Soul of the Wildcat (23 page)

Dakoda felt a spasm of fear, an almost anguished longing for time to turn itself back before she'd drank down the poison infecting her mind and body. Her mind was losing its grip on sanity even as her ears were filled with a terrible piercing scream she vaguely recognized as her own.

Crying aloud at the impact of terror and agony, she reconnected with her body like a boulder tossed from a ten-story building. At the same instant she felt an enormous thrust of energy, a great electrical shock that made her senses reel. Darkness boiled across her vision, assaulting her with nightmarish stabs of pain. Spreading through her like a disease, some faceless beast ravaged her insides, shredding her down to the last tiny molecule.

Dakoda's body stiffened, going rigid, arching up against the ground until it seemed her spine would snap in half. For several long seconds a twitching, shuddering tremor shook all her limbs. Her bones unlatched, reshaping themselves into foreign contours, even as a pelt of coarse tawny fur sped across her bare skin. The black void was briefly illuminated by a dazzling crimson glare reflecting back at her like a mirror. In that light Dakoda temporarily beheld herself, wearing a savage cat's head and baring great sharp teeth.

That's not me!
she cried out at the image.

The reply poured through her skull, molten and searing. A wild roar ripped through her brain space, smashing through her thoughts like a stone thrown through a plate glass window.

I am you
, said the great feline.
And you are me. We are one
.

Dakoda's struggles grew fainter and fainter. She collapsed into a lifeless heap. A sense of total defeat, almost hopelessness, washed over her. It seemed like she'd been floundering in this nightmare trip for centuries.

Just as she was sure she could take no more of the terrible mind-shredding, gut-twisting convulsions, the glittering darkness retreated, draining away into nothingness. The maelstrom retreated and her senses were, again, her own.

She was complete, and she was whole.

Dakoda rolled off her back, standing stiff legged and trembling all over. She shook her head, trying to orient herself.
I'm back
, she thought dizzily, not realizing yet the physical change she'd undergone.

Gasps of wonder and cries of delight escaped from the crowd of onlookers gathered around her.

“She's shifted!” Kathryn Clawfoot cried out joyously, clapping her hands with delight. Other voices joined in, adding to the general melee of euphoria.

Still only half able to comprehend their words, Dakoda took one shaky step forward, and then another. Fighting to draw air into lungs that felt tight and small, she gasped painfully. A bizarre half-growl rolled over her rubbery lips. She was only vaguely aware the center of her balance had changed. Her two legs had become four.

Still a little confused, Dakoda plopped down on her rear. Somehow her shirtdress had slipped, lying in a heap on the blanket. She wasn't sure how it could have come off. Her head felt as if she were swaying in a sickening up-and-down rhythm. Her head and heart were pounding as hard as a jackhammer on asphalt. Pain lanced through her. Icy fingers squeezed her brain. Her thoughts felt like they no longer fit into the confines of her skull. Her skin seemed to crawl as she lifted a hand and looked down at the soft pinkish pads of a paw. She flexed her fingers. A sharp set of claws popped out.

Struggling to maintain self-control, she fought to pull her thoughts into something coherent.
Holy shit! I'm definitely not myself
. She stared, stunned and more than a little bit frightened. It vaguely occurred to her that she didn't know how to get back.

A familiar presence knelt beside her, wrapping his arms around her thick furry neck. Her fear lessened, for she knew this man, had enjoyed his touch.

Dakoda sagged against him, enjoying his embrace.
Jesse
. Her attempts to say his name rolled out of her mouth as a weak moan. A cougar's vocal cords just couldn't handle human speech.

“Don't be afraid,” Jesse whispered. “Ayunkini will help you explore your new body.” He stroked her head, giving her a deep scratch behind one ear. “Later, I'll explore the old one.”

D
akoda lay on the blanket beside Jesse, enjoying the light caress of his fingers across her cheek. The night was warm, warmer than she could remember for any of the nights she'd spent in the mountains. Perhaps that was because her metabolism had recently undergone such a strange shock. Night birds and other predators of shadows rustled quietly in the nearby woods, and a few owls swooped down from overhead. Around her with her sharpened senses she smelled the clean, sharp scent carried on the breeze.

Still suffering the intense aftereffects of her first shift, Dakoda felt drowsy. Time had gone completely out of focus, slipping away unnoticed. At the moment she was completely content to lay here on the blanket beside Jesse, only dimly conscious of the shifting rainbow of images behind her eyes. Her senses felt sharper, every color brighter and more vibrant than she remembered, every smell more individual and intense.

She was tired, but in a good way. Once she'd become accustomed to her new form she'd even taken a lope around the Tlvdatsi settlement, accompanied by other members of the tribe. All had rejoiced in the incredible success of her mind walk, welcoming her into the clan with open arms. She was truly one of them, and belonged. The recognition and outpouring of acceptance had stunned her. Nobody cared where she came from or what kind of life she'd lived. The future was wide open. All she had to do was embrace it.

Jesse traced her lips with the tips of his fingers. “I still can't believe you shifted,” he whispered. “Hardly anyone does the first time. Most of us have to go through the mind walk with Ayunkini and learn how to keep our mind energies flowing.”

