Zombie Lover (2 page)

"Oh, I get it," Breanna said. "The key board unlocks the writer's block." But her problem wasn't being blocked, but needing to get some sleep.

She saw a spreading tree whose branches might offer a decent place to be. But then she recognized it as a sycamore, and the last thing she wanted was to get more and more sick.

Then she remembered something she had seen nearby; dark glasses. They were supposed to have a spell to put folk to sleep. So she walked back to the spectacle bush she had passed recently and checked it over. Sure enough, one of its offerings was a handsome dark pair. And, conveniently close, was an open shelter with what looked like a comfortable bed under a pleasant canopy. Nobody was using it, so she would borrow it for a few hours.

She lay down on the bed, put on the dark glasses, and closed her

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eyes Immediately she felt the magic taking hold, and sank into a lovely dark slumber

Suddenly Breanna couldn't breathe, something was covering her mouth and squishing her nose She struggled, reaching wildly with her arms—and discovered that a head was resting on her face It was a man In fact, he was kissing her1

She grabbed him by the ears and heaved him off her innocent lips She tried to scream, but first had to inhale, and in the time it took to do that she was sitting up so violently that her dark glasses fell off Blinding day assaulted her eyes, and she had to squeeze them tightly closed When she shut her eyes, her mouth shut too, stifling her scream She had never thought to practice screaming with her eyes

closed

By then she realized that maybe a scream was not in order Who was this man who had taken such advantage of her1? It might be better to find out before she took further action. After all, men did have their points, and it behooved a girl not to throw them away carelessly

She squinted, letting only a little light in The man was standing there, a somewhat hazy outline He didn't look dangerous at the moment. "Who are you9" she demanded "Why did you molest me9"

"I am King Xeth," he replied in a somewhat scratchy voice "I kissed you awake "

"I know that1 What made you think I didn't want to sleep in peace7" She was irritable, because of her rude awakening from slumber Her systems were not yet back on track

"You are in the Pavilion of Love " His speech was slightly slurred, but she could make it out Her vision was improving as her eyes acclimatized to the daylight

"The what9"

He pointed to a sign beside the bed It said PAVILION OF i OVE

Breanna drew a blank
  
"What's that7"

"When a woman wants to marry, she sleeps in the Pavilion ot Love," he explained "Only a man of good appearance, character, and breeding can enter If he chooses her. he kisses her awake I was so glad to find a sleeping beauty instead of a sleeping bag "

Things were beginning to come together, but not in a way that reassured her "But I'm not ready to marry anyone1" she protested "I'm only fifteen "

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"1 am thirty," he responded "I love your lustrous black hair and glowing green eyes I am sure you will make a good wife "

Breanna realized that she had blundered into real mischief "It was a mistake I didn't see the sign I was just resting I can't marry you " She got off the bed and began sidling away

"I will marry you and make you queen of the zombies," he said "You are young and healthy and fully alive, so it will be a long time before you rot''

Breanna wanted nothing so much as to get well away from here, but this made her pause involuntarily "Queen of what9"

"The zombies We felt it was time to have our own kingdom, so we held an election, and the healthiest zombie won Me But it is a condition of kingship that I marry, so as to summon a suitable heir and continue the line That's why I came here, to find a wife "

"You—you're a zombie'" she asked, newly appalled Her hand came up to wipe frantically at her mouth Her lips didn't feel zombied, but she wanted to wash them ten times as thoroughly as possible Was it contagious9

"Yes, of course
 
How else could I be king of the zombies9"

"This is absolutely impossible'"

"By no means My mother is Zora Zombie, who married the living man Xavier forty years ago It took them a while to summon the stork, because not all of her necessary innards were healthy, but—''

"I don't want to hear it1" Breanna shrieked Actually she had not meant that she doubted him to be a zombie, she could now see that there were some sagging places on him, incipient flesh rot, and the reason for his slurring was apparent a mushy tongue She had meant that it was impossible for her to marry him She wasn't ready to marry anyone, least of all a zombie

"There is no need for you to hear it, if it bores you," Xeth said equably "'Come with me now to Castle Zombie, where the wedding will be organized You will want to meet your new subjects "

"No I won't1" she cned "I won't marry you' I'm just a girl A living girl I'm getting out of here'" Now at last she suited action to word, and charged out of the pavilion

"But it has been decided," he protested "You slept here I kissed you All the zombie women will be jealous of your lustrous long hair and firm flesh "

"Let them be jealous of something else1" she flung back
  
"Find

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another girl! I'm sure one will come to sleep in the pavilion soon. I'm gone!" She dodged behind a beerbarrel tree and kept going.

"No, you are the one," Xeth called after her. "I loved you the moment I entered the pavilion, as its magic decrees. I love your burned black color. I love your high emotion."

