THE HUSBAND HUNTERS (29 page)

‘I think he’s filled his trousers,’ I whispered to Nick in horror, as we watched him walk off, bowlegged, down the road. Nick paid for our fish and chips and we both walked out of the chip shop and collapsed against the lamp post. I was laughing so hard, that I had to sit down on a nearby garden wall and catch my breath.

‘Do you think he thought he’d walked into a public toilet, not a fish and chip shop?’ Nick spluttered.

‘I don’t know, but it was disgusting,’ I said, wiping the tears away from my eyes. ‘You certainly know how to treat a lady. Do you bring every woman here, or just the special ones?’

Nick sat down on the wall beside me. ‘Only the really special ones,’ he said, reaching to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear, which had escaped from my hair bobble.

I stared into his eyes and for a split second, I thought I saw a flash of desire there. I blinked. What on earth was I thinking? Nick – looking lustfully at me? I turned and stuffed a few chips into my mouth. We ate in silence.

‘These are really good,’ I mumbled eventually, with my mouth full.

‘C’mon, we’d best be getting home,’ said Nick, getting up from the wall and throwing his balled up, greasy paper in to the nearby bin.

I was sitting at my desk the next morning, when I suddenly remembered the way Nick had looked at me outside the chip shop. I must have imagined it. Nick was still seeing Clare, and it wasn’t like that between us. I didn’t usually look at him and want to rip his clothes off immediately, and I was damned sure that he didn’t think that way about me either. No, I definitely must have imagined that.

I switched on my computer. There was an email waiting to be answered. I looked at the sender’s address – it couldn’t be – but yes, it was! [email protected]

My hands were shaking with excitement, as I opened it. Had Jennifer Aniston actually emailed me – little, boring, old me who worked in a second-rate model agency – all the way from Hollywood? Yeeeeeessssss!

Dear Bee, (it said)

Many thanks for your kind email about your lovely little club. I would be honoured to become a member, and for you and your friends to help me sort out my love life.

Yes, we all do seem to be in the same boat – and it’s a lonely and frustrating one. You may be nearing thirty and are despairing of ever finding a husband – try being forty – it’s a lot worse, I can assure you!

I do have a computer at home and a webcam, so yes, we can definitely link up and discuss the minutes of the meetings – and I would love you to email them all over to me, so I can catch up with all your progress, so far.

Kindest regards

Jen XX

I gaped at the screen. I’d always thought Jen would be silly not to jump at the opportunity of joining the HHC, but to hear back from her was amazing. I could barely speak with excitement, as Nick walked into the office. I grabbed hold of his shoulders and propelled him towards my computer screen. He read the email in silence.

‘Well, I have to hand it to you girls,’ he said, straightening up and looking at me with admiration. ‘I never thought you could do it, but you have. A famous Hollywood actress wants your help – may be I’ve under-estimated the club,’ he added.

‘Damn right you have,’ I said, triumphantly, with an I-told-you-so smile on my face. ‘You watch out, the HHC is going to have world domination at this rate.’

There was no time to lose. I phoned the girls one by one and told them about Jen’s email. They were hysterical – Rach screamed down the phone for at least five minutes.

‘I can’t believe it,’ said Kaz. ‘Who would have thought that a famous Hollywood actress, like Jen, would want to join our club?’

‘Kaz, how can you say that?’ I exploded. ‘Of course, Jen would want to join. It’s an opportunity of a lifetime. It could change her life forever.’

When I had finished telling all the girls, I drafted a reply back to Jen.

Dear Jen.

It was great to get your email. We are all very excited over here, and can’t wait to link up with you on webcam. Some of the girls couldn’t believe that you have replied, but I always knew that you would. What woman in her right mind, wouldn’t want to have all the dirty work of finding a husband done for her?

I have sent you a list of all the minutes of previous meetings, so you can get up to date.

Love

Bee

P.S. I have also enclosed a list of all the potential husbands, who we have already earmarked as suitable for you, so browse through those, when you have a few minutes break from filming.

I couldn’t sleep with excitement that night. Would I have a reply back from Jen, the next morning? I went into the office early the next morning, and there it was, a little envelope flashing in the corner of my screen.

Dear Bee

Thanks for the list of all those men you sent over. Yes, it does seem like a good idea to buy a property in the UK, especially as some of these men live over there. I’ve always fancied one of those old-fashioned cottages with roses growing over the door, with perhaps a couple of hens in the back garden. Can you imagine – it would be like the Good Life. The paparazzi would go wild! I’ve got a pair of green wellies that I never wear – they are a bit dusty, but they’d do perfectly. If you could have a scout around for some suitable areas for me, that would be great.

I like the sound of your Steve Clark who runs the stables – he sounds like he’s got his feet on the ground and is a sensible type, but gorgeous too. And I don’t mind getting my hands dirty mucking out a few horses, either!

Love, Jen

I printed out Jen’s reply to show the girls that night.

‘I can’t believe that she is emailing you,’ breathed Rach, looking at me admiringly. ‘Jennifer Aniston, Hollywood actress. It’s amazing.’

I almost burst with pride and excitement. How many people could say they had a famous actress emailing them?

‘
We need to get the webcam sorted, so Jen can feel as though she’s joining in,’ I said to Kaz. ‘We need to get it assembled in time for the next meeting.’

For almost an entire week, Jen and I were emailing back and forth. She said she was so excited – she couldn’t wait to meet all the girls over the webcam. At the end of the week came the most exciting email I’d ever had from her.

Dear Bee

I’m coming over for a London premiere for my latest film next month, and I’d love to meet all the girls, in person. So why don’t you come down to the premiere, and I’ll put your names on the door and we can meet up?

