The Table of Less Valued Knights (30 page)

‘And the body of a lapsed knight with a weakness for cake,’ said Jasper.

‘But I was too afraid to let go of what convention demanded of me,’ said Alistair. ‘I went home.’

‘So you were the Knight in Black,’ said Elaine to Jasper. ‘You kidnapped him.’

‘You risked going back to Tuft for him, even though you knew what would happen if King Leo got hold of you,’ said Martha.

‘It was the only way,’ said Jasper. ‘I knew if I found a way to bring him back, a way that would spare him the shame of his family, he’d never leave me again.’

‘He was right,’ said Sir Alistair.

They looked lovingly into each other’s eyes.

‘That’s very romantic,’ said Elaine. ‘But I’m the one who has to go home without a husband, and …’ She tailed off, then shook her head. Her eyes filled with tears. ‘I’m the one who’ll have to face the shame.’

Humphrey opened his mouth as if to speak, then closed it again.

Jasper said, slightly awkwardly, ‘But I don’t understand – were you all looking for Alistair, or for me? And how did you know we were together?’

‘We didn’t,’ said Martha.

‘I did,’ said Leila.

‘You did?’ said Martha.

‘You find out a lot of things, living in the Lake.’

‘How can you find anything out, being a sword?’ said Martha. ‘How did you come to be a sword? And how come you’re a person again now? And … who are you, anyway?’

Leila looked at Karim, then at Jasper.

‘I was in love with Jasper,’ she said. ‘Years ago, when I was still a scullery maid at the castle. I didn’t know that it was hopeless, or why. Jasper, you were always so kind to me! But when you rejected me I was angry. I thought it was my lowly status or the colour of my skin. Part of me believed that if only you could see beyond those things you would love the real me, and part of me feared that you did indeed see beyond them and yet you did not love me all the same. Both of these thoughts only contrived to make me angrier. Even so, when I heard you had died I was inconsolable. I cried for days, I refused food, I sincerely
wished that I would die too. Eventually, my brother took pity on me.’

‘Your brother?’ said Martha.

‘Karim.’

Martha broke into a huge grin. ‘Oh, Karim’s your brother! Of course he is! That’s why he’s been hugging you. Because brothers hug sisters.’

‘Indeed they do,’ said Jasper, and he came over and hugged Martha from behind her chair. Martha leaned her head back against his forearm, and Karim smiled at them. Martha felt herself blush yet again.

‘Karim told me that Jasper was not really dead but in hiding, and he explained why he had gone,’ Leila continued. ‘But instead of being relieved, I felt so humiliated! In my rage, I went to King Leo and I told him the truth. I thought he would track Jasper down and kill him.’

‘She’s quite bloodthirsty,’ said Humphrey. ‘When she was a sword she tried to kill me.’ His tone was only half jocular.

Leila turned to Humphrey, a sheepish look on her face. ‘Yes, I apologise for that. I promise I had no intention of killing you.’

‘It didn’t look that way from the sharp end,’ said Humphrey.

‘I knew that you were looking for Sir Alistair,’ Leila explained, ‘and that Sir Alistair was with Jasper. I just didn’t know where they were. I thought that if I could get you and Martha to join forces, then you’d have a better chance of finding them. But there aren’t that many ways a sword can bring two people together. Attacking you was the only way I could think of.’

‘Thank you for your help,’ said Humphrey. ‘I think?’

‘And Martha,’ Leila added, ‘I’m sorry I put you in danger. I know I was sworn to protect you, but I remembered Sir Humphrey from my days at Camelot. I knew he was a good man, and that what he went through with his wife had robbed him of any desire to kill. I remembered how he’d cared for Conrad even though he was his enemy’s son, and I was almost
entirely sure that he wouldn’t hurt you, especially if he thought you were a child.’

‘Almost entirely sure?’ said Martha. ‘That’s slightly less sure than I’d like.’ But she smiled at the erstwhile sword.

‘Well this is lovely, but your story’s only half done. We’d just got to the bit where you betrayed me to King Leo,’ Jasper said drily.

