Kate and I both rushed to grab her a chair.

“Thanks,” she said once she sat down. She continued to rub circles on her belly and sighed. “I’ll be glad when this kid is born. I really thought it would be easier the second time. Enough about me, though. Toni, what do you mean you’re together but you don’t know what that means?”

I shrugged. “It means we aren’t seeing other people, and beyond that, I have no freaking clue what to think. Mostly it means I’m scared to think about it too hard, because if he changes his mind, I’m not sure I could keep breathing.”

“He doesn’t look like he’s going to change his mind,” Becca said. “He has the same lovesick expression on his face that Aiden and Reed have on theirs most of the time. It’s terrifying, because you care. The people we love can hurt us far more deeply than anyone else, even when they aren’t trying to.”

“What do I do?” I whispered.

Kate reached out and squeezed my hand. “I’ll tell you what not to do, from my experience. Don’t fight how you feel. Don’t turn away from him. Basically, don’t get in your own way. I wasted so much time running away from Reed, when the entire time I wanted to run straight to him. I thought I was protecting him, myself, or my brother, but I wasn’t. I was scared and stupid.”

“I’m trying,” I agreed.

Becca sucked in a breath. “I’m sorry to cut this conversation short, but I think I need to go lie down or something.”

“You don’t look great, Becs. I think you should call your ob-gyn,” I said.

“Toni is right,” Kate said.

Becca stood, and I instantly noticed the blood covering the wooden chair she was sitting in. I pointed at it. “Shit, Kate, look at her chair.”

“Aiden,” Kate screamed.

Everything seemed to happen in fast-forward after that. Becca’s eyes rolled into the back of her head as she slumped forward. Kate managed to grab her and gently lower her to the ground as Aiden barreled toward us.

“We need an ambulance,” I shrieked.

“It’ll take too long.” Aiden scooped her up and ran for the car.

Reed jumped behind the wheel of his SUV, and Aiden climbed into the backseat with Becca on his lap. Kate got into the passenger side, and they sped off.

I stood there frozen, shaking. This was what I was afraid of, this feeling of helplessness as someone I loved was suffering.

Trent came up next to me and handed me my purse. “I turned the grill off. Cameron is going to stay here and watch Scott when he wakes up from his nap. Jeremy is helping him settle in with Scott really quick and is going to meet us at the car. Come on, I have Jeremy’s keys, and we need to get the car pulled around front.”

“Trent, I…”

“I know you’re scared, Wildcat, but your friends need you. I know you’re strong enough to be there for them. Avoiding the hospital isn’t going to stop what’s happening, and it won’t protect you from hurting if something goes wrong.”

God, he was right. I hadn’t really planned on avoiding going to the hospital, but I probably would have tried to delay showing up, as if the problem would magically disappear if I ignored it. But I’d been overlooking my nightmares for years, and those hadn’t left. If I couldn’t solve a problem that was literally in my head by ignoring it, then sticking my head in the sand wasn’t going to help Becca. The only thing I could do for her was to take care of Aiden, and I could do that for her.

“You’re right, let’s go,” I said.

Chapter 13

Toni

I held my breath as we hurried down the corridor toward the ER. I stopped near the waiting room at the sight of Aiden with his forehead pressed against the window of the doors to the hallway that led to the surgical wing. His back and shoulders shook with the force of his silent weeping.

Trent let go of my hand, and I rushed over to Aiden. I put my hand on his back, and his trembling spread to his entire body.

“Come on, Aiden, we need to move away from the doors,” Jeremy urged as he and Reed came over to help me guide him to the waiting room.

The three of us directed him toward the tattered, old waiting room furniture. Aiden dropped down onto a love seat and pulled me down with him. He crumbled against me, and I held and rocked him back and forth while he fell apart.

“Toni, oh God. What am I going to do?” He sobbed. “How am I going to go on if…?”

“Shh now,” I cooed, running my fingers through his dark blond hair. “You aren’t going to have to find out. Becca isn’t going to leave us. She wouldn’t leave you and that beautiful little boy behind. You’ll see. She’ll hold on for you.”

“You don’t know that. You weren’t in the car when she started having a seizure in my arms. I couldn’t wake her after that,” he said, barely holding himself together.

We all sat quietly for a while after that. No words from anyone except the doctor would bring Aiden peace, and I refused to believe we’d be told anything other than she was going to be fine.

The doctor finally emerged after nearly an hour. “Mr. Ryan?” he asked, looking around the waiting room. When Aiden didn’t move, I raised my hand and pointed down at his slumped figure.

