The Verruca Bazooka (3 page)

After the excitement at the park the rest of Sunday went rapidly downhill for Jack. He and Oscar had run for their lives, with Snivel at their heels, and then they had gone to Oscar’s house to get a sandwich.

Back at the tree house, they spent a long time studying a local map, looking for other watery locations that might be appealing to the Squillibloat. The best they could come up
with was the canal that ran through the town but, as Snivel pointed out, that was likely to be cold water rather than warm.

“Why didn’t you mention that before we rushed off to the pond in the park?” complained Jack. “That water’s not exactly toasty either!”

“Hey, I’m not perfect you know,” replied Snivel in a hurt voice. Jack looked at him. His third eye blinked, and one of his ears was sticking up at an unusual angle.

“Well,” said Jack. “You’re right about
that.”

Snivel went back to trying – and failing – to close his third eye.

The boys decided to sleep on the problem and both went home. When Jack opened the door his mother called out from the kitchen. “Jack – come here please.” Jack knew that tone of voice.

When Mum used that tone
of voice, you were in
real
trouble.

“Quick – go up to my room,” he whispered to Snivel and then headed for the kitchen. Mum looked at him and shook her head sadly. This was bad. She was still dressed in her nurse’s uniform and Jack realised with horror that she was back from work early.

“I got a visit at work,” she began, “from the police. They’d had a complaint from a park-keeper about two boys attacking him.”

Jack swallowed hard. This was not going anywhere good.

Mum produced something from her bag – it was the hard-hat. Inside he could see the legend ‘Property of Jack Brady’ written with permanent marker. For a split second Jack considered telling his mum the truth but then he came to his senses. Instead he muttered something about it being a game that had got out of hand.

“You’re lucky,” his mum told him. “The park-keeper is not going to press charges but you’re not getting off scot-free. You, young man, are Grounded!”

Oh, no. When Mum pronounced words with capital letters at the start, you were in
real, real
trouble.

Jack glanced up at her face and tried to look sheepish. Mum was adamant though. And there was more. “Where’s the dog?” she asked. “The park-keeper said you had a dog with you, and I know it’s not Oscar’s. His mum told me he can’t have pets, because his dad’s allergic.”

“I don’t have a dog, Mum,” Jack lied.

Just then, there was a snuffling sound from somewhere at their feet. Jack and his mum both looked towards the source of the sound. It was Snivel, half in and half out of the kitchen
bin. In his mouth – a snotty tissue. Snivel realised that he had been spotted and stopped moving. Slowly the bin toppled over, depositing the Snot-Bot, some vegetable peelings and the left-overs from last night’s Chinese take-away all over the kitchen floor.

Jack sent Snivel to his room and helped his mum clear up the mess.

“I found him on the streets. I think he’s been abandoned,” Jack told her. “Can’t we keep him?”

Mum sighed. “We’ll put an ad in the paper. It must have some owners somewhere…Oh Jack, your father would be so disappointed in you.”

Jack said nothing. Mum didn’t mention his father very often. His dad had left home when he was very little. The exact reason for him going was never very clear but it had something to do with getting a job in a toilet paper factory in Sweden. Jack hadn’t seen his dad for over five years. As far as Jack was concerned if there was any disappointing being done it was by his dad not him!

With the mess cleared up Jack made it back to his room. “What were you doing?” he asked Snivel. “I told you to come here, not go to the kitchen.”

“I needed that tissue,” explained Snivel. “I run on snot.”

Jack took a step back,
nervously. “I thought it was
alien
technology that ran on snot.”

“Ah. Well, yes, that’s true. The thing is, the aliens are a bit more advanced than we are when it comes to robotics. GUNGE salvaged some parts from a GUNK rocket that crash-landed on Mars. And I’m the result! But don’t worry – I’ve been completely re-programmed. I don’t have
any
urges to enslave humankind any more.”

“Um…OK,” said Jack. “So…you eat snot?”

Snivel wagged his tail (he got it slightly wrong: dogs are supposed to wag their tails from side to side, not up and down). “Yes. It’s delicious.”

Jack wrinkled his face in disgust. Snivel’s ears pricked up.

