Ultimate Love (10 page)

They made bittersweet love again twice more that night and Dinah was spent by the morning. Her sleep had been light and fretful. She did not know if she could ever sleep soundly again.

They sat side by side at dawn with coffee and croissant before them. Dinah picked at her food; her appetite was completely gone. Her heart was breaking before him and he did not seem to notice. How could that be? It just didn't make sense to Dinah. She felt by turns numb and deeply sad and distressed.

Dinah gave herself a mental shake. She would have to wait until later to fall apart. Here with Jared beside her she had to keep it together and keep her dignity intact. She forced a pleasant smile to her face and then she forced the croissant down her throat with one agonising bite after another.

Jared drove her to her flat as he had every morning for weeks. As they approached her flat Dinah almost cracked.

"I'll not make us cappuccino today if you don't mind. Let's just say goodbye," she said.

"Okay, I understand," he said.

Did he? She thought not!

Dinah turned to face him with a smile fixed in place. "It's been… great Jared. Thank you for a lovely time. I wish you all the best. Good luck," she managed to say with a level calm voice. It was the best acting of her life!

Jared looked confused, but kissed her and said "Goodbye Dinah, I'm sure we'll see each other again."

"No, I don't think so Jared. We move in very different circles. No, you're back to your life in Auckland and my life will go back to as it was here in quiet Devon Bay. Let's not say anymore," she said. She turned to enter the cafe without looking behind her and immediately went upstairs so he could not see her through the big glass windows.

For a full ten minutes she must have stood at the top of the stairs holding onto the feeling of the last time they made love while holding a feeling of panic and disbelief at bay.

Quietly, slowly, she unpacked her things. For a while she sat in her living room, surrounded by her familiar things and environment, letting home soothe her. Breathing deeply she descended below and began another day in the cafe. "
Life must go on
," she told herself. She still had a business to run and there would be time enough in the long lonely evenings for her heart to break.

Later, looking back over that time Dinah was not sure how she managed to get through the weeks. She was an automaton, a robot during the day and a human being every night when she returned to her flat to the sounds of a broken heart. She was relieved that she had no neighbors; her flat was the only permanently occupied flat above the block of shops. There was no one to hear her strangled sobs and cries, no one to notice she rarely turned lights on once the day had gone, preferring to sit on her bed while tears streaked her face. Dinah waited for the pain to subside, and it did little by little. Each day was a little less miserable, but miserable nonetheless. She did not hope that one day she could be happy again, but she began to hope that one day she might live without pain.

She found herself distracted at work, forgetting once to order beef for the cafe and relying upon the local butcher to supply her at short notice. She found the locals patient with her and she knew that they were aware of her heartbreak but she was eternally grateful that no one mentioned it.

After a while she took to long walks on the beach in the early evening light. She found the wide expanse of open white sand and the roaring surf rolling in soothed her soul and helped her heal. At this time of year, as autumn deepened and winter approached she was often the only person on the beach. Dinah relished the solitude and the beauty of nature, letting it into her soul to replenish and rebuild her.

After about eight weeks Dinah found herself turning on the lights when she got home and beginning to look outside of herself. She took pleasure in a good book and a warm cosy home with a good casserole bubbling away for her dinner. She began to remember her time with Jared not only with pain, although the pain was still there, but also with love. She had fallen in love with him and he had broken her heart, but he had not broken her spirit. She would always be wary of men and relationships, but she was finally ready to face the world again and find enjoyment in everyday life.

So it was right about that time that Jared found her again in her cafe one afternoon about five minutes to three knowing she would be closing up, hoping to see her. He noticed as he entered that one of the local cafe regulars gave him a filthy look. He smiled sheepishly knowing he deserved it and so much more, hoping against hope that Dinah would let him speak and not call the dogs on him, so to speak.

"What are you doing here?" were the first words Dinah exclaimed upon seeing Jared enter her cafe.

"I need to speak to you. Can I please speak to you?" he said. The tone of his voice was so conciliatory Dinah had to say yes. He offered no threat. He seemed genuinely to have something to say. Dinah wondered if it could be bad news about the development, which was pretty much completed.

"Okay, give me five minutes please," she said. She kept her tone polite and distant. He could say whatever he had to say, and then he could leave. Her life had just gotten back onto an even keel and she did not need her heartbreak made fresh again.

As the last customer left and Dinah locked the door she took no extra time over the end of day details but immediately sat opposite Jared at a table. She kept the table between them, preferring a barrier, with her back to her flat the escape route.

"Okay, spill. What is it?" Dinah said abruptly. She would listen to him, but she was quite frankly annoyed at his sudden appearance, just when she had achieved hard won stability again.

"I guess I deserve that. I treated you badly Dinah. I've come here to apologise," he said.

Dinah snorted her derision. "We're both adults Jared. I didn't do anything I regret and I enjoyed every minute of our time together. There's nothing to apologise for."

"I feel horrible about the way I left and I want to apologise if I hurt you," he said.

"Oh you didn't hurt me," Dinah said a little too brightly. "Like I said, our time together was… great. It was just great Jared. I don't know why you're here?"

Jared experienced a moment of doubt. He had sworn that she had been deeply hurt on that last night and there had been real emotion there. Had he read all the signs wrongly? Although he had doubts about how she felt for him he had to know for sure. He ploughed on regardless

"I really feel bad about how I left, without a good conversation about how we felt about each other. I just kind of left it hanging and I wish I hadn't done it that way," he said a bit more persistently.