The doctor stopped in front of Aiden and waited a minute for him to look up. “Mr. Ryan, your daughter was born via cesarean section about fifteen minutes ago. She’s a few weeks premature and only three pounds, fourteen ounces. She has already been placed in an incubator in the neonatal intensive care unit. Her vital signs are strong, and the pediatrician is examining her now.”

“My wife?” Aiden asked.

The doctor’s gaze dropped for a moment, and my heart stuttered. “Your wife’s seizures were caused by eclampsia. That was likely the cause of the placental abruption, where the placenta separated from her uterus. It caused her to lose a lot of blood, and it cut off the oxygen to your daughter. We delivered your daughter quickly and were forced to perform a partial hysterectomy in order to stop your wife’s bleeding. As of right now, she is unconscious and listed in serious condition. Her heart rate became erratic during the surgery. She is unable to breathe on her own and has been put on a respirator.”

“Is she going to be okay?” Aiden whispered.

The doctor’s eyes reflected compassionate concern. “I can’t answer that right now. The only thing we can do is monitor her and hope. She’s being transferred to intensive care. You’ll be able to see her shortly. I can have a nurse take you to see your daughter now.”

The nurse was standing away from the incubator, likely so that Aiden didn’t have to wait to see his daughter. “If you’ll follow me, Mr. Ryan, I’ll go introduce you to your daughter.”

Aiden rose but refused to let go of my hand. “Toni, I can’t do this alone.”

I nodded. “Of course. Everyone else will be here if they have any news. Kate will be able to work her way back to us.”

“You bet your ass I can,” she agreed.

Past the maternity ward and the nursery was the NICU. Instead of beds, the patients were resting in Plexiglas incubators with monitors and tubes hooked up to the small boxes. The nurse led us to a washing station, where we washed our hands. We didn’t have to wear scrubs, because Aiden couldn’t hold his daughter until after they observed her vitals for a few more hours.

She was tiny, about the size of both my hands placed side by side. Her head was covered in soft-looking, flaming-red curls. Aiden reached inside and gently stroked her clenched fist.

For a second I saw the light return to his dark blue eyes, but once they reached mine it went right back out. “I feel guilty seeing her before Becca, but I don’t want her to be alone, either.” He watched her for a few more minutes with a look of awe and adoration. It only took seconds for him to fall in love with her, and I had no doubt she would be treated like a princess.

“She looks so much like her mother,” he said, trying to keep his voice from wavering. He focused on his little girl. “I can’t wait for your mommy to see you. You have her pretty red hair and her bow-shaped lips. I have you, my little Hope, and soon I’ll have both of my girls at home. Your mommy will wake up soon, and everything will be perfect.”

I had to try three times before I was able to make a sound louder than a squeak. My eyes stung from unshed tears, and my throat felt thick. “Is that her name? Hope?”

Aiden shrugged without taking his eyes away from the baby. “Do you think Becca will be mad if I name her? We were still trying to decide, but we thought we had more time. Right now that’s what this little one is, my hope, and I want to name her that.”

“I don’t think she’ll mind at all. It’s a beautiful name for a beautiful little girl,” I agreed.

It seemed like Aiden could use a moment alone with his daughter, and I wanted to go and see how Trent was doing. Watching one of my friends face losing the love of his life made me want to hold on a little tighter to Trent.

“Aid, I’m going to go back to the waiting room and see if there is any news,” I said. “I’ll send Kate to come and get you, and stay with Hope so you can see Becca. I doubt the staff will give her a hard time being in here without a family member present, since she still works as a nurse part-time.”

A NICU nurse let me out of the room and secured the door behind me. I quickly made my way back to the waiting room, where everyone except for Kate was still sitting on the uncomfortable furniture.

Reed looked up as I approached. “Kate went to find the charge nurse to get an update.”

I nodded in acknowledgement and continued toward Trent. He opened his arms to me and let me climb into his lap. His warm, spicy scent wrapped around me at the same time as his arms. I placed mine around his neck and held on tight.

“Hey, are you okay?” he whispered.

I shook my head. Becca had to be okay, because if she wasn’t, I wasn’t sure anything would ever be all right again. This time the fear wasn’t for myself but for someone I cared about. Losing her would hurt me, probably intensely and for a very long time, but it would destroy Aiden. Every time he looked into the face of that adorable little girl, he would see the woman he loved with his entire soul. Knowing him, he’d stay strong and continue to be an amazing father, but he’d never completely recover from the loss of Becca.