“Are you about to sneeze? If you could just lean over and direct it at me…”

Monday morning was grey and bleak. Well, it was for Jack. In reality it was a lovely sunny autumnal day, with a crisp cool wind scattering the red and brown fallen leaves from the trees that lined the road to school. For Jack though, after the excitement of the weekend, it was back to normal with a bump.

The school day dragged on in what felt like slow motion. Finally it was time to go home. Still feeling miserable, Jack headed for his house. Grounded! With a capital G! It was so unfair. Knowing that he wouldn’t be allowed out again once he got home Jack deliberately dawdled and took the long route home.

“Hey, Jack,” someone shouted, cutting into his bleak mood. He looked up and saw someone wearing a ball-gown walking towards him.

It was Ruby. “Ballroom dancing lessons,” she explained with a wink, “at least that’s what Mum thinks. Of course I’m really going to the pool. But not to dive…that’s boring.”

Jack wondered how anyone could speak so fast without stopping to breathe.

“You know the pool’s got this awesome new wave machine, so now they’re doing surfing. They have boards there, and everything, so you don’t even need your own. I mean, obviously, because, you know, if I had a surfboard on me you’d see it, wouldn’t you?”

She stopped and it seemed that Jack was required to contribute something to the conversation.

“Right,” he said, keeping it simple.

“Have you ever tried surfing?” she asked excitedly.

“No,” he replied with a heavy sigh.

Ruby bristled. “Well, pardon me for existing. I can see you’ve better things to do than talk to me…” She pushed past Jack and hurried off down the street. Jack turned and watched her.
What did I do wrong there?
He shook his head and made his way home.

A little bit later the encounter with Ruby was still running through Jack’s head. He was meant to be doing his homework but with Snivel’s computer brain at his disposal he had finished that in record time. Now he was thinking about the Squillibloat again. He looked at the map and absent-mindedly traced his route home from school to the point where he’d run into Ruby. Who’d talked to him about…

A wave machine.

Surfing.

THE SWIMMING POOL!

Of course, lots of people, warm water, it was the obvious place for the alien to be. Quickly he told Snivel his theory. After he had explained exactly what a swimming pool was, the Snot-Bot agreed that it was a likely location. They had to get there as soon as possible.

There was just one problem.

He was Grounded.

With a capital G.

Jack looked at the drainpipe outside his window and then down at the ground. It seemed an awfully long way away. Oscar was always telling him to use it to get out but then Oscar seemed to
enjoy
falling off things. Jack didn’t mind the idea of falling off things – he just didn’t like the notion of hitting the ground afterwards.

“Jump!” Snivel encouraged him.

“I was thinking about climbing down the drainpipe, not jumping!” replied Jack. “I don’t want to break my legs.” His mum was watching TV downstairs, so there was no way he could go out the front door.

“Sorry – I forget how fragile you humans are,” said Snivel before leaping right out of the window past Jack, somersaulting in the air and then landing with bent knees on the lawn.

“Come on then,” he called up at his human ‘owner’.

Not quite believing what he was doing Jack climbed out of his bedroom window and grabbed hold of the drainpipe. It was an old metallic pipe, quite wide and solid. Slowly, with his eyes shut, Jack edged down while Snivel called out what were probably meant to be words of encouragement.

“Come on! The Ning-Nongs of Bute 3 would have been down that drainpipe in a matter of seconds,” Snivel told him. “Of course the Ning-Nongs have sixteen arms and a sticky belly but that’s beside the point.”

Finally Jack made it to solid ground. He felt really proud. He had conquered his fear. Sadly, his only witness was an alien canine-droid. Jack hurried to fetch Oscar and tell
him his theory. Oscar listened carefully and agreed that the swimming pool was an obvious place to find the Squillibloat.

“You know I’ve had to get my head around a lot of weird stuff this last couple of days,” Oscar told Jack as they set off, “but I can’t believe you actually came down the drainpipe!”

Jack sighed.

Snivel told them what they should be looking for at the pool. “Keep your eyes peeled for someone a bit odd, someone who doesn’t eat human food but loves fungus and doesn’t get too far away from the water,” he advised.

Jack and Oscar assured him that they understood. They turned a corner and almost ran directly into Ruby. She was still wearing the ballroom dress.

