Baby Blues and Wedding Shoes (29 page)

“Helen, darling, how marvellous to see
you.”

Looking over Marcio’s shoulder, Helen
looked into the eyes of one of her former colleagues. She smiled in
greeting but was conscious of a sense of trepidation. Sara was nice
enough, but a terrible gossip; she was bound to spread the word
about her being here with Marcio. Helen hadn’t seen any of her
colleagues since her acrimonious lunch with Maria back in the
summer and the last thing she needed on what was really only her
third date with Marcio was a bitchy confrontation.

Sara approached the table and looked at
Marcio with an appreciative gleam. She addressed her words at Helen
without taking her eyes from Marcio. “Are you going to introduce me
to your delectable friend?”

Marcio stood slightly and held out his
hand. “Marcio, pleased to meet you.”

Helen decided she needed to be
friendly, so she also rose and leaned over to peck Sara on the
cheek. Sara glanced down and her smile became wolfish. “Goodness
me, but you’ve been busy since Daniel dumped you! And we thought
you’d disappeared because you were pining.”

Hot blood rushed to Helen’s face as she
returned to her seat. Eyes flashing fire, she was about to retort
when Marcio gently reached across the table and pressed her hand in
a significant way.

He looked up at Sara, turning on his
most charming smile. “Yes, isn’t it marvellous? We’re very excited
about being parents. Do you have children?”

Knowing that Sara was too absorbed with
climbing the career ladder to even keep a man for five minutes,
Helen was gleeful at Marcio’s words. He couldn’t have said anything
more designed to repulse her.

“Goodness, no!” Sara confirmed, “Noisy,
smelly things.” Then realising that perhaps this wasn’t the most
diplomatic thing to say, she hesitated before recovering quickly,
“But of course adorable. So when is he or she due?”

“T
hey
are due in February,”
Helen purred, rubbing her stomach lovingly.

“
Twins?”
Helen could see Sara
was thrilled to be the possessor of so much gossip. She had more to
add. “You know Daniel has a new job?”

“Oh yes, something Japanese wasn’t it?
Good for him.” Helen’s voice was icy with indifference.

Frustrated on that front, Sara
continued. “He’s engaged too, I hear. Didn’t take long.”

Helen swallowed hard. She didn’t care
for Daniel any more, but knowing he had got engaged again so soon
sent shards deep into her heart.
I can’t believe he replaced me
so quickly. So much for love.
She looked across at Marcio and
realised that she, too, had found a replacement for Daniel in her
heart. Her brain ached with confusion and she was furious with Sara
for bringing darkness to her date with Marcio.

Determined not to show Sara how much
her words had disturbed her, Helen forced her cheeks into a wide
smile and a dangerous glint appeared in her eyes.

“Ah, I’d heard he was dating again. He
probably did a deal with the wedding venue when I left him, so as
not to lose his deposit. That’s
very
Daniel.”

Marcio’s eyes twinkled as he watched
Helen wade into battle. He hadn’t seen this side of her before. He
liked it. Sexy.

“I suppose you don’t have much contact
with the City anymore, now you’re
expecting
.” This said in a
tone that suggested Helen was much to be pitied.

“No, thankfully, I’m too busy with my
photography.”

“Oh yes, your little hobby, how
lovely.”

Marcio felt compelled to defend Helen,
even though he could see she was easily holding her own. “Yes, it’s
a good hobby that sees you take the front page of
Femtastic
.” His face glowed with pride, and he inwardly
chuckled at the sour look that settled on Sara’s face.
Femtastic
was clearly one of the magazines she subscribed
to.

Glancing theatrically at her watch,
Sara pasted a sickly smile on her face and shone it at Helen and
then Marcio. “So lovely to catch up, and to meet you, Marcio. I
must dash.”

As she exited the restaurant, Helen and
Marcio collapsed in giggles, startling the waiter as he arrived
with their meal.

“Do you still miss your office job?”
Marcio raised his eyebrows with the question, a forkful of calamari
hovering halfway to his mouth.

“I don’t miss bitches like her, that’s
for certain.”

