Christmas and Forever (3 page)

For three days after the crash, Sarah suffered, trying so damn hard to maintain a grip on her fragile thread of life. And within those gruesome days of her body hemorrhaging, doctors also tried everything medically possible to save their daughter, who died hours after she was delivered by cesarean section. The familiar pain clutched at him, held him in its rigid grip, refusing to lessen.

Those tiny hands he had touched for just a few minutes had felt so warm, filled with promises never to be fulfilled. The anguish ate at him, burning into his lungs and leaving him raw. He should have died with them. There was nothing fair or worthwhile about his continued existence. It wasn’t even as if he could say he had a role in helping to save the lives of others. That part of his life was also history, alongside the eroded nerve endings. So no, he didn’t blame everyone for keeping their distance…if only Liya had the same common sense and self-preservation.

“It’s free. The cabin is unoccupied.”

James continued to regard him strangely, with a sudden gleam entering his eyes. “You should go, too. It’ll be good for you, Christmas with your friends. Or rather, people who want to be your friends again. You can make some good memories there, Aidan. Trust me.”

That was out of the question. “You know I always spend the holidays with Sarah’s parents.” Silently he added, a
nd each and every year it’s getting harder to be around them
. If he was still in mourning, those two already had their lower halves in the ground with their daughter and grandchild. He even felt he had to wear black when visiting them, a color that depressed him even more.

“Understandable, but you were in love with their daughter, not them. You don’t owe them your soul.”

He took exception to James’ use of the past tense in regard to his love of Sarah, but decided to let it pass. That was the problem with everyone. They assumed that just because Sarah wasn’t here that his love for her had diminished, that he didn’t love her as much as the day of the accident and each day before that. It was unthinkable. Such emotions as strong as his did not die a quiet death. His promise, on that cold, sorrowful night as he’d sat by her bedside, assuring her that he would not give his heart to anyone else, had been easy to keep. Nothing and no one challenged his pledge, until Liya, and he wasn’t sure if he hated or liked her all the more for it. The simple fact that it
did
feel good to have that glimmer of hope, even if it felt like it was being dangled on a string light years away that only he was able to see, was a new wave of torment.

“I know I don’t owe them, but the fact remains I’m their last connection to Sarah and the baby.” As the words tumbled from his lips, Aidan knew there was no way he could bear another holiday with them.

“So then it’s a no-go for you? Cross your name off the list?”

Definitely, a ‘No’
.

“Maybe.” Oh, hell. Now why had he said that? He must truly be desperate for companionship for his brain to launch such a traitorous resolve, contemplating a weekend with his co-workers in a place he’d abandoned.

Aidan frowned as another thought assailed him. The names of the doctors James had mentioned were the ones who, alongside himself, volunteered services to the clinic he had organized. His body grew taut. Liya. She was staff too. Had James invited her also? The idea of spending time around her outside the working hours of the clinic was almost enough to send him into a panic.

When James issued a hurried goodbye, he barely registered the sound above his brain’s own machination. For the rest of the night as he reviewed the standard paperwork ensuring that all protocol had been adhered to on his unit and in between bouts of pain ricocheting through the lacerated muscles below the numerous layers of scar tissue on his leg, Liya ran, giggled and danced through his mind.

Aidan scoffed. He almost felt sorry for the girl. Her concerns were wasted on him in spite of the deadened part of his heart, which slowly awoke each time she uttered his name in that husky southern drawl with a girlish undertone, smoldering each syllable.

Sometime around nine p.m., Aidan stepped out of the hospital and pulled the lapels of his jacket together, bracing against the rush of Arctic breeze that bombarded his face. He blew out a breath and shoved his hands into the pockets of his coat as a light cloud of frost floated upward and away in the dense winter air.

Shifting his weight to the right, he carefully ambled down the sleet-slickened sidewalk. He didn’t mind the walk to his apartment, only a five-minute’s jaunt from the hospital. A small group of children led by a woman in an angel costume, complete with a flowing dress, golden halo and wings rushed down the pavement across the street. Laughter and chatter fluttered in their wake. His gut tightened. He didn’t think any of the children were older than six years old. The same age Isabella would have been had she lived.

