What We Found (2 page)

He plucked the phone out of my hand. “We’re not telling anyone. We were never here.”

My hands dropped to my sides. “But—but—we can’t just—we have to—Jay, this is serious!”

“Exactly.” He pushed me toward the main path. “This is serious and we don’t want to be involved in it. Let somebody else find it.”

“Jay, that’s ridiculous.” I tried to squirm out of his grasp, but he outweighed me, and with the trees close on either side I had little choice but to keep going forward.

When we hit the main path I wrenched away and turned to face him. “Jay, give me my phone. We don’t have to stay here if it bothers you that much. But we need to report this. That person’s been missing…” I gulped. “…for a while. People must be wondering what happened to….”

The image flashed through my mind, much as I wanted to erase it. The body was hardly recognizable but long hair and the tattered remnants of a flowered jacket suggested a woman. “Her. I think it was a woman. She might have gotten lost or injured while hiking. Caught in a storm. Attacked by a mountain lion.”

My stomach roiled. I pressed an arm across it and bent over. Probably not a mountain lion. It would have destroyed the body, scattered the bones. I wanted to throw up but couldn’t.

I straightened. “Whatever happened, people need to know about it. She must have family wondering where she is. There’s no guarantee someone else will stumble over that soon, not where it is.”

He grabbed my upper arms and leaned in so I winced at the smell of pot on his breath. “Listen to me. I have marijuana in my pocket. Do you think I want to bring the police out here?”

“So hide it, get rid of it! Anyway, they’re not going to search you.”

He leaned closer and spoke slowly. “We are not going to do anything. Let it go. This isn’t our responsibility.”

He pushed me down the path toward the resort. I stumbled ahead of him, hardly aware of where I was stepping. My body felt stiff and clumsy, and the forest seemed to spin around me. My foot caught on something, and I went down on one knee. Jay hauled me up again.

It had to be a dream. A nightmare. Things like this didn’t happen.

I shook my head. Of course they happened. Every year a few people died or disappeared in the wilderness. One of my high school classmates had gotten drunk and walked off a cliff. Hunters had accidents. Tourists went hiking unprepared, not realizing that this luxurious ski and golf resort backed up to miles of unmarked wilderness.

But I’d never had to see it before.

We broke out of the woods at the edge of the golf course. The walk had seemed to take forever and yet to take no time at all. Golfers played in the distance, cheerful spots of color against the green grass. Jay nudged me and I turned to skirt the fairway. In another couple of minutes we would be back in the resort. Did Jay really expect me to go to my office and pretend nothing had happened? The horror had to be written all over my face.

I tried a smile. My cheeks twitched in a spasm.

This was absurd. I had to make Jay understand how important this was. In another minute we’d have no privacy. I tried to ignore my stuttering heart as I turned to face Jay.

Before I could speak, he growled, “Don’t start. You’re an outsider now. You don’t have friends here. You don’t know what’s really going on. So keep quiet. Leave this alone.”

I stared, my mouth open but no words coming out. Jay darted a glance toward the buildings. “I’m going back to the greenhouse. Get back to work and
keep your mouth shut!
”

My mouth snapped shut so hard my teeth rattled. Jay stormed away. I didn’t watch him go; I stared straight ahead until my vision blurred.

Finally I shook my head and blinked rapidly, bringing the world back into focus. Brilliant blue sky. Unnaturally green grass. In front of me everything was clean, tidy, sanitized for your protection. But behind, the forest grew untamed, with shadows that now seemed threatening. At the resort, people went about their business, their work or play, with no idea of the thing that lay out there in the woods.

I gulped back a sob. Not a thing. A person. As terrible as that was, it was important, too. Someone had died in those woods. Probably a woman or teenage girl. I hoped she had died quickly, without pain or fear. Had she been caught in a storm last winter? Gone into the ditch for a little shelter from the wind? They said freezing wasn’t so bad at the end.

Or had she died violently? I didn’t want to believe it possible, didn’t want to think about it. But someone needed to find out for sure. Someone needed to bring her home.

