The Fire Mages' Daughter (8 page)

Frustratingly, he made no move to get my clothes off, even though I gave him every opportunity and I was hardly pushing him away. In the end, I got him roundly drunk, put his hand on my breast and let his own desire take its inevitable course. It wasn’t unpleasant, but it wasn’t particularly enjoyable, either. It was just two sweaty bodies writhing on a sofa, one of them making a great deal of noise, and the other wishing it to be over soon. It was nothing at all like the firestorm that Ly-haam and I had generated. But at least it was done, and now that he’d got the idea, I was hopeful I would soon be pregnant and Yannassia would send me home at last.

And then the idiot boy ran straight back to his parents and told them everything.

I had never seen Yannassia angry before. No matter what happened – my previous bad behaviour, political reversals, even when her brother’s little boy had died – she was always perfectly controlled, calm. Or so she appeared, anyway.

But now she paced up and down, fists clenched, her face white. “What by all the Gods were you
thinking
? How could you be so foolish, Axandrina? Please tell me you are not in love with this boy.”

“Of course not.”

“Then what possessed you? Have you no pride? He is
nothing
, this boy. The son of two mage guards. Absolutely
nobody
.”

I lifted my chin. “I am nobody, too. My mother was a village rat. My father was the drusse-born son of a low-ranking Kellon.”

“And
my husband!
Never forget who
I
am, you ungrateful child. Remember what is due to
me
.” Her eyes narrowed. “Was this all to spite me? Is that it?”

“No. Not really.”

“Not
really
?”

“Not to spite you. I just…” Now that the moment had come, I hadn’t the words to explain it. It had seemed so easy as I lay in my bed at night, plotting. Faced with Yannassia’s blazing anger, my neat explanations dribbled into the sand.

“You just what?”

Tears pricked at my eyelids, and despair leapt into my throat. “I just want to go home!” I yelled.

Her lips compressed into a thin line. With a swirl of skirts, she crossed the room in a few strides to stand in front of me, her nose a finger’s width from mine. Then she hissed in my face.

“Be very sure of this, Axandrina. While I live, you will
never
go home.”

Grief shot through me, making me howl in anguish like a dog. My legs refused to hold me, and I fell to my knees, sobbing.

Yannassia clicked her fingers at the shocked onlookers – guards, waiting women, scribes, Vhar-zhin and Zandara – then, “Go, all of you. Get out, get out! Yes, you too.
Out!
”

Feet thumped, sword-belts rattled, skirts swished. The door opened and closed. The room fell quiet, except for my heaving sobs.

Yannassia’s light feet pattered across the room, then there were scraping sounds as she dragged a footstool to where I crouched, crumpled in despair.

“Oh, Drina,” she said, sitting down in a rush, and she sounded as grief-stricken as I was. “Are you so unhappy here?”

“No!” I sobbed again, and scrabbled for a handkerchief to blow my nose. “Not unhappy. But I don’t belong here. Can’t be your heir. Can’t face it.”

A heavy sigh. “Oh dear. I had thought we were past all that. But why would it be so terrible?”

I looked at her through my tears, and now her face was all sympathy. How could I explain? I could only tell her the truth. “I don’t feel whole here. It’s as if there is something missing. I only feel
right
at home.”

“Zendronia?” she said, her voice heavy with scepticism. “Such a trivial little town. What is so special about it?”

“No, no. Not Zendronia. It’s my mother. That is home. She is the only one who can take away the emptiness.”

“Your mother.” Her voice was flat. “You know, Drina, most people are fond of their mothers, but this – it is not normal.”

“I know,” I said tiredly. “Vhar-zhin’s mother is dead, but she doesn’t miss her the way I miss mine. I can’t explain it, exactly, but I think it’s to do with the magic.”

“Hmm. It is true that Kyra is very special in that way. I think perhaps I shall send for her – no, only for a visit, do not look so hopeful. Perhaps she can explain all this, and find a way to break the knot.”