I’d love to have a look around Cheshire too, so perhaps I’ll come back up with you for a few extra days. Is there anywhere I can stay? Perhaps I could book myself into a hotel for a couple of nights.’

I was so excited I nearly peed myself on the spot. We were actually Going To Meet Jen. Nothing so exciting had ever happened to me before in my entire life – and there was no way I was going to tell Jen that she would have to slum it in a hotel. She could stay in the flat with me and Scarlett.

‘Jennifer Aniston’s going to be staying here?’ Scarlett looked at me as though I was stark, raving mad. She came over to the sofa where I was sitting and put a hand on my forehead. ‘Ouch, it’s boiling hot, Bee. You have a raging temperature and are hallucinating.’

‘Don’t be silly,’ I said crossly. ‘I’m telling the truth. Jennifer and I have been emailing each other and I’m going to invite her to stay.’

I told Scarlett about inviting Jen to join the HHC and how she had eventually emailed me back. I even showed her all the emails on my work Blackberry. Scarlett’s eyes grew wider. ‘I can’t believe it,’ she said, grabbing the Blackberry from me and reading all the emails.

I rang Rach and told her about inviting Jen to stay.

‘Oh, my God, Bee, you’ll have to tidy up before she comes. Are you sure it’s a good thing?’ she added doubtfully. ‘Jennifer will be used to some huge mansion with loads of bedrooms in America. Don’t you think she might find your flat a bit small?’

‘Oh no,’ I said, airily. ‘Remember the flat she used to share with Monica in Friends? Our flat is about the same size.’

‘You’ll have to give her your bedroom. You can’t give her the sofa to sleep on
–
especially not with that dodgy-looking stain on it, where Scarlett dropped that pizza.

‘Of course, I’ll give her my bedroom,’ I said. I would have to put a load of stuff in boxes before Jen arrived. Not that I was expecting her to be snooping in my underwear drawer or anything, but there were things like the latex mask in there. I didn’t want her thinking that I had some of gimp fetish – she would run a mile.

The rest of the girls were all wildly excited, when I told them that Jen had invited us down to her London film premiere. We held a special meeting at my flat that night, to discuss what we were going to wear.

‘I’m going to have to go shopping, I’ve got nothing to wear with my bump,’ wailed Rach.

Scarlett was green with envy, when she heard that we had all been personally invited to Jen’s premiere.

***

The next few weeks dragged by. But eventually it was time to go to the premiere. Everyone had managed to get two days off work, and we all met at Manchester train station, giddy with excitement.

Rach had bought a glitzy silver sequinned maternity dress and it looked fantastic. I was wearing my favourite Karen Millen black dress, with sexy slits up the side. We’d all had fake spray tans and Tash had been to the hairdressers that morning, and her black, shiny hair looked even sleeker than ever.

I’d emailed Jen a few days before and invited her to stay at the flat. She’d said yes she would love to stay.

Dear Bee,

You’ll have to show me the burnt bit on the top of your ceiling where you nearly set alight to your cooker! (I’d forgotten when I’d sent the minutes over to Jen to read, that she would have read about what a culinary dunce I was.)

Mind you, I don’t even know how to work my cooker – my chef cooks for me all the time. So I’d have probably set the whole house alight if I’d tried to cook Duck a l’orange. (That instantly made me feel better – I had obviously found a culinary soul-mate in Jen.

I’m looking forward to meeting Scarlett too. She sounds so gorgeous, she’ll probably make me feel like a heifer. (Yeah, right, Jen, as if that's ever going to happen.)

Thanks for sending the photo across of you all, so I know who I’m looking out for.’

Love Jen.

We spent about four hours getting ready at the small hotel we had booked into, off Leicester Square. The premiere was starting at 7.30 p.m. and we were going down early to get a good place on the red carpet. We had arranged to watch the film, and
then meet up with Jen afterwards.

‘Tash, you’re squashing me,’ grumbled Kaz in the taxi, as Tash leaned across to get her lipstick out of her bag. The air of excitement was all around us. We piled out of the taxi at Leicester square and tottered across to the cinema in our high heels. It was an hour before the start of the premiere, and we made our way to where we could see the red carpet rolled out in front of the cinema.

‘This is so exciting,’ said Rach, as we jostled our way to the rope barrier at the front. ‘I can’t wait to meet Jen. I wonder if she’s as pretty in real life as she is in the films.’

‘Of course, she will be,’ I said, knowingly. ‘Prettier and thinner too; the camera puts ten pounds on you.’

The minutes ticked by excruciatingly slowly. Then finally a hiss of excitement rose from the crowd. We craned our necks to get a better view. Owen Wilson, Jen’s co-star, was at the end of the red carpet, already signing autographs. Then, suddenly there she was. She looked stunning in a floor-length, shimmering pale-blue gown. We all let out a collective gasp. Jen was now walking down the red carpet holding on to Owen’s arm and looking back over her shoulder now and again at the waiting photographers. Every time she looked back the flashbulbs kept popping.

She was only metres away from us now, and then she was so close I could have touched her gorgeous gown.

‘Hey! Jen, it’s us,’ I called out. Jen looked round and straight at me. I expected her face to break into a huge smile – but it didn’t. She was looking straight through me.

‘Hey! Jen,’ I tried a wave. She gave a little half smile at us, and then turned and went through the cinema doors.

I blinked a few times in surprise. I’d expected a bit more of a warm welcome from her than that.

‘It was as if she didn’t know us,’ said Kaz, puzzled.

‘It’s probably because she was on the red carpet. She couldn’t exactly throw her arms around us could she,’ reasoned Tash. ‘Come on, let’s go over to the door, the film will be about to start.

We went to the end of the barrier, and then up to the main door, where a woman was standing with a huge clipboard.