The Weight of Words (The WORDS Series) (43 page)

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Aubrey move, packing up her bag. She whispered something to Julie, grabbed her things and made a speedy departure, mumbling something about an appointment. I didn’t buy it, but I wasn’t about to stop her. Shawn Ward waved and smiled. She didn’t acknowledge him. As she closed the door soundly behind her, another uneasy silence settled over the room.

“Well, let’s turn to page three-forty-six in our anthologies and rake our friend Othello over the coals, shall we?” I said with a grim smile.

The sound of rustling pages broke the tension, and little conversations broke out around the room. Shawn and Vince debated the reason for Aubrey’s sudden departure. Vince proposed that she might be getting her hair done in preparation for some event later tonight. Shawn didn’t look convinced, claiming he wasn’t surprised to see Cara and Lindsay away, assuming they’d probably gone to a day spa, but that he didn’t think Aubrey was the type.

I feigned interest in my notes, letting them ramble on for a couple of minutes, eavesdropping shamelessly and wondering if Julie would offer them—and me, for that matter—an explanation. She didn’t, which left me wondering what event was taking place that would require an appointment at a hairdresser’s. Was Aubrey going to this event with Matt? Envy burned through my chest, but it was neither the time nor the place to indulge jealous preoccupations.

I pulled myself together and launched into
Othello
. We spent the next twenty minutes trying to figure out why Iago was such an ass and why Othello had been so quick to believe his lies about Desdemona. More people contributed to the discussion this time, but Julie remained silent throughout, deep in thought. I avoided making eye contact with her and almost leapt out of my seat with joy when I saw that it was time to wrap up for the day. How many more Friday tutorials were there? Five? Six? Surely this would get easier with time.

Barely holding myself together, I collected my things and waited for the room to empty. My mouth was dry, and my heart was hammering. Keeping control of that tutorial had been one of the most taxing challenges of my job thus far as TA, and I wasn’t convinced I’d done a terribly effective job at that.

My bag packed, I glanced up to see Julie still standing by the end of the table, watching me pull on my coat. She looked as though she had something to say. I gazed at her, waiting for her to speak.

“Aubrey wanted you to have this,” she said. She dropped a plastic bag on the table, and then she quickly turned and walked out of the room.

I rubbed my face in frustration. Yep, she knew. How was I going to make it through the rest of the term? Grimacing, I headed for the door, picking up the bag and jamming it in the side pocket of my laptop bag. I dared not look inside now.

I took the stairs two at a time and raced out the front doors of Hart House, trying to shake off the anxious tension the last two hours had provoked. Could Aubrey have been any more pointed with her comments? Why did she have to be so goddamned sharp? I thought I had the ability to mind-fuck people, but today I’d met my match. God only knew what would have happened if she’d stayed for the discussion of
Othello
.

I reached the crest of Hart House Circle, nearing my car which was parked in its usual spot in front of University College. As I topped the hill, I realized I had company.

Matthew Miller.

What was he doing here? And why the fuck was he leaning on my car?

Chapter 26

Then Shall He Mourn

Then shall he mourn,
If ever love had interest in his liver,
And wish he had not so accused her,
No, though he thought his accusation true.
(
Much Ado About Nothing
, Act IV, Scene 1)

M
ATT
G
LARED
A
T
M
E
A
S
I S
TOPPED
in front of him.

“Matt. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Oh, I just thought I’d come and pay you a little visit,” he said. “I knew Aubrey had a one o’clock tutorial with you over here. I was going to try to track you down, but then I saw your shiny ol’ Beemer and figured I’d wait here for you instead.”

He smacked the side of my car with the palm of his hand as he spoke, and I seriously considered doing the same to his head.

“Mind telling me what this is about? I’m assuming you didn’t come all the way here to clean my car door with your ass?”

“Oh, I have no desire to clean your car, but I
am
tempted to clean your fucking clock,” he said, taking a menacing step forward and clenching his fists at his sides. I dropped my bag on the ground with a thud, adrenaline ripping through my veins.

“Well, how incredibly
junior high
of you, Mr. Miller. Are we waiting for some of your pals to show up to cheer you on?”

“Don’t talk down to me, Grant. If you’ve got any sense in that thick skull of yours, you’ll listen to what I have to say and drop the pompous act.”

“I’m all ears. Go ahead,” I said, crossing my arms. It took every ounce of self-control not to grab him and smash his head through the windshield. I wasn’t accustomed to such primal anger.

“I came to tell you that if you hurt Aubrey again, I’ll fucking kill you. No questions asked,” he said levelly.

“Now that is
quite
a threat. Why on earth would I hurt Miss Price? I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I was trying to remain nonchalant.

“Oh, I think you know exactly what I’m talking about,” he said, voice dangerously low.

I sighed. “Listen, why don’t you quit playing games and tell me what this is about, because I assure you I have no clue what you’re trying to say.”

He crossed his arms, his posture mirroring mine. “All right. No games.” He narrowed his eyes. “I happen to know that you and Aubrey are close. Probably closer than a TA and student are supposed to be.”

I flinched internally but tried not to betray my panic. Had Aubrey sold me out? Fuck, this was not good. What this guy could do with that kind of information! I could be on my way to being well and truly screwed.

“And before you jump to conclusions, Grant, she didn’t volunteer this information. I practically had to wring the truth out of her. She was having a weak moment. Otherwise I’m sure she wouldn’t have said anything. But really? I didn’t need her to confirm it. I’m not stupid. It wasn’t hard to figure out. I’ve been piecing this whole thing together for a while now.”

