The Great Powers Outage (2 page)

CORPSICLE COOLANT CORPORATION

From its earliest success when it applied for—and received—a patent
on winter, CCC has dominated the market for subzero products. Their
Chilled Gills line of frozen fish and their Frigi-Fries line of frozen
potato products have all been hits. Equally successful is their Vegicles
line of frozen vegetables, despite the notable failure of their advertising
campaign to convince kids that their vegetables were made by
elves who lived in a magic igloo.

Because of the money my mom makes, Dad was able to quit his job at Dr. Telomere's and return to crime fighting. He joined some of his former teammates and they're calling themselves the New New Crusaders . . . and, no, that's not a misprint.

Of course, there's one thing I miss about his old job, and that's the unlimited supply of free potato chips. Boy, do we eat a lot of them! So does everyone in Superopolis. In fact, the only business more successful than the Amazing Indestructo's is Dr. Telomere's chip factory.

I'm sure it drives AI crazy, but there's nothing he can do about it. Nothing beats the salty, fried goodness of a bag of Dr. Telomere's potato chips.

Mmmm . . . potato chips. With that pleasant thought I felt my eyes drifting shut once again. But only a moment later I was reawakened by a familiar voice.

“Thank you for saving me, O Boy.”

I opened my eyes and found myself atop Crater Hill in the center of Telomere Park. It was still the middle of the night. I was dressed in my Meteor Boy costume, and standing in front of me was the cartoon figure of Dr. Telomere, a potato chip wearing a derby hat, pincenez glasses, and a bow tie. The thought that I was dreaming again never even occurred to me as I talked with the advertising spokescharacter of Dr. Telomere's Potato Chip Company.

“You're welcome,” I answered, as if talking to a potato chip was a routine situation. “But how could I have saved you if you're not real?”

“Aren't I?” he replied with concern as his gloved hands patted at his potato chip body. “Oh dear. Then are any of us real?”

“I'm real!” I insisted. “I think.”

“Only because of
that
, boy!” The potato chip pointed to the night sky. “Only because of
that
.”

I looked up and there it was again—a huge flaming meteor heading right for me. I turned back to the potato chip, but he was gone—replaced by the sinister, cackling presence of Professor Brain-Drain. I jolted awake—once more back in my bed. But the image of the fireball stayed with me. I may have escaped it, but it
had
hit the piece of land where Superopolis now sits. The effects of a collision of that magnitude must have been enormous. Now wide awake, I couldn't help but wonder if an event like that might still be affecting things even all these millions of years later.

CHAPTER ONE

Tossed Salad

I couldn't believe what I was seeing. A group of vegetables had just robbed the Mighty Mart! I know that sounds ridiculous, but it was true. Even now, an enormous stalk of celery was crossing the parking lot heading right for me. Okay, so maybe it wasn't
really
a giant piece of celery (not that such a thing was impossible in Superopolis), but it
was
a guy dressed like one. And he was trying to get away with a large bag of Maximizer Brand Booster Bars.

But just as he tried to escape with his loot, a powerful blast of air knocked him to the ground, courtesy of the hero Windbag. As the startled vegetable struggled to get back on his feet, a large ear of corn pushing a shopping cart filled with Maximizer Brand Superdoodlers tripped and fell on top of him.

“You're stepping on my leaves, Colonel Corncob,” yelled the celery. “Watch where you're going!”

I almost started clapping as my father, the mighty Thermo, strode up to the crumpled vegetables and lifted Colonel Corncob off the flustered stalk of celery.

“The only place you'll be going, Celery Stalker, is prison!”

“Tarnation!” hollered Colonel Corncob as he got a taste of my dad's power. “I'm feelin' hotter than a peck of pipin' peppers!”

A second later, some of the Colonel's kernels exploded in my father's grasp. Amid the confusion, the Celery Stalker made his escape. He didn't get far before another hero grabbed him and hoisted him effortlessly into the air.

“The Levitator!” I cheered, as my dad's teammate used his power to levitate the human-size celery stalk. Wrapping his hands around the villain's ankles, he began swinging him around in a circle.