“Oh, it’s you,” she said, a bit snootily. “I didn’t know you had a dog.”

“His name’s Snivel,” said Oscar, trying to be friendly.

“It’s got three eyes,” she said, suspiciously.

“I thought you were going to the pool?” asked Jack, changing the subject.

“It was closed earlier for cleaning but it should be open again now. I’m on my way to surf practice.”

“We’re going there too,” Oscar told her, unaware of Jack vigorously shaking his head behind Ruby’s back.

“I’ll come with you,” she said, smiling.

“No, don’t worry,” Jack told her. “In fact I wouldn’t bother to go. I heard on the radio that it was still closed.”

Jack, Oscar and Snivel hurried off, taking the nearby alley which was sign-posted ‘Swimming Pool’.

Ruby, hands on her hips, eyes narrowed, watched them
go.
If the pool’s really closed then why are
they
going there?

At the pool there was a public gallery where parents who didn’t want to swim could sit and watch their children splashing about in safety. The parents knew their kids were safe because there was a lifeguard on duty, sitting on a tall chair overlooking the pool.

Hiding Snivel in a sports bag, Jack and Oscar paid for two gallery tickets and took up positions on the benches to check out the pool. It was quiet with not too many people in at the moment. Most of the swimmers looked to be kids. One girl strayed into the deep end and began to flounder, splashing around. The lifeguard got to his feet and went to help her.

Jack nudged Oscar. “Look – the lifeguard.”

Oscar looked. He drew in a breath.

There was
definitely
something odd about the man. Usually, lifeguards were quite fit, young people but this one looked a bit…bulgy. He was wearing a one-piece wetsuit but it jutted out strangely in all sorts of places, making him look like a plastic bag jammed full of rubber balls.

Jack pulled a pair of binoculars from his bag and took a closer look. He focused in. As the lifeguard lifted the girl out of the water something strange happened. A snake like tentacle appeared out of his sleeve, just for a moment, and licked the girl’s foot.

Jack told Oscar what he had just seen and passed him the binoculars. Over the next ten minutes they watched the same scenario play out again and again. The lifeguard was the alien they were looking for. And it was eating people’s veruccas!

Snivel took a look too and confirmed their theory. “See that weird necklace he’s wearing?” he asked. The boys hadn’t really noticed it before but the lifequard-alien-thing did have something glowing around his neck. “That’s his bit of the Blower!”

Jack looked around. Too many people around to do anything now.

“There’s no way he can stray too far from the water,” Snivel told them. “He’ll have to be here all night.”

“Then we’ll have to come back later,” announced Jack. “Don’t worry – I have a plan!”

They got up to go. As they shuffled towards the exit they could see Ruby – now in a bathing suit – starting her surfing lesson. Oscar gave her a friendly wave but she turned her head away and ignored him.

“Girls,” commented Jack, shaking his head. “I reckon aliens are easier to understand than girls!

Jack explained his plan on the way back to the tree house. Oscar and Snivel listened carefully.

“The key is the verrucas,” he explained. “The Squillibloat needs them. So that’s his weakness.”

“We need a verruca bazooka!” joked Oscar, pleased with his rhyme.

“That’ll be us – the ultimate weapon against the Squillibloat,” said Jack determinedly, “and this is how we’ll do it…”

At the tree house they collected the materials and gadgets they needed for Jack’s plan. Then they made their way back to the swimming pool. It was nearly closing time but they told the woman on reception that they’d left something in the changing room earlier and they were allowed to go back in. Inside, they left Snivel hidden in the changing room and then left the building along with all the other swimmers. No one paid them any special attention – except for one pair of eyes.

One solitary observer watched the boys enter the male changing rooms with the bag containing Snivel, and then watched them emerge later
without
the bag. The watching eyes narrowed suspiciously and the mind
behind them made a decision…

Outside the swimming pool Jack and Oscar lay in the shadow of the trees that lined the car park and waited. When the last swimmers had left they got up and approached the rear emergency exit of the pool. The doors opened and there was Snivel, letting them in exactly on time. The boys hurried inside. In the changing room Oscar quickly got into his swimming trunks. At the same time Jack fitted the doggy scuba kit to Snivel. Finally Jack fixed some special fake verrucas he had made using modelling clay to the soles of Oscar’s feet. Oscar looked down at the green blobs on his feet. “Ugh,” he said. “They look rank.”

