Soldier on Her Doorstep (14 page)

 

Alex fought the urge to sink to his knees. He wished the ground would open up and swallow him in William's place, but he pushed the thought away.

He needed this. He needed this so badly—to say goodbye and ask William for forgiveness.

While they had been friends in real life, after leaving the army their paths might never have crossed again. Yet now their lives had intertwined in a way that neither of them could ever have imagined.

I'm sorry, William.
He closed his eyes and reached one hand out to the tombstone, the cold hitting his palm.
I wish I could make things different, but I think I've fallen for your wife.

Alex's heart twisted at the silent confession. He still didn't want to admit it, but whenever he thought of Lisa, whenever he acknowledged what had happened between them, he knew something inside of him had changed irrevocably.

And it terrified him.

But William had loved his wife. And he'd also valued their friendship and what they'd shared throughout the years.

Deep down Alex knew what William would say in response to his confession. He'd heard the words himself as he'd listened to him gasp his final breath.

Tell Lisa I want her to be happy.

Alex knew he'd meant it, had seen it in the openness of his friend's eyes despite the pain.

If Alex truly believed he could make Lisa and Lilly happy, then William would give him his blessing.

He sighed and dropped into a crouch, sitting low to the earth once more.

Goodbye, my friend.

 

Alex caught Lisa's eye as he stretched to his feet.

She met his eyes through the windscreen and saw what she'd hoped to see. He smiled at her.

A tickle traced her skin like a feather. Had she finally managed to put a sledgehammer through that wall? That fierce, impenetrable depth of solid concrete that had kept his heart tucked away?

The dread that had traipsed through her like a spiky stiletto was replaced with a nerve-edged flutter of calm.

Maybe they did have a chance. Just maybe they did.

The cottage was almost finished, and the thought of him leaving early made her want to convulse in pain. Maybe getting through to him like this would make him hang around longer. Every pore in her skin longed for him to stay.

“C
OME
in with me to get Lilly.”

Alex didn't particularly want to go in to Anna's house, but he did.

They walked up to the front door together, side by side.

“Anna's husband is called Sam. You'll like him,” she promised.

“Was he a friend of William's?” Alex asked dryly.

“His best friend.”

Alex stopped. He couldn't help it.

Lisa grabbed him by the arm and tugged him. Firmly. “Come on. You've got that look about you that you had that first day on my porch. Sam's not going to bite, and neither is Anna.”

He let himself be led.

He wasn't so sure she was right about her sister, though.

But Lisa had been there for him today when he'd needed her. When all he'd wanted was to run, to be alone, she had guided him from the darkness into the light.

For the first time since his parents' death he had finally let someone in.

 

The house was exactly as he'd expected. The hallway was slightly dim, but it led into a large living room that was filled with Alaskan sun.

“Yoo-hoo! Hello?”

No one had answered when Lisa had knocked at the front door, so they had just walked on in.

He saw Lilly first. She was sitting outside in the sun with her aunt, painting. They had a huge sheet of something, and Lilly had a paintbrush in one hand and a tube in the other.

A man he guessed was Sam sat slightly in the shade, with a bottle of beer resting on his knee.

“Want a drink?”

Alex looked over at Lisa. She had the door to the fridge open.

“Sure.”

“Beer?”

He nodded.

She popped the top on two bottles and passed him one. He took a long sip before following her outside.

He had a feeling he was going to need the infusion of alcohol to make it through this afternoon.

Earlier, he had thought Lisa would be on the verge of kicking him to the curb. Now he was at her sister's place. With her. As if they'd moved on and were taking a giant step forward together.

He took another swig. Lisa had bent down to talk to Lilly, and Sam was looking at him.

He smiled. Sam smiled back before rising to his feet.

It appeared not to be a hostile situation.

 

The air had a faint tinge of night to it. Lisa could smell the hint of rain leaving a dampness in the air before it even fell.

“We might have to relocate inside for dinner.”

Lisa watched Alex as he helped gather up some plates with Sam. It had gone down pretty well, having him here with her, even if Anna
was
a touch on the sulky side.

“Lilly.” She called her daughter over. “I think it's time to go wash your hands.”

Lilly bolted into the house and headed for the washroom.

Alex walked beside Lisa, juggling plates. She took some
of the load. Their eyes met, flashed at one another before she looked away.

