Tied - Part Four (The Tied Series) (5 page)

“Shh.” I silenced her with another kiss. “Don’t say it. I know you felt it before, but don’t say it again. Not until I’ve earned it back.”

“Maybe you just did,” she said with a playful smirk.

I had to kiss her again for that.

“Not quite. But soon, sweetheart.” I hovered over her, positioning my erection, dying to drive it home. She tilted her hips, seeking the same. My leg ached but
fuck my leg
, I thought. This was far more important. That pain was going to linger for a long time. I’d just damn well have to get used to it.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“I don’t know, am I?” I pressed my way forward, just a bare inch inside of her. “Do I feel okay to you?”

“Oh, fuck yes. Fuck yes.” She never cursed. She must have really, really meant it.
Good
. I drove myself deep. We gasped in unison, overwhelmed by the sensations of finally being joined.

I’d meant what I’d said. I hadn’t even known the word was there until it spilled out - I’d never said it to anyone but family before. But now that it was out, there was no re-hiding it. Not from her. Not from myself.

All I could do was show her how much I meant it. So I kissed her neck and I caressed her body endlessly as I moved in and out of her with a deliberate slowness. God, she felt so good, so incredibly, so deliciously hot, it was difficult not to give in to dumb animal instinct and pound away. Though I’d promised that I’d just to go ahead and take her, I couldn’t help wanting to do more, to do better.

And she was definitely loving it. She looked up at me with heavy-lidded eyes, taking deep, heaving breaths in time with my movements. Shudders ran through her body whenever I touched her just right, or thrust just right, and soon she had her legs locked over my ass and her nails digging into my shoulders.

“I love you,” I said again, and she came apart, grasping at me, gasping, rippling around me and crying out her pleasure.

There was no stopping it, then. I gathered her up tight against my chest and pounded into her with an animal fury. I cursed or I groaned or I grunted her name, I don’t know - but I know that I clutched her tight as I spilled inside of her, my lips seeking hers though I could barely breath.

“Lockett,” she whispered, kissing me softly and stroking my jaw. “I’m so sorry. I missed you so much…”

“Shh.” My leg was fucking screaming so I rolled onto my back, pulling her with me. “It’ll all be okay. You’ll see. We’ll work it out.”

She rested her head on my shoulder, still trembling. Her fingers found my hand and entwined with mine. “You were right. What you said back at the reception. I never saw it that way. And I’m sorry.”

“I was too harsh,” I said.

“No. You were right.” She blew out a breath and looked up at me, her eyes a storm of emotions. “I was running from you and taking my problems to someone else when I should have been doing the opposite. I kept encouraging you to talk to me but I wasn’t really talking to you.”

I didn’t want to talk about Patrick. Sure as fuck not right then. I was still half-hard, naked, and catching my breath after the most goddamn amazing orgasm I’d had in forever. Why did she have to bring him up?

But what she said was important and I wasn’t about to put her off.

“I’d like it if you came to me instead. Even if it’s just to talk about what an asshole I’m being,” I said.

She giggled, but she couldn’t disagree. We both had our own shit to work out. We just had to figure out how to do it together. It felt like we were starting to take the right steps.
If only I can keep her from moving in with him
.

I grumbled, “If we’re talking out issues, I don’t like the way Patrick looks at you.”

“It’s not like that. I promise. I
promise
.”

She believed it. I could see it on her face that she believed what she was saying, and it wasn’t that I didn’t trust her. I just didn’t really trust him. He was way too eager to move her out of our apartment and into his.

“I don’t want you to move in with him.” I stroked her hair. “Don’t do it. Come home, Katherine.”

She was shaking her head. “Mallet was right, he didn’t s sign up to live with a kid and neither did my sister. I can’t do that to them. I won’t.”

“Then we’ll figure something else out. I’ll come up with something. At least put him off for a while.”

“I’ve already been staying there,” she said softly, “I have to get to work.”

“Just don’t make it official. Stay with him but don’t
move in
with him. I’ll figure something out, I’ll find another place, I swear it.”

“Okay,” she whispered. Then she kissed my chest and sat up. “I’ve got to get back.”

“I was afraid of that.”

“Just for the cake and the sendoff.”

“I’d insist on dragging you back here after but I’m sharing the room.”

“I guess we’ll just have to go back to my house,” she said with a wry smile. “Mom won’t be home. You don’t have to sneak in through the window or anything like that.”

“Thank God,” I said, rubbing my aching knee. I smiled through it, though.
This wedding crash went better than I could have hoped for.

I helped her retrieve her underwear. Everything was still damp. And I kind of wanted to keep looking at her naked.

“Hang these up,” I said, “I’ll get the hairdryer.”

CHAPTER 6

Two weeks after the wedding and I still hadn’t been able to talk her into moving back into the apartment. We were talking, though, and making an effort to see each other every day despite our conflicting schedules. I’d meet her leaving her job, we’d grab something to eat, then she’d see me off on my way to my new gig.

Some days, when we felt like gambling with the little bit of free time we had together, we’d rush back to the apartment in a frantic whirlwind of clothes and sweat.

At least we never fell out of sync there. Whatever was wrong between us never seemed to touch our chemistry in the bedroom. If anything, all this “making up” was only getting us hotter.