I swallowed dryly but said nothing. Did he honestly know everything, or was he bluffing? And if he did know, was he now playing the part of the jealous new boyfriend, threatening me to stay away from his girl? Is that what this was about?

“Don’t feel like you have to confirm or deny anything. That’s not why I’m here,” he said. “And for the record? I don’t give a good goddamn whether or not you’re supposed to be together or what the rules are. It’s none of my business. I don’t even think it’s all that big of a deal. You might think you’re all important with your fancy car and your arrogant airs, but you’re not a prof. You’re just a TA for Christ’s sake.”

You don’t understand
, I wanted to say
. If only you knew what was at stake here
. But no, I hadn’t even told Aubrey the precariousness of my position. Of all people in the world to confide in, Matt was not the one. I did my best to remain non-committal. “Go on. I’m listening,” I said.

“I don’t care about the lines you’ve crossed or whatever. If I did, I’d be at the English Department offices right now instead of standing here talking to you. What I
do
care about is Aubrey. She’s been a mess since Tuesday, and she’ll probably kill me for coming here and telling you this, but I’ve never seen her so messed up over a guy. She’s a strong girl—not a crier. But this week? Not good, man.” He looked at me quizzically. “I have no clue what she sees in you, but she must see something ’cause you completely knocked her on her ass with your fuckery.”

Another unwelcome flicker of sympathy licked at my conscience. I wanted to continue feeling hurt by Aubrey’s betrayal, but his account of how she’d struggled through the last few days rattled my cage. How in the hell did he think he had the right to call me out for
my
so-called “fuckery,” though? I was the victim here, wasn’t I? I wasn’t the one who’d been dry humping someone else in a bar.

Did I dare speak frankly to him?

“Listen. I’m not going to pretend I’m comfortable talking to you about all this, but I see there’s no point in continuing to deny that Aubrey and I are…
were
…close friends,” I said, selecting my words with infinite care. “She trusts you. She cares about you. I know your loyalties rest with her. But after what I saw you two doing on Tuesday, I don’t see how you think you can come here and try to make me feel like shit. Does she expect me to turn a blind eye to her conduct?”

“Her
conduct?”
Matt snorted. “You’re talking about what you thought you saw happening at the Madison? I don’t remember much—I was wasted. I showed up there, and Aubrey had to take care of me. Apparently she had to hold me up. If she hadn’t, I would’ve ended up on my ass. So when you arrived, that’s what you saw. And she tried to follow you, and then she tried to text you—wanted to explain what had happened—but you ignored her. And you know what? As usual, she didn’t take anything out on me. Somehow she and Julie got me home in a cab. I could barely stand up, never mind walk.”

I stared at him dumbly. I couldn’t reconcile what he was saying with what I’d seen: The two of them tangled together, his arms around her, his face buried in her neck, her leg between his knees, one hand in his hair, the other caressing his back. And Julie
had
been there?

“You have no idea how much I want to believe you, Miller, but what I saw was way more than Aubrey propping you up, man.”

He laughed cynically. “You know what you saw, Grant? I’d just seen my ex making out with another guy, and I was spinning. I’m sure even
you
can understand that. Aubrey was there for me, as always. She was
consoling
me. If someone needs her, she’s there. If that threatens you, man, you’d better walk away right now.”

“Are you telling me
nothing
happened between you two on Tuesday night?”

“Nothing but Aubrey being a great friend. If you think there’s more to it than that, you’ve hatched it in your own fucked-up imagination.”

The truth behind his words struck me with a suddenness that took my breath away as the details of his story clicked into place. I sighed heavily, rubbing my face roughly.

“Ah, fuck. I can’t believe this!”

“Try harder,” he said dryly.

“Christ, she must hate me.” I sighed. “She does, doesn’t she?”

“
Hate
is a strong word. She’s ticked that you assumed the worst and wouldn’t give her a chance to explain herself, but I don’t think she hates you. I wouldn’t say you’re out of the game just yet.”

I put my hands on my hips and stared at him helplessly. “Why
are
you telling me all this? Honestly.”

He clenched and unclenched his jaw a few times. “Because Aubrey cares about you. Because you wouldn’t listen to her when she tried to get through to you, and because she’s too proud to keep trying. Aubrey’s one of the most independent and strong-willed women I know. She might have moped for a day or two, but she’s not gonna wallow forever.”

He seemed to be right on the money. During the tutorial today, she’d been nursing what could only be described as a deep-seated anger.

“You want a chance with her?” Matt said. “You’d better give your arrogant head a shake and make the first move, because she’s convinced you think she can’t be trusted.”

I weighed my options, trying to decide how to proceed. While I had Matt in front of me and he seemed prepared to speak frankly, I was sorely tempted to ask the question I’d wanted to ask Aubrey since that fateful night we’d seen
Hamlet
together. After a moment’s deliberation, I decided to give it a go.

“Can I ask you something and request the courtesy of an honest answer?”

“You can try,” he said. “I’m not making any promises.”

“Okay. Has there
ever
been anything between you two?” There. I’d asked. Now it was up to him to man up and tell me the truth.

He smiled and looked away. “Don’t you think that’s something you should ask Aubrey?”

“Well, I’m asking you, aren’t I?” I said, trying to goad him into responding.

“Aubrey and I are great friends,” he said. “Do I love her? You bet your ass. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be here talking to you right now. Am I
in love
with her?” He paused and shook his head. “No. I can’t speak for Aubrey’s feelings. You want more information than that, you’ll have to ask the lady.”