Lisa was pleased he was enjoying himself. There had been a tension between them that she hated, and she had wanted to dispel it as fast as possible. Last night, which he'd spent goodness only knew where, had been one of the most painful, the most worrisome of her life. She liked him, had fallen for him, and she didn't want to see him hurt, alone, so lost ever again. She also didn't want him to leave. Not yet. Not until they'd figured out what was happening between them.

Anna called out to her from the kitchen. She went to investigate as Alex joined Sam back outside.

Her sister was tossing a salad.

“Want me to take care of the potatoes?” Lisa asked.

Anna nodded in their direction. “Dish—top right-hand corner.”

Lisa reached into the cupboard for it and gently brought it down.

“So, you guys are out of the closet now, huh?” Anna sniped.

Lisa put the bowl down. That type of question didn't warrant an answer.

“Come on, Lisa. I can see the way you look at one another.”

Her face flushed hot. She wasn't embarrassed. It was just…

“Lisa?”

She spun around and waved a spoon with all the fury she could muster. “Enough, Anna—
enough
,” she snapped. “We are
not
in a relationship, but if we decide to be it won't be based on whether or not we have
your
permission. I'm sick of trying to please everyone.”

Anna glared at her. Her eyes were angry, wild. Lisa had hardly ever seen her sister looking like that. Not since they'd been kids and she'd broken the head off of her Barbie doll.

“It's too soon, Lisa. William's only been—”

“I said
enough
! Don't ruin a perfectly nice evening by sticking your nose where it shouldn't be,” Lisa said.

Both their heads snapped up when a deep noise rang out.

Lisa felt guilty when she saw Alex standing there. He'd cleared his throat—loudly—to alert them, but how long had he been there? How much had he heard?

She glared at Anna. Her sister just shrugged. Lisa knew what it was about. Her sister wanted her to be miserable, to stay a widow and never emerge. Well, she wasn't going to, and no one was going to tell her when it was okay to come out of mourning. No one. She wasn't trying to replace her husband. Never! But she also wasn't about to be guilted into not moving on.

“Alex, could you help me carry this out?” Lisa asked.

“Sure.” He jumped to attention.

She grabbed him before he reached her, stopped him with a hand to his chest, and stood on her tiptoes to plant a smacker of a kiss on his lips.

He didn't move. The stunned look on his face was priceless.

“Thanks,” she said. “Here.” She passed him the dish.

Alex walked out, still in a daze.

“You'll catch a fly if you keep your mouth open like that,” Lisa commented to Anna.

Her sister clamped her mouth shut and stared at her in disbelief.

Lisa just shrugged. Two could play at this game. It wasn't her style, but she was sick and tired of being the serious one, of trying to please others.

Lilly adored Alex, and so did she. Right now that was all that mattered.

 

Alex still couldn't quite shake off the memory of that quick kiss. Even now, after dinner.

He sat with Sam while the girls nattered. He hadn't missed the tension between the sisters earlier, but they'd obviously
pushed past it. Or they were just ignoring it for now and leaving the arguing until later. In private.

“Did you serve with William for long?”

Alex turned back to Sam. He had completely lost the focus of their conversation. He angled himself so he couldn't look at Lisa in order to give Sam his full attention.

Not that he particularly wanted to talk about William right now, but it would be rude not to reply.

He thought about the cemetery again, and calm passed over him. If Lisa could forgive him, then he owed it to himself to do the same.

For some reason hearing Lisa say William's name held less punch. Perhaps because she talked about him fondly, but with finality. Everyone else seemed to talk about him like he was still going to walk back in the door.

“We served together a few times, but this last time we were in the same unit permanently for around two months—maybe longer.” He didn't say it, but it would have been much longer than that if they'd both served out the full tour.

Their friendship had been the kind that could only be formed by trusting another person so much it was as if they were a part of you. Knowing how they reacted, how they moved. He and William had been like that.

Sam nodded and held up another beer. Alex shook his head and motioned toward Lisa. “I think I'll drive. She's had a couple.”

Sam opened one for himself and sat back. “William and I went way back. We both started dating the girls our last year of senior high.”

Alex had guessed they'd been friends a long time.

“I can see why William liked you,” Sam added.

“Yeah?”

Sam grinned at him. “Lisa obviously doesn't mind you either.”

Alex felt uncomfortable. Was he joking for real, trying to hint at something, or saying it was okay?

“Sam, I—”

The other guy held up the hand that gripped his beer. “What you and Lisa do is your own business. I'm not part of the gossip brigade.”

“Your wife sure doesn't seem happy about it,” Alex pointed out.

He watched as Sam smiled over at his wife. Lisa looked their way too. It was as if the girls knew they were being talked about.

