The Ups and Downs of Being Dead (27 page)

Robert and Suzanne cautiously made their way to the bottom
of the stairs, but encountered a massive huddle of people jammed in the
entryway, waiting.

“Are you kidding?” Robert asked, “These people will be here
for hours just to get ashore.”

He pushed through to the head of the line and stepped out
onto the roof of a bobbing shuttle boat.

Suzanne nervously glanced at the crowd still boarding,
afraid the mechanic would show up at any minute. Robert wasn’t eager to hang
around either. Gazing at the shoreline, he spotted a grass shack at the end of
a dock with a dive flag flapping in the breeze.

“Let’s head over there,” he said.

Concentrating on the flag, Robert willed himself there, and
an instant later, he was standing at the counter of the dive shop. Suzanne
appeared right next to him.

They hustled toward the throngs of people already scouring
the streets of Georgetown for adventures and bargains.

Suzanne was the first to spot a young couple snapping
helmets on before mounting motor scooters.

“Let’s go with them,” she said. “We can see what’s on the
island.”

She immediately climbed on the back of the man’s scooter.
His cut-off jeans rode high on his tanned thighs. His shirtless chest showed
the well-defined lines of muscles, probably from hours spent in a gym.

Suzanne wagged her eyebrows at Robert as she pretended to
snake her arms around the man, so Robert climbed on behind the blonde-haired
blue-eyed girl and planted his palms on her breasts.

“Let’s go!” he called.

As they headed east, the traffic congestion eased, and the
shopping district gave way to high-end private homes along the beach.
Eventually, the string of million-dollar villas turned to tropical forest. The
farther they got from the docks, the more relaxed Robert felt.

One thing was certain. He was not going back on that ship.
Suzanne could sail off into the sunset, but he was done with cruising.

At the east end of the island, the young couple parked their
scooters and cut through a hotel to the beach beyond. The white sand was dotted
with colorful umbrellas and sunbathers. Beyond, an azure blue sea glistened.

“Oh, this is fabulous,” Suzanne said, her body tilting
forward as she walked like she was being pulled by a magnet. “And just think,
Robert. You won’t burn up with the heat or get sand between your toes.”

She gave him a smirky little smile and kept walking.

Out on the ocean, a loud boat growled as it shot through the
water. A rope tethered to the back of the boat rose high in the air to where
some fool dangled from a parachute.

Suzanne squealed. “Oh, let’s do that!”

“Be my guest,” he mumbled as he made a beeline for an empty
beach chair.

“Oh, come on Robert,” she said. “Where’s your sense of
adventure?”

“Back on the ship.”

“Well, I’m going,” she said, like she was daring him to stop
her.

“I know you are,” he said, waving a hand. “Go.”

She turned with a huff and jogged down the beach to the
cabana where a few others were signing up to tempt fate.

Robert watched her climb onto the boat. She was the only
passenger without the puffy orange life vest. The water churned as the boat
zipped away down the beach. A few minutes later, Robert saw a purple and green
parasail climb slowly into the air. By the time it was parallel with him, the
chute was high in the air, carrying a man with red swim trunks, and Suzanne,
perched on his shoulders like one of those women from an old Esther Williams
movie.

Robert shook his head.

At the far end of the beach, the boat made a wide turn and
came back, slowing so that the parachute gently lowered the man with red trunks
into the shallow water.

With a big grin on her face, Suzanne sprinted back to
Robert.

“That was fantastic!” she said. “You should see the
shoreline from up there, and the beach, the water. It’s beautiful.”

“I can imagine.”

“No you can’t. You’re nothing but a fuddy-duddy.” She parked
her fists on her hips. “Do you even know how to have fun?”

“Hey, I climbed the Statue of Liberty with you.”

She rolled her eyes. “That’s like riding the ferris wheel.”

“So, what? Are you going to badger me all day because I
won’t parasail?”

“Maybe,” she said. But he saw a glint of humor in her eyes.

“All right, all right.” He slapped has palms on his knees
and stood. “But if that rope breaks, and I’m blown far out to sea, and you
never hear from me again, you just remember it was all your idea.”

“Dear God,” she muttered. “I can only imagine what you were
like alive.”

