Where Rainbows End (30 page)

be there for her and she would have accepted him, as children do, no matter what he was like. I feel angry at him for not being there for
her
. I’ve finally lost that selfish part of me.

Once again, I don’t quite know where I’m headed Steph. It seems that every few years I’m shoveling up the pieces of my life and starting from scratch all over. No matter what I do or how hard I try I can’t seem to reach 262

Cecelia Ahern

the dizzy heights of happiness, success, and security, like so many people do.

And I’m not talking about becoming a millionaire and living happily ever after. I just mean reaching a point in my life that I can stop what I’m doing, take a look around me, breathe a sigh of relief, and think “I’m where I want to be now.”

I’m missing something, you know? That special “sparkle” that life is supposed to bring. I have the job, the child, the family, the apartment, and the friends, but I’ve lost the sparkle.

And in answer to your question about Alex, I don’t know what he thinks of my new job because I haven’t heard from him in a long time. He’s so busy saving more valuable lives and attending charity functions that I couldn’t possibly expect him to get in touch with a friend like me. He’s far too busy hooking up with “old” friends. Slutty ones at that.

BON VOYAGE!

I’LL MISS YOU BOTH LIKE CRAZY, THINGS WON’T BE THE SAME WITHOUT YOU BUT I HOPE YOU HAVE A BRILLIANT TIME!

LOVE,

ROSIE

TO GRANDMA AND GRANDDAD,

HAVE FUN, SEND US LOADS OF POSTCARDS.

LOVE,

KATIE (YOUR
FAVORITE
GRANDDAUGHTER) ALICE AND DENNIS,

I WISH YOU GOOD HEALTH AND SAFETY ON YOUR TRIP. AND HAVE FUN

TOO!

MY PARENTS WISH YOU THE BEST, THEY SAID THEY WILL PROBABLY

JOIN YOU HALFWAY!

BEST WISHES,

ALEX

TO MUM AND DAD,

BON VOYAGE!

264

Cecelia Ahern

HAVE A WONDERFUL ADVENTURE AND DON’T FORGET TO LOOK US UP

WHEN YOU’RE PASSING BY!

LOTS OF LOVE,

STEPHANIE, PIERRE, AND JEAN-LOUIS

MUM AND DAD,

TRY NOT TO GET SEASICK! SEE YOU WHEN YOU GET BACK.

LOVE,

KEVIN

You have an instant message from: ALEX

Alex:

Hello.

Rosie:

Oh so he
is
still alive. Where have you been for the past few weeks?

Alex:

Hiding.

Rosie:

From whom?

Alex:

You.

Rosie:

Why?

Alex:

Because I’m dating Bethany again and I was afraid to tell you because you hate her with a passion and then you found out from
her
first which made things even worse. So I was hiding from you.

Rosie:

Why?

Alex:

Because I thought you’d come over here and kill me.

Rosie:

Why?

Alex:

Because you think she’s a slut and that she’s no good for me Rosie:

Why?

Alex:

Because you’re my overprotective best friend and you’ve always hated my girlfriends (and wife) and I’ve always hated your boyfriends (and husband).

Rosie:

Why?

Alex:

Well because he had an affair, for one . . .

Rosie:

Why?

Alex:

Because he was an absolute fool and he didn’t no how lucky he was.

love, rosie

265

But let’s not talk about him anymore because he’s gone and he’s never coming back

Rosie:

Why?

Alex:

Because I scared him off.

Rosie:

Why?

Alex:

Because I’m your best friend and I care about you.

Rosie:

Why?

Alex:

Because I’ve nothing better to do.

Rosie:

Why?

Alex:

Because it’s the unfortunate way that my life turned out, whatever happened made me care about you and yours. Anyway it’s great that I don’t have to hide anymore.

Rosie:

Why?

Alex:

Because I’ve apologized.

Rosie:

Why?

Alex:

Because I’m tired of not hearing from you and I miss you.

Rosie:

Why?

Alex:

Because (and I’m now saying this through incredibly gritted teeth). You. Are. My. Best. Friend. But I have to warn you, I’m not going to listen to any of your bitchy remarks about her this time round.

Rosie:

Why?