My spirits soared at her words. Even a short visit – it was what I’d craved, but never dared to ask for. Mother would never leave Zendronia unless the Drashona summoned her. It was better than nothing. At least I would see her again. I smiled.

“You are a strange child,” Yannassia said. “But now we must decide how to deal with this mess you have created. You are not in love with this boy, but you have made him fall in love with you—”

“Oh no,” I said. “He’s been in love with me for years, and very tedious it was. I just… exploited that, for my own ends.”

She laughed at that, and it was as if the sun had emerged from behind a black cloud. “Do you see how perfect you are for the political life? Exploiting others for your own ambitions – you remind me of myself at your age. The question is, do you want to take him as your drusse?”

“Gods, no!”

Another laugh. “Good, because I would
not
have approved of that, and nor would the Nobles’ Council. He is a guard, so I shall get him redeployed. He can take his broken heart to the eastern borders, perhaps, and watch for the Vahsi.”

“He is still in training.”

“So he is. Well, the Elite camp down on the Taysil River, then. That should keep him busy. Before he leaves, you will apologise to him, and to his parents, too. In future, find a stranger to satisfy your whims, and preferably a nobleman. You will take the herbs, of course.”

She was back in control, of herself as well as of me.

I nodded. I’d intended to get myself pregnant, but probably it was better this way. Another plan ruined, but at least I had achieved something: my mother would be coming to Kingswell. Not immediately, perhaps, but soon. So while I crawled back, chastened, into my role as dutiful potential heir, I also had a future to look forward to for the first time in years.

Yannassia treated me thereafter as if nothing had ever happened, and so did the entire court. Only Vhar-zhin withdrew from me for a while, and when we talked, she was less warm and friendly. I had no idea why, but it distressed me that our closeness had become so fragile.

~~~~~

The message to my mother had barely been dispatched when we had an unexpected visitor. A rider arrived in all haste from the northwestern border with news that Ly-haam had requested permission to visit Kingswell.

“What under the sun does he want?” Yannassia said, frowning.

“Sex?” I hazarded, and she burst out laughing.

“Are you minded to oblige him, if so?”

Good question. I’d returned to Kingswell hoping that little incident was behind me, but that night had changed me in some fundamental way. The inner warmth had dispersed, but I still felt different, and I now knew that regular sex was not at all the same as that all-consuming need I’d felt with Ly-haam. I had a curiosity to experience it again.

“I might be,” I said. “If nothing else, it would be an opportunity to get more information from him.”

“Indeed it would.” She almost purred in satisfaction at the thought.

Zandara coughed discreetly. More like a little ‘hem’ sound in her throat, to be sure we all noticed her. “I could look after the
byan shar
in that way, if you wish, Most Powerful. I am more detached than Axandrina, I believe.”

I tried not to roll my eyes. Zandara’s attempts to wheedle her way into her mother’s favour were so obvious.

“Thank you, Zandara,” Yannassia said placidly. “However, Drina is already known to the young man, and he seems to have an affinity for her. Let us not confuse him.”

Indeed. Better not to throw a visibly pregnant woman at him.

“I was joking, Zandara,” I said. “I hardly think Ly-haam is coming here for bedplay. No doubt he wishes to put his case for mage-power to the Drashona.”

“Whatever his motives, it will be a most interesting meeting,” Yannassia said. “I look forward to it immensely. We might be able to come to some beneficial arrangement, if he will give us mining rights in the hills he controls. Or access to their black-bark forests. I should love more reliable supplies, and cheaper, perhaps. How many advisors and the like will he wish to bring, Drina?”

But that was something I could not begin to guess. I’d never seen him talking to advisors at his camp, in fact, most of the time he was alone. But he would hardly come all the way to Kingswell on his own.

“No matter,” Yannassia said, when I explained this. “I will give him an apartment near to yours, in case anything should arise, and we will fit in his entourage somehow.”