“Hush now,” Marcio admonished, “not in
front of the children!”

Helen smiled before giving Marcio an
arch look in return. “If you remembered that I had the front cover
of
Femtastic
, why didn’t you ask them for my contact details
when your wallet was stolen?”

Marcio looked wide-eyed at Helen, his
mouth a perfect ‘o’ of horror. Then he smacked his forehead hard.
“What a complete idiot. I have that damn picture of Rosa staring at
me and it never even occurred to me. You know I work for that
publishing house?”

“No, I didn’t. That makes you even more
of an idiot, doesn’t it?”

Helen chuckled at the look of chagrin
on Marcio’s face. Then something else from their conversation with
Sara occurred to her.

“Did you mean it?” Helen asked quietly,
busying herself with her ham and melon, eyes firmly on her
plate.

“Mean what?” Marcio’s voice was quiet
as he sensed the change of mood.

“Did you mean it when you said you were
looking forward to being a parent?” She looked up then, earnest,
needing him to be honest. “I don’t expect you to do it, you
know.”

“Do what?”

“Be their parent. It’s a huge
responsibility and I’ve only known you five minutes.” She inhaled
deeply. Her next words might signal the end of what they had.
Ignoring the gnawing sensation in her stomach she forced herself to
speak. “It’s just that there aren’t many weeks until February and I
don’t want to get used to having you around, only for you to run
scared when the time comes.”

Marcio reached across the table and
took Helen’s hand. “I’ve never wanted
anything
more than I
want you. All of you.” He looked into her green eyes, willing her
to believe him. “Of course I would prefer it if they were mine, and
in an ideal world I would have met you a year ago, and we could
have had some fun first.” He winked and Helen felt a quiver of
desire run through her.

Marcio smiled as he correctly
interpreted her response, but then his face became serious again.
“But when life deals you an amazing hand like this, after the
terrible one I thought I was holding, well, you don’t complain that
it’s all kings instead of all aces.”

Tears leaked out the corner of Helen’s
eyes and trickled down her face, leaving tracks in her makeup.
Marcio was round the table in a heartbeat, his arms cradling her
shoulders protectively.

“What is it? What did I say?”

“The most beautiful things,” she
sobbed, as the tears fell harder. “Sorry, it’s the hormones, don’t
mind me.” She smiled weakly at him and Marcio laughed.

“What are we going to do with you?” He
kissed the tears dripping down her face, then handed a napkin. “Dry
your eyes and eat your food before the children think you’re
starving them!”

As they walked back to the Tube after
dinner, fingers entwined, Marcio turned to Helen and declared,
“I’ve decided to send a couple of my novels to agents.”

“What made you change your mind?” Helen
remembered their conversation about Marcio’s fear of rejection.

“Two reasons.” Marcio’s voice was
definite. “Firstly, no rejection could hurt as much as the look you
gave me, when we arrived at that day care centre.”

“I’m so sorry,” Helen was instantly
contrite, squeezing Marcio’s hand in apology.

“Don’t be; you had every right to be
angry. Anyway, it made me realise that stuff hurts and then you get
over it. You can’t get through life without pain. Hopefully I’ll
feel like that about rejection letters.”

“You speak as if they’re a given.”

“They are! How many authors have you
heard say they had forty rejection letters before their novel was
accepted and now they’re a bestseller.”

“What’s your second reason?”

“Money. We need money, you and I.”

Helen wasn’t quite sure what to say.
Marcio spoke as if they were already a family, but she had only
known him for a short time. Part of her was elated but she was
equally scared. She had thought she had a family with Daniel; they
had planned their wedding for heaven’s sake. They would have been
married by now, if things hadn’t turned out differently.

Marcio felt the change in Helen’s grip
on his hand. “What’s wrong?” He turned to her, and pulled her to a
standstill in front of an all-night pharmacy. In the light from the
window he studied her face.

Not able to take the searching look,
Helen turned to look through the window. The display included baby
bottles, soft comforters, nappies. It seemed babies were
everywhere. She considered her reflection, her bump stretching a
foot in front of her.

