Wanderlust (15 page)

Grayson shifted to his side of the car in one quick motion, but it made Aubrey take her eyes off the road. He was sending her a panicked look. A please-don’t-say-anything look. She wanted to scream at him but forced her attention back to the road. But it was too late.

Aubrey had missed a curve in the road and was heading straight into someone’s front yard.

“Watch out!”

“Oh, god!”

Aubrey slammed on the brakes and jerked the steering wheel to the right, but the tires couldn’t grab the slick road. The car went into a spin, sending blurred images flying past the windows, and careened into an ancient oak that hung over the street. Breaking glass, the smell of burning oil, and screams filled the car. Aubrey’s head hit the side window and she blacked out.

When she opened her eyes again, Gray was leaning over her, his face bloodied.

“Oh, my god, you’re alive. Thank god. Oh, thank you.” He sobbed.

She tried to reach up to him, but everything hurt. And she was cold. Freezing.

“What happened?” she whispered.

“You don’t remember?” he asked, his eyes frantic. He turned his head as if looking for someone else.

“No.” Her mouth tasted like pennies. Blood.

He gave a long blink. His Adam’s apple bobbed. “Aubrey, you were driving and lost control of the car. We got into an accident. And I think Ash is hurt real bad.”

***

Lex piled the last of his dirty clothes into his suitcase and pushed down to get everything to fit. Why did dirty clothes always take up more room than clean ones? He forced the zipper around the sides of the bag and came up short as a piece of cloth stuck out the side, blocking his way. He yanked at it violently. The black Led Zeppelin T-shirt twisted in his fist and came loose from his bag. He stared at the knot of material, a wretched longing creeping over him. The memory of Aubrey wearing it, looking fresh from bed, flooded his mind.

“Goddammit.” He shoved the suitcase with one hand, sending it flying to the floor, and he dropped onto the bed. Could
that
girl, the one who rolled with him down the hill at the zoo, the one who curled into a ball on his lap, really be such a conniving, self-serving bitch? It just didn’t fit.

A few days ago, when everything had happened with Sean, he’d been too pissed to see straight. He’d needed someone to blame, and Aubrey had been an easy target. She’d lied to him. He’d wanted to hurt her like he was hurting. And he had.

He’d blamed her for Sean’s near-death—the dirtiest, meanest thing he could have done to someone who already had enough guilt to fill a lifetime. “Shit.”

He raked his hands through his hair. He had wanted to take it back the minute he’d said it. But instead, he’d let her walk out of his life in tears. And now she wasn’t returning his calls. Who could fucking blame her?

A light knock interrupted his thoughts. Pete leaned into the hotel bedroom. “You almost ready? The plane leaves in two hours.”

Lex didn’t look up. “Yeah, I’ll be there in a minute.”

Pete walked across the room and laid a hand on his shoulder. “Sean’s going to be fine, man. Don’t keep kicking yourself. None of us knew. A month in rehab and he’ll be good as new. You guys can finish recording the album without him now that you have some songs written. Then you’ll be out on the road all together before you know it.”

“Super,” Lex said unenthusiastically.

Pete laughed. “You’ll feel better once you get back to L.A. New Orleans has been good for your writing, but nothing replaces sleeping in your own bed.”

His own bed. The one with the massive headboard and down comforter. The one he loved to kick back in on Sunday mornings. The empty one.

A nagging pain twisted his gut. “Pete, I need to make a few calls, do you mind?”

He lifted his hand from Lex’s shoulder and backed out of the room. “Yeah, sure, no problem. I’ll see you in the lobby.”

Lex waited until he heard the main door click shut then grabbed his phone and opened the web browser. He found the number he wanted and, with urgent fingers, punched it into his phone. Aubrey was avoiding his calls, but maybe he could catch her off guard at work.

“
NOLA Vibe
, this is Brittany. How may I direct your call?” the receptionist said with as much enthusiasm as a slug.