‘Jasper,’ said Leila, ‘I can’t tell you how sorry I am that I told King Leo you were still alive. I’m only glad that I didn’t know where you were hiding. But Karim knew, and so the King came and took him away. He told everyone that Karim had been killed, but I knew that he was being held prisoner. I was too ashamed to return to Camelot, so I went to the Lady of the Lake and asked her to help me get my brother back. She turned me into a sword, which wasn’t exactly what I had in mind. I was hoping for a supernatural army or something like that, but you have to be careful how you phrase things with the Lake people. She told me that, as penance for my betrayal, I would stay a sword until I had reunited Jasper with his sister, and only then would I become a human again and be reunited with my own brother. But there is no penance great enough for what I did.’

‘I forgave you long ago,’ said Jasper. ‘There is no joy in living in bitterness. And you have suffered enough.’

‘Thank you,’ said Leila, ‘but I will never forget myself.’

Karim drew her against his side and kissed her temple.

‘What’s it like being a sword?’ Conrad asked her.

‘It’s worse than you can possibly imagine,’ said Leila. ‘You’re completely trapped, and almost completely powerless unless you’re in someone’s hand. And I can’t describe the frustration of understanding everything that goes on and being paralysed in this form, unable to act, unable to communicate. As for being used in a fight, that’s horrific, the way the other sword comes at you …’ Leila flinched at the memory. ‘Though I admit there
is a thrill in fulfilling your purpose. But even when you’re just in the scabbard, for some reason it’s always unbearably cold, and you get terrible pins and needles. Oh, and lots of swords are female, by the way.’ She winked at the squire.

‘Well, all’s well that ends well,’ said Martha triumphantly. ‘Karim is free, so are you, and the two of you have found one another again. Sir Humphrey has completed the Pentecost quest, and can return to Camelot and claim his place at the Round Table. And I’ve found Jasper, so he can come back to Puddock and be the rightful king, save the nation from Edwin, stop the war, and annul my marriage so that I can do whatever I like and marry whomever I like!’ She couldn’t help but glance at Karim here, and noticed that he was looking back at her, though whether that was because he was thinking about who she might marry next, or just because it is polite to look at whoever is talking at the time, it was impossible to say.

‘I’m not going to be king,’ said Jasper.

‘What?’ said Martha.

‘I’m not going to be king. I intend to stay here, living my quiet life with my husband. I don’t want to be King of Puddock. I don’t want to be king of anywhere, but I especially don’t want to be king of a country where the previous king, my own father, threatened to have me put to death in the most brutal way possible, just for being who I am!’

‘I think hanging, drawing and quartering is more brutal,’ said Humphrey.

‘Not if the hanging kills you. Then it’s just about disposal methods,’ said Conrad.

‘A really talented executioner would never let the hanging go on long enough to kill you, when there’s drawing and quartering yet to come,’ said Humphrey.

‘Yes, but we’ve both seen men die prematurely from a clumsy hanging, whereas burning always goes on for ages, and looks incredibly painful,’ said Conrad.

‘As I was saying,’ said Jasper, and waited for the other two to shut up. ‘No.’

‘You can’t say no. You’re the King,’ said Martha. ‘You don’t have a choice, you just are.’

‘That didn’t stop you when you were the Queen.’

‘Because you were never dead, I never was queen, so any actions taken by me under that aegis are null and void.’

‘Fine. In that case, in front of all these witnesses, I abdicate. Congratulations, Martha. Long live the Queen.’

‘You can’t abdicate!’

‘He just did,’ said Alistair.

‘In your own words, all’s well that ends well,’ said Jasper. Martha leaned back in her seat and looked up at the ceiling. There was nothing stopping her from abdicating as well. She thought of her freedom and of her new friends, of Karim, and of the life that could still await her wherever she chose to go. Then she looked back at the room. She sighed.

‘Long live me,’ she said.

There were no horses in the Lake so Edwin had to share Storm with the Lady. It wasn’t comfortable. He tried tying her up and slinging her over Storm’s neck but she kept sliding off, so then he untied her legs and got her to sit in front of him, but there wasn’t enough room on the saddle. There was no way Edwin was riding bareback, so he shoved her forward as far as he could, but she kept bouncing back again and pushing him off the saddle onto Storm’s bony back. They made terribly slow progress. He hoped they weren’t going far.
Maybe I should just kill somebody and take their horse
, Edwin thought, when they passed other travellers, but it was probably a bad idea. If he gave the Lady of the Lake her own horse, she might escape. Anyhow, he was relieved when she told him to pull up on the outskirts of a village on the border with Grint.

‘Is she here?’ asked Edwin.

‘I don’t know where she is exactly,’ said the Lady of the Lake, ‘but she’s close. And on the far side of this village there’s a camp with somebody else who is looking for her, and he can help you find her.’

