Shields Lady (29 page)

            Gryph shook his head at her obtuseness. "I've explained that. If someone gets hold of you, he's got hold of me."

"I don't understand."

            Gryph halted without any warning and swung around to confront her. His face was a tightly controlled, unreadable mask. "You keep saying that but it's not true. You're smart and you're clever and you're educated. You do understand. At least you understand some of it. You just don't want to admit how involved with me you really are. And you have a bad habit of ignoring facts that don't happen to suit your version of events."

            It was too much. Sariana decided she had been through enough that day. Her eyes narrowed. "It's not my fault if some stupid local has assumed we're married and that you'll do anything to keep your newfound breeding machine."

            "It may not be your fault, but it's a fact," Gryph retorted heartlessly. It was obvious he, too, felt he'd suffered enough lately. He was in no mood to pacify his outraged wife.

            Sariana felt her spirits plummet once more. The fight went out of her as Gryph steered her up the gangplank of the windrigger. "You're not even going to bother to deny it, are you?" she asked listlessly.

            "Deny what?" Gryph was no longer paying close attention. He was scanning the deck for a member of the crew.

"That you think of me as nothing more than a breeding machine."

            "Sariana, I haven't got time right now to soothe your feminine ego." He gave her a small push toward the entrance to the lower deck. "Go pack your things and mine, too. We're leaving the ship in a few minutes."

            She started to demand an explanation for this latest irrational decision but it was too late. Gryph was already striding toward the captain's quarters. Sariana reached into her cloak pocket and touched the inquiring nose of the lizard.

            "One of these days, Lucky, that man is going to find out that not everything functions according to his master plan. If I didn't want that cutter back as badly as he does I swear I'd walk off this ship this instant and disappear."

            It was as she turned toward the cabin that it belatedly occurred to Sariana that disappearing might be exactly what she did if she got off the ship without Gryph's protection. The memories of the genuine scare she had received in the House of Reflections were still very vivid in her mind.

            Late that afternoon Sariana found herself on a small craft called a river sled. It was another clever western invention, she was forced to concede as she sat in the bow and stared at the wide, lazy river unwinding in front of her. It required only one person to run the simple but efficient mechanism that propelled the small boat through the water with a system of meticulously designed blades. It came as no great surprise that Gryph knew how to manage the sled. Apparently there wasn't much he couldn't handle. Sariana felt a certain amount of resentment about that.

            They had left Little Chance a couple of hours earlier, following the wide, meandering river that rolled lazily down from the distant mountains through farmland, plains and canyons. The last farm had been passed some time ago and Sariana had seen no further sign of civilization.

            The flatlands and gently rolling hill country were giving way to more rugged scenes, but the river was still tame and manageable- Gryph appeared to be quite competent with the little boat. Sariana glanced back over her shoulder and saw that he was caught up in his own thoughts. There was an expression of concentration on his face.

            The late afternoon sun painted the rough landscape a spectacular shade of yellow and mauve. Sariana began to relax for the first time that day. Idly she speculated on what sorts of convoluted, irrational, and no doubt cryptic thoughts a Shield might entertain while in the frame of mind Gryph was obviously in at the moment. The passing scenery lulled her into a passive mood. Almost casually she let her mind drift, opening herself to any stray thought that happened to float into it.

            She nearly fell off the narrow bench on which she was sitting when an image of herself as seen from the rear formed in her mind. She was completely nude. Her back was gracefully straight, her head was held at an imperious angle, her waist looked small and her derriere… Sariana nearly choked as she realized that from this angle her rear end appeared to be quite lush and sensuously curved. Never in her life had she seen herself in this way.

            And then it occurred to her that she wouldn't be viewing herself this way right now if it wasn't for the fact that someone else was seeing her this way. She resisted the urge to turn around. It was impossible. She refused to admit that the alien image of herself was coming straight from Gryph's head. Her imagination was running wild.

            She blinked a few times to clear her befuddled brain and the disturbing image vanished. Experimentally she tried to recall it but it was gone for good. Sariana breathed a small sigh of relief and went back to studying the landscape.

            The river was beginning to wind through small canyons now. Occasionally the water became rough for a short time, but under Gryph's expert handling the river sled bounced merrily through the light rapids and back into gentler waters without a protest.

            The canyons became more frequent, their walls higher and more forbidding. Heavy shadows began to cloak the river.

            "We'll stop here for the night," Gryph finally announced as he slowed the river sled and angled it into a serene cove. It was the first time he had spoken in hours other than to issue curt commands relating to the boat.

Sariana lifted her chin. "I think you should know I have never camped out in my life."

            "Somehow that doesn't surprise me. Don't worry, I'm an expert."

            "That doesn't surprise me," she countered. She glanced around curiously. "At least it's warm and it's not raining."

            "I'll build a fire ashore and we'll cook our evening meal there, but we'll sleep on board the sled. There are hawk-beetles in these canyons."

            "What a pleasant thought." Sariana got to her feet and stretched. The scarlet-toe, which had been dozing on her shoulder, awakened and yawned. "I think I would like a bath before dinner. Are these waters safe?"

            Gryph was rummaging around in the travel packs. "Safe enough here in the shallows. You can have your bath. I could use one, too."

            "Good. I think I'll just trot around that little bend up ahead and find a nice, private spot." Sariana was feeling more cheerful as she contemplated her bath.

            "You will stay right here in the cove," Gryph ordered without even bothering to glance at her. He was busy opening the food lockers. "I'm not letting you out of my sight again today."

            "Now, Gryph," Sariana said soothingly, "there's no reason to overdo the protective bit. As long as I stay within shouting distance, what can go wrong?"

