The Making of Matt (20 page)

“Oh,
fuuuck
.” The words cracked on my lips as with one harsh thrust, I came inside him, my cock throbbing with every burst of cum. Slowly, I eased in and out of him a couple more times, squeezing every last drop from myself before collapsing on top of him.

That was the moment when, just like Ryder had said, I
knew
I was ready to have Alex fuck me. The look on his face, the satisfaction in his eyes as I drove into him, intoxicated me and suddenly, I wanted to experience that feeling for myself.

“Alex?” I whispered, my cheek flush with his chest.

“Mm-hmm?” he answered, his voice dazed, content.

“I think…I think I’m in love with you.”

Alex shifted, forcing my head off his chest. He placed a finger under my chin and encouraged me to look at him. “That’s good.” He smiled, sighing pensively. “Because I’ve been in love with
you
for a long time.”

There were no words to explain the ache in my chest, so I conveyed how I felt the only way I knew how. By cupping his cheeks and kissing him like I’d die if I didn’t. In that moment, I understood implicitly what my mom had meant.
That
was the moment I felt my heart smile for the first time.

**********

The next morning I woke tangled with Alex; my leg wrapped around his and my arm draped over his chest. I sat up, feeling groggy as I pulled the zipper open on the tent. It was early, dawn barely breaking, and I couldn’t have slept for more than an hour.

I made love for the first time in my life last night, discovered how powerful it felt to share more than my dick with someone. Reaching orgasm had always been my sole focus, but with Alex, being inside him, feeling him accepting my body, evoked the most potent, all-consuming, emotion in the world. It was all about
him
. Pleasing him.
Loving
him. Climaxing was a mere bonus.

After slipping out of him, we lay in blissful silence for a while, the only sound being the thrum of his heart beneath my ear, before taking a cleansing dip in the ocean. We ate some more, drank the rest of the champagne, and then started all over again. It was the single most breath-taking, influential night of my life. As I rubbed at my tired eyes after waking, I didn’t feel like a different man.

I felt like I’d finally found the man I’d always been.

“Mmm,” Alex moaned sleepily, stretching his arms. “Morning.”

“I have to pee,” I complained. “I didn’t think about this part.”

Smiling, Alex sat up and kissed the back of my shoulder. “Be grateful it’s just pee.”

“I think I heard people out there. Champagne bottle it is.”

“Good thing I don’t love you for your class.”

The voices outside grew louder and, peering out of the tent, I saw a young couple walking their dog along the water’s edge. I could almost hear our bubble pop as reality slapped me across the face. Our perfect night was almost over and I would have to share him with the world again soon.

After discarding the bottle I’d just filled, feeling a little proud of my awesome aiming skills, I took a pair of clean jeans from my backpack and wriggled into them, lying down to pull them over my ass. Crawling outside the tent, I grabbed the picnic basket and dragged it inside. “Croissant?” I offered, removing one from the designated breakfast compartment of the basket.

“Thanks.” Alex took the pastry from my hand and tore off a segment, putting it in his mouth.

“So…how’d I do?” I asked. “Do I throw a good date?”

Alex shuffled forward, lining his body next to mine. “It was the most perfect night of my life. Thank you.”

“You can thank me later.”

He grinned, a devilish glint glittering in his eyes. “Oh yeah? And how can I do that?”

“By giving
me
what I gave you,” I whispered, my gaze locked onto his.

“You mean…”

“I’m ready, Alex. I want you to make love to me.” That damn dog barked outside, destroying the moment we shared. “But maybe not right now.”

Alex smiled, hiding his face in my neck and inhaling deeply. “Damn, just the thought…” he tailed off, taking my hand and pressing it onto his hard cock.

My fingers wrapped around his length, stroking firmly as we fell backwards onto the pillows.

“Excuse me?” a woman’s voice called. “Hello?”

Huffing, I’d never wanted to yell
fuck the hell off
so much in my life. Alex pulled the blanket over his body while I crawled out of the tent.

“Yes?” I snapped briskly.

“Oh. You’re…” She stumbled on her words.

Yes, I’m Matt Carter. Get the fuck on with it.
I stared her down.

“My, um, my dog…” She pointed to the yapping Jack Russell behind her. “He, um, he’s chewed one of your candles.”

Shame it wasn’t lit.
“Is he sick?”

“Oh, no. He’s always eating things he shouldn’t. I just, um, wanted to apologize.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I said, my tone clipped. She continued to stare at me. “Anything else?”

“Oh, um, no. Thank you. And sorry. Thank you. Have a nice day.”

I nodded and waited for her to scoop her tongue back inside her mouth and disappear before returning to Alex.

“Little harsh,” Alex said, laughing. “She was clearly star stricken.”

“Disturbing me at this time of the morning she should count herself lucky I didn’t rip off her head and shit down the hole.” I dragged on my t-shirt and started tossing the evidence of our marathon sex session into my bag. “Come on. Let’s get cleared up and head home.”

“Back to reality.” Alex sighed.

“Back to our future.”

**********

Walking into the restaurant several hours later I wondered if I was sporting one of those post-coital glows people talk about. I’d never felt so happy, so hopeful, and it must’ve shown. I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about the feeling of Alex’s ass stretched around my cock since the second I pulled out of him and the memory had etched the most fulfilled smile on my face.

Shoulders back and head high, I spotted Ashley waiting for me at the table by the window. She stood from her chair on my approach and opened her arms for me.

Removing my favorite black beanie hat and shades, I hugged her. Or
tried
to. “You’re fucking
huge
,” I said, holding her at arms length and wincing at the size of her bump. “Damn, girl. That’s gonna hurt.”