‘Well, I suppose that’s better than nothing,’ said Edwin, gathering the reins and preparing to move on.

‘Wait,’ said the Lady of the Lake.

‘What?’ said Edwin.

‘He’s not going to want to help you. So you’ll have to find a way to persuade him.’

‘Oh, I can be very persuasive,’ said Edwin, putting his hand on the hilt of his sword.

They rode into the village. It was like an ants’ nest that had been kicked, with swarms of people hurrying in the same direction they were going, dragging handcarts piled with produce, while others scurried in the opposite direction hauling bundles of dirty clothes. On a corner, a madam was doing a headcount of her prostitutes.

‘How many people are camped out there?’ Edwin asked the Lady of the Lake.

‘Only one that you need to worry about.’

‘You mean only one who needs to worry about me,’ said Edwin.

The Lady of the Lake didn’t say anything to that.

The lane through the village curved at the far end and climbed a slight incline, so they were almost upon it when they saw the huge pavilion that had been erected on the side of the hill, surrounded by several smaller tents.

‘Yellow and blue,’ said Edwin. Leo’s colours. ‘Of course.’

There were soldiers everywhere. They were all bustling around as if they had something incredibly important to do, because if you didn’t look busy around Leo, you got sacked or executed. Even the two guards at the entrance to the pavilion were standing to attention to the point of paralysis, silently exuding the message that standing still was itself a form of being busy, if you put your all into it.

Edwin rode up to them.

‘Halt!’ said both guards in perfect chorus. ‘Who goes there?’

‘I’m Edwin,’ said Edwin. ‘Prince of Tuft, King of Puddock.’

‘Really?’ said one of the guards, not entirely respectfully. ‘Oh, I suppose you are. And who’s that?’

The Lady of the Lake was sitting sullenly in front of him, barefoot, long black hair tangled from the ride, hands bound with rope, blue dress hitched up to her thighs so that she could straddle Storm.

‘She’s my whore,’ said Edwin.

‘Right,’ said the guard, uninterested.

Edwin dismounted and dragged the Lady of the Lake after him. He handed Storm’s reins to one of the guards and the Lady of the Lake’s arm to the other one.

‘Look after them both,’ he said. ‘And be careful. I am very fond of that horse.’

He started to go into the pavilion.

‘You can’t just go in there,’ said the guard holding Storm.

‘Yes I can,’ said Edwin.

The guards exchanged sneering looks as he swept inside, but nobody tried to stop him.

The air in the pavilion was hot, close and fetid. In the dim blue light, soldiers seethed like maggots on carrion. Edwin grabbed the shoulder of a passing officer.

‘Show me to Leo,’ he said.

‘What makes you think the King’s going to want to see you?’ said the officer.

‘I’m his brother,’ said Edwin.

‘I know,’ said the officer. He shrugged Edwin off and moved on.

Above the heads of the soldiers, Edwin saw a face he knew: Noah, the deputy head steward. Edwin forced his way through the military mass towards him.

‘Noah!’ he called out. ‘Noah, it’s me! Prince Edwin!’

Noah turned his head towards the approaching prince, his face as inscrutable as if it had been carved out of stone.

‘I need you to take me to Leo. Immediately.’

Without moving a muscle, Noah somehow managed to convey his doubt that Edwin’s undertaking could in any way be of importance. But from through the crowd, Edwin heard a bored voice say, ‘Oh God, bring him here, then.’

Noah turned and, with a wave of his arm, parted the soldiers as easily as if he were drawing curtains. Beyond them, Leo was sitting at a large, ornate wooden desk that must have been a
nightmare to transport from place to place. On the desk was a map, and on the map was a small silver eagle. Leo pointed to it.

‘Me,’ he said.

On the desk beside the map was a crumb.

‘You,’ said Leo.

Edwin did the smallest bow that he could manage, he hoped for the last time.

‘So you’re invading Grint, then?’ he said.

It wasn’t a bad idea. Grint was a nation of lunatics and floozies who needed a firm hand. Edwin planned to get around to invading it himself, when he’d taken care of a few more pressing grudges.

‘What, this?’ said Leo. ‘No. Well, eventually, yes, when I can be bothered. But if you’re asking what I’m doing here, I’ve had some prisoners stolen from me, one of them a very important prisoner. I’ve been tracking them. They passed this way, so I’m here to get them back.’