The Survivor (20 page)

Chapter Twenty-Six

“T
hanks for letting me come over again,” Chris said the moment he entered Mary’s front room. Wearing jeans, brown suede hiking boots, and a gray wool sweater with a bulky navy coat over it all, he looked big and out of place among Mary’s sparsely decorated room.

He was also soaked. “It’s really pouring out there. Crazy weather, huh? First snow, now rain and storm warnings.” Holding out a sleeve, he shook his head. “Sorry. I should’ve put on a slicker or something.”

“Don’t worry. You look fine. Wet, but fine,” Jenna said with a half-smile.

Actually, Jenna thought their differences had never been more obvious. Here she was in her purple dress, black apron,
kapp
and black tennis shoes. In contrast, his English clothes stood out like a sore thumb against the plain-looking living room.

Or maybe he looked especially perfect, Jenna decided as she watched him sit down on the oak Shaker-style chair next to the matching coach she was perched on the edge of. He was so very handsome. And when he looked at her, his hazel eyes warming her skin, she still felt the faint awareness of his regard.

When he leaned back, he said, “Actually, I was half afraid you wouldn’t even let me in here.”

“I told you we could talk more . . .”

“I figured you were going to change your mind.”

“Really?”

“Really. After all, you’ve been avoiding me for weeks.”

He did have a point. “You’re right. I was avoiding you, but it wasn’t because I didn’t think we had anything to say to each other.” It had been about so much more than that. She’d been confused about her feelings. And she’d been ashamed that she’d let one night’s passion undo a lifetime of trying to be perfect.

Of course, she’d been scared, too. Her parents weren’t the type of people who smiled and hugged when they were disappointed. No. They punished.

And she’d felt so completely alone.

“I was upset,” she finally said. Though, of course, “upset” didn’t really cover all she’d been feeling.

“I deserved to know about the baby, and about how you were feeling,” Chris countered, his voice flat. “No matter what you thought about me, it was my right. It should have been your first priority, Jenna. Even if you were mad at me—or mad at yourself.”

“I know.” Glancing his way, she saw the surprise in his eyes at her ready acceptance.

But she couldn’t deny that he had a point. Now that everything was out in the open, all the pros and cons she’d been weighing didn’t seem so insurmountable. Now that everything was out in the open, Jenna felt almost free. Well, at least less angry and confused. “I should have told you about the pregnancy,” she stated again. “It would have been easier for both of us if I had.”

“You shouldn’t have been afraid of my reaction, Jenna.”

“How could I not be? My family was very upset.”

“I’m not your mother or your father. Besides, I knew better, too, Jenna. We weren’t ready. I should’ve waited. Being caught up in the moment is no excuse.”

“I never expected you to say that.”

“Why? Because I’m a guy?” Chris shook his head. “I’m also a pastor’s son, Jenna,” he said softly. “Like you, I knew better. I’d been taught to respect myself better.”

Goodness! Though they’d spent hours in each other’s company, she’d fooled herself into thinking that he was selfish and immature. But now maybe it was she who had some of those qualities? “You can’t take all the blame. What happened isn’t only your fault. It’s mine, too.”

“Jenna, how about we move on?”

“What do you mean?”

To her surprise, he leaned forward and his voice softened. “Jenna, I’m tired of describing what’s happened between us as a mistake. We can’t go back in time and change our actions. Obviously God doesn’t want us to do that either. It’s time for us to move forward.”

“You really think God even cares?”

“Of course,” he said softly. “God always cares about us. And maybe most especially now. After all, hasn’t He been by your side when no one else was?”

Jenna nodded. Funny, how talking things out was changing her original opinions. When she was alone, she’d turned bitter. Sure that no one else could ever understand her. But she should have recalled that no one is ever truly alone. Not if they embraced the Lord’s companionship.

Holding out his hand, he said, “Jenna, since we can’t change the past, we might as well concentrate on the future. We might as well start thinking about this baby as a blessing.”

His words made so much sense. But the last thing in the world she wanted to do was trap him into some kind of responsibility he’d never asked for and wasn’t ready to take on. Ignoring his hand, she murmured, “Chris, that’s not necessary.”

“Sure it is.” He looked at her for a moment, then, as if he had finally made a difficult decision, he stood up and moved to the cushion beside her.

“What are you doing?”

“Getting closer. Coming to sit right next to you.” A faint sheen of amusement entered his expression as she stared at him. “See, this is the deal. I’m not going to walk away. Fact is, I’m not going anywhere.”

But if he wasn’t going to walk away, where did that leave her? “I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

“You’re going to have to start seeing me more often. At least every day. Now tell me about how you came to be here.”

“There isn’t much to tell. Like I said, my parents were mighty upset about the news.”

“I understand that. But why—”

“Chris, they asked me to leave.”

His hazel eyes, the color of the grass at twilight, flickered. It was obvious that her parents’ actions were unfathomable to him. “They didn’t even want to talk to me?”