“Lisa's her little sister. Anna's just looking out for her.”

“What about the rest of Brownswood?” Alex said ruefully.

Sam shrugged. “Small-town life is what it is. It's whether you care about the talk that matters.” He looked hard at Alex. “And I don't take you for the type to care what strangers think.”

“Guess you're right.”

His attention was back on Lisa. She had risen, and was rubbing at her arms like she was cold. He ached to go to her and warm her, put his arms around her, but he didn't want to do anything that might upset her sister. Not if it would upset Lisa too. He didn't know if she would be okay with it.

He had expected tonight, this afternoon, to be dreadful. Expected to be judged, to find Sam hostile, but it had been half good. Better than good. It had been nice to have a beer with another guy—one who didn't want to interrogate him about war—and just behave like a regular citizen.

But then if the guy had been one of William's best buddies he probably knew enough about war to have already satisfied any curiosity he might have had.

It just felt good to feel normal. Something he hadn't felt in a long time.

 

Alex drove home. Lisa and Lilly were tucked up close to one another across from him, and he navigated through the steady path of rain that was falling on the road. He was pleased he'd
refused a third beer. The road was slippery and he wouldn't have liked Lisa to be driving.

“You were right about the rain.”

Lisa just smiled.

“Your sister was—”

“Wrong.” She cut him off. “My sister was wrong.”

He smiled. Was she just being stubborn because she didn't like her sister telling her what to do?

“We don't often argue, but tonight she was most definitely wrong.”

“Who was wrong, Mommy?” Lilly asked sleepily.

Alex shook his head at Lisa. He wasn't going to tell if she wasn't.

“No one, honey. Alex and I are just being silly.”

He pulled up outside the house and scooped Lilly up to ferry her inside. The rain was coming down hard now, trickling down his neck and wetting his hair. He managed to keep Lilly mostly dry.

Whining echoed on the other side of the door and Lilly called out. “Boston! We're home!”

Lisa emerged next to them. Wet.

She thrust the key into the lock and turned the handle. Lilly disappeared with her dog.

“To bed, young lady!” Lisa called after her. Then she turned to face Alex, pulling the door shut behind her.

The look on her face was…open.

“Do you mind telling me what that stunt in the kitchen was about?” he asked.

She grinned. “Proving to my sister that she was wrong.”

“And that's all it was?” he wanted to know.

Her eyes glinted at him. “Maybe.”

He shuffled forward so he was only a foot away from her. He absorbed the sight of her wet hair, just damp enough to cling to her head, the lashes that were coated with a light sting of rain. Then his eyes dropped to her lips.

She parted them. Her eyes lifted to look into his.

“We have everything stacked against us, Lisa. Everything,” he warned. Then he bent slightly, so their lips could touch. Just.

Lisa let her body fall against his.

“Not everything, Alex.” She sighed into his mouth as she said the words.

He tried to pull back, but couldn't. She rubbed her lips over his, teasing him, pulling him in deeper than he had intended going.

“I just don't want you to feel guilty about this later. About
me
,” he insisted.

She disagreed. “We are both grown, consenting adults.”

“It's not enough,” he argued. He wanted to resist. He really, badly, desperately wanted to resist. But this was Lisa. This was the woman who had already forgiven him his sins and still wanted him.

It was Lisa who pulled back this time. “It's enough because there is no one judging us—no one that matters.” She looked up at him. “Lilly is the most important thing in my life, and she accepts you. William would have accepted you. And in my heart I know we're not doing anything wrong.”

He nodded. He knew it was the truth, but he had needed to hear it from her.

“And your family?” he asked.

“My family only want to protect me. Don't want to see me hurt. It's not that they don't like you,” she insisted.

They looked at one another.

“You're not going to leave, are you, Alex? Not yet?”

He shook his head. “No.”

“You're not just staying because of Lilly, though, are you? You don't have to worry about hurting my feelings, and I can comfort her—honestly. You shouldn't feel like you're trapped here,” she said.

What?
He traced a tender finger from the edge of her mouth down to the top of her collarbone.
Never.

“I'm not just staying because of Lilly,” he said gruffly.

“But…”

He shook his head. He felt the sadness of his smile and forced it to lift. “I shouldn't be here at all, Lisa. But I'm here because of you.”

She leaned heavily against him. He felt her relief.

His mind started to play tricks on him again. A cloud of doubt hovered over his brain. “Do you only want me here because of Lilly? Because I helped her?”

She shook her head. Vigorously. “No.”