"No Jared. I knew that you would return to your life in Auckland. You going back was not a surprise. Anyway, that's how you operate and I knew that. Love them and leave them, isn't that right? Well, I'm a big girl. I was just looking to have a bit of fun. No harm done," she said lifting her chin as she spoke sitting up straighter. She was not going to let his return get to her. Had he just come back because he had a genuine sense of remorse? Or was it something else?

He tried one last time "I am truly sorry Dinah that I loved you and left you as you say. That's not a decent way to treat someone. Can you forgive me?" He was not prepared for the response.

Dinah's face showed her rage! All the weeks and lonely nights of grief, all the tears she had shed, the racking pain in her heart as she sobbed so hard she could barely breathe, all of that came rushing back up to assault her with full force. She saw red. Here was the source of her grief, this man she had thought she loved more than her own life itself, back in front of her bringing all the pain of her broken heart back to the fore, and asking for her forgiveness? She was aghast at his clumsy stupidity!

Trembling with rage, rising up to stand, she pointed her finger in his direction to emphasise each point. "I will NOT forgive you! You don't deserve forgiveness! You don't even deserve the time of day and I'll be dammed if I'll let you waltz back in here demanding my forgiveness only to bring back all the emotions that I thought I had finally left behind me. Now GO AWAY FOREVER!" she shouted.

Suddenly she realised her mistake. She realised what she had just revealed to him. He had broken her heart and now he knew. A heart could only be broken if it had been in love. The entire colour drained from Dinah's face. She grew pale and very fearful. What had she done?

Jared stared at her, slowly coming to process the deep level of her emotion she had displayed to him. Did her rage and anger reveal something else?

"Wait, you said all the emotion you thought you had finally left behind? What emotion Dinah? Tell me!" he demanded.

"No!" she said. Dinah could only manage a single strangled response as she sank back into her chair and covered her face with her hands. Her heart was breaking all over again and she was powerless to stop it. The pain threatened to render her in two and she let a sob escape her throat as tears welled in her eyes and flowed down her cheeks behind her hands. She felt terrible and embarrassed. Jared was right in front of her witnessing the depths of her grief. Her dignity was completely lost. Now he would know how hard she had fallen for him. A stupid country bumpkin girl fell for the millionaire playboy from the big city. How stupid had she been!

Jared stood in a flash and rounded the table to kneel before her. Gently he grasped her hands and tried to pull them away from her face only to be violently rebuffed as she shook herself away from him and tried to shrink into herself. Pain teared at him inside his heart as he realised what his leaving had done to her.

"Oh Dinah, don't cry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry my love. Shh, it's okay. It will all be okay," he murmured to her.

Through her tears Dinah heard his words and heard him use the word love, but in this context just sent her into deeper despair. He had not said he loved her, and he never would. He was just trying to be nice and was probably embarrassed by a woman crying in front of him. She tried to get up and push past him to leave but he grabbed her with strong arms.

"No Dinah, don't run away from me again," he continued. "There's something I need to tell you, something I need to ask of you. Please, sit down and listen to me. I promise I'm not here to hurt you. Dinah my love, I never wanted to hurt you. Will you listen to me please?"

Something in the tone of his voice hinted at a depth of emotion and spoke to Dinah on a visceral level. Her weeping slowed enough for her to vaguely nod and sink back into her chair.

Jared kneeled in front of her, resting his hands on her knees. He spoke softly to her, "Dinah, the last eight weeks have been the worst of my life. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't work properly. If I wasn't the boss I probably would have been fired! I've come to realise that I'm a huge idiot and I've let the one best thing I've ever come across in my life get away. No, not get away but I've left it. I left you Dinah and I shouldn't have."

Jared paused and Dinah slowly lowered her hands from her face. No longer crying she felt the small flicker of hope begin to flare deep within her. He had come back not just to ask her to assuage a guilty conscience, but because he wanted her! He said that she was the best thing in her life! Did this mean…

Jared saw her eyes grow wider. He saw she had stopped crying and was listening intently to his every word. With a huge feeling of trepidation he ploughed on ahead.

"I realise now that I have hurt you and Dinah I hope that this means that I've hurt you because you feel the same about me as I do about you. Dinah, I love you! I love you so deeply and fully that I need you in my life and if you feel the same way then…"

He paused, gauging her reaction. So far, so good, he thought. She had not stopped him and was listening, her face lightened. He detected a slight smile begin to form. Encouraged, he decided to plough onwards.

Jared reached into his jacket pocket and withdrew a small box. Holding it he opened the box and held it out in front of Dinah.

"Dinah Luxford, would you do me the great honour of marrying me and being my wife. I promise I will treasure you and look after you for the rest of my life because I love you as much as life itself," he proposed and then held his breath.

Her face lit up and the smile she bestowed upon him was her answer in itself.

"Yes! Oh Jared, Yes!" Dinah said as she flung herself into his arms.

For the next few minutes they kissed, drinking in the sweet taste and scent of each other. Dinah buried her face into his neck, with her nose in his hair curling around his collar, and breathed in deeply, calming and steadying herself.

Drawing back finally Dinah took his hands. "Jared, yes, there is nothing in the world that I want more than to be with you forever. I will be so happy. To wake up every morning and know that you'll be there beside me every day, all day makes me so very happy!" she said.

Jared stood, sweeping her up in his arms and turned towards the stairs to her flat.

"Well then Dinah, how about we celebrate our new status as an engaged couple and retire to your bedroom upstairs?" he said. "I've missed you so much, and I want you so badly! I think we should begin in the manner we intend to continue, with as much lovemaking as humanly possible!" With a wicked grin and that sexy smile Dinah loved so much he winked at her.

"Oh yes, lets get started," she replied as he carried her upstairs.