To Whisper Her Name (51 page)

“Ridley, I didn’t mean for it to come out like that. What I was trying to say was that people will look at you, and they’ll see —”

“A turncoat. A deserter. You can say it, Olivia. It’s nothing I haven’t heard before.”

She bowed her head, hands knotted at her waist.

“Believe me, I weighed that cost before I put on the uniform. And I’d pay it again, if God called me to. Although … I sure hope he doesn’t. I just couldn’t fight for a cause that would allow a man like Bob Green or Big Ike, or women like Susanna or Betsy, to be auctioned off like we’re auctioning off the yearlings tomorrow.” He wished she’d look up at him. “I don’t blame you for being angry. And hurt. But everything that happened between us was true. Don’t ever doubt that, Olivia.”

All around them, the night sounds rose to a steady hum. He willed her to look at him. But she didn’t.

“I’ll walk you back.”

Wordlessly she fell into step beside him. He knew her well enough to know she was battling tears and losing. But he also knew better than to try to comfort her.

When they got as far as the old Harding cabin, she raised a hand. “I’ll walk the rest of the way by myself.”

“I don’t mind going with —”

“I
prefer
to walk by myself.”

He nodded.

Sniffing, she wiped her cheeks and continued on.

“Olivia?”

She paused but didn’t turn back.

“I know this doesn’t change anything, but … I never meant to hurt you.”

She finally looked at him. “I know you didn’t mean to, Ridley. But you did.”

W
ell, Mr. Cooper. We’re almost there! Do you think we’ll reach our goal?”

“I don’t know, sir. It’s going to be close.” Ridley had never seen General Harding look more pleased. And while he was pleased, too, and wanted the auction to do well, the outcome wasn’t nearly as important as it once had been. “But if that gentleman from New York City buys any more of your yearlings, he’s going to need his own railroad to get them back.”

Harding laughed. “And since
that gentleman
owns the Hudson River Railroad, I believe we can assume he’ll manage quite well.”

Ridley motioned for Jedediah to take the next yearling out to the corral — and spotted Grady Matthews standing at the edge of the fence. He hadn’t heard another word out of Matthews about the auction and hoped that boded well.

“Two yearlings left?” the general asked.

Ridley nodded, and Harding walked back toward the crowd.

Scanning the crowd of over seven hundred people, Ridley sought Olivia out again. She was where she’d been the last time he’d looked, seated with Elizabeth, Mary, Selene, and several other ladies at tables and chairs spread out across the front lawn beneath the trees. And wearing the dress he loved. Complete with gloves again. In June.

But knowing why she wore them only endeared her to him more. Even if she wouldn’t let him see her scar.

He’d glimpsed her walking with General Meeks following the barbecue lunch. He’d also had opportunity to speak with the gentleman alone earlier. From all appearances, Percival Meeks was a good and decent man. He would provide well for Olivia and give her security, a well-respected name, and the Southern way of life she longed for.
But the man would never make her happy. Not like Ridley knew
he
could, if she could only find a way to forgive him. To accept him
and
the choices he’d made.

He’d only seen her from afar. They hadn’t spoken. But after she’d left him last night, he’d been given reason to keep hoping on her account.

Unable to sleep, he’d sat on the front porch until the wee hours going over and over their exchange by the creek, until he’d finally figured out what was puzzling him. Thanks mainly to Uncle Bob.

“So she didn’t yell any?” Uncle Bob had asked after joining him well after midnight. “She just got real quiet like?”

“
Real
quiet. Wouldn’t let me come near her. Said she understood that I didn’t mean to hurt her, but that I did anyway.”

“Was she loud when she said it?”

Ridley exhaled. “No. Quiet as the night.”

“Oh, Lawd … that ain’t good. But we done knew she wasn’t gonna like hearin’ it, sir.”

The creak of their rocking chairs marked off the seconds, the aroma of Uncle Bob’s pipe rising like an offered incense.

“Then you say Missus Aberdeen done asked who else knew about it?”

Ridley nodded. “She told me I couldn’t ever tell General Harding or anybody else. Told me I wouldn’t be safe.”

