Tear Stained Beaches (3 page)

              “Here you go, an extra shot of espresso; just how you like it”

              He grabbed the cup without looking up. “Thanks.”

“How’s it going?” I asked, trying to make conversation.

“It’s eleven o’clock at night and I’m not even half way through this pile of papers. How do you think it’s going?” He snapped.

“Right, sorry. I met another one of the neighbors today; the one across the street. I think her name was Beverly. She seems really sweet.”

“Haylie, I really have to get this stuff done. Can we talk about that later?”

“Sure. It’s not important anyway. I’ll see you upstairs.” I kissed him on the forehead and left him to finish his paperwork.

I was saddened by the gradual shift in my husband’s personality. The happy-go-lucky man that was always calming me down and assuring me things would be ok had suddenly turned into someone I had never seen before. We started to fight about everything. We’d fight about him forgetting an event we RSVPed to how, during his free time, he’d rather go out for a beer with his friends than spend time with his wife, to whether or not it was supposed to rain that day. Little things turned into big arguments, and the dynamic between us had changed. We weren’t agreeing on anything, we weren’t communicating and, truthfully, neither of us thought the other was very pleasant to be around.

I begged him to take some time off of work, which at first he refused. I knew we couldn’t live like this much longer. Being under the same roof was becoming unbearable. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. 

“You need a break Chase. You don’t sleep, all you do is work, and you’re starting to treat me like I’m the enemy.”

“I’m under a lot of pressure Haylie. This house doesn’t pay for itself you know.”

“I never said it did.” I tried not to raise my voice, but he made it very hard. “Do you see what I’m talking about? You twist all my words around.” I continued to declare to him that I was not the bad guy. That if he continued to work like this he was going to go over the edge. After much pleading, he finally agreed to take some time off. I think he finally understood the urgency of it.

“My friend Greg keeps bugging me to find some time for him. Maybe I’ll give him a call and take him up on his offer.”

Greg was an old college buddy of Chase’s. They’d spent most of their college career attached at the hip and many spring breaks getting drunk together in Miami, New Orleans or some other spring-break hot spot. I liked Greg; he was a good guy. Chase hadn’t seen him since graduation when Greg took a job in Virginia.

Chase contacted Greg and a vacation was arranged. He was thrilled to getaway, just the two of them, and do normal guy stuff. Thankfully, over the next couple of weeks, knowing the vacation was coming Chase lightened up. He apologized many times for his erratic behavior, and frequently came home with a bouquet of flowers to make sure I knew he meant it.

I kissed Chase goodbye as he leaned on the driver-side door of his car.

“Have fun, and no thinking about work.” He didn’t respond. “Promise?” I added in my cute-little-kid voice he always loved.

“I promise.” He gave me one final kiss on the tip of my nose and disappeared into the driver’s seat.

I was going to miss him for four whole days, but I knew we needed this time apart. I waved as he pulled out of the driveway. I turned around and spotted a familiar face sitting on the front porch next door.

“Hey there girlfriend!” It was Katie, my sweet and friendly neighbor.

“Beautiful night for a good book and Vino huh?” She asked. She often sat out there on the nights her husband, Dave, worked late. He and Katie had been married about ten years and they seemed to have a pretty solid relationship. He was a CEO in a large financial company and was away more often than not. The only time I saw him was when he was throwing his suitcase in his trunk and heading out for another long weekend away from home.

I loved Katie; she was the nicest out of all the wives in the neighborhood, and probably the most down to earth. When we first moved here, she greeted us with a homemade apple pie. She introduced me to the rest of the wives in the neighborhood and talked me into attending their regular Saturday gatherings. At first I was apprehensive. Although they were all very nice it was hard at first to fit in with them. They were always so prim and proper—never stepped out of the house without their hair done and make up on. They spent most of their days getting manicures, going to yoga and shopping for shoes. They thought it was funny I worked while my husband clearly brought home enough money to support the both of us. It really was the epitome of Stepford Wives, but like I said, they really were very nice. They just didn’t understand my need to establish a career, feel accomplished in my professional life, and be able to help contribute financially. Needless to say, Saturday get-togethers were always interesting and unpredictable.