“Aubrey Bordelon, please.”

“Hold on,” the girl said and then paused. “Oh, wait, sorry. She’s not in.”

He closed his eyes and rubbed at the spot between his brows where a headache was forming. “Do you know when she’ll be back? This is Lex Logan from Wanderlust. I have a question about the story we did with her.”

The girl’s voice dropped a notch, turning on the sexy. “Oh, hey there, Mr. Logan. How’s it going? I didn’t realize you were still in town.”

If she had been in front of him, he would have been tempted to thump her on the head. “I’m fine. So, when did you say Aubrey was going to be in?”

“Oh, right, they didn’t tell you? She’s in the hospital. Car accident or something.”

“What?” Cold washed through him. He gripped the desk behind him. “When? Is she okay?”

The girl grunted. “From what I hear, she’s in pretty bad shape, but like, alive and all.”

He could no longer feel his legs underneath him. “What hospital?”

“Tulane, I think.”

Lex rushed out the room with his wallet and rental car key. Pete was in the lobby when he ran past him.

“Lex!”

He turned his head toward Pete, but didn’t stop his pace. “Leave without me. I’ll catch another plane.”

Pete’s mouth parted as if to protest, but Lex didn’t wait to hear.

***

Aubrey had been there for two days already. Two days, and she was still sleeping. Lex brushed his thumb along her palm, too afraid to touch her anywhere else. She looked so bruised and swollen. So fragile.

“God, I’m sorry, babe,” he whispered, not knowing if she could hear him. “This is my fault.”

He pressed his lips to her hand.

“She’s going to be all right,” said a soft voice from the doorway. Lex raised his head to see a nurse in lavender scrubs giving him a small smile.

“Really? Then why hasn’t she woken up?”

She stepped in and picked up Aubrey’s chart, perusing it. “She bashed her head pretty badly. They are keeping her sedated for precautionary purposes so that they can watch for any brain swelling. But, all signs are pointing to the positive at this point.”

Lex sagged in his chair. “Thank God.”

She looked him over with open curiosity, no doubt noticing his tattoos and disheveled appearance. “Are you a relative?”

He shook his head. He started to say he was her boyfriend, but that wasn’t true. What was he? A client? A bedmate? A guy who screwed her and then accused her of being a lying tramp who would sell him out for a story? “I’m just a friend.”

She nodded. “I see. Well, I hope you don’t mind, but I’ll need you to step out for a few minutes. I have to take care of a few things for her, and only family are allowed to stay in.”

“Oh, right, sure.” He rose, suddenly feeling awkward.

“I’ll only be a few moments. If you want to grab a cup of coffee or something, I’ll probably be done by the time you get back.”

Lex wandered aimlessly through the hospital hallway. The same way he had wandered two days before waiting for news about Sean. He knew where the cafeteria was, but he didn’t need coffee. He needed to talk to Aubrey before he left, and now it didn’t look like he was going to get the chance.

He couldn’t stick around and wait for her to wake up. His record company had scheduled a big powwow for the following day to go over the plans for the album and for keeping Sean’s rehab stint a secret. He could wiggle out of things with Pete, but the record company was a whole other story. He was already playing a starring role on their shit list.

But how could he leave New Orleans without telling Aubrey how sorry he was for the things he’d said? That the week he’d spent with her had been nothing short of amazing?

Passing the gift shop, an idea came to him. He ducked into the small store and made his way to the card aisle. After scribbling a note in a random Get Well card, he pulled out his wallet. Tucked inside was a small square of paper that he’d been holding onto for the last few days. He slipped it into the envelope with the card and sealed it.

When he returned to Aubrey’s room, the nurse was gone, but Aubrey wasn’t alone. Tanned fingers wrapped around her left hand. The blond ex-boyfriend—the douche—looked up at him sharply. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Lex smirked. “I could ask the same of you.”

“I’m her boyfriend, asshole.” The Ken doll dropped Aubrey’s hand and squared his shoulders toward Lex.