Trent slowly rubbed my back in a soothing pattern. “She’s going to be okay. I believe that. Don’t lose hope.”

I smiled slightly. “That’s the baby’s name, Hope. Aiden named her because they hadn’t picked a name out yet. He said they thought they had more time to choose one. What if they didn’t? What if they’ve had all the time they were meant to have, just one beautiful moment to last the rest of Aiden’s life?”

“Don’t assume the worst yet. Look, Kate’s back. Hear what she says before you start planning your friend’s funeral. Try to keep an open mind.”

“You’re right, but there’s something about hospitals that makes me uneasy. It’s a sense of foreboding, but it seems more like a memory.”

Kate stopped nearby and addressed all of us. “Becca has been settled into her room in the ICU. Her vitals are stable, but she’s still unconscious. She can have visitors now. Where is Aiden?”

“He’s in the NICU,” I said. “I told him you’d come find him when he could see Becca. He doesn’t want the baby to be alone, and it’s easiest for you to stay with her since the rest of us aren’t family.”

“I’ll go get him. The rest of you should go on home for a bit,” Kate advised.

“I’ll wait here for you, Katie-girl. After tonight, I can’t stand the idea of being somewhere you aren’t,” Reed said.

Kate smiled at him and turned her attention to me. “I’m staying for a while longer. I want to hear how Becca’s doing after he’s seen her,” I said.

“Yeah, I didn’t think anyone would actually leave,” she said.

Time dragged by in the waiting room. The television was tuned to a fishing show on mute. I never imagined anything could be more boring than televised fishing, but adding closed captioning managed to add the dullness it lacked with sound. I never left Trent’s lap, despite the abundance of other seating options available. Being away from him was unimaginable at the moment, and before long I found myself dozing off in his embrace. My head slumped down to his shoulder, and I allowed my eyes to close for a moment.

***

The fluorescent light flickered overhead with a steady, tinny hum. I sat on a threadbare, maroon chair with uncomfortable wooden arms and a lumpy cushion. Someone wrapped a thin blanket around me while I sat with my knees hugged tight to my chest.

Large machines filled the room with noise, a steady beep and the forced puff out of air. I tried to avoid looking at the bed, but my gaze continued to land on the still figure wrapped in bandages and tangled in tubes and wires. Bluish-purple bruises spread across the skin that was visible in the spaces between gauze.

The rhythm of the beeping changed, and then a shrill alarm sounded in the room. Hands latched on to my shoulders and began to force me out of the room.

“No, no, please no!” I needed to stay with her, couldn’t they see that? I fought them, kicking and hitting to try to remain in the room.

“Toni, wake up, Toni,” I heard Trent yell.

My eyes flew open, and I realized I was fighting against him. “I’m sorry. I thought…” I stopped fighting him and rubbed my hand across my face. “It’s this place. I’ve never had that nightmare before, but it was the same woman that I see in my usual one.”

I looked around the waiting room and realized some of my friends were sleeping in their chairs as well. “Is there any news?”

Trent shook his head. “No. Let’s see if Jeremy is ready to go. Everyone becoming sleep deprived isn’t going to help Aiden and Becca tomorrow.”

“Okay. I’ll need to go help with Scott tomorrow,” I agreed.

“Give me a few minutes and I’ll go grab the car. I’ll meet you out front,” Trent told me.

I walked over to Jeremy and kicked his foot. “Come on, you sexy beast. They aren’t going to let us see her tonight. Let’s go home and come back in the morning with some clothes and food for Aiden.”

“It feels wrong leaving them here,” Jeremy grumbled.

“She’s right. Kate and I will stay tonight. You guys can take over tomorrow. Between all of us, we won’t leave him here alone. I’ll call if anything changes,” Reed said.

Jeremy stood slowly. “Those chairs are a bitch,” he grumbled and tossed his arm around my shoulders. “Come on, Squirt. I need my bed. I didn’t sleep very well last night with the sexual Olympics going on in the next room.”

“Shut up,” I hissed.

Jeremy chuckled. The entire exchange was so normal for us that for a moment I believed everything would be fine.

He ruffled my hair. “Stop. I refuse to stand by while you mentally plan her funeral. Becca. Will. Be. Fine.”

“I’m scared,” I whispered.

“Me, too,” he admitted. “But she’s got this. She has to, because the alternative is unthinkable.”

I wanted Jeremy’s words to be true. I wanted the idea of losing my best friend to be unimaginable, but I felt a sense of déjà vu waiting in the hospital for her to wake up.