How will Marcio feel when the babies
are no longer gentle kicks against his outstretched palm? Many
fathers get scared and Marcio isn’t even the father.

He was talking of them all, of the
future, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

I have to think about myself and the
babies first. Will I be able cope, if Marcio panics when the babies
are born? If he leaves us then?

Some of her thoughts must have appeared
in her face because Marcio gently put his hand under her chin and
turned her head until he could make eye contact.

“Am I scaring you? I’m scaring me too!
I realise we barely know each other, but it feels more right than I
could ever have imagined. Not just you or us, but the babies too.
Whatever happens, and I mean
whatever
, I will be there for
you, even if just as a friend. I won’t abandon you. I
couldn’t.”

He pulled her close, reaching around
the bump to hold her tightly. He buried his face in her hair,
breathing in the familiar scent. His next words were barely
audible, muffled by her hair, but they made Helen shiver with
emotion.

“Now I have found you again; now I know
what it means to lose you, I will be always around, I promise.”

He pulled himself away, aware of the
strong feelings threatening to overwhelm him. He tried to break the
tension.

“Besides, it’s not really about the
money. If one of my novels turns bestseller that would be rather
cool, don’t you think?”

Helen attempted to match his mood,
“Don’t you mean
when
?” She linked arms with him and they
resumed their walk.

“How can you say that, you’ve never
read one of my books.”

“Well, we’d better rectify that, hadn’t
we? Send me one over, I’ll proof-read it for you before you send it
out to be judged, as you put it. I did used to be an executive
assistant; I’m quite good at detail.”

“You’re on!”

They continued in comfortable silence
but Helen’s heart was still troubled. When something appeared too
good to be true, it usually was.

Chapter
Eighteen

“I emailed him, like you said.”

Sharni and Helen were in Pops, catching
up on the Derek saga.

“And?” Helen wasn’t sure she wanted to
know the answer.

“This was his response.” Sharni handed
Helen her Blackberry with an email on the screen. She sat chewing
her thumbnail while Helen read the message.

“What do you think?”

“Hang on, I haven’t finished it yet.”
Helen scanned the message, reading each line twice in the hope of
finding something personal.

“Well, he doesn’t tell you it was all a
terrible mistake.”

“Helen, he doesn’t say anything at
all.” Sharni’s voice was a wail. “Just f-stop this, meter-reading
that, blah blah bollocks.”

“Maybe he’s worried about your
reaction. Perhaps you have to be more obvious?” Privately she
thought Derek hadn’t said anything because he was either
embarrassed at snogging an ex-student or because he did it so often
it wasn’t anything to think about. Either way it was likely her
friend was out of luck. Unsure what to say, she tried to change the
subject.

“Have you seen much of the others? I’ve
lost track of them since…”

“Since you started shagging a fit
Spaniard?”

Helen blushed. She’d been forced to
come clean about Marcio that morning, after they were found
in
flagrante
by an early visit from Sharni, keen to discuss her
disaster with Derek.

“After I found out I was pregnant, I
was going to say.” Helen’s face flushed hotter. “I’ve had a few
emails from Dawn, but I haven’t really heard from Stuart or
Ben.”

“I catch up with Dawn every week or so.
She’s become like my second mum since I went to stay.” Sharni
smiled.

Helen looked at Sharni with eyebrows
raised. Sharni had never explained how she knew Dawn had an
en-suite spare room. With everything that had happened since she
had also stayed with Dawn, it had slipped Helen’s mind to ask.

Sharni saw her expression. “Dawn didn’t
tell you?”

“I don’t think Dawn breaks
secrets.”

“Happen you’re right, although it
wasn’t really a secret. I went to stay for a while the last time
mother and father brought home one of my
cousins
.”

Sharni’s face said more than words ever
could. They never discussed the pressure Sharni faced from her
parents to marry the man they wanted her to. Helen couldn’t begin
to imagine how difficult it must be to live in that environment.
She wasn’t surprised Sharni left for a few days; she was only
surprised that she didn’t leave for good.

“I go for beers with Ben, now and
then,” Sharni continued, apparently not willing to discuss her
familial situation any further. “You know, to cheer him up.”