He snorted. “Oh, really? Does she know that?”

Pretty boy crossed his arms. “Of course.”

“You’re full of shit.”

“We got back together the other night,” he said, full of confidence, the lie rolling off his lips.

Lex couldn’t believe the guy was trying to bluff him. He leaned against the doorframe with a smug smile. “Piece of advice: Next time you try to pull off a lie like that, dude, don’t tell it to the guy who’s been seeing her for the last week.”

Grayson’s face paled. “She wouldn’t date a scumbag like you. She’s got higher standards than that.”

Lex shrugged. “Believe what you want to believe.”

The guy eyed him up and down with disgust. “Why are you here, anyway? Even if she did have a momentary lapse of judgment with you, I doubt she’d want to see you now. Don’t you need to be getting back to whatever hole you crawled out of?”

Lex sighed, suddenly feeling too weary to argue. “I needed to talk to her before I left.”

Lex glanced at Aubrey, his heart aching at the sight of her. He wished he could gather her in his arms and tell her everything was going to be okay.

Grayson scoffed when he saw Lex watching Aubrey. “Don’t look at her like that.”

Lex’s head snapped back. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

The guy took a step closer to him, his glare icy. “Don’t look at her like that. Like you love her or something. You don’t get that right.”

Lex wanted to punch the idiot in the face. Square and solid. Wanted to knock him right on his smarmy ass. The nurse could roll him out on a gurney and set him up a room across the hall. “What? ’Cause you’re the only one who gets to love her? The guy who bailed on her to go screw coeds?”

Grayson closed the rest of the distance between them. “I came back for her. And I can give her what she needs, what she wants. Marriage, kids, a faithful husband, a nice life. What the hell are you going to offer? Free beer and threesomes backstage? Or are you ready to settle down, rock star? Play house? Ready to put the whole career on hold so you can play husband and daddy?”

Lex opened his mouth to protest but then clamped his lips shut. What exactly would he say to Aubrey if she were awake? After the I’m-sorry-I’m-an-asshole speech, what then?
You’re great, but I’m leaving? Thanks for a fun few days? Stop by and see me in L.A. sometime?

He wasn’t offering any kind of forever, any kind of normal. He wasn’t in a place to give her what she deserved. He was going to record an album and then hop right back on the road. What woman would want that kind of life?

Gray gave a satisfied grin. “Yeah, I thought so.” He turned his back on Lex and returned to the chair next to Aubrey’s bed. “I’ll tell her you stopped in to say good-bye whenever she wakes up.”

“Sure you will.” Lex wasn’t going to count on that. He walked with deliberate steps to the opposite side of the hospital bed. Gray’s eyes followed him warily. Lex leaned down and touched his lips gingerly to the curve of Aubrey’s jaw, savoring the last moment he’d be able to kiss her. Then, he put his mouth next to her ear so that Gray couldn’t hear his whispered good-byes, couldn’t hear him tell Aubrey how he felt about her.

When Lex was done, Gray raised a hand in a mock wave. “Have a safe trip home.”

Lex knew it was juvenile, but he flipped him off before he strode out the door. The shithead.

A few steps outside the door, he glanced down at the card he’d been holding in his hand and shook his head. He tossed it in the wastebasket outside of her room.

An older woman nearly bumped into him as he strode past the trashcan. “Excuse me,” she said haughtily, eyeing him up and down with hawklike precision.

He grumbled a response and headed past her, out of the hospital, and to the airport. Out of Aubrey’s life for good.

Aubrey couldn’t tell if she was dreaming or awake. If it was a dream, it was a particularly crappy one. Where was the dashing knight? Or the ability to fly? Or unlimited cupcakes that never made you gain weight? All good dreams had one of those components. This one had none. Only pain, blackness, and incessant beeping noises. So many things ached that she couldn’t begin to pinpoint where the hurt came from. She tried to open her eyes, but her lids wouldn’t obey her command.

