The Barbershop Seven (251 page)

The police had arrived, they had interviewed the two survivors, and they had taken Barney's statement. However, they were curious as to his confession to killing Harlequin Sweetlips, as in the hut where the murders had taken place there were only four bodies. Thomas Bethlehem and the three representatives of the prematurely destabilised breakaway Anglican movement. There was no knife, there was no Harlequin Sweetlips. Wherever she was, she had not lain dead in the room.

Harlequin Sweetlips, the woman that they had all supposed to be Margie Crane, was gone.

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T
he executives from Exron were very impressed with the presentation on behalf of Bethlehem, Forsyth & Crane. The fact that none of those currently representing the marketing company had been there when the deal had originally been settled, while disturbing at first, now seemed of little importance. It was clear that this was a quality piece of work.

The new senior executive at the firm, Jolanda Heartspring, was doing a fine job. One item remaining, she knew she had them well and truly hooked.

'So, finally we come to the Exron condom,' said Heartspring, and the executives from the latest toiletries operation on the planet all leaned forward.

'We're going,' Heartspring continued, 'for the FBS Condom from Exron. We'll have a guy and a girl lying in bed, really really jejune, post-coital bliss. You know, two people who've just had the shag of their lives. Then the hook line comes up;
FBS Condoms from Exron. For that once in a lifetime experience, every night of your lives
.'

There were nods and smiles along the row of panty-men.

'FBS?' said one of the bum-fluffs, curiously.

Heartspring smiled cheekily. She knew she had them.

'We never say,' she said. 'Never. However, we let it out as one of those urban myth type things, you know. Just let it grow around the country. It's never official, but everyone knows. Every time they see a billboard or a TV ad or a magazine, they'll know. But they'll feel like they've got a piece of knowledge that no one else has. It's going to be beautiful.'

The panty-men were sucked in. They leaned forward even further.

'Tell us,' said one of them.

'Yes,' said another. 'Tell us.'

Heartspring took a pace forward. The room waited expectantly. There was a hushed silence. The crowd was tense. Overhead a plane continued to circle, held in a never ending waiting pattern for Heathrow. A couple of tourist boats plied an unsatisfactory trade along the river. Cars zipped along Westferry, too fast in the rain.

Heartspring nodded, let the smile come and go from her face. Her eyes widened. The smile returned. The name meant nothing, the green eyes, the blonde hair, it all meant nothing. What mattered was what was inside, and the person who had been Margie Crane, the person who had become Harlequin Sweetlips, was now standing before expectant executives of Exron finally in control of the company she had helped create. And when she spoke, she spoke slowly and confidently, the words enunciated like George Clooney in
From Dusk 'Til Dawn
.

'Fucking Brilliant Shag.'

The room erupted in enthusiasm.

And it would not be until the moment of her death when she would be re-introduced to her malevolent benefactor, that Margie Crane would realise the cost at which she had managed to attain everything she'd ever wanted.

***

B
arney Thomson lowered the handle, pushed the door open and walked into the small shop. The single barber, currently cutting the hair of old man McGuire, looked round, as did McGuire, old man Fraser on the bench, and the small hunchbacked figure stooped over a broom, sweeping up at the back of the shop. They looked at Barney, and then at the woman standing behind him, a heavy bandage across her nose.

'Oh my God!' said Keanu. 'Barney. Oh my God! Didn't expect you back so soon.'

It had been eight days. It had flitted past on Millport, where nothing had happened. It felt strangely like a lifetime away for Barney.

Barney shrugged.

'Couldn't stay away,' he said.

'Holy crap,' said Keanu, 'this is awesome. It's been quiet as a grave around here without you.'

He walked forward and shook Barney warmly by the hand. He looked at Monk, standing just behind Barney. It was impossible to tell how she felt about being thrust into this male company, as the bandage obscured much of her face.

'Hi,' said Keanu, extending his hand.

She took his hand, smiled through the bandage.

'Hi,' she said. 'You must be Keanu.'

Keanu's smile broadened. He looked at Barney with respect, pleased that he'd been talking about him, assuming the best.

'So you're here to stay?' he asked.

Barney glanced over his shoulder at her, a warm look, then turned away and left them to it. He walked to the back of the shop, where Igor was still standing staring at him, surprised that he had come back.

'I thought I'd lost you,' said Igor, although as ever this sadly came out as, 'Arf.'

Barney stood before his friend and nodded.

'You didn't think I was going to leave you in charge of this place for too long now, did you?' he said.

Igor smiled in his peculiar way. Barney put his hand on Igor's shoulder.

'I'm back, my friend.'

Still holding onto him, he turned and the two men surveyed the small scene. Keanu and Monk getting acquainted. A customer in the chair, another one waiting. Outside the seagulls circled and cried, the sea breeze blew, the waves restlessly controlled the bay, clouds flitted across a grey sky.

'And this time,' said Barney, 'I'm not going anywhere for a long time.'

'Arf,' said Igor.

Old man Fraser finally looked up from the bench.

'Very touching,' he said. 'You bugger off on holiday without a word of warning, and then when you finally get back to work you stand around for an hour and a half talking winsome pish. I'm ninety-one you know. If you don't cut my hair soon I'm going to die.'

Barney Thomson laughed, smiled, took off his jacket, threw it casually onto a peg, and then walked over to the barber's chair where his scissors and razors and brushes and combs lay neatly arranged where he'd left them the week before.

###

(an exclusive Barney Thomson novella)

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T
hank you for buying
The Barbershop Seven
. Now you can get an exclusive Barney Thomson novella that's unavailable anywhere else. Click below to download your free copy of The Wormwood Code:

http://blastedheath.com/wormwood/

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Novels

Lost in Juarez

The Unburied Dead (DS Thomas Hutton #1)

A Plague Of Crows (DS Thomas Hutton #2)

We Are The Hanged Man (DCI Jericho #1)

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Barney Thomson Novellas

The End of Days

The Face Of Death

Barney Thomson, Zombie Killer

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Short stories

The Case Of The Glass Stained Widow (DCI Jericho)

Santa's Christmas Eve Blues

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