Feeling relaxed and utterly content, Dakoda closed her eyes. Behind her eyelids she could still see the face of the great being that had drawn her away from her body, showing her a truth she never would have dreamed of. When she'd come down from the trip, she'd at first suspected she'd dreamed the entire incident. It would have been entirely reasonable to believe the hallucinogenic properties of the peyote-laced wine had caused her to imagine the entire experience.

It was only when Ayunkini explained again how she could tune into the psi-forces she'd encountered, channeling the energies she'd need for shifting, that she began to understand the experience as wholly real. Led by the old shaman, she'd shifted several times, to the amazement of many who had taken months to learn. She seemed to have a knack for the shift, was catching on with amazing ease.

“I'm still a little stunned,” she admitted. “At first it felt like someone had chopped my body to pieces and tried to reassemble it into an unnatural shape. But once I did it a few times, it felt completely natural. Even the pain wasn't as bad as it was the first time.”

Jesse propped himself up on an elbow. “Amazing, isn't it? To find such a power exists inside you, one you can manipulate at will. It's like being handed the keys to a magical realm.”

Slipping an arm beneath her head, Dakoda nodded. “I'm still waiting for the moment when I pinch myself and find out it was all a dream.” She still felt little glimmering ripples of energy beneath her skin. That, she knew now, was the power of the cougar waiting to emerge. Once the beast had been unleashed, it would never be happy in captivity. Ayunkini had explained there would be times when she must allow the big cat freedom to roam, to live as nature intended.

Dakoda already knew going back to her old life wasn't an option. But neither was she entirely ready to embrace life with the clan. She still had obligations to fulfill. The first and foremost was to gain justice for her slain partner. And until Greg's killers were safely behind bars, there was no way she could consider relocating. The cougar inside would have to stay caged for a little while longer.

But that was something she'd think about later. Tomorrow. For the moment she was completely content to lie on the blanket and enjoy Jesse's company. Once the excitement of the night had ended, the others had drifted away to give them the privacy both desired. The other men had accepted the fact she was already spoken for.

Jesse's presence beside her was like wearing a warm, comfortable cloak. Their vibrations felt perfectly in sync. “Did you shift the first time you went through the ceremony?” she asked, suddenly curious as to how his first experience had gone.

His face more than half concealed in shadows, Jesse shook his head. “No, I didn't,” he confessed. “It took me a long time to master the shift. I had to work with Ayunkini for months to gain the first change.” A grating little laugh escaped him. “For a while there, it looked like I'd be one who just couldn't get it.”

Her brows rose. “Oh? Why do you think that was?”

Jesse sighed, rolling over onto his back and spreading out his arms. “I think I had such a hard time simply because I didn't want to believe,” he confessed quietly, his mouth a grim, set line.

Caught off guard by his admission, Dakoda sat up. “I don't know what you saw during your trip, but how could you not? I mean, what I saw was amazing, just totally awesome. And when all that knowledge came flooding into my mind, I knew it was all true.”

Jesse shook his head. “Oh, I guess in the back of my mind I knew the truth. Trouble was, I wasn't ready to accept it, you know?”

“No,” Dakoda admitted, more than a little puzzled by his words. In the entire time she'd known him he seemed fiercely possessive of his heritage, embracing it fully. It was a shocker to find out he hadn't accepted it as easily as she had. After all, she'd been the one dragging her feet!

Suppressing a sigh, Jesse scrubbed his face with both hands. “To tell you the truth, I wasn't really eager to try to embrace my heritage,” he finally admitted. “I mean, who the hell wants to give up life—a real life—to come live on a patch of land in the mountains and run around on four paws?”

“You didn't?”

He shook his head. “Not really. I know I'm an Indian and we're supposed to have this spiritual connection with our ancestors, but I've never felt it was carved in stone. I just wanted to be average, have the same things every other guy has; the job, the house, the pretty wife, and a couple of kids. Getting off the reservation and making it in the white man's world was something I really wanted to do.”

Dakoda tensed, realizing the implications behind his words. She'd always imagined it was easy for Jesse to adjust to the life he'd been drawn into. Not so. He'd apparently had to make some adjustments and concessions, too. “So you tried to pretend the shift wasn't in you?”

He nodded. “Right. I figured if I just ignored it, it would go away.”

Dakoda laid a hand on his chest. The strength of his heartbeat pulsed beneath her palm. “But once you know, it doesn't go away,” she murmured.

Jesse laughed shortly. “No, it doesn't. I even asked Ayunkini to lift the memories so I could go on and not know.” Breath hitching in his throat, a sigh slipped between his lips. “But Ayunkini's a crafty old man. He knew I was fighting the shift, and made me keep the memories. It got to the point where it was shift or go insane. I just couldn't fight it anymore. It wasn't easy and I didn't like it, but I didn't have a choice.”

Hand still in place, Dakoda eyed him for a moment. The beat of his heart was steady, reassuring. He'd had his struggle and made his peace with himself. Just as she would have to soon. “Sounds like you really fought it,” she said softly.

