This Matter Of Marriage (30 page)

P
anting and cursing, Hallie dragged the last box out of the bedroom and into the living room. She'd forgotten how much she hated moving, and this time was the most difficult yet. Physically and emotionally exhausted, she slumped onto the sofa. All she had to do now was wait for the movers.

All she had to do now was say goodbye.

It was the task she dreaded most. She knew she was going to miss Steve; she missed him already. She'd taken their friendship for granted and during the past few weeks without him—teasing her, helping her, laughing with her—the world had become a bleak, lonely place.

In an effort to ease the ache in her heart, she'd often stood at her kitchen window and gazed longingly toward his condo. Did he think of her as often as she thought of him? Did he stare out at her place, too? Did he wonder if he'd ever stop feeling so lost and lonely, the way she did?

Moving was supposed to be the answer, the only one she could come up with.

Out of sight, out of mind.

Would it be true?

Unable to stop herself, she glanced through the window at Steve's place. One last time. Just her luck to fall in love with a man who had bowling shoes for brains! She wasn't sure if that thought made her want to laugh or cry—or both.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a flash of color; the moving van had arrived. She opened her front door and secured the screen in the open position. The only thing left to do was step aside and let the brawny young men get to work.

Hallie did that, hurrying outside and out of their way. She shuffled aimlessly through the bright leaves that carpeted the lawn. She'd been there for barely a minute when Kenny appeared. He took one look at the movers and charged full speed toward Hallie, arms wide open.

She caught the boy in a hug. Kenny wrapped his thin arms around her neck and held on tight. “Do you
have
to move, Hallie?” he pleaded.

“Yes,” she said, hoping he couldn't hear the tears in her voice. “I've got an apartment now.” With her condo selling so quickly, she hadn't bought a new place yet. Nothing suited her. She found fault with every home she viewed, exasperating even someone as tolerant as Gabby, her real-estate agent and friend. Time had run out, and Hallie was forced to rent a place, for the next few months, at least, until she came across something she was interested in buying.

“Hallie?” Meagan raced across the yard and threw her arms around Hallie, too. “You're moving already?”

“Looks that way.” No one was amused by her feeble joke, least of all herself.

“I don't want you to go,” Kenny said, squeezing her neck harder.

Hallie hugged the boy, fighting back the emotion, wanting this to be over quickly because she wasn't sure she could bear much more. After a few moments she loosened Kenny's arms from around her neck. Straightening, she put an arm around his shoulder and held him close to her side. Meagan didn't seem to want to let go of her, either.

“We'll never see you again, will we?” Meagan's question was softly spoken.

“Of course you will!”

“When?” the girl demanded, challenging Hallie to give her a time and a place. “Where?”

“Whenever you want. Wherever you want. Just say the word and I'll find a way to be there.” Hallie meant that. No matter how painful it was, she wouldn't abandon Meagan and Kenny. “Here,” she said, handing them each a folded piece of paper. “This is my new address and phone number. I'll be on Federal Way—it's not too far. You can call me anytime, and visit, too.”

Meagan read the information, but it didn't appear to satisfy her. “It won't be the same.”

Hallie couldn't argue with that. “No, it won't be the same.”

In what seemed like only minutes, the movers had everything she owned loaded in their truck. She checked the condo one last time to be sure they hadn't missed anything, Meagan and Kenny trailing along behind her. When she'd finished, Hallie discovered Steve standing outside.

They stared at each other, she on the top step and he on the grass.

“Meagan and Kenny are with me,” she said, thinking he'd come looking for his children.

“I know. I thought I'd come and tell you goodbye myself.”

“Oh.” She couldn't think of a single sensible comment. As it was, she had to restrain herself from running into his arms. She ached for him, for his comfort. Her throat hurt from the effort it cost to hold back her tears. Her whole body shook with suppressed longing.

This was hell, she decided. Saying goodbye to Steve and his children, walking away, not knowing if she'd see him again after Donnalee and Todd's wedding. Hoping, wishing, praying things could be different—and knowing they couldn't.

“We're ready now, miss,” one of the movers shouted from the cab of the truck.

Hallie briefly turned her attention from Steve. “I'll be right there.”

“Don't worry, lady,” the second man shouted back. “We're getting paid by the hour. Take as long as you need.” The two men laughed.

Steve's hands were buried deep in his pants pockets. “You'd better go.”

She nodded. Kenny and Meagan crowded around her.

“Hallie says we can come visit her new place anytime. Can we Dad?”

His gaze continued to hold hers. “If it's okay with Hallie.”

“I'd like that, Steve. I'm going to miss…all of you.” Her original intention had been to say only the children's names, but that would have been a lie. She'd miss him more. She'd mourn him, yearn for him, cry over him.

“Goodbye, Hallie.”

“Goodbye, Steve.”

While she still had the courage, she deliberately turned her back to him and locked the front door. Then she dropped a kiss on each child's head and raced past Steve to her car.

 

The dress Donnalee had chosen for Hallie to wear as maid of honor was one of the most beautiful she'd ever owned. It was simple and elegant, a pale rose that did wonders for her skin. She felt beautiful in it. And thin. Every time she studied her reflection, all she could think of was Steve's reaction when he saw her. But then, thinking about Steve had become something of a pasttime. No, an obsession. Every night she went to bed thinking about him; every morning she woke up to those same thoughts of him.

“He'll go out of his mind,” Donnalee whispered.

It took Hallie a moment to realize her best friend was talking about Todd when he saw his wife-to-be in her wedding dress.