Jay disappeared into the greenhouse behind the resort. I crossed the fairway to the main building and went down the hall to my office, my mind still back in the woods. I sat behind my desk and stared ahead. I needed to do something, but I couldn’t make myself move. I only managed to blink when my eyes got so dry they stung.

I don’t know how long I sat there, staring at nothing. The knock on the doorframe took a moment to register. I turned my head and forced a smile. My face felt stiff, but the smile stayed in place as my boss entered.

“Oh, good, you’re back. The preliminary write-up for the Sullivan wedding looks good, but I want to go over a few things.” Eslinda stepped closer. At barely five feet tall, she didn’t have to duck her head much to peer into my face, even though I was seated. “Are you all right? You look pale.”

I swallowed, trying to get rid of the taste of death. “I have a headache. I stepped outside for some fresh air, but it didn’t help.” I couldn’t believe I was lying to my boss. But how could I tell her the truth, that I’d taken a long lunch because a boy had flirted with me in the lunchroom, and he took me into the woods to smoke marijuana? Even without the dead body there were details I didn’t want to explain. I had to do something, but until I could think clearly I didn’t want to say anything I couldn’t take back.

Her round face crinkled with sympathy. “I have some headache medicine in my office. I have pretty much any over-the-counter medicine you could possibly need, in fact. There’s a first-aid kit on my file cabinet, behind the philodendron. I keep it well stocked. The first-aid kit, that is, not the philodendron.”

My smile trembled. I didn’t want her to be nice to me. And I didn’t want her to get too close, in case she noticed the smell of pot—or the stench of death. “That’s all right. I already took something.”

“Maybe you should go home for the afternoon.”

I wanted to get away, as far away as possible. But I couldn’t walk away from what I’d seen, and once I left it would be that much harder to come back. “No, that’s all right. I’m sure it will fade quickly.”

She backed toward the door, keeping her voice soft. “You just take it easy for a while then. We can go over that plan later. I’m going to close your door so no one disturbs you.”

I stared at the door as it softly shut behind her. “Thank you,” I whispered. I was lucky to have a boss like Eslinda. She’d been patient and encouraging, and I could only hope to reach her level of efficiency by the time I took over for her. Though only in her fifties, she was retiring to travel with her husband. He was older and had diabetes. “We don’t know how long we have,” she’d told me. “We want to enjoy ourselves now, while we can.”

I thought again of the woman in the woods. Her time was up. I hoped she was enjoying herself in Heaven, because she’d get nothing else from this world.

Except maybe people to mourn her. If she had family or friends, they must be wondering what had happened to her. I could give them the answer. I could make sure she had a proper burial.

I had to tell.

I paced the small room. Obviously Jay wasn’t going to back me up on this. Fine.

Maybe I could make an anonymous phone call. But how would I explain exactly where the body was? What if they couldn’t find it? Would they even take me seriously?

How did one make an anonymous call, anyway? Even if I blocked the number, the phone company had to know where the call came from. I couldn’t use the phone at the front desk without people seeing me. Maybe I could sneak into another office after hours, but the person who worked there might get blamed. An unused hotel room? I didn’t have keys to the rooms.

They made disposable, prepaid phones. But I couldn’t buy one anyplace in town without a chance the clerk would remember me. I’d have to drive to a bigger city, and where would I get time for that trip? Albuquerque and Las Cruces were both over two hours away.

I’d never considered how difficult something like this would be. Any option seemed risky, and if they somehow traced the call, that might make matters worse. They’d think I had something to hide.

I shook my head. I’d have to identify myself. But I’d pretend I found the body on my own. It had obviously been there for weeks—maybe months—so the specifics of how we found it hardly mattered. The main thing was to notify the police so they could identify the person and how she died. I could go out there on my own, later, and pretend I’d just found it, keeping Jay out of it altogether. I didn’t understand why he was so paranoid, but let him keep his secrets. I didn’t particularly want to talk about us being out there together anyway.

I grabbed the edge of my desk, lightheaded, and took a few deep breaths. I could do this. It was the right thing to do.