“Thanks for the reassurance, Matty,” she said, lacing her voice with sarcasm.

Her nickname for me made me smile and for a moment we were ten years old again. As I released her, I realized this was the first time in four years that we’d be alone, the last one being when I surprised her with a visit on her twenty-fifth birthday. We were close back then, despite the physical distance between us. We shared everything. She was my best friend.

And then she married Adam.

“It’s so great to see you,” I said, holding her hand across the table after taking our seats. “I’m sorry I haven’t made the effort since you got back.”

“You’ve had a lot to deal with, Matty,” she said, her smile sympathetic. “How’re you holding up?”

“I miss her every day, but I’m doing okay. I’ve got great friends behind me. You settling into the new house?”

“Oh I love it. Adam finished decorating the nursery last week. You need to come and have dinner with us and I’ll give you the grand tour.”

Great. Dinner with Asshat Adam. Can’t fucking wait.
“I’d like that. Maybe when you’ve squeezed that humongous human outta your body we’ll arrange something.”

“Don’t,” she said, shuddering. “I’m petrified.”

“You’ll be fine. Remember when we were twelve and you ran away from home and tried to climb in my bedroom window?”

She laughed. “Yeah.”

“You broke two bones in your leg and got a tree branch wedged in your pussy and you barely flinched.”

“It was my thigh not my…” she trailed off, seeming too embarrassed to say the word. It was testament to how much she’d changed. I literally bit down on my tongue until it began to sting to stop myself telling her as much. I blamed Adam for knocking the sparkle out of her and the last time I voiced my opinion of him she didn’t talk to me for three months.

Over two coffees and a pizza we reminisced about our childhood. It was like having the old, pre-Adam, Ashley back and I decided maybe I’d been too harsh in judging her. Maybe this was just what happened to people when they grew up and took different paths in life. People change, hell,
I
certainly had, and I needed to stop living in the past.

“I’ve missed you, Matty,” she said, putting down her coffee and pressing her hand on mine over the table. “It’s good to see you so happy.”

“Yeah.” I smiled. “Yeah, I really am.”

“Dare I ask who the lucky lady is that you’re so obviously thinking of right now?”

“Alex.” His name came out quickly, like I couldn’t wait to feel it on my tongue.

Ashley grinned, still holding my hand. “I
knew
it!”

You did?

“I knew there was a girl involved. You just seem so…settled. So, do I get to meet this Alex?”

“You don’t understand,” I muttered, shaking my head. “I mean it’s
Alex
.”

I saw the exact moment it registered in her head. The smile melted from her face and she snatched her hand away from mine.

“
Alex
Alex? Alex the
man
Alex?”

“That’s the one. Ah, he makes me so happy, Ash. I’m in lo-”

“So what, you’re
gay
now? Bisexual?” Confusion laced her voice. Maybe even a little anger. I didn’t like it. For a moment I felt that shame I told Alex I’d never allow anyone to make me feel. I think, naively, that’s because I never expected anyone so important to me to judge.

I shrugged at her question. “I’m just Matt. I don’t feel any different than I did a year ago. Happier, yes, but I don’t see why that means I need to shove myself into some kind of box. Labels should be for products, not people. I see myself as just a guy who happened to fall in love with his best friend, and that’s how I’d like
you
to see me, too.”

“I, well…sorry, it’s just a shock.” Shock I could deal with, judgment or disapproval I couldn’t. I
wouldn’t
. “You know it could be a phase. What with losing your mom and-”

“It’s
not
a phase,” I spat. “I’ve felt things for him for a long time. I just didn’t understand them before.”

“I’m not saying you don’t care for him. I have friends I care about, too. But maybe…” Ashley went quiet, her forehead creasing as she searched for the words.

“Maybe
what
?” I snapped, frustrated. And hurt.

“With Alex being…” She hunched her shoulders like she couldn’t bring herself to finish.

“Gay?”

“Maybe you’re just afraid you’ll lose your friendship if you don’t return the favor, so to speak. If he’s pressuring you-”

“Are you for real right now?” I didn’t realize I’d yelled until people turned in their seats to stare at me. Breathing deeply through my nose, I forced myself to calm down. “He hasn’t pressured me into anything. He doesn’t expect anything from me. The only thing Alex is guilty of is loving me. He’d never ask or
want
me to change, and I gotta say, Ash, it feels like that’s exactly what
you’re
doing right now.”

“I-I’m not,” she stuttered. “I only mentioned it because Adam knows this group that can help people who are confused. I just-”

“Adam,” I said through gritted teeth. “Should’ve known it was him talking. He’s changed you, Ashley.”

“Let’s not go there again. I don’t want to fall out with you, Matty.”

I sighed, softening. “I just don’t know what you see in him. You used to be fun.
Free
.”

“I grew up. I found God.”

You didn’t
find
him. Adam thrust him in your face.

“I know you’re not religious but you need to stop judging Adam because he is.”

It wasn’t religion that made Adam an asshole. It was his personality. “I don’t judge anybody, which is why I won’t accept people judging
me
.”

“Matty, please. I’m not judging you, I promise.” She took my hand again and my anger began to waver. “We’ve lost so many people in our family over the years. I don’t want to lose you too.”

“That won’t happen,” I assured her. “Maybe I shouldn’t have expected you to accept it without question. This whole telling people thing is new to me.”

Closing her eyes briefly, Ashley took a deep breath. She was trying and that’s all I could ask of her. She didn’t need to like my relationship with Alex, just accept it. Accept
me
.