She was running, but not out of range of his voice. "What do you know of my emotion?"

"That is my talent: mind reading. I may fudge the details somewhat, but the power of your emotion comes through delightfully. I can tell that you have very strong feelings for me."

"That's because I loathe the very notion of being close to you!" she shot back.

"Yes, you love the notion of being close to me," he agreed. "It will be a perfect marriage."

She suspected that there was a bit of rot in his ear, too, but she didn't stay to argue the case. She tried to sneak behind a small tangle tree, but he still pursued her. "Why don't you marry a nice zombie girl?" she demanded over her shoulder.

"Because they are all too rotten," he said with considerable accuracy. "While that is no fault ordinarily, it is a fact that the storks don't like to deliver babies to zombie women. That's why it took ten years to persuade the stork to deliver me to my mother. So I need a living woman, just as my mother needed a living man. You are just perfect."

He had given her much too good an answer. She could not refute it logically. So she tried to do it emotionally. "I'm not perfect! I'm too young and immature and unready to settle down. I don't love you."

"You will surely grow older and more mature, and learn to settle down. You will be a fine inspiration for our corps d'esprit, our undead army. And I know where there is a fine love spring. The one where my mother learned to love my father."

He was still out-arguing her. If there was one thing she detested worse than a zombie, it was a smart zombie. So she let fly with the truth. "I don't want to marry a zombie!" Then she ran as fast as her healthy living legs could propel her, and soon left him out of sight and hearing.

Soon she got smart. She knew he would follow, so she couldn't

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rest until she was so far away he would never find her. After that, she would figure out what else to do.

She slowed, so as to let some of her breath catch up with her, and picked her way carefully, so as to leave no obvious trail. When she came to a stream, she waded through it, pausing only to wash her fouled mouth out several times. She followed it upstream, then followed a dragon trail for several paces, before doubling back and wading farther upstream. If the zombie thought she had gone that way, he would encounter the dragon. She wasn't sure how dragons felt about zombies, but at least it would be a distraction.

At last she spied a branch hanging over the water. She reached up to catch it, and hauled herself up and into the tree. She made her way to a branch on the opposite side, and dropped off into a gully that led away from the stream. It should be just about impossible to track her this far.

But just to be sure, she climbed another tree, and hid herself carefully amidst its thick foliage. She would wait here until the end of the day, very quietly.

She was tired, after all that fleeing. She took a good grip on the branches, and relaxed, physically. She was too excited and horrified to relax mentally. She let her ears be her eyes, listening for any untoward sound.

All too soon it came: the clumsy crashing noise of a zombie in a hurry. She peered out between the leaves, just to be sure. Yes, it was a zombie, not Xeth, but another one, somewhat farther gone. He was headed in her direction.

How could he know? He wasn't even following her trail! What gave her location away?

Breanna decided to find out. She knew that the average zombie wasn't phenomenally smart, because its brain was rotten. "How did you know where I am?" she called.

"Wee cah feeel yooor maghic," it answered. It was not able to speak as well as Xeth, being farther gone. "Wee are aall loooking."

"You can feel my magic? What magic?"

"Your maghic tzalent."

Breanna waited no more; the thing was getting too close. She lurched out of her tree, dropped to the ground, and set off running again. Now she knew two things: they could feel her magic, and there

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were many zombies out looking for her Maybe that wasn't surprising, since Xeth was a zombie king Maybe they cast about aimlessly— that wasn't hard for a zombie to do—until one of them happened to come within sensing range of her Then he oriented on her magic

She saw another zombie ahead of her She dodged to the side, but found the way blocked by a five-sided object She recognized it a penta-gone Anything that touched it would be gone, nobody knew where, and she didn't want to risk it So she slowed, and stepped very carefully around it

The zombie behind her was less careful It blundered right into the penta gone—and suddenly was gone That was a relief

But now Breanna had blundered herself, into a bog She was in danger of getting her black shoes all gooky So she had to pick her way through it, going from hummock to hummock

There was a huge fat monster Breanna squished to a stop, concerned about just how dangerous it might be So she asked it "What are you?"

The monster oped its ponderous and mottled mouth and spewed forth an answer
 
"I am a hippo-cnt " "Are you dangerous9'1

"No
 
I am a harmless friendly lovable cuddly creature " But Breanna had an intuition that all was not quite right Then she made the connection
 
hypocrite One who said one thing but did another She couldn't trust it

But maybe she could use it "Well, there's a really tasty morsel of a man following me" she said, sidling around the creature "Too bad you're so friendly and harmless, because he would have made a nice meal for you " She found firmer footing beyond a hummock, and was satisfied that she could make a good run for it if she had to "Too bad," the hippo agreed, and shifted its bulk to block the passage of the next person passing this way