The Serenity Solution: How to Use Quiet Contemplation to Solve Life's Problems (9 page)

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Focal or Conscious

Awareness

Preconscious

Awareness

Subconscious

Awareness

Illustration 4.2: Areas of Mind

Psychologists have studied the processes by which people gain insight or solutions to their problems for decades now and a common conclusion has arisen: solutions tend to arise best when people are relaxed and not busying themselves with the details or thinking too hard about a solution.

In fact, many of the world’s greatest thinkers, such as Plato, Aristotle, Archimedes, Galileo, Newton, da Vinci, Mozart, Edison, and Einstein—

whose ideas have advanced civilization over millennia—made many of their world-altering discoveries in a calm, relaxed state of mind.

When relaxed and not thinking about anything in particular, Thomas Edison once said his ideas came
“right out of the air … pulled out space.
” Mozart confessed to a friend that his ideas
“flow best and abundantly”
when relaxed and alone without distractions and
“whence and how they come I know
not … ”
Beethoven
also remarked that his ideas came unexpectedly while not doing anything in particular:
“You ask me where I get my ideas, that I
cannot tell you with certainty; They come unsummoned, directly, indirectly—I
Broadening Awareness (The Detached Observer Mode) 51

could seize them with my hands—out in the open air; in the woods, while walk-ing; in the silence of the night; early in the morning … ”

Even Einstein added:
“The intellect has little to do on the road to discovery. There comes a leap in consciousness; call it intuition or what you will—the
solution comes to you and you don’t know how or why.
”

The value of quiet contemplation to understanding was so valuable to the ancient Greeks that the philosopher, Aristotle, considered it the high-est human endeavor.

Likewise, many of us have discovered solutions to our problems this way. Think about it: Did many of the solutions to your most difficult problems come when you were worrying or striving too hard for an answer? Or did they come when you finally backed off from the problem and relaxed?

Think about the time you forgot a name or misplaced an item like

your car keys. Did you typically retrieve the memory when you were straining for it? Or did you retrieve it when you paused for a moment and let the memory come to you?

In fact, research into arousal and memory recall has shown a consistent link between high arousal and an inability to retrieve information from memory. Presumably, relaxation leads to an opening of the usual filter that normally inhibits thoughts from background areas of the mind.

Accessing Broader Information via Open Questions

The way we can reliably access background information is through the use of
open questions
. Open questions are so named because they do not ask for a one-word or a ‘yes/no’ response like
closed questions
, but instead require elaboration of a topic, and therefore, get at greater understanding of it.

Open questions typically begin with the words: what, where, when, or how. Example: “What’s causing most of the problem? What can I do here to improve things? Where can I take action? How can I do it?” These are
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the same questions that reporters and detectives ask to really round out an investigation.

In contrast, we generally avoid closed questions for the reason mentioned above. Closed questions typically start with words like: can, should, did or is. Example: “Is there a reason this is happening?” or “Can I overcome this problem?”

Compare the open question “What factor is causing most of the problem?” with the closed question “Is there a reason this happening?” As you can see, the open question asks for more information. Likewise, compare the difference between “What can I do to improve things” to “Can I improve things?” In this case, the open question points to actions not asked by the closed question.

Therefore, the right question is what is needed to get at a solution.

Our output will only be as good as our input. The questions we ask will determine what direction we focus for a solution and the level of output we get from our broader, inner mind. For this reason, we should avoid questions that start with the word ‘why,’ as in “Why is this happening?” or

“Why do they make me feel this way?” ‘Why’ questions are unproductive because they seek explanations for things out of our control and do not address actions we can take to remedy a situation.

When in session, I often facilitate insight through the use of open questions. At times, a client may be struggling with a problem, when at some point the client goes quiet and finds him or herself on the verge of a thought. At this point, I usually invite the client to relax for a moment and ask the open questions: “What is this? What is really seeking my awareness right now?” Many times this open questioning proves fruitful and the client reveals a breakthrough on the issue.

Open questions can be used anytime to explore a problem and not

just in session. To do this, we have to be willing to sit quietly in calm inner focus and focus on a problem, while we put away preconceived notions of what we think the answer should be and simply explore whatever comes
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to mind. By not censoring our thoughts, we provide an optimal environment for the free flow of thoughts to come from our broader, inner mind.

Many times, though, when these background thoughts enter focal

awareness, they are vague or unformed. We may want to discard them as unimportant. But, it is in our best interest to consider them since they are coming from a larger area of mind. Often, they prove fruitful to understanding and solving a problem.