“Couldn’t be a more perfect night!” I agreed.

“I have plenty in the wine cellar if you’d like to come over. Looks like you could use the company just as much as I could tonight.” Knowing she was right, I accepted the invitation.

“Let me go wash up and change into something comfy, and I’ll be right over.”

The wind sent a slight chill through the air, so I wrapped myself in my zip-up hoodie and got comfortable next to Katie on the whicker bench that sat on her front porch. Before I could say a word, she popped open the cork on her Kendall-Jackson Chardonnay and poured me a glass.

“Spill it girl.” She handed me a glass. She could read me like an open book and always knew when there was something going on—good or bad. I tried to deny what was obviously clear to Katie, but she didn’t buy it. She assured me I’d feel better if I talked to someone about it, and, of course, who better to talk to than her.

It wasn’t an easy subject to bring up. Admitting my marriage was less than perfect after all these years was tough. I chugged the glass of chardonnay and had started on my second one before I said a word. It gave me a moment to think about how exactly I was going to explain it. I guess it was simple really. We had hit a bump in the road. Life had taken its toll. Filling her in on Chase’s short temper, late night paperwork, and the lack of intimacy in the relationship poured out of my mouth a lot easier once the wine had kicked in. After putting it all out there I asked Katie what her secret was. Dave was always hard at work, both in and out of state, and they seemed to have it all together. I wondered how they dealt with the stress of the job, managed time together and how she helped him when things got overwhelming for him. It just seemed like everyone else had a handle on their lives. I was frustrated.

“First of all you have to remember, things on the inside are not always what they seem on the outside.” I wasn’t sure what she meant by that, but she continued. She assured me that no relationship was perfect, and even though it may look that way, it was highly unlikely. She told me that no woman would directly come out and say they think their husband isn’t attracted to them anymore or their husband doesn’t pay attention to them. It’s just second nature to mask problems by putting on their happy face for the world to see.

“Trust me; everyone goes through a rough patch. You two will get through it.” She placed her hand on my shoulder and laughed at the fact that my second glass of wine seemed to have disappeared faster than my first. “Good thing you don’t have far to go tonight.”

It felt really good to be able to talk about all that was going on. Keeping it bottled up was driving me crazy. My worries had ceased by the time we called it a night. I hugged Katie goodbye and thanked her for lending such a supportive ear. It was just after midnight and my head was certainly spinning by the time I stumbled the 100 yards home and crawled into bed.

Chapter 5

It was a little after nine Monday night when I heard the familiar sound of a car heading down the street. Chase was finally home. I couldn’t wait to hear all about his trip with Greg, and silently prayed that he’d be back to his normal self again after a nice, rejuvenating vacation. I was so excited for him to come into the house. I had really missed him.

“Hey there.” I squealed excitedly as I saw his head peak through the front door. He smiled at me as I went over and hugged him. I noticed almost immediately that something was off. The way he held me, it was different. Maybe I was just expecting more, but I was saddened at the thought that surely Chase was not back to his usual self at all.

I asked him all sorts of questions about his trip and although he answered each and everyone, he didn’t seem too excited about any of it. He didn’t go into detail about much, and after a while changed the subject.

“How about you? What did you do while I was gone?” I told him I’d spent most of the weekend with Katie. Then did the normal weekend things: went for a run, picked up some groceries at the farmers market and even did a little gardening. “Sounds like you had a good time.”

I headed up to bed while Chase prepared his briefcase for his return to work in the morning.  I made my normal rounds of washing my face, brushing my teeth and turning down the bed before sliding out of my jeans and t-shirt and searching through my pajama drawer for something to wear.

Suddenly I felt a breath of hot air on my neck. I could feel the hairs stand up. I turned around and Chase pulled me in close. He kissed me, as if he had something to prove—I’m not sure if it was to me or himself.