Head down, he continued the trek unable and unwilling to watch the display of festivities as they stopped in front of a pharmacy and began the opening to
O Holy Night
. Fatherhood was a reward he would never get another chance to partake in. No. He hadn’t been impaired physically in that respect, but God forbid he did have sex with another woman, one thing was for sure: he would make certain a child would never result from the union. There wasn’t a single woman on earth who could replace Sarah, neither could another baby replace the daughter he’d held for two heavenly minutes.

And as Aidan thought of the family he had lost, subconsciously in his mind flashed an image of Liya with her dark, almost ebony-colored skin. His cock jerked in response, his balls heating and growing heavy despite the outside temperatures. Aidan lowered his gaze and glared. That disgusting thing between his legs knew nothing of loyalty. Liya was the complete opposite of every woman he had been with. The complete opposite of his quiet wife, who was slender with straight reddish-brown hair, milky white skin with a smattering of freckles dotting her nose. Liya was average height, curvy and full figured. Yet, even with the differences that should have prevented him from giving her a second look, it was those very things that he found himself more often than not picturing. His cock twitched again. Aidan gritted his teeth against an image of holding Liya’s soft flesh and seeing just how far he could sink into her before he lost the pitiful remnants of his sanity.

I want you to call me if you ever want to talk
.

God in heaven, he could actually hear her voice; and more frightening, he did want to make the phone call, even if it was just to test the merit of her words and see if it made her uncomfortable having to speak with him about more than frivolous issues. Doubtful. The girl…woman was shrouded in steel armor. Nothing he did seemed to vex or ruffle her.

So what if he called her, Aidan mused; what would he say? Tell her how much he abhorred the holidays because it reminded him of how lonely he was? That the winter season in general made him feel twenty years older than his age because of his leg, and as a matter of fact, he was looking forward to just getting home and massaging the ache away, something he’d have to live with the rest of his life? Liya would pity him even more. Right. If he let her into the recesses of his mind, the next thing would be for her to skip over to his apartment with a mug of warm milk to help him fall asleep. No thanks.

She was just a child playing at being a grownup
.
He had to remind himself of that. Had to remind himself that it was only the woe induced by an overblown holiday that seared the imprint of her breasts straining against the fabric of her sweater this morning into his mind. Aidan shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut. He might not love Liya, unsure even how much he liked her, but at this point it went without saying. Aidan Keegan was a faithless man, lusting after his young receptionist. At the same time a squall of wind blustered, slashing his face and causing his coat to billow at the ends. Aidan sighed. It seemed even the elements were in accordance with his self-assessment. He shoved his hands deeper into the coat pockets and carried on through the dusk.

Chapter Two

Monday morning, Liya arrived at work, greeted by an empty slush-filled parking lot. There was no sign of Aidan’s black BMW sedan. Although it was her obligation to open and ready the clinic for the day ahead, Aidan took it upon himself to arrive first or at least within minutes of her arrival. Winding toward the entrance, Liya reflected on the situation. Maybe it was for the best Aidan hadn’t shown up as yet. For starters, she could no longer tease him that he made a horrible and obvious stalker as he drove up beside her each morning, to which he always rolled his eyes and in a dry tone asked if she was ready to get serious with work.

Key in hand, Liya grasped the doorknob, pausing at the sleek lull of an engine rolling to a halt. Aidan. She zeroed in on the car, slightly annoyed to see Dr. Northrop exiting the Land Rover, his glasses fogged. Liya frowned. Usually the man showed up later in the week at the clinic, administering to the patients in Aidan’s absence when his presence was a necessity over at Mansfield General. Her heart plummeted all the way below her now-wobbly knees and onto the muddy snow. Did this mean something happened to him? Her questions and comments had angered him. Oh God, had she plunged a knife deeper into his wounds? Liya’s hands felt clammy, and the metallic taste of fear clung to her taste buds, burning the moisture from her mouth. What if Aidan had hurt himself…on purpose?

