The Good, the Bad and the Unready (74 page)

peasants, shot with blanks:
Otto the
MAD

pens, stabbed to death with:
John the
SCOT

perfume, liberal use of:
Henry the
GREAT
, Alfred the
LAST OF THE DANDIES
, Henry the
MAN-MILLINER

pet,

camels:
James the
WISEST FOOL IN CHRISTENDOM

cheetahs:
Haile Sellassie the
LION OF JUDAH

dogs:
Llewellyn the
GREAT
, Henry the
MAN-MILLINER

elephant:
Charles the
GREAT
, James the
WISEST FOOL IN CHRISTENDOM

lions:
Haile Sellassie the
LION OF JUDAH

monkeys:
Henry the
MAN-MILLINER

parrots:
Henry the
MAN-MILLINER

pilgrimage:
Erik
EVERGOOD
, Charles the
GREAT
, James the
THISTLE

pillaging:
Fulk the
BLACK
, Attila the
SCOURGE OF GOD

pineapples:
Kamehameha the
GREAT

plague:
Frederick
IRONTOOTH
, Philip the
LUCKY

playing card, nickname after:
Diana the
PEOPLE
’S
PRINCESS

poison,

death from:
Mehmed the
CONQUEROR
,
FAIR ROSAMUND
, Erik the
ROMANTIC

liberal use of:
Lady Wu the
POISONER

sucked out by wife:
Edward the
HAMMER OF THE SCOTS

pot belly:
Charles the
GREAT
, Ptolemy the
POT-BELLIED
, William
RUFUS
, Theobald the
TROUBADOUR

potions:
Albert the
GREAT

practical jokes, love of:
Edward the
CARESSER
, Peter the
GREAT

priests,

kicked in testicles:
Napoleon the
LITTLE CORPORAL

massacred:
Erik the
MEMORABLE

printmaking:
Rupert the
MAD CAVALIER

prostitution, charges of:
Mary the
MERMAID

psalmody:
Anne the
KING
’S
KING

psalms, translating:
James the
WISEST FOOL IN CHRISTENDOM

pulpit, defecation in:
BRANDY NAN

religion, creation of new:
Akbar the
GREAT

religious tolerance:
Akbar the
GREAT
, Cyrus the
GREAT
, Roger the
GREAT COUNT

right of sanctuary, prohibited:
Maria the
MOTHER OF HER COUNTRY

rose:
see
flowers

sausages:
DONA JUANA

self-deification:
Akbar the
GREAT
, Alexander the
GREAT
, Jamshid the
ILLUSTRIOUS
, Aurelian the
RESTORER OF THE WORLD

sermons,

inspirational:
Louis the
SAINT

lengthy:
John
LACKLAND

sexual appetite, immense:
GOOD DUKE HUMPHREY
, Catherine the
GREAT
, Charles the
GREAT
, Henry the
GREAT
, James the
ILL-BELOVED
, Mary the
MERMAID
, Charles the
MERRY MONARCH
, Edward the
ROBBER
, Augustus the
STRONG

sexual impotence, alleged:
Ivar the
BONELESS

Shakespeare, William:
Richard
CROOKBACK
, John of
GAUNT
, Duncan the
GRACIOUS

shed, portable:
Philip the
GOOD

Shibboleth:
Ladislaus the
ELBOW-HIGH

shirt,

hair:
Henry the
NAVIGATOR

poisoned:
Harald and the
HAIR SHIRT

skin, made into drum:
see
drum
slimming:
Sancho the
FAT

smell, appalling:
Henry the
GREAT

smoking, promotion of:
Peter the
GREAT

spice trade:
Manuel the
FORTUNATE

spider, inspirational:
Robert the
BRUCE

spitting:
William the
SAILOR KING

sporran, love of wearing:
Magnus
BARELEGS

stammer:
Charles the
LAST MAN

steamboat, nickname after:
Arthur the
IRON DUKE

strangulation:
Otto the
BLOODY

strength, Herculean:
Alfonso the
CONQUEROR
, Hywel of the
HORSESHOES

superstition:
Elizabeth the
INFAMOUS
, Louis
THE PIOUS

swimming, love of:
Charles the
MERRY MONARCH

teeth,

buck:
Anne the
GREAT WHORE

rotten:
GOOD QUEEN BESS
, Frederick the
GREAT
, Henry the
GREAT

sackful of:
Peter the
GREAT

temper, loss of:
Haakon the
BROAD-SHOULDERED
, Henry
CURTMANTLE
, Robert the
ENGLISH ACHILLES
, George the
GREAT PATRON OF MANKIND
, Edward the
MARTYR
, Louis the
QUARRELLER
, Erik the
RED

tennis,

love of:
Charles the
AFFABLE
, Philip the
GOOD
, Charles the
MERRY MONARCH

thistle, redemptive:
Alexander the
GLORIOUS

Timothy Wobble-Hat:
Leo the
BUTCHER

tobacco, taxed:
Peter the
GREAT

tongue, big:
James the
WISEST FOOL IN CHRISTENDOM

tonsure:
Clovis the
GREAT
, Louis the
PIOUS

tournaments,

love of:
Amadeus the
GREEN

treatise on:
Good King René

treasurer, boiled:
Ivan the
TERRIBLE

trousers,

threat to pull down:
James the
WISEST FOOL IN CHRISTENDOM

tight:
Alfred the
LAST OF THE DANDIES

turban, nailed to head:
Vlad the
IMPALER

uncle, imprisoned:
Ivan the
TERRIBLE

universities, founding of:
Peter the
CEREMONIOUS

virginity, alleged:
GOOD QUEEN BESS

violets:
see
flowers
Voltaire:
Catherine the
GREAT
, Frederick the
GREAT
, John the
SILLY DUKE

warts:
Anne the
GREAT WHORE, NOSE ALMIGHTY

weeding, cryptic message in:
Pepin the
HUNCHBACK

whiskers, bushy:
Basil the
SLAYER OF THE BULGARS

wife,

burned at stake:
Fulk the
BLACK

chaste:
Gorm the
OLD

contempt for:
Francis the
FATHER OF LETTERS

equine:
BLUFF KING HAL
, Thomas the
HAMMER OF THE MONKS

imposing:
Philip the
BOLD
, Good King René

imprisoned:
GOOD DUKE HUMPHREY
, Philip the
MAGNANIMOUS

large:
Kamehameha the
GREAT

mad:
Philip the
HANDSOME

made to serve at table naked:
Bejazet the
THUNDERBOLT

ostentatious:
Haroun the
JUST

physically strong:
Ernest the
IRON-HANDED

porcine:
Charles the
SILLY

repudiated:
Robert the
PIOUS
, Sitric the
SQUINT-EYED

small:
William the
CONQUEROR
, Kamehameha the
GREAT

wig,

abuse of:
George the
GREAT PATRON OF MANKIND

serviced by footmen:
QUEEN VENUS

wine, drowning in:
Lady Wu the
POISONER
, Edward the
ROBBER

wives,

five thousand:
Akbar the
GREAT

six:
BLUFF KING HAL

work ethic, fanatical:
Frederick the
GREAT
, Peter the
GREAT