Jesse snorted at the understatement behind her words. “I did. A lot. But there's no denying the nature of the cat inside. As much as I don't like it sometimes, this is where I belonged.” His gaze searched for hers through the shadows. “I think you see now it's where you fit in, too.”

Dakoda hesitated. “I won't say I don't, but I can say it's just not the right time.”

He sat up. “So you're still planning to leave in the morning?”

She hesitated, deciding the best way to answer. “Yes.”

Jesse pursed his lips. “I guess I understand.”

She grunted. “I've got no choice. I've got to get into town and let the authorities know about Greg's death. He has a family, a wife and kids waiting at home. Living through this last week must have been hell for them. They know nothing, where he's gone, what happened. At least I can tell them, give them the details and do my best to finish what he started.”

Jesse nodded thoughtfully. “I guess if I were in your shoes, I'd want to do the same thing.” He reached out, settling a possessive hand on her shoulder. “Just make sure while you're gone you don't forget about me. There are a lot of Tlvdatsi males who would like to get their hands on your beautiful body.”

At the touch of his hand, Dakoda's clit twitched with immediate interest. One aftereffect that definitely lingered was the desire to have sex. She could smell Jesse's need. His hot male scent perfumed the air with a rich, musky odor that was close to driving her wild with desire.

Inside her, the need of a female in heat strained against the collar she'd managed to put on. It took only seconds for Dakoda to decide to let desire have its way.

Catching the hem of her shirtdress, she lifted it over her head, revealing the hard straining tips of her nipples. She let her garment slip from her fingers, pooling on the blanket beside them. Having made the shift several times, she wore nothing else beneath.

Giving Jesse a seductive wink, Dakoda ran her hands up her flat abdomen, cupping her breasts as an offering to him. The energies flowing through her veins had sharpened her need, giving it a brutal edge. Lust was a hot, tight coil deep in her belly.

Slowly, seductively, she smiled. “You're the only one I want,” she confessed, her tone husky with a combination of arousal and anticipation

Rising up on his knees, Jesse's hands trembled as he slid them around her slender hips. His lips brushed hers. “I want you tonight, and every night after that,” he whispered against her mouth.

Dakoda slipped her fingers through his silky black hair, sifting the long strands away from his face. Her tongue snaked out, seductively tracing his top lip. “I wish I didn't have to go back,” she murmured. There was no way she'd be able to survive the heat cycle of the mating season all by herself. “I'm going to miss you.”

Jesse slid a hand toward the full mound of one breast, stroking the tip of her cherry-ripe nipple. “I'll come as often as I can.” He pulled her toward his lean torso, letting her feel the press of his cock beneath his loose fitting trousers. The throbbing heat of his need burned through the material. “If the Barnett brothers are arrested, I have decided I want to testify to their abuses.”

Heart thudding heavily, Dakoda's senses began to spin from the erotic ferocity behind his need. “Really?” she gasped, trying to keep her mind on one thing when her body would rather concentrate on other, more sensual pursuits. “I thought your people didn't want to get involved.”

Jesse nibbled her lower lip. “We're already involved,” he breathed, guiding her down until she lay on the blanket. He came down on top of her, settling his hips between her spread thighs. Supporting his weight on outstretched arms, he looked down at her. “I'm going to go before the council tomorrow, convince them it's time for us to cooperate with outside law enforcement. Our fear of exposure has allowed these men to turn us into victims. We say we fight back by destroying their traps and camps, but in reality we're not making any headway. It's come down to murder now, and that's something I can't live with on my conscience.”

Hands slipping around his neck, Dakoda looked up at him with a combination of desire and elation. “They can be stopped, without having to jeopardize the clan,” she said. “If someone told me a man could turn into a cougar, I'd think they were crazy.”

Jesse grinned. “It would make a great insanity plea,” he countered, making a sound between a growl and a moan. “Kind of like having you wet and willing beneath me is making me crazy.”

A warm flush stole across Dakoda's cheeks. “Who says I'm wet or willing?” she argued back with a mock pout. It was the truth, though. She felt the balmy moisture of stimulation between her thighs.

Jesse cocked a wicked brow. “Oh, I think I can make you very wet, and very willing.” He lowered his head, mouth descending over one rosy nub, skillfully circling and flicking the tender tip with his tongue. Feasting on her breast, he ground his hips into hers, rubbing the length of his shaft against her clit. The soft doeskin trousers he wore created a heavenly friction against her most sensitive spot.

Straining against euphoria, Dakoda pressed up against him. A moan slipped from her throat. Circling both hands around his body, she tugged at his shirt. In the past, he'd maintained control, manipulating her body at his ease and leisure. Now it was time to turn the tables on him. She wanted to drive him wild, taken him to the edge, and let him dangle a little. “I think you're a little too overdressed,” she panted.

Cursing beneath his breath, Jesse reared up on his knees. “Got used to going without these damn things,” he muttered, tossing his shirt aside. He reached for the waistband of his trousers.

Dakoda sat up and caught his hands. “My turn,” she said, staring up at him. Lust burned a white-hot path through her veins. “Tonight I'm the one delivering the goods.”