She should have preoccupied my thoughts. She did during the day, when I was home, when I was lying in bed and could smell her on the sheets, or when I was in the living room and could see into her bedroom where her furniture still lived.

But at night, working my new job where I had more free time to think than was healthy, thoughts of revenge seeped in, sinking their claws into my brain. That unanswered crime was a festering wound that would never heal and would never drain until I took action. I stared at the monitors that I was assigned to stare at and imagined all the blind spots around the luxury Midtown building that I watched - imagined all the placed that I could take Rabbit down.

I hated it. I hated how my stomach churned with bile, how my veins crackled with unspent adrenaline. I was never going to be able to fully be with Katherine if I didn’t rid myself of this disease. I couldn’t even begin to think about the child we were going to have.

Would it be a girl or a boy? What would we name it? I wanted us to live together, but where the fuck were we going to live? These questions blew away like dust when the need for revenge took over.

I clenched and unclenched my fists. The monitors were still. People passed by the front entrance on the sidewalk, but all the restricted areas showed no signs of life. No trespassers except for one fat raccoon. No reason for me to spring into action - though for me, “spring into action” meant “note the time and call the cops.”

A guy like me with a boot on his busted foot couldn’t “spring” anywhere.

Which brought me back to Rabbit.

These thoughts were going to poison me if I kept on doing nothing, but Mal was hell-bent on having himself and Surly involved, which meant waiting until our fucking schedules aligned.

I can’t spend all night every night this angry. I’m going to make myself sick
. I checked my watch - only eleven. Katherine would still be awake. I picked up my phone.

“Violet,” I typed. “Ivy. Rose. Daisy.”

“Are these ex-girlfriends or are you planting a garden?” she replied back.

“I was thinking about girl’s names,” I sent. My whole damn body went into flight mode when I thought about that baby but dammit, I was not going to give in. That was just fear talking and it wasn’t going to win.
This baby is happening
, I admonished my racing heart,
Get used to it. Get it together.

My phone buzzed with her reply. “I was thinking about Chelsea, if you’d like that.”

Holy shit
. I fell in love with her all over again. The message grew blurry in front of my face and I nearly dropped the phone. It was hard to say how my brothers would feel about it but I knew my mother would be so thrilled that she would cry.

I typed back, “Please come home.” I wasn’t the sort of man who begged but goddamn, she had me right on the edge of it.

“… how about I spend the weekend?”

Two days away but better than nothing. We could start talking about the future - another concept I used to flee. Everything was changing so fast. Boot or no boot, I’d have to keep up. Fleeing was not an option.

“My family’s barbecue is this weekend,” I typed. “Does that mean you’re coming?” She’d been on the fence. They’d been less than welcoming back when she met them, while I was in the hospital.
They’ll be nicer this time. Or I’ll thump their skulls
.

“Yes,” she wrote back, “And I’ll stay with you until I go to work on Monday.”

“Perfect. Can’t wait.”

That conversation should have been enough to get me through the rest of the night. We were thinking about baby names. We had a plan for the weekend. I’d get to fuck her and make love to her in my bed, with nowhere to rush to, no reason to leave the room, for two nights straight. We were going to see my family - and I was going to tell them that she was pregnant.

It should have been enough to keep the poison at bay, but it wasn’t.

And when I left the quiet room with its stack of monitors watching uneventful doors and walls, I found myself getting on the wrong train.

My replacement muttered about the early hour as he took my seat. The sun had barely risen when I stepped outside. The streets were nearly empty except for cabs, coffee carts, and joggers. Midtown was never actually quiet, but this was as quiet as it ever got.

I was groggy, ready to get into bed, but instead I got on the train heading toward the Bronx.

Instead of going home to go to sleep, I rode for a half hour in the wrong direction and jumped off at the station that was close to Rabbit’s gym.

Instead of curling up under my sheets with thoughts of Katherine to keep me warm, I felt my blood run hot and angry as I spotted the place - nobody was entering yet. It was too early, nothing was open, not even the post office where I’d lurked with Mal those two weeks ago.

Why was I there? Did I want to assure myself that I remembered where it was? Did I want to wait around and see Rabbit? What would I do if I did, without Mal there to hold me back?

Leave. Get out of here before you get yourself into trouble. Don’t do anything stupid
.

I scrolled through my phone, through the messages I’d exchanged earlier with Katherine.
“I was thinking about Chelsea, if you’d like that.”

If I had Katherine to go home to I never would have traveled up to the Bronx.
Go home. How are you supposed to be with her if you get yourself arrested? Or hurt? Go home. Go home!

I cursed the entire way back to the train. I kicked my way through the turnstyle and I slammed a fist against the subway car’s doors when they didn’t open fast enough, earning an angry glare from a worker on the platform.

I would never be any good for Katherine until I purged myself of this.

Finally at home, I reached our front door just as Mal was leaving, duffel bag over his arm. I shoved him back inside the apartment rougher than I should have.

“What the fuck, man?” he demanded, stumbling back as I closed the front door.

“I was just in the Bronx,” I said.

His eyes narrowed. “What the fuck did you do?”

“Nothing.” I tried to let some of the tension drain out of me but it wouldn’t go. My nails dug into my palm. “I can’t keep doing nothing, man, I’m gonna fucking explode.”