~~~~~

While we waited for Ly-haam to arrive, the usual round of court events continued. There were a number of important festivals in the autumn, not just for the Sun God and the Moon God, but for several smaller religions, and a couple of commemorations of important battles. We were in a quiet phase as far as conflicts went, with even the eastern borders peaceful, but our past was dotted with wars.

The nobles vied with each other provide interesting and unusual entertainments for the jaded appetites of the court. One time there was a performing bear brought from the southern forests to entertain the court. It was a pathetic thing, slow moving and not terribly threatening, unless prodded with spikes by its handlers. Then it stood up and roared, towering over the men struggling to hold fast to its chains. For a moment, I feared it would break away altogether.

And at that instant, I was inside the bear.

I heard the squeals of the audience and the shouts of the handlers, seeing through the bear’s eyes the terrified spectators. I even saw myself, wide-eyed, hands to my face in alarm, small amongst the crowd. I towered over the feeble humans, stretching my claws to rip them from head to foot, but the chains held me back. Roaring my fury, a great wave of pain and rage swept through me. Several spots on my hide ached where the spikes had drawn blood, and the massive metal collar weighed heavy around my neck.

This time, I was half aware that I was also me, sitting watching the performance, and something in my mind shifted to push the illusion away. The sensation vanished, and I was myself again, solely myself, watching the bear from the outside.

Shaking violently, my legs were so weak that I collapsed to my seat. It was lucky the crowd was mesmerised by the bear, roaring and swaying about, otherwise I might have been noticed. By the time the bear had been soothed and led away, I had composed myself enough not to attract attention.

There were two other times when my strange experience had been repeated. Once I went back to the same spot on the Queen’s Way, and again felt as if I were in some other place. In some other
body
. The feeling lasted longer this time, but, half expecting it, I was less disconcerted by it. When I went back a couple of suns later, there were painters working on that section of the corridor, so I couldn’t linger, and when I tried again after they had completed their work, nothing happened at all.

The other such occasion was very different. I was in the cellars, reviewing the supplies of oil with a couple of the Keep’s Stewards. It was routine business, and I was only there to supervise, ensuring that the tally was accurate and none of our expensive goods had mysteriously vanished.

Because of that, I was only half attending to the catalogue of barrels of this and jars of that. My mind was wandering, as it often did, to warm thoughts of my former bodyguard. Now that I’d had some experience of sex, I longed for a man whose touch I’d enjoyed, a man I truly wanted to share my bed with. Sex would be no chore with him, as it had been with Lathran. Nor would it be driven by some strange compulsion, as with Ly-haam. With Arran, there had never been anything more than kisses, and not a single item of clothing had become unlaced or unbuckled. Nevertheless, my imagination was able to supply full details of the occasion.

I had just got him down to his undergarments when I became aware of something nudging at my mind. Many things, in fact. Many
minds
, although not human. That much was obvious. These were small, animal minds, with limited capabilities.

Curious, I stretched my consciousness towards them. And then I was inside one of them. A rat, I thought. One of many scurrying about in the darkness of the cellars, chewing at carelessly stowed sacks of flour or vegetables. I could taste the grainy flour, feel it powdering my whiskers, the rough hessian scratching my back as I burrowed. I could smell others of my kind, and the myriad scents of a well-stocked food cellar.

This time, I was completely aware of myself at the same time. I could switch my focus from rat-me to real-me and back whenever I wanted. When I tried, I managed to shut the rats out altogether. Then I had only to focus my mind to become aware of them again. Each time I tried it was easier. It was fascinating.

“—the matter, Highness?”

They were staring at me, the two Stewards, the two cellar workers in their aprons, and my bodyguard, their faces anxious.

I smiled at them. “I am perfectly all right. It is a little close in here, however. Perhaps we can finish another time?”

Sweeping out, I left them gaping at me, Cryalla scrambling to catch up. But I spoke the truth. Finally, I understood what was happening to me. Now all I had to do was to work out why, and for that I needed help.

One of the advantages of my high rank was the ability to summon mages and scholars at a word. Within an hour of leaving the cellar, I had two of each gathered in my office.