“Safe?” Uncle Bob stopped rocking and took the pipe from between his teeth. “She started in talkin’ ‘bout you bein’ safe, sir?”

Ridley nodded again, and that’s when Uncle Bob grinned.

“Well,
shoot
… You ain’t lost her yet, sir. Not altogether, anyhow. Any female goes to talkin’ ‘bout you bein’ safe … hmmmph. There still be somethin’ left in her heart for ya.”

Gesturing to the auctioneer to begin the bidding, Ridley prayed Uncle Bob was right. The man hadn’t steered him wrong yet.

Still, the way Olivia had looked at him …

In the center of the bidding corral, Jedediah stood tall and proud beside the yearling he’d trained. At the signal, he led the yearling around the corral, showing him off for the crowd, who applauded enthusiastically. Jedediah’s talent was evident both in his manner and in the young thoroughbred’s, and the bidding was swift and fierce.

By the time the auctioneer brought the gavel down, Jedediah’s yearling had brought a price that put them well over the amount General Harding had set as their goal. Which meant not only did Jedediah’s
incentive add up nicely, but Ridley had made his too. His 5 percent alone would be enough to pay for the wagon and supplies to see him west, with a little left over.

His only question was … if Uncle Bob was right, and Olivia really did still feel something for him, was what she felt enough for her to say yes when he asked her to leave with him? Because he knew beyond a doubt now: Olivia Aberdeen was the one woman he did not want to live without.

Hurt and frustrated, her heart still tender, Olivia watched Ridley give the signal for the last yearling to be led into the corral. She’d cried herself to sleep last night and when she’d awakened this morning, her pillow was still damp.

As angry and hurt as she was, one thing she realized … Regardless of whether or not Ridley had told her from the start about his fighting against the South, the end result was the same. He’d still be going to the Colorado Territory. But, no, that wasn’t quite true. Yes, he’d still be going. But if she’d known about him from the beginning, she’d never have allowed herself to love him like she had. Like she still did.

The crowd applauded and she joined in, peering over their heads to see the yearling. But when she saw Jimmy leading the young thoroughbred, she came to her feet.
Jimmy
had trained a horse? He led the horse around the corral, looking handsome in his shirt, which matched those of the other stable hands.

She heard his name being called and spotted little Jolene standing off to the side by the fence, cheering on her older brother. Beside Jolene, their mother did the same. But when Olivia looked back and saw Jimmy looking so small and innocent in the middle of the corral beside the thoroughbred, she thought again about what Ridley had said last night. About how he couldn’t fight for a cause that would allow people to be auctioned off like thoroughbreds. And a wave of pride swept through her for him, washing up against her frustration and hurt and causing the dull ache inside her to hurt afresh.

“Livvy, dear. Are you all right? Have the week’s festivities been too much for you?”

Olivia turned, pasting on a smile. “Too much for me, Aunt? What about you? You’ve hardly stayed still for more than two seconds in recent days.”

Elizabeth smiled, and the brightness in her eyes all but masked the shadows beneath. “I wouldn’t change anything about today. My husband is realizing the fruition of a long-held dream.” Elizabeth breathed deep, her gaze on the general some distance away. “I learned long ago, Livvy, that a wife must love her husband’s dreams as much as she loves him. Because the two are inseparable. If a wife can’t embrace the desires of her husband’s heart, he will never become the man he could have been, if only she had.”

Hearing the devotion in Elizabeth’s voice, Olivia felt her gaze drawn back to Ridley. She certainly knew what his dream was and still envied his passion for it. Yet she could hardly embrace it. That very morning, she’d read a newspaper article about another Indian uprising out west. But as dangerous as the Colorado Territory seemed to be, wasn’t it equally dangerous for him to stay here?

The bidding for the last yearling commenced and scarcely ten minutes later, the final winning bid of the auction drew a hearty round of applause. Jimmy tipped his cap to the crowd as he left, giving them his trademark grin and enjoying the attention.

“The general tells me,” Aunt Elizabeth said softly, leaning close, “that General Meeks has formally requested permission to speak with you this week, Livvy.” Elizabeth took hold of her hand. “It’s going to be a good match, my dear. For so many reasons.”