“I lied about who the father was,” she sputtered, feeling so terribly ashamed. “I lied and told them it was an Amish friend of mine.”

“How could you do that?”

“I was scared. I didn’t think we’d have a future. Of course, the boy denied it. Then I got kicked out.”

Chris seemed to take a moment to process everything she’d told him. “Do you still think we have no future?”

“No. I mean, I hope we do.”

“Jenna, I really liked you. I still do. You are special to me. Did you think that wasn’t the case?”

“I’m afraid I started listening to stories and gossip about
Englischer
boys. About how they use girls.” Now that she heard her words out loud, she began to get even more embarrassed. She’d taken so much for granted, and based it all on hearsay and rumors. “I should have talked to you, I suppose.”

“I wish you would have.” Looking troubled, he said, “Jenna, did you really think I was such a loser?”

“Loser?” She didn’t know what that meant.

“A loser is a guy who would tell you things but not mean them. A guy who would sleep with his girlfriend and not care about her.”

Shocked, Jenna realized that she had thought the worst of him.

But maybe that was because she’d been feeling so bad about herself?

Not waiting for an answer, he reached for her hand and rubbed his thumb across her knuckles. “Never mind. Everything that happened before is all in the past now.”

“It can’t be that easy.”

“It is, if we’re together. Okay? I mean, if you want to be together.”

Did she? Scanning his face, Jenna realized that she had missed him terribly. She’d missed him but had been too afraid to hope for a future with him, so she’d pushed everything off to the side, her feelings, too.

“I do.”

“Good. Now, how are you feeling?”

Looking at her stomach, how it was now protruding, she winced. “Big.”

He laughed. “You don’t look big. If you hadn’t told me you were pregnant, I would have never guessed.” Brushing his fingers along her cheek, he added, “As a matter of fact, you look as pretty as ever.”

“Yeah, right.”

“I mean it, Jen. I think you look beautiful.”

His words sounded heartfelt; his gaze felt like a caress, coaxing her with warmth. Making her feel valued and special.

That was why she’d missed him, Jenna realized. Chris said what was on his mind, regardless if it was too personal or maybe even too forward. So different than the Amish way.

“Have you gone to the doctor?”

She nodded. “Once. Mary took me.”

“And what did the doctor say?”

“That everything is fine.”

“I’m glad of that. Next time you go, let me know and I’ll go with you. Then you can tell me everything about the baby.”

“Chris, what you are saying, it’s taken my breath away.”

“Get used to it, Jenna. I’m not going anywhere.”

Outside the doorway, they both heard Mary shuffle back and forth. It was obvious she was hovering nearby in case Jenna needed her.

“It’s cold and rainy out, but I thought maybe we could go for a drive. Or go out for ice cream or hot chocolate. What do you think?”

Going for a drive with Chris meant going around in his heated truck. Since the temperature was hovering around thirty degrees, Jenna thought it sounded like heaven. “I’d like that,” she said with a hesitant smile.

“I was hoping you would. I want to be alone with you.” As his words hovered between them, he blushed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that how it sounded. I just meant I want to talk to you without anyone else around. And then, if you don’t mind, I want to take you to my house.”

“Why?”

“I want us to talk to my parents together.”

“So soon?”

“I think we’ve waited long enough. Don’t you?”

“Perhaps.”

“Don’t worry, Jenna. You aren’t alone anymore,” he murmured. “I promise you that. I just want to make everything right. That is, if you want to be with me. If you want to be with a man who isn’t Amish.”

He hadn’t needed to explain himself, because Jenna felt the same way. She was tired of constantly being on edge. Of feeling as if the biggest load imaginable had just been lifted from her shoulders, she smiled at Chris.

She knew what he was asking. She was either going to have to join his world or he was going to have to join hers. But she was so tired of the secrets and lies and worries that she was more than happy to drop them all and just enjoy being by his side.

“Let me get my cloak and tell Mary what we’re doing. Then we can go.”

“Take your time.” He stood up when she did. “I’ll wait right here,” he said.

And she knew why he said the words, too. Chris meant that he wasn’t going anywhere. Not ever.

Or at least, not anytime soon.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

“T
hat weather radio is going nuts,” Frank said after signaling John over for a refill. “You should close up shop soon.”

As if on cue, the weather radio squawked again. Following the high-pitched noise, a tinny voice announced the latest storm warnings in the surrounding counties.

Earlier, customers had come into the shop and reported the latest weather predictions on the TV. Though John had listened intently, he thought the stories all seemed rather overblown. He figured the news anchors were making things seem as catastrophic as possible so no one would turn off their television sets. Keeping everyone in a panic were the news organizations’ ways of getting people to keep listening. “Frank, they’re talking about a couple of storms rolling through. That’s nothing to be concerned about.”

“John, the storms are just west of here. They’re coming our way.”

“Not necessarily.”

But Frank wasn’t backing down from his dire warnings. “They’re mentioning tornadoes, too.”

“It’s November.”

“Early November. It could happen.”