“Good morning, Liya.” A smile broadened Dr. Northrop’s face. No outward sign of ill tiding. Her shoulders sagged in blessed relief and her heartbeat trotted to a steady pace.

She extended a hand. “Morning, Dr. N. If you’re here to see Aid— I mean Dr. Keegan, I’m afraid he’s not here yet.”

The man chuckled, clearly amused that she had almost referred to Aidan by his first name. Blood raced up her spine. The last thing she needed was for anyone, let alone a colleague of Aidan’s, believing she had anything less than utmost respect for him as a professional.

“It doesn’t matter to me what you call him,” Dr. Northrop interjected. “Aidan’s not the one I came here to talk to. It’s you, young lady. I have an invitation for you.”

“Me?”

Dr. Northrop grinned in a patient manner. “Yes, you. A couple of the other doctors are gearing up for a holiday weekend up at Bear Ridge. We have a cabin all ready to go. You’re a member of the team, so how about it?”

Liya blinked. This was unexpected. She had already started her preparation for a holiday alone, which basically meant doing nothing at all. Sure, her two best friends had invited her to their family celebration, but as always she had declined the offer, not wishing to be relegated to third wheel on such an important holiday. As Dr. Northrop’s words sank in, excitement bubbled then deflated like a popped balloon just as quickly. Aidan. He was the problem. These people were his colleagues, if not friends. If he were going to be there, surely her presence would be out of the question.

“Will Dr. Keegan be there? I’m not sure it’s a good idea—”

“Aidan has other plans. He won’t be there.” Dr. Northrop’s brows shot up to his temple. “Why?”

“No particular reason. I just didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable since I seem to do quite a bit of that during the workdays.”

“Yeah, well, it’s a damn good thing for him, I’ll tell you that much. So can we count on your lovely presence, Miss Emerson?”

Liya blushed. She doubted Dr. Northrop would like knowing his comment was on the same level as that of an elderly man doling out compliments. “Yeah, I’m in. Thanks for the invite, by the way.”

The doctor rubbed his hands together as if more than satisfied by her answer. “All right. We’ll all meet up on Friday.” He whipped out a business card, flipped it over and handed it to her. “You already have the address and map drawn out?” Liya asked, her voice heightened in disbelief.

She felt like kicking herself for her slip of the tongue and for causing that knowing smirk on Dr. Northrop’s face. Damage control. “I respect Dr. Keegan,” she said formally. “That’s all. You know that, right?”

Dr. Northrop patted her shoulder. “I know, Liya. Like I said, don’t worry about it. It’s the holidays. Never know what might happen, right?”

“Um, okay. Will you also be there?” She hoped not. He was acting a bit too creepy for her taste today.

His resounding laughter put her at ease. “No. The wife’s family is flying down for Christmas and well, if I ever want to keep breathing, I better stay home.”

Later, after Dr. Northrop exited the parking lot, Liya sat alone in the clinic, double- checking the appointment roster. She tapped a pen on the desk and slid a glance to the clock on the wall. If Aidan didn’t get here in ten minutes, she would ring up his cell phone. The number was in her phone and only to be used in case of emergencies at the clinic, so no matter how often the temptation struck to call him, she knew it was impossible.

“I’m sorry for being so late.”

Liya swiveled in the direction of Aidan’s gruff voice as he came in through the doorway, his gait awkward. His grayish brown hair was brushed backward toward his nape and the suit he wore looked crisp, as if he had ironed it this morning. But the faint tinges of redness in his eyes, coupled with the lines below his lids, were unmistakable, and obvious to a chronic insomniac like herself.

“How long did you stay at the hospital last night?” She followed Aidan into the back room and poured him a cup of coffee.

“Thanks.” He sipped the drink and scrubbed a hand above his forehead. “Ten.”

“Oh.” That wasn’t very late. She should have known work wasn’t the culprit of his sleepless nights. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself,” Liya added quietly.

“You’re just a receptionist. I hardly think it’s appropriate for you to have an opinion on what I can and cannot
keep
doing.”