Nodding, Olivia turned back and spotted General Meeks making his way toward them through the crowd. She fought the ridiculous urge she had to run — which didn’t bode well for the future she and General Meeks were slated to share. But forcing herself to look at her circumstances in a more practical light — including what she’d learned last night — she knew this marriage was a sound choice. She’d be well cared for. It would benefit Belle Meade and the Hardings, who had given her her life back. How could she reject it? She couldn’t. And Chattanooga wasn’t two hours from Nashville by rail. Certainly General Meeks wouldn’t begrudge her visiting Aunt Elizabeth on occasion. He could certainly afford the train fare. She took a steadying breath. Aunt Elizabeth was right. This would be a good match.

Yet no matter how many times she told herself that, she still couldn’t imagine marrying the man. Not while Ridley Cooper was still in the world.

“Mrs. Aberdeen, wasn’t that exciting?” General Meeks pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and swabbed his moist forehead, then
continued on up and over his shiny scalp. “Mrs. Harding, may I offer my congratulations, ma’am, as I did to your husband just now? A splendid day for Belle Meade! Just splendid.”

“Thank you, General Meeks. We’re deeply honored to have you in attendance, sir.”

“Ah! Mr. Cooper!” General Meeks looked past Olivia and held out his hand. “Join us.”

Ridley came toward them and reached to shake the general’s hand. Ridley looked as tired as she felt, and Olivia wondered if he’d gotten any sleep at all last night.

“Well done today, Mr. Cooper.”

“Thank you, General Meeks. I appreciate your contribution to the winning bids. You got yourself two fine horses.”

“Yes, I did. And I’ll be by for them.” General Meeks paused, eyes wide. “Mrs. Harding, are you all right, ma’am?”

Olivia recognized the pallor of Elizabeth’s complexion only too well. But before she could even react, Ridley had Elizabeth in his arms.

Waiting in the entrance hall, Ridley heard footsteps on the staircase and looked up. Olivia descended, looking beautiful but weary, as though the weight of the world rested on her slender shoulders. She seemed determined to look everywhere but at him.

He met her at the landing. “How is she?”

“She’s resting now. The doctor and the general are with her.” She glanced down at her hands. “The doctor said it was another spell. A little worse than those she’s had before … But he’s given her some laudanum to help her rest.” She lifted her gaze, still not looking at him. “She told me to thank you again, for coming to her rescue.”

She smiled that polite, distant little smile he hadn’t seen in a long time, and he was surprised by how much it hurt to see it again.

“Olivia, look at me.”

She shook her head. “No, Ridley. I can’t. It’s over.”

“It’s not over. I’m still here.”

“But not for long.” Her face crumpled. Her breath came hard. “You’re leaving, and I —”

Footsteps sounded from above, and Ridley drew her with him into the parlor and shut the door. When he saw her tears, he took her
in his arms, and to his surprise, she came willingly. Her shoulders shook with silent sobs, and any trace of doubt that she was meant to be with him fled.

“Come with me,” he whispered. “I love you, Olivia. I’ve loved you ever since you told me where to put that advertisement. The one for the teaching position, remember?” He kissed the crown of her head. “If memory serves, I
think
you told me I could put it with the horse droppings.”

Her shoulders shook harder, whether from laughter or tears he wasn’t sure.

“That’s what
you
said,” she whispered against his chest, then held him tighter.

“I’ll take care of you,” he promised softly. “We’ll build a life together, just the two of us. We won’t start out in a mansion on a hill, but … you’ll never be cold in the winter, you’ll never go hungry, and …” His throat tightened with emotion, his promises sounding flimsy compared to what Meeks could lavish on her from the start. “You’ll never wonder whether your husband loves you more than his own life. Or whether you’re the first thing he wants to see in the morning and the very last thing he wants to hold as he turns down the lamp at night.”

“Oh, Ridley …” She took a shuddering breath and drew back, her head bowed.

Ridley smoothed her hair and tilted her face to meet his, and the look in her eyes punctured a hole in his chest and told him everything he didn’t want to hear.