“Thanks,” said Jack. “I reckon the Squillibloat won’t be able to resist them!”

Preparations complete they headed for the pool. Oscar got into the water and immediately began to splash around as if in trouble. Jack and Snivel found a place to hide behind a cupboard of floats. As they had hoped, the lifeguard heard the noise and came running. At the poolside he hesitated. He looked around. The building was empty. Maybe he didn’t
have
to save this human. Who would know?

Jack whispered urgently to Snivel. “How do we know it’ll bother to save him?”

“I don’t know,” replied Snivel. “It’s your plan.”

“Thanks for your help,” snapped Jack. The alien was still just standing at the side of the pool watching the ‘drowning’ Oscar. “If he lets a kid drown he’ll lose his job, and if he
loses his job he’ll lose access to the pool, and all the people and…all the veruccas!” Jack snapped his fingers. “Quick, into the pool,” he ordered Snivel. “Make sure Oscar shows him his feet! And remember, you have to be right underneath the Squillibloat for the trap to work.”

Snivel gave him a withering look. “I told you that in the first place,” he said. “Silly human b—”

He was cut off by Jack slipping on his oxygen mask. “Who are you calling silly?” he said. “I’m not the dog in the scuba gear.”

He pushed Snivel into the water. Breathing air from the silver tanks, the Snot-Bot swam submarine-style towards Oscar. Like a torpedo he rammed Oscar’s back causing him to tumble backwards in the water, and shooting his feet clear of the surface.

Immediately the alien spotted the multitude of verrucas on the drowning boy’s feet. And now it leapt into action. It wasn’t going to let this opportunity go!

SPLASH!

In seconds the lifeguard-alien-thing was at Oscar’s side, dragging him to the edge of the pool. As expected, a tentacle slithered out and sucked up one of Oscar’s verrucas.

“Ugh!” said Oscar, shuddering. “What was that? Something touched my foot!”

“Probably a poo,” announced the lifeguard
in a bizarre croaky voice. “Floating in the water. Human children can be
so
disgusting.”

“Human! What do you mean human children?” asked Oscar, extending the conversation to create a diversion. Meanwhile Snivel swam into position underneath the alien.

Jack sensed his moment. Taking a deep breath, he broke cover and grabbed the necklace from around the lifeguard’s neck. He needed to get hold of the Blower part before trapping the alien in the Snivel-trap.

He pulled with all his strength but the necklace refused to break free.

With a roar of anger the alien burst out of the lifeguard costume, revealing his true form. In the flesh the Squillibloat was even more disgusting than the hologram had suggested. Six of its larger tentacles wrapped around Oscar and pulled him under the water.

“Remove your hand from my property or I will drown your friend,” roared the creature. Two of its upper tentacles wrapped themselves around Jack’s legs. Jack began to panic – this wasn’t going to plan at all. If only the alien had eaten more of the fake “veruccas”…

Suddenly there was a whoosh as the wave machine started up.
Who turned that on?
wondered Jack. But there was another development, too – the lower tentacles of the creature were now sucking up all the “veruccas” from Oscar’s feet – Jack’s special fake ones, made from modelling clay and laced with…chilli powder.

The waves were building up in strength now but the Squillibloat didn’t seem to have noticed. It was turning bright red and gasping for breath.

“What…have…you done…to me…?” it gasped.

Jack felt the grip of the tentacles relax. Swivel was in position but if he activated the Trap now Oscar would get caught along with the alien. What to do?

Suddenly a solution appeared in the form of Ruby, surfing the waves like a professional.
“Surf’s up!” she shouted, and as she flew past them on her board she reached down and pulled Oscar free.

Jack took his chance and yanked backwards, pulling the necklace clear. “Activate Snivel Trap!” he screamed. There was a flash of blue light and a sound like a
thunderclap and suddenly the Squillibloat was gone, sucked into the Snivel Trap which now floated benignly on the surface of the pool.

At the shallow end Oscar was getting to his feet, helped by Ruby.

“You guys have got some serious explaining to do,” she said.