A faint murmuring of voices seeped through the fog in her brain. Familiar voices. She strained her ears, trying to decipher what was being said.

“We could have lost her,” someone said, her voice catching.

Mom.

“Exactly. She’s clearly under too much stress,” her father stated in his booming Southern drawl.

“And that’s my fault?” a new voice cut in.

“You’ve loaded her up with too much work. You put her on a music assignment, for God’s sake. You sent an alcoholic into the den of iniquity, Jordana.” Her father’s sharp tone ratcheted up the pounding in Aubrey’s head.

Jordana sighed. “Since when is Aubrey an alcoholic? I’ve never seen her take a drink. And when I agreed to hire her, I didn’t sign up to be her babysitter. I gave her a shot as a favor to you. But it turns out she’s good at what she does. She earned her chance to try an assignment with more responsibility. I thought you’d be pleased.”

Aubrey’s breath caught.
Her father had asked Jordana to hire her?

Her father scoffed. “Pleased that she was being sent out to strip clubs and bars? During a campaign, no less? Brilliant thinking on your part.”

Jordana’s voice was low but firm. “You can’t treat her like a child forever. She’s a grown woman.”

“I don’t care. I love her and I’ll do whatever it takes to keep her safe, even if that means having her hate me in the process. I’ve already buried one daughter, I’ll be damned if I bury another. I won’t survive if I lose Aubrey, too,” her father said, his voice wavering.

Moisture gathered beneath Aubrey’s lids. She hadn’t heard that level of raw emotion from him since the weeks following her sister’s death.

Her father cleared his throat, his voice returning to the cool control he’d honed as a politician. “As soon as she comes out of this, I want you to release her from her job.”

What?
Aubrey opened her mouth to protest, but her throat felt like she had swallowed razor blades.

“I can’t fire her for no reason,” Jordana protested. “She was about to get a promotion.”

“You can fire her for sleeping with the guy she was supposed to be interviewing,” said a tired voice.
Grayson.

Someone sucked in a breath. Aubrey assumed it was her mother.

“Aubrey and
Lex?
” Jordana asked, sounding shocked. “Wow, I didn’t know she had it in her. That’s . . . wow.”

Jordan sounded more impressed than anything, but Aubrey’s father didn’t seem to pick up on that.

“Well, there you go,” her father snapped, all business despite the fact that the topic had suddenly turned to his daughter’s sex life. “There’s your reason. You can let her go, and she can come and stay with us for a while. Get her head on straight.”

“She’s not going to want to move out of her place,” Gray said. “I can go stay with her to help her recover if you want.”

Aubrey’s heart thumped rapidly.
Recover? From what? And what right did they have to plan her future without her?
Anger tore through her like wildfire, heating her cold, stiff muscles. She fought past the pain in her throat and forced a sound through. An unattractive stuck-pig grunt made it past her dry lips.

The voices paused.

“What was that?” her mother asked.

“I think she’s waking up,” Gray said, a smile entering his voice.

***

Three days later, the doctor agreed to release her. She had a broken rib, a concussion, and more bruises than a prizefighter, but nothing was permanently damaged. The swelling in her face had gone down a bit, allowing her to finally speak more than groans and murmurs. And boy was she ready to talk.

Grayson arrived with an armful of flowers and a face full of smiles.

“Aubs, it’s so good to see you sitting up and out of that hospital gown.” He strode across the room, dropped the bouquet of roses on the bedside table, and kissed her forehead. “Even beat-up, you look beautiful.”

She cringed and shrank away. “Don’t.”

He frowned. “I’m sorry. Your skin’s probably still tender everywhere, huh? I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

The irony in his last statement made her cough on a bitter laugh.

He went over to the solitary window in her room and yanked open the curtains. The bright morning sun made the hospital room look even more soulless and sterile.