The guide on the boat reviewed the instructions for this
surfer dude in a flowered bathing suit that hung halfway down his shins. Robert
wondered if the guide thought the kid was stoned.

Robert had his own misgivings. The kid just kept saying
‘yeah, man’ and ‘no pro-blem-o’ to whatever the guide said.

But then the kid leaned back, the boat took off, and the
next thing Robert knew, they were lifting up into the air.

It was like Suzanne said. The beach was beautiful from up
high, and Robert could see the island sprawled out to his right. The problem
was that there was no exhilaration, no rapid heartbeat, no surge of adrenaline.
Those were the things that made taking chances so thrilling.

Now if he was Surfer Dude, Robert could feel the rush of
wind on his face, taste the salt from the air on his lips. Riding on the kid’s
back made him feel like a sissy.

He was leaning down, sort of looking through the kid to the
water below, when suddenly Robert felt the distinct fluttering of long hair.
His heart was hammering in his chest, and he could definitely smell the twang
of salt air.

He quickly looked around, but nothing had changed. And yet
everything had. Robert definitely heard the kid repeating a mantra. “This is
cool. I’m not going to die. This is cool.”

“What the hell?” Robert said.

“Holy Shit!” the kid screamed.

He went berserk, jerking in his harness to look behind him,
and nearly letting go of the handlebar. He looked overhead, and down at his
feet. His heart was racing so hard it almost hurt.

Then as quickly as Robert felt the wind, it stopped, and he
found himself floating in the air behind the parachute, as though he’d been
left behind.

He was still puzzling over the incident when he got back to
Suzanne.

She smiled and shook her head.

“How did you manage to fall off?” she asked. “It’s not like
a gust of wind blew you.”

“I didn’t fall,” he said. “I think I got in him. Like…in his
head.”

“You did not.”

He nodded, still unsure himself.

“I think I did. I could feel his hair blowing. The air was
hot. I could smell the ocean.”

Suzanne let her head dip to one side. “You were in his
head.”

“I could feel his heart pounding. He was trying to keep
himself calm, but he was a little scared.” Robert thought back. “Then I said
something and he just freaked out. And the next thing I knew, I was floating in
the sky.”

Her mouth crooked to the side. “In the sky.”

“Yeah. Like he kicked me out.”

“I want to see this,” she said.

They traipsed back to the cabana.

Suzanne chose a newly-wed couple so she could be right next
to Robert in a two-seat harness.

“Unbelievable,” Robert said. “They just got married and
already they’re willing to plunge to their deaths.”

Suzanne shot him an evil eye, so he shut up.

Once in the air, Robert concentrated on the husband, and the
next thing he knew, he was in the guy’s head, with the wind rustling through
his hair, and his wrists aching from gripping the handlebar so tightly.

Hubby was not happy.

“Why couldn’t we just stay in our room and have sex all
afternoon?” he moaned.

“That’s what we did yesterday,” his wife replied.

Even though Robert said nothing, after a few seconds he
found himself floating again. Ahead, he watched Suzanne wrench around in her
seat to gape at the phenomenon.

He gave her a little wave.

“I can’t believe it,” she said for like the hundredth time
as she stomped along in the sand.

“Did you try to get in the girl?” he asked.

“How many times are you going to ask me that?” she said. “I
was concentrating all my efforts. I couldn’t do it.”

“You leaned right into her?”

“I did everything you told me to do.”

“Then why can I?”

“Do you think it has something to do with your fight with
that mechanic last night?”

“It wasn’t a fight.”

“Well, whatever it was,” she said. “Maybe the fact that you
two ‘connected’ changed something about you. Like some barrier was broken.”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“It doesn’t make sense that suddenly you can get in
somebody’s head either.”

Robert stopped at a man perched on a stool at one of the
grass hut bars along the beach. In front of the man sat a tall colorful drink
with a slice of pineapple wedged on the rim.

“Let me see something,” Robert said.

He waited for the man to take a drink, and when he did, Robert
slipped inside.

A blend of sweet fruit juices, and the bite of rum, hit the
back of his throat. He couldn’t help himself. He let out a short growl at the
syrupy taste.