Some of the ways background information may come to us are in the

form of:

• words or phrases

• symbols or imagery

• body sensations or feelings or

• as a general sense about things

There are several ways to distinguish useful background information from focal thought.

Useful information from our broader mind often

• addresses the real problem;

• leads to greater understanding;

• provides a simple solution;

• opens up options;

• is association with a deeper calm and sense of certainty; and

• is consistent over time.

If we get any one of these clues, we should pay attention. We can

always test this advice in the light of day and see if it holds up to scrutiny.

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Now that we’ve learned how to flexibly control our focus, we’re going to learn how to broaden it. In the next four exercises, we will practice first how to be receptive to surrounding information and then how to pick out the central factor in the mental noise that typically surrounds a life problem. This will prepare us for framing problems and targeting solutions in Part Three: Solution Targeting.

Exercise 4.1: Opening Focus

In this exercise, we’re going to practice defocusing so we are more receptive to surrounding information. The effect is like putting our minds in an open, neutral state. We are simultaneously aware of several targets but not focused on any one target. Defocusing not only prevents us from jumping to premature problem conclusions, but it also prevents our bodies from gearing up and reacting to any one thing. As a result, our bodies can fully relax and our minds can be at peace.

To defocus, perform the following steps:

1. Go back to your quiet place, remove any distractions,

and sit or lie in a comfortable position where you can be

undisturbed for about 10 minutes. If you lay down, make

sure you are not too tired or you may fall asleep. Recall that

we want to be in a calm focus, which is a balance between

being relaxed and alert, not sleepy or drowsy.

2. Close your eyes and cut off any visual distractions. Take a

few deep breaths, quiet your thoughts, release tension, and

relax.

3. Sit quietly and note the sounds and sensations around you,

such as the sound of a ticking clock, air conditioner, or

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passing cars as well as the feel of the air and its temperature.

Also, at the same time, note the experiences going on inside

of you, such as the feel of your body in the chair, your

heartbeat and bloodflow, and any passing thoughts and

emotions.

4. Remain detached and simply observe. Do not focus on

any one thing or focus on things one at a time (i.e. do not

sequence targets). Simply, spend a few moments accepting

all things into your awareness at once without reacting to

any one thing. Again, this is easier said than done, because

the mind will want to wander or engage something.

5. Accept wandering and engaging as normal responses. If

you should find yourself wandering or engaging, simply say

to yourself: “I am wandering/engaging that,” and simply

return to observing all things at once. Observe openly for 5

minutes. Again, build up to 10 minutes a day.

Exercise 4.2: Expanding Body Awareness

Now, in this exercise, we turn our focus inward to receive subtle information about the body. Start by entering calm focus. Next, place your focus on the inner space of your body. Imagine your body as a container and your focus is like a spotlight shining on all the inner parts of your body.

Observe patiently for a few minutes. Give your focus time to settle and the inner space to come in clearer. As you do this, you should start to notice thoughts, sensations, images, and impressions about your body that you overlooked while in an external focus. This is inner information entering into focal awareness from deeper layers of intelligence within your mind and body. We can use this information as a way to align with these internal processes and begin to consciously control them.

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Sit quietly now and simply note all the things in your body as you become aware of them. Accept even the slightest of sensations. Explore the inner scene like a camera lens panning around a room. Note what draws your attention. Let your inner intelligence guide you to the area needing most attention and describe the area to yourself. Ask your inner mind,

“What is needed most here to begin healing this area?” and wait patiently for an answer.

Take whatever comes, and then, open your eyes and return your focus to the room. Think about how to enact this advice.

Exercise 4.3: Opening Focus in

Daily Life/Maintaining Situational Awareness

Even when we are not doing formal sessions of calm open focus, we can practice maintaining a calm observant state of mind in our normal lives.

Consider the following daily observations:

1. Be aware of what is going on around you wherever you go.

Note the sights, sounds, smells, and sensations around you.

Again, when you find yourself wandering off or fixating on

one thing, simply return to a broad awareness.

2. Stay openly aware as you monitor your ongoing activities,

such as getting ready for work, driving, and doing daily

chores. Focus not only on the task-at-hand but also what

is going on around you. Note both the steps and details of

what you’re doing but also the effects of these actions on the

world around you.

3. Take time during the day to observe what is going on inside

you. What are you thinking, feeling, and sensing? Are

your thoughts helpful or hindering? Do you feel rushed,

impatient, or calm? Is there tension in your body? Where?

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How are you breathing? Can you take care of the things

around you and observe without getting caught-up in the

hurried feelings? Simply stand back from the experiences