We made love that night, but I could feel the distance between us. Something just wasn’t the same. Physically he was there with me, lips touching mine, body up against me, but his mind— I could tell it was somewhere else.  I thought back to the very first time we made love. It was nothing like this moment.

We had been dating about six months. I was officially a college graduate, and Chase was in his second year of law school. One night, after a stressful day at work, I headed over to Chase’s. I wasn’t planning on it as I was tired and frustrated, but he insisted. During my lunch break we had spoken, and he could tell something was wrong. He tried his best to cheer me up over the phone, and I admired him for that. Even at my worst, he always knew how to put a smile on my face.

“What is this?” I asked as I made my way into his apartment.

“I thought you could use a little cheering up.”

The lights were dimmed. My path to the table was a candle-lit sea of rose pedals. Dinner waited.

“Cheese ravioli. Your favorite,” he smiled.

              He wrapped me in his arms and my day of stress was already fading into the distance. That was the night I knew he was a keeper. A man who brought out the best in me was all I had ever needed.

After dinner we cuddled on the couch for a bit. It was late and I was too tired to drive back to my place. I had an early start at work the next morning, so before I had the chance to fall asleep on the couch, I got up to shower and get ready for bed. I let the hot water run down my back and wash away the stress of the day.

After the shower, I placed a towel around me and brushed my teeth. On nights I spent at Chase’s I always borrowed one of his t-shirts to sleep in. I walked into the bedroom to rummage through his drawer and as I bent over looking, I felt his hands slide across my waste. He leaned over me and kissed the back of my neck. I smiled and closed my eyes.

“You really are something special you know that?” He stood me up.

“I could say the same for you,” I said as I turned towards him.

He gently pulled me in closer. Our lips met, as we savored each other. He made his way to my neck and I could feel my heart racing. He stopped for a moment and stared at me, waiting for a sign that this was alright. I grabbed his white t-shirt and slid it up out of his jeans slowly, past his incredibly defined abs, to his chest. He lifted his arms up, and I pulled it over his head. That was all the sign he needed. He un-tucked my towel and let it fall to the floor. He wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me gently from the floor. He lay me down on the bed and hovered over top of me. There I was, naked, vulnerable and yet completely comfortable with this man staring at every part of me. I could hear his belt unbuckle and the rustle of his jeans as they hit the floor.

His body was warm as it touched mine. My hands brushed up and down his back as he kissed me and made his way inside. My hands grasped tightly at his skin. I felt his soft lips against my neck and my back arched at the sensation overcoming me.

The sex was amazing that night, and every time after that, and there certainly wasn’t any lack of it. We had always had a great passion for each other. On top of that passion, as time went on, we fell more and more in love.

Tonight, that passion was gone. When we were finished, I rested my head on his chest. Instead of the happy fulfillment I used to feel, I was filled with sadness. I couldn’t understand why things were so difficult lately, why we couldn’t seem to get our marriage back on track.

Chapter 6

That night was only the beginning. As the weeks went on, I was spending many dinner date nights by myself. I’d stare a while at the empty plate on the other end of the table, before I finally called it a night. At first, both dinners would get cold before I’d even think of touching mine. Then slowly, the time I’d wait became less and less.

              I fell asleep alone most nights, as late-night work meetings kept him out into the post-midnight hours. I tried not to let it get to me as I knew Chase was working very hard to try and make partner. He certainly deserved it, and I had tried everything I could to be the supportive wife he needed me to be. I let the excuses slide, but there soon became more and more of them.
Sorry honey, my meeting ran late. I won’t be home for dinner tonight; I’m meeting with a client across town. Can we reschedule our date tonight; I have to finish some paperwork at the office.

It wasn’t until a couple of months later when Chase went off to Chicago with a few of the lawyers from his firm that my suspicions increased. He told me he and some of the guys had decided to get out of their element in hopes of getting something accomplished. He was gone only a few days and would call me at the same time every night. At exactly 9pm my phone would ring.