It could, but it wasn’t likely. After living in Indianapolis for the majority of his adult life, he’d been through all these warnings before. He’d even gotten shaken up a time or two.

But after sitting in the basement for hours, nothing had ever happened. All he’d done was get himself worried for nothing.

But since he was mindful of Frank’s obvious fear, John kept the rest of his skepticism to himself. He didn’t want to offend the old guy, but he thought Frank’s nerves were starting to get the best of him. Must be what happened when a man had more time to listen to all the news outlets.

Pointing to the TV Amos had installed on the wall just a few days ago, Frank said, “Turn on the news again, John. We need to see the latest tracking reports.”

John had just picked up the remote control when Amos darted in through the back door. When he saw three of the tables full and John and Frank on either side of the counter, he scowled.

“Sorry, everyone, but it’s time to get on home. Storm’s coming.”

“Amos, really?”

But Amos wasn’t even having a little of John’s sarcasm. “I’m serious. They’ve spotted twisters in the area.”

“It’s just a tornado watch. Not a warning.”

“All the same, we’ve got to button down the hatches here. Frank, get on now. You’ve got a ways to travel.”

Frank got off his stool and slipped on his hat. “Don’t forget about water and lots of extra batteries,” he said in parting.

“I’ve got my things ready. You be careful, too,” Amos said.

To John’s dismay, the four regulars pulled on their coats and started pulling out car keys. When Amos went right over and turned the open sign to Closed, John had had enough.

“Amos, you’re going to turn everyone into nervous wrecks.”

“Good. Better that than bumps on a log.”

“Is that what you think I’m doing?”

“Pretty much. Otherwise, you’d have already closed up shop.”

“If you’re that worried, go on home. I’ll make sure everything’s in order.”

“You can’t stay here, John. There’s no basement. Part of why I stopped by was so I could take you to my house. I’ve got a good solid basement.” Clapping his hands, he nodded. “Yep, what you need to do is pour some of that coffee in a carafe, grab your coat, and come with me.”

He’d been in Amos’s basement. Filled with too much dusty memories, it was the absolute last place John wanted to spend the next few hours. “I’ll be fine. You’re worrying about everything too much, Amos. You shouldn’t listen to the news like you are.”

“I don’t need any fancy weather reporters to tell me what the sky looks like.”

“Sky?”

Amos’s brows snapped together. “Honestly, John. Have you not looked at the sky? It looks bad.”

Opening up a cupboard, he pulled out a large stainless steel carafe and emptied the rest of the coffee into it. “I just brewed this, so it should taste fine for a while.”

“John, put that down and get yourself together.”

John was now pretty much beyond exasperated. Amos definitely had adopted the habit of watching too much overblown weather news and had gotten himself in a bit of a state. “Amos, it’s only a little rain. Maybe you should stop getting yourself so worked up. You’re going to hurt yourself or something.”

Amos’s eyes narrowed as he looked John up and down, just like he was no better than an obstinate four-year-old. “
No,
it looks like a
tornado’s
coming,” he said with an exaggerated tone.

When the radio behind them squawked, sending out another report, Amos pointed to it with a satisfied look.
“See?”

John finally took the time to listen. As he did, the gravity of the situation slowly became apparent. Outside, the wind was whipping into a frenzy, and a faint, glowing, greenish cast now tinted the sky. His ears popped—his body telling him what his mind was refusing to acknowledge. The pressure in the air was changing, and not for the better.

Then, like the stubborn child Amos had taken him for, John finally said the obvious. “Bad weather is coming . . .”

Amos’s hand slapped the counter. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you for far too long, young man! Hail has been reported. Twisters have been sighted. This isn’t a bunch of old people getting riled up. Take it seriously. Now’s the time to take care of yourself and the people you care about.”

“I will.” He smiled as Amos marched out of the shop, pure irritation evident in his every step.

John shook his head. Then unable to stop himself, he looked up at the television and finally looked at the map they were showing.

And realized they really were in the storm’s path. Unable to help himself, he thought about Mary. Her basement was fit, but he also knew she would probably be struggling to take care of the animals. And Abel.

And be worrying about getting Jenna to a safe place.

And she wouldn’t have been listening to any of the reports, because she didn’t even own a battery-operated radio.

Making a sudden decision, John grabbed his coat and ran to the garage. For a split second, he thought about taking his truck. He hadn’t technically joined the church yet. Maybe it would still be okay if he drove . . .

But that wasn’t what he’d promised himself. When he had finally made the decision to leave Indianapolis for good and court Mary, he knew he would also become Amish. He’d even met with the bishop and church elders and planned to become baptized in just a few weeks.

It was time. So, though it was raining and the newscasters warned of approaching storms, he bypassed his keys. Instead, he grabbed his hat and heavy coat, and let himself outside. If he hurried, he could probably make it to her house in fifteen minutes.

Tucking his chin to his chest, he started on his way. His heart was telling him he was out of choices. They’d already been made. He’d fallen in love with Mary and Abel. Nothing was going to keep him away. It was time to tell her the truth.