Alex:

Because I really like her Rosie and she makes me happy. I feel like the little boy working in Dad’s office again. And just think, if it wasn’t for you getting so drunk on your sixteenth birthday that you had to get your stomach pumped, we never would have been caught, we wouldn’t have been suspended, and I wouldn’t have been punished so severely by having to file every piece of paper in the world in Dad’s office where I might add, I would never have met Bethany. So it’s all down to you my dear friend!

Rosie:

OH WHYYYYYY??? Dear god, oh why?

Alex:

Ha ha. I better go now because I’ve got surgery in a few hours.

Rosie:

Why?

Alex:

Because I happen to be a cardiac surgeon and there’s a poor man, 266

Cecelia Ahern

called Mr. Jackson if you really must no, who needs aortic valve surgery.

Rosie:

Why?

Alex:

Because he has aortic stenosis.

Rosie:

Why?

Alex:

Well the reasons behind aortic incompetence in general are rheu-matic.

Rosie:

Why?

Alex:

It’s due to annulo-aorto ectasia, endocarditis, and aortitis among others. But don’t worry (because I no that you are), Mr. Jackson will be fine.

Rosie:

Why?

Alex:

Because thankfully due to 75 years of studying I have learned an operation involving the ball valve prosthesis which will help him.

Rosie:

Why?

Alex:

Oh Rosie . . . OK but you asked . . . it will help him because after induction of circulatory support by extra corporeal circulation, cooling of the patient and heart, the aorta is x-clamped and the aorta valve exposed after the aorta is opened.

Rosie:

Why?

Alex:

So the aorta valve can be examined and excised for the aortic valve replacement. So then the sizing of the aortic annulus is done by a valve sizer.

Rosie:

Why?

Alex:

To help select the size of the aortic valve prosthesis. Then the valve sutures are placed into the aortic valve annulus and into the heart valve prosthesis.

Rosie:

Why?

Alex:

To tie the valve prosthesis secure into the valve annulus
of course
.

So then the artificial heart valve is in place, the aorta is closed by a running suture, the heart is de-aired and the operation is finished.

And Mr. Jackson will be a healthy man. Any more questions?

Rosie:

The aorta, it’s in, like, the heart, right?

Alex:

Very funny Rosie. OK I’m really going this time; I’m really glad we love, rosie

267

had this discussion and that we’ve cleared the whole Bethany thing right up. So I’m forgiven.

Rosie:

No.

Alex:

Great stuff, thanks. Speak to you soon.

Alex has logged off

Rosie:

Thanks for asking about my job,
Doctor
.

from:

Rosie

to:

Ruby

subject:

Help!

Help . . . (Meek feeble little voice) Help me . . . Oh dear, my head. My poor, poor head. My even poorer brain cells, they never even had a chance, they’re gone. Dead. The pain and suffering my mind and body experience right now is pure torture. I pray that the end is nigh, let me see the light so that I may follow thee . . . It’s 4 o’clock in the afternoon and I am bedridden (not exactly half as much fun as it sounds) and bed is where I shall stay for the remainder of my years. Good-bye world, farewell all, thanks for the memories.

And of the ones remaining from last night I shall try to explain to you exactly what I got up to, although there seems to be a heavy mist working its way in from the edges of my brain toward the center. I’ll try to get it all out before I’m surrounded in fuzziness.

After you threw me out of your house in your mad rush to get to last-minute dance lessons I sat at the bus stop for AN HOUR and waited for the bloody bus to turn up. Honestly Ruby I strongly urge you to think of investing in a fireman’s pole for your home so that when Ricardo calls you for one of your emergency dance lessons you can press the panic button of your alarm, slide down the pole, and dive into your mini-mobile, remembering to blare salsa music as a warning for all traffic who dare obstruct the urgent call of hip movement. Next time you invite me out on a “girls’ night in”

though I’ll be careful not to spend my meager amounts of money on booze.

268

Cecelia Ahern

So me and my two off-license bags waited at the bus stop and I began to work my way through one of them (out of pure boredom of course). Anyway eventually I arrived at Brian the Whine’s house and he informed me as he opened the front door that he had given Katie permission to stay at Toby’s house for the night (which by the way really annoyed me because I’m the one who usually tells her what she can and cannot do).