He turned toward her and leaned against the windowsill. “Look, your parents are going to be here in a few minutes, and I know they want you to go and stay with them. But, I know you’d rather live in a tent in City Park than have your mother hovering over you constantly. So, what do you say to me coming to stay with you for a little while? I think if they know I’m there to help, they’ll let you go home.”

“No one needs to
let
me go home. If I want to go home, I will.” She crossed her arms and winced when her rib reminded her it was broken.

He laughed. “Oh, right, that’s not what I meant. It’s just, you know how your parents can be. So what do you say to me being your new temporary roommate?”

She looked down at the twisted bed sheets and took a deep breath. “Gray . . .”

He crossed the room before she could say another word. She didn’t lift her head as he sat on the edge of her bed. “Aubs, I’m not asking to start things up again. I’ll only be there to help you out. If that turns into more, so be it. If not, that’s okay, too. I can wait for you.”

She smoothed a patch of sheet with her hand and then met his eyes. “Gray, there can’t be anything between us.”

His brow creased. “What? Why? If it’s too soon—”

“It’s not about timing.”

“If this is about that idiot musician, I mean, I know what happened between you two. And look, I don’t care. We all do stupid things sometimes.”

A shot of pain that had nothing to do with her injuries rocketed through her.
Lex.
“It’s not about him.”

“Then what?”

She took a deep breath, an inner cold creeping through her at even saying the words aloud, making the ugly truth real. “Gray, I
know.
”

He pushed her hair away from eyes, searching her face. “What do you mean? Know what?”

“What you did that night. What made me veer off the road.”

The color drained from his cheeks and he stood, a sharp edge to the movement. “What?”

Her voice held no anger, only resigned sadness. “You were the one who was too drunk that night. You distracted me. You lied to me about how it all happened.” She swallowed hard. “Why would you do that to me? How could you let me carry that blame all alone?”

“Shit, Aubrey.
Shit.
” He swiped a hand through his hair, tears turning his bright eyes to a swampy green. He shook his head and looked down as if the answers were written on the ugly linoleum floor. “God, I don’t know. It just happened. I panicked.”

“You
panicked?
” Ten years seemed like a long time to be panicked.

“Yes. I saw Ashley. She was so . . . broken. No one was going to be able to help her, Aubs. I would’ve done anything, but there was just so much blood . . .” His voice caught, and he glanced up at her, anguish on his face. “She was dead before any help got there. Because of me. I got scared.”

“Scared? Of what? Having people treat you how they’ve treated
me
for the last ten years?” She knew the answer, but couldn’t help asking the question. She wanted to hear him say it. Admit out loud what he had done.

“You weren’t eighteen yet. I didn’t know if I could be charged with something for distracting you. I knew they wouldn’t throw you in jail.”

“No, but they could toss me in rehab and blame me for the rest of my life. God, Gray, all this time, you let me think . . . Even if you didn’t want to tell anyone else, you should’ve told
me.
You let me live with this. Every fucking day, Grayson. I’ve thought about it
every day.
”

He returned to the window, turning his back to her. “I know. I
know.
I’ve lived with it, too. I tear myself up thinking about it. Believe me. But I didn’t know what else to do. No matter what I said, it wasn’t going to bring her back or undo what happened to you afterward. So I thought I could be there for you instead.”

Her jaw flexed as she stared at his back. “Be there. Meaning, sleep with me like you wanted to in the first place, like you told me that night.”

He stayed silent.

“All those years we dated. All the crap you saw me go through with my parents. You never considered telling me? Saving me some of that grief? Sharing some of that blame?”

“You would’ve hated me,” he said, whirling around. “I didn’t want to lose you.”

She shook her head. “You didn’t want to lose me? You
left
me.”

“I—”

Before he could respond, her mother and father strode into the room, not bothering to knock. The matching tense looks on their faces said they had been fighting. Her mom quickly covered her sourness with a gleaming smile.

“Look at you, all dressed and ready to go.” She flitted to the bed, grabbed Aubrey’s hands and squeezed. “I’m so glad you get to come home with us today. I was able to rearrange my appearances at campaign events for the next week, so that I can stay home with you and help you recover.”