“Yes, he will,” Hallie confirmed.

The wedding itself was going to be a brief simple ceremony, with only Steve and Hallie as attendants. The guests were family and a few select friends. Not so for the reception; Donnalee and Todd had built strong friendships through the years and wanted to invite as many of their friends as possible to share in their joy. There would be dinner, dancing, drinks.

Hallie hadn't seen Steve in two weeks. Fourteen days. That didn't seem so long, but it felt like fourteen years. She'd eagerly looked forward to the wedding…and yet she'd dreaded it more each day.

She longed to see him, yet was afraid to see him. She was afraid of reviving, strengthening, her love for Steve, afraid of suffering the loneliness, the sense of loss all over again. She wasn't sure she could go through it a second time.

Her gaze automatically sought him out as the four of them crowded around Pastor Channing in the small chapel. Steve's eyes met hers, and with effort she managed to offer him a smile. One that wasn't returned. She quickly looked away.

The ceremony, short though it was, moved Hallie to tears. Donnalee and Todd gazed at each other, wrapped up in their love. For Hallie, their happiness was almost painful to see, and yet she was thrilled for her friends.

Steve stood there stiffly throughout the ceremony. Other than those first few moments, he completely ignored her. When they all signed the wedding certificate, Hallie's hand trembled. Steve showed no sign of emotion, his signature strong and bold.

Donnalee and Todd had hired a vintage 1928 Ford to drive them from the church to the reception at a nearby hotel.

Once they'd climbed into the car amid clapping and cheers, Meagan hurried to Hallie's side. “Hallie, Hallie!” She clamped her arms around Hallie's waist. “You look so pretty. Doesn't she, Dad?” she called to Steve, who was standing a few feet away.

“Lovely,” he responded, and lowered his mask long enough to let his appreciation show in his eyes.

His brief admiring look greatly boosted Hallie's sagging spirits.

“Dad's new neighbors moved in and they don't have kids.” This disgruntled remark came from Kenny. The boy wore an obviously new suit, complete with tie. Hallie would wager it had taken a good deal of talking and bribing before Kenny agreed to the outfit.

“The new neighbors are okay,” Meagan said.

Hallie had met the young couple and thought they were extremely nice. “I'm sure they'll have children soon enough.”

“What bothers the kids most is that the new neighbors aren't you,” Steve explained with a shrug. “But that's life. People come and people go. They'll adjust, just like I have.” He seemed to be going out of his way to tell her he didn't miss her, didn't need her. That whatever he'd felt for her was gone.

“We all miss you, Hallie,” Meagan said, as if to counter her father's cruel words. “It doesn't seem right without you there.”

It didn't feel right to her, either, but she certainly couldn't say so.

The hotel where the reception was being held was filled with guests by the time they arrived. Applause broke out when Donnalee and Todd stepped inside the gaily decorated room. Hallie stood in the reception line between Donnalee and her parents. Todd stood next to Steve, and Steve next to Todd's mother and father.

Hallie gave up counting the number of hands she shook and the number of names she heard. Remembering everyone was a lost cause, so she just smiled and shook hands.

The reception line was followed by dinner. Hallie and Steve were assigned to the head table with Donnalee and Todd. She found him staring at her once, and she smiled, hoping to lessen the tension between them. She wasn't sure if it was the baked salmon or the champagne that went with it, but Steve finally began to relax. She did, too.

Once the staff had removed the dishes and the wedding cake was served, the music started. Donnalee and Todd danced the first dance, holding each other close. As was tradition, Steve escorted Hallie onto the floor next, but from the loose way he held her, she might as well have been his sister.

They'd never danced together before. What amazed her was how coordinated their movements were, almost as if they'd been partners for years. Almost as if her body sensed and followed his body's movements.

When the music ended, she thought she heard Steve sigh with relief.

“Come on, Steve, it wasn't so bad, was it?”

He stared at her blankly.

“Dancing with me,” she elaborated.

He reached for a fresh glass of champagne. “Bad enough.”

“I didn't step on your toes, did I?”

“No,” he muttered, “just my heart.”

“What about
my
heart?” she asked, angered by his response.

“I must say it looks mighty fine in that dress you're wearing. Let me guess who picked it out. Donnalee, right?” He didn't wait for her to answer. “The woman's too smart for her own good.”

“What's that supposed to mean?”

“It means it's time for me to shut up and sit down before I make an even bigger ass of myself.” He strode off the dance floor.

Hallie wasn't about to let him stop now, so she ran after him. If he realized she was right behind him, he didn't show it. Steve sat down at the table where Meagan and Kenny awaited him. A balding middle-aged man, Todd's uncle by marriage if Hallie remembered correctly, caught her by the arm.

“How come a pretty little gal like you doesn't have a dance partner?” He slid his arm securely about her waist and Hallie could see that Todd's uncle had had a few drinks too many.

“I'm so sorry, Harry,” she said. “I've already promised this dance to my friend.”

“Your friend?”

Hallie winked at Kenny and held out her hand. “I believe you wanted this dance?”

Kenny leapt to his feet and, taking her hand, led Hallie toward the dance floor. The music was fast-paced and lighthearted. Kenny solemnly clenched her hands in his as they stepped onto the polished oak floor.

“Dad needs another bowling partner,” Kenny announced. “I told him he should ask you.”

“Really?” Hallie didn't know how to respond.

“He said you wouldn't be interested.”

“He did?”

“Are you?” Kenny pressed.