            "You tell me. I'm afraid to guess. To be on the safe side you will stay within eyesight, not just shouting distance." He took off his boots and stepped over the edge of the flat sled. The clear waters lapped lazily at his bare feet.

"Do you know what your problem is, Gryph?"

            "I've got all kinds of problems. Which one are you referring to?" He tossed a pack down onto the sandy beach and glanced back at her.

            Sariana regarded him from the gently bobbing sled, her hands on her hips, her eyes militant. "Your problem is that you don't know how to deal with others on an equal basis. You're arrogant and undiplomatic in the extreme. You're always giving orders. Especially to me."

            "For all the good it does me." He studied her for a long moment. "Why did you leave the windrigger this morning, Sariana?"

            Sariana eyed him warily. She had been hoping that he had forgotten about that piece of business. His silence on the subject during the river trip had convinced her he had decided not to reopen a sore subject. "I didn't feel like staying on board."

"You're lying."

"I am not lying!"

            He regarded her closely. "All right, we'll compromise. You're not telling me the whole truth. How's that?"

            "That sounds just fine to me," she retorted. She was beginning to feel cornered already and the knowledge made her angry.

            "So what's the rest of the story? Why did you leave the windrigger? Was it just because I'd given you orders to stay on board? Are you so stubborn and temperamental and defiant that you'd disobey a reasonable request, just to prove you don't have to take orders from me?"

            "What do you think?" she challenged.

            To her surprise, he appeared to consider the matter. "I think," Gryph finally said, "that you are independent and stubborn and irrational enough to do something like that just to provoke me, but I don't think that's why you disobeyed me this morning. I want to know why you went into town this morning, Sariana."

            "Personal reasons." She sat down and began unlacing her walking boots in preparation for going ashore.

            "What personal reasons?" Grypb waded back into the water and bounded onto the sled. Sariana looked up and realized he had decided he wanted an answer and he wasn't going to leave her

alone until be had it. "Why does it matter?"

            "It just does, that's all. I've been thinking about it all afternoon and I've decided it definitely does matter." He put one bare foot on the low railing that went around the edge of the broad, flat sled and waited for her response.

            Sariana dredged up a bright smile. "How about simple curiosity? I've never been to Little Chance before and I wanted to see what the place looked like."

            He exhaled slowly, clearly doing his best to hang onto his patience. "Stop it, Sariana. Just tell me the truth. That's all I want. Por the past few hours I've told myself it was your curiosity that took you ashore.

Or else it was your desire to assert yourself. But something doesn't ring true about either one of those answers. That's why I want the whole story."

            Sariana finished removing her second boot and sat quietly for a moment. "All right," she said at last. "It's simple enough. I went into town to find a medic."

"A medic?" Alarm flared in his eyes. "You didn't tell me you were ill."

            "I'm not ill. I went to see a women's medic. One who could give me a contraceptive device. There. Does that answer your question?"

            "You went into town to get something to use for birth control?" There was genuine shock in his tone. Sariana stirred uneasily and rose to her feet. It didn't help much. He was a lot bigger than she was and

they were very much alone out in the wilderness. "Why not?" she said bluntly. "I got the feeling you weren't going to do anything about it, and if it's true that for some reason you can… can make a baby with me then I have to protect myself, don't I?"

            He didn't move, but Sariana had the impression that it was only an incredible willpower that kept him still. The image of him grasping her shoulders and shaking her was so strong that she was startled into wondering if it had seeped into her mind from his. It enraged her and frightened her to realize that such transference might really be possible between them. With all her heart she longed to deny the link and with each passing hour it became more difficult to do so.

            "Sariana, I've warned you, you are going to push me too far one of these days." Her temper exploded and she threw up her hands in a wild gesture. "What about me? I feel as though

I've already been pushed too far. Don't my feelings count?"

            "I know exactly what your feelings are when you lay in my arms and believe me, I take them into full account," he shot back. "You want me as much as I want you."

            "All you really want is a good breeder," she snapped, "someone you can turn into a mother. How do you think that makes me feel?"

            "It should make you feel needed and wanted and very important to me," he flung at her as his own control began to slip.

"Well," it doesn't. It makes me feel like a farm animal." "That's ridiculous."

            "You're telling me! And I'm tired of feeling ridiculous, do you hear me, Gryph Chassyn? I didn't think I could feel any more useless and ridiculous than I did the day I got word I had failed my academy entrance exams, but I was wrong. That was just a feeling of intellectual failure. You're trying to make me feel like a failure as a woman and a human being."

            "Are you out of your mind?" he snarled, still not moving. "I'm more than willing to turn you into a success as a woman. It seems to me I'm offering you a better deal than any you'd get from a routine business marriage. At least with me your real talent as a woman will be fully appreciated."

            "Having your babies is supposed to be a sign of my success?"

"You could do worse, lady."

            "I could also do a whole lot better." Recklessly she took a step toward him, her eyes flashing with pride and outrage. "Do you hear me, Chassyn? I said I could do a whole lot better than you."

            "How? By forming a marriage alliance with someone like that banker friend of yours? What do you think the chances are that you'd find any real passion in his aims? What do you think the chances are of him bringing out the real woman in you?"

            It was too much. Sariana went over some invisible edge. "What do you think the chances are that you can make me into a real woman when, from all accounts, you may not even be a real man yourself?"

            Gryph stared at her disbelievingly. "What the hell are you saying?"

            "I learned a lot about Shields from the medic this mom-ing and I learned even more at the fair. There seems to be some question about whether or not you and your kind are even human! That severely diminishes your potential usefulness to me as a husband."