Aubrey gave a small smile. “Mom, that’s really nice of you, but I don’t think that’s necessary.”

She rolled her eyes. “Of course it is. You look like a poster child for a domestic violence shelter.”

Aubrey cringed. Even after being in the political world for decades, her mother still hadn’t learned the art of tact. “I’ll be fine.”

“Sure you will. After a few weeks of rest and relaxation, not to mention a break from that job of yours, you’ll be as good as new. Your dad and I will take care of everything.”

“And we’re willing to pay for rehab again so you can get back on track,” her father said gruffly.

Her mother gave him a sharp look. “Emile, we talked about this. She’s coming home with us, not going to some clinic.”

Aubrey’s politeness drained from her, and the anger from the overheard conversation with Jordana returned. She extracted her hands from her mother’s and straightened her shoulders. She’d been planning her speech in her head for days. She wanted to announce to them that Gray had lied. That there was nothing wrong with her. That guilt trips would no longer work. That she wasn’t going to let them puppet master her life. Her life and dreams were her own, and she was in charge.

But when she saw Gray’s haunted face, the words lodged in her throat. Instead of seeing him as the man he was now, she saw the teenager from the night of the concert. Any one of them, her sister included, could’ve ended up behind the wheel that night. They’d all made shitty decisions. Yes, he’d been an asshole and had distracted her. But she should’ve never been driving in the first place. Gray had freaked out and made a selfish decision to let her take the fall. She wasn’t sure if she would ever be able to forgive him for that, but reassigning blame wouldn’t fix anything. It’d just reopen the wounds. Her parents wouldn’t change, and Ashley would still be gone.

She wet her lips.

“Listen. I don’t want anyone to say anything until I’m finished.” She gave each one of them a pointed look. “I am not going home with anyone. Not to your house, Mom and Dad. And not with you, Gray. I know you all love me and think you have my best interests at heart, but the decision is not yours to make. I’m getting a cab and going to my own home. I’m not going to rehab. I don’t need any mental help. I don’t need a boyfriend.”

Gray looked down at his feet.

“I’m going to live my life the way I want. If you would like to be a part of that, fine. I would love that. However, if all you want to do is tell me who or how to be, then you can all say good-bye now. I don’t have time for that anymore.”

Her mother’s lips parted then closed, and her father’s face turned an unbecoming shade of purple. Gray continued to stare at the mottled pattern of the hospital’s linoleum.

She grabbed her bag of belongings, which had been collected from the accident, and gingerly rose to her feet. Then, with as much poise as she could muster without grimacing, she walked past them without saying another word.

She was fucking done.

***

Six weeks later

Maybe making life-changing decisions while under the influence of painkillers had not been her wisest moment. As Aubrey surveyed her now-empty office, a wave of anxiety roiled in her stomach. The job had been her first out of college, and she had loved it. She wouldn’t let the knowledge that her dad had gotten her foot in the door taint that. She’d worked hard here and had moved up quickly. And now she was leaving it. No job. No paycheck. No safety net.

She leaned forward in her desk chair and stared at her reflection in the blank screen of her computer monitor. “I can do this.”

Her reflection didn’t look as confident as her voice sounded. She groaned and stood.

The only thing left to pack was hanging on the wall above her desk. She unhooked the framed cover of the August edition of
NOLA Vibe
from its nail and placed it on top of her last box of personal belongings. Her first cover story. Something she had wanted for as long as she could remember. Too bad that every time she looked at it, she felt emptiness pinging through her.

She absently traced the frame with her finger, letting her eyes linger on the photo of Lex—a photo that had been taken only a few hours after their tryst in Nick’s office. Even on a flat page, Lex’s eyes sparkled with a mischievous glint that made her whole body ache. She swallowed past the sudden tightness in her throat and flipped the frame over. No use looking back.