The dizzy feeling subsided. With that decision, the world settled back into its proper place around me. I couldn’t imagine how Jay thought we could just forget what we’d seen. The image kept flashing in my mind and the smell seemed to linger on my skin.

Reporting the body wouldn’t make the memory go away. But it might help me live with myself.

If I were really honest, really strong, I’d tell Jay first what I planned. He probably deserved to know, so he could prepare his reaction. But he’d try to talk me out of it, and I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to resist. Katie, my college roommate, had told me I had daddy issues, and that was why I couldn’t stand up to a man. I’d pointed out that I’d never really had a dad. She said that was the issue.

I missed her. Katie had been my rock from the first week at the University of New Mexico, when we met as dorm mates. A wave of loneliness swept over me. I wished I could call her, get her advice. But she was somewhere in South America with the Peace Corps. We thought she would be having adventures, while I returned to my sleepy hometown and a quiet life of work, with nothing more stressful than dealing with my mother.

I wouldn’t call my situation an adventure. But my hometown no longer felt so sleepy.

I wanted the day to be over. I couldn’t work. But I couldn’t slip out of work again, especially not after what I’d told Eslinda. It would seem most natural to wait until five, and then go for a walk in the woods before heading home.

“She’s not going anywhere,” I whispered. “She’s been there a long time. A few more hours won’t make a difference.” And yet adrenaline flooded my body, demanding action.

I had to get out of that tiny room. I lunged for the door, but once my hand hit the knob I froze. My body didn’t want to turn the knob, open the door. Anything might be out there.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” I hissed. “You’re in no danger here.”

I forced myself to turn the doorknob. I opened the door slowly and peered into the hall. Empty, though I could hear the murmur of distant voices over my own ragged breathing.

I crept down the hall like a hunted creature. When I had to pass an open office doorway, I kept my eyes straight ahead and barely breathed, fighting the urge to run. I headed for the restroom for something to do, but when I reached the door, I hesitated again. Why was I suddenly afraid to enter a room, as if some horror might lurk within? How long would this last?

I made myself push the door open. The room was empty, and my sigh of relief echoed. Still, I found myself checking every stall before I entered one. I had to know that no …
thing …
waited for discovery.

Even peeing was difficult, as if I couldn’t get my body to relax on command. After, I washed my hands for a long time. I splashed water on my face and rinsed out my mouth. I even ran a damp paper towel over my clothes and hair. I wanted to strip off my clothes and take a shower, to get rid of the lingering stench of decay and Jay’s marijuana.

Why did he have to smoke that stuff? Even if nothing else had happened, he’d put my reputation at risk, if someone had smelled the smoke on me.

I pushed aside the sense of betrayal. He didn’t care about me, but why should he? We barely knew each other. My teenage fantasies about him had been all wrong, or else he had changed. It didn’t matter. His cruelty and indifference weren’t about me.

I took a deep breath. I had to remember that. This wasn’t about me. Jay hadn’t betrayed me, because he didn’t owe me anything. But he had betrayed her—the woman in the woods—by refusing to acknowledge her.

His behavior had been so strange. Had he known her? Could he have recognized that face?

I shuddered and placed a hand over my nose and mouth, as if the stench still rose around me. Not her face, not anymore, but maybe he recognized the jacket. But wouldn’t that make him want to help more?

I tried to bring to mind his words after we’d found the body. I couldn’t recall exactly. Something about how I didn’t know what was going on around here. The whole memory felt hazy, like trying to remember a dream after waking up. Except for the one image that burned all too clearly in my mind, the details blurred.

I hugged myself. Jay couldn’t be involved in her death, could he? That was too outrageous. By what bizarre twist of logic would he have led me to that spot, contrived to find the body, and then refused to report it? I had a vague notion that killers sometimes pretended to find their victims, thinking it would make them less suspicious or something. But then to hide the discovery?

Unless Jay expected me to report the body after all.

I was being ridiculous. Jay didn’t know me well enough to know what I would do. And I didn’t think he was smart enough for that kind of manipulation. He was just a coward who, as he’d said, didn’t want to get involved.