The man jumped, dribbling half the tropical drink down his
bare chest. And immediately, Robert was ejected.

“Interesting,” he said when he reappeared beside Suzanne. He
even smacked his lips.

“Could you taste it?” she asked.

“Yes. I don’t know what it was, but I definitely don’t want
another.”

As they strolled along the crowded beach, Suzanne encouraged
him to experiment. A young couple ran hand-in-hand into the surf.

“Go see what it feels like,” she said.

Robert popped into the young man for a moment before
rejoining Suzanne.

“It feels wet,” he reported.

She puckered her upper lip at him.

At a poolside cabana, she insisted he sample some fried
shrimp.

“I’m sure it tastes like shrimp,” he said.

“Just try it.”

When the portly gentleman took a bite, Robert joined him.
Then he reported back to Suzanne.

“Coconut batter.”

He even endured a painful sunburn, and the discomfort of
sand in his drawers, much to Suzanne’s delight.

Later, the sound of the ship’s horn blew faintly in the
distance. Beach goers shrugged into cover-ups and hastily shook sand off
towels.

“I guess the ship’s leaving,” Robert said. A twinge of
regret caught him off guard. “I know I agreed to come with you on this cruise.
And I certainly understand if you want to continue on. But I’m not going back—”

“Of course, we’re not,” Suzanne said. “I’m over cruising.”

“Really?” The dread he’d been feeling morphed into a warm
fuzzy sensation that was almost embarrassing.

“Besides, this is much better than being on a crowded ship,”
she said.

“Uh-huh.”

She slowed and perched a fist on her hip. “I don’t
understand why you find this kind of relaxation so boring.”

“I’m not bored,” he insisted. Then he blinked at the
revelation. “In fact, I can’t think of anything I’d rather be doing.”

Steel-drums struck up a tune at the next hotel. Workers lit
tiki torches, and waitstaff carried out trays mounded with tropical fruits and
cheeses. Hotel guests gathered around a poolside bar.

Robert glanced at Suzanne, then back at the cabana.

“Happy hour.”

“Yes. And I’m sure you would rather be sipping a pina
colada.”

He snarled at the idea.

“Well, I would,” she said. “It doesn’t seem fair. You had
that strange encounter with the mechanic. And now you can taste, and feel, and
smell.”

“Supposedly.”

“What if you and I tried that—” she clasped her hands
together, “—bonding thing.”

“Are you crazy?”

“No. You didn’t get hurt. And you didn’t hurt him. For all
we know, he’s figured out he can get inside his wife’s head now and he’s
driving her crazy.”

“That’s an awful thought,” Robert said.

“My point is, what have we got to lose?”

“I don’t like it.”

“You never do.”

She just stood there staring up at him, waiting for him to
acquiesce.

“Right here?”

“Well—,” she said, dragging a toe across the sand. “I guess
we could wander down the beach to a more secluded spot if you like.”

“You know,” Robert complained as he followed a step behind
her. “If anything happens to you, I’m going to be really pissed.”

She turned and smiled over her shoulder.

When she decided they’d gone far enough, she laid down on
the sand and patted for him to lie next to her.

He sat instead. “How are we going to do this?”

She shrugged. “I figured you’d just jump me like he did.”

“Jump you?”

“Yeah. That’s what he did. He leaped off the table and bam!
You were gone.”

“Then I should be standing,” Robert said. “Should I get a
chair so I can really pounce?”

Her eyebrow jerked.

“I don’t think that’ll be necessary. Just…jump me.”

“Just jump me, she says.”

Robert stood, hesitated, then half-heartedly fell on her.
Nothing happened.

“Oh, for pete’s sake, Robert. What was that? You’ve got to
put some oomph in it.”

He rolled to his knees.

“I just don’t feel good about this.”

“Okay, look. I’ll jump, too.”

“Maybe I’m too weak after that encounter last night.”

Suzanne sat up and puckered her mouth. “You’re too weak to
tangle with me, but you weren’t too weak to parasail?”

“Okay.” Robert rocked on his heels like he was working up
some momentum. “At the count of three.”

They counted together, and when they hit three Robert lunged
forward; and got hit with a million volts of electricity.