“Batter up!” He laughed as he spun the Celery Stalker faster and faster.

“And here's the pitch!” someone added from across the parking lot.

There, another member of my dad's team, the Big Bouncer, was rolling toward a horrified-looking onion. Actually, only his head looked like an onion— or more precisely, a shallot. Regardless, as the Big Bouncer smashed into him, he went flying toward the swinging stalk of celery. The Levitator smacked the onion-headed guy with the Celery Stalker, and he went flying across the parking lot, leaving a shower of Maximizer Brand Fudge Brawnies, raining down on the startled onlookers.

LI'L HERO'S HANDBOOK

PEOPLE

NAME:
Levitator, The.
POWER:
Can make anything weightless just by touching it.
LIMITATIONS:
Except himself.
CAREER:
Following the disbanding of the New Crusaders, the Levitator became a dietitian whose happy clients always held his hand when weighing in.
CLASSIFICATION:
An all-around lighthearted guy.

With everyone's attention focused on the shower of snack cakes, an irritated-looking chickpea came running up to my father.

“What da heck are youse guys doin'?!” he sputtered in frustration. “Da script says dat we's s'posed to be roughin' youse guys up at foist.”

“Oh, sorry, Garbanzo,” my dad said, raising his hands defensively as he backed away from Colonel Corncob, who was now missing several kernels from his body.

“Dat's da
Great
Garbanzo to youse,” the cigar-chomping chickpea responded with disgust as he motioned forward another member of his “gang.” “Now let da Broccoli Robber here rough youse up some.”

The Broccoli Robber was definitely a guy in a costume. His fists were sheathed in big, poofy gloves that looked like broccoli florets. He nervously approached my dad and began punching him feebly. My father almost looked sorry for the guy.

“You could at least
act
like I'm hurting you,” the Broccoli Robber whined between breaths.

“Oh, sure,” Dad replied. “Sorry about that.”

“I'm powerless . . . against . . . broccoli,” he said in what was supposed to be a weakened voice. He then fell to the ground beneath the Broccoli Robber's blows.

“Man, your dad is a lousy actor.”

I turned to my best friend, Stench, who was standing beside me.

“Yeah, I know,” I admitted. “Your dad is actually pretty good though.”

We both looked over to where Stench's dad, Windbag, was on his knees in front of the guy with the onion head. He was bawling his eyes out.

“No, he's pretty bad, too,” Stench said. “That guy's head actually
is
an onion and he's making my dad's eyes water.”

Looking around I realized that none of the members of my dad's team, the New New Crusaders, were very good actors. The Levitator was practically throwing himself at the feet of the Celery Stalker, who could barely maneuver in his unwieldy costume. Not far from them Colonel Corncob was trying to lasso the Big Bouncer, who was standing completely still to make the task easier.

“Now youse guys see da effects dat vegetables can have on youse.” The Great Garbanzo laughed as he got everyone back on script. “Youse heroes is too weak to even fight back!”

Okay, so maybe this wasn't the most honest representation of the “dangers” of vegetables. But, then again, no one here was trying to sell vegetables.

“Must . . . increase . . . strength,” my dad said robotically as he reached for one of the scattered packages of Maximizer Brand MaxiMuffins.

Ripping off the wrapper, my dad gave a performance he didn't need to fake as he shoved the muffins into his mouth. A moment later he slowly got to his feet and delivered another wooden line.

“I feel my energy returning,” he said. “Listen up, New New Crusaders. These Maximizer Brand snack cakes can give us back the strength these vile vegetables have sapped from us.”

The Broccoli Robber backed away nervously.

“And the first thing coming off the menu”—Thermo smacked a fist into his hand—“is broccoli.”

Dad lunged for the frightened guy in the broccoli costume as the rest of his teammates helped themselves to the scattered snack cakes. The Levitator made light work of the Celery Stalker, grabbing him with both hands and launching him into the air. The piercing scream of the celery ended the moment he landed atop the fleeing Broccoli Robber.