So I started to explain that to him in the hall but I stopped when his face moved uncomfortably close to mine and hovered so near we were practically nose to nose. Well I can tell you now that my heart beat wildly at the thought he was going to kiss me. It beat wildly with fear and disgust by the way, due to the thought that perhaps Brian the Whine would take advantage of a slightly pissed woman, I had visions of a horrifying repeat of when we were eighteen years old at the school dance, then of me being pregnant with Brian the Whine kid number two. But when he started to sniff around my face like he was a dog deciding whether to piss on me or not, I strangely stopped worrying. (Perhaps that’s when I should have started?) Anyway he only ended up asking me if I was drunk and of course I told him that it was absolutely none of his business whether I was or not, I was a grown woman, had raised a daughter all on my own with absolutely no help from him or his family (it always gets back to that fact every time), that it was Saturday night and I could do whatever the hell I wanted, like dance around the street naked without having to answer to him (why I chose that as an example I don’t know but I was just pissed off that I had to come back to
his
house and explain to
him
details of
my
own life when
he
shouldn’t have to know). As I shouted all this at him I was waving my arms around wildly and the two bags of bottles and cans were clinking together nicely, kind of like background music to my rant.

Of course he looked at me like I was a crazy person that had ten heads (and at this stage from my view he
did
have ten heads) and said he didn’t give a damn whether I was drunk or not, he just wanted to let me know that his parents were in the living room and they had come over to discuss getting to know Katie and me. He presumed I wouldn’t want to meet them for the first time drunk. That’s all.

Well.

love, rosie

269

While it was thoughtful of him to inform me of their presence (and to send Katie over to Toby’s house while we discussed it), I stood in the hall in shock for quite a while. I just thought of the fact that Katie would have another set of grandparents, yet even more people in her life she had never met before. And then I became angry by that fact. And even more angry by the fact that all these years I knew who they were, they knew well who I was, they had passed me in the street on numerous occasions while I was pregnant, then again when Katie had been born, had heard the rumors that she was Brian’s child yet never bothered to make any sort of contact or give help of any kind. The last I had heard of them was that they had sold up and had moved to the sun to help heal Mrs. Whine’s arthritis.

After the anger had passed I quickly became embarrassed by the fact I had just screamed the house down at their son about my right to drink all I like on a Saturday night and dance the streets naked, while they sat in the very next room in silence listening to my every word. I could imagine them Ruby, sitting there with their noses turned up with disgust at the unemployed young single mother who had their son’s baby without anybody’s consent and drank to get drunk on the weekends. (Imagine!) All these emotions and thoughts ran through me in a matter of seconds while Brian watched me digest the information. I slowly put my bags down (making loud clinking noises) and I entered the living room. I introduced myself in my best sober voice and shook their hands politely, thanked them for coming back to meet Katie and me but apologized that I couldn’t stay because I had made plans for the evening already and pretended as though they hadn’t already overheard what exactly they were. Well I couldn’t exactly sit down and have a serious conversation with them could I? My head was spinning and every time I spoke, my voice sounded like it was coming from the other side of the room. So I made my excuses and left. Of course I had absolutely nowhere to go so I just wandered the streets for ages and pondered my life. After a while I decided I hated it and everyone in it (I know, I know—
again
), and seeing as Katie was away safe for the night and Brian the Whine had company I made my way to the nearest pub and drowned my sorrows.

The bar was really awful actually, in retrospect I wouldn’t go in there if I 270

Cecelia Ahern

was sober, but because I was so upset I didn’t really care. All I saw was a friendly barman and two serial killers deep in discussion at the end of the bar. There were only four of us in the entire building. So the barman saw that I was really upset and this is real film stuff, but he actually did ask me what was wrong and seemed genuinely concerned. I told him that Greg had ruined my life. (By process of elimination I reached the conclusion that it was entirely his fault.) It just all came spilling out of my mouth, Ruby, all about Alex missing the debs, Brian the Whine, having Katie, missing college, Alex getting married, meeting Greg, marrying Greg, Greg cheating on me, missing my job promotion, Greg cheating on me again . . . I told him about Greg having all those affairs while he said that he was away on conferences and because he was a bank manager I believed that he genuinely had to go to all that stuff.