Shadow (Defenders MC Book 1) (12 page)

27

Lacey curled on the couch and tried to sleep.  It had been a month since Shadow had left her.  She had tried to sleep in the bed at first, but it was too big and too cold without Shadow.  Mike and Trader had started avoiding her and the questions that always came with her, everyone had.

Preach arranged for her doctor to come to see her at the compound so there was no reason for her to ever leave her little house.  Mike and Trader kept the house stocked and the fire blazing, but they offered her no comfort.  Depression sat on her like a heavy blanket and she knew she looked horrible, but no one seemed to care.  They had forgotten her as if she too had become only a shadow without Marcus to keep her tied to the world.

She was now thirty-four weeks pregnant and miserable.  She wondered if Shadow would keep his promise to be there when the baby was born or if he had forgotten. 

He had called for the first couple of weeks.  Nothing long, just “I love you and I’m safe,” but that had made the waiting bearable.  She hadn’t heard from him in sixteen days and it killed her because she knew he was checking in with Preach.

Lacey turned in her sleep and opened her eyes.  At first she thought she was dreaming, but his eyes told her he was very real.  He didn’t speak, he just sat on the coffee table and watched her.  His eyes were so black that they looked like holes in his face and Lacey had to suppress a shiver.

“Hello Shadow.”

He still didn’t speak, only looked at her as if trying to figure her out.

“Welcome home.”  She smiled a sleepy smile and reached out to him.  He flinched away, but Lacey touched his cool skin with her fingers and felt a shutter run through his body.  Then he was on his knees in front of the couch with his arms wrapped around her.

“Oh my sweet, sad, man.  I am so glad you came back to me.  I love you.”  She kissed his hair and sighed with contentment.

His body shook and Lacey realized he was crying.  What could have happened to break this man who never showed his feelings?

“Marcus.  Honey, what is the matter?”

He looked up and Lacey was lost in his eyes.  Dark pools so deep they were fathomless and so filled with pain that she felt herself drowning.  She reached up and caressed his face.

“Tell me.”

“I thought you would be gone.  I thought I had imagined it all.”

“No.  I will always be here.”

“Lacey I don’t deserve to hold you.  I’m not a good man.  The things I do, the things I’ve done…”

“Shhhh, hush.  That doesn’t change anything.  I love you Marcus.”

Marcus held her tight and kissed her with a passion Lacey had never felt before.  She knew she was far from sexy, but he made her feel desirable.

“Let me take you to bed Lacey.  I need to feel you.  I need to be inside of you.”

Lacey nodded.  She was dying for this dark man and she couldn’t stop herself.

“I’ll be gentle Lacey.  I promise.”

Lacey smiled against his lips.  “I trust you Marcus.  I was so afraid you wouldn’t come back to me.”

“I will always come back to you.  You are my home Lacey.”

He took her to bed and slowly undressed her, savoring every inch of flesh he revealed.  He touched her belly and kissed the hard mound with reverence.  He made love to her entire body and when he was finished she lay spent.  He continued to caress her until she fell asleep in his arms.

Marcus was different.  Whatever he had done had made him more distant.  It was like these jobs killed part of his soul and he could never get them back.  This one had taken and especially terrible toll on him.  He seemed to struggle with everyday things.  He was losing his humanity and Lacey was powerless to stop it.  All she could do was watch as he slipped further away from her and into this dark place she couldn’t follow. 

The moments they had spent together before their time apart seemed like a dream now.  They shared the same bed and he touched her like he treasured her in the night, but when the sun rose he was Shadow.  He no longer gave her glimpses of that almost smile and he no longer talked about the future or the things they would do.  He kissed her and left her.  When he was home he was silent.  He took her to bed every night and made love to her until she fell asleep, but he never said he loved her when he thought she was awake to hear it, always whispered it to the dark room after he thought she was asleep.

Lacey’s dreams were shattered and her hopes had withered.  Depression tugged at her until she simply tried not to feel anything at all.  She went through her day like a zombie.  She ate when the clock told her she should and she showered before she went to bed.  She didn’t talk to anyone and she didn’t think.  She just lived until he came home and needed her body to slake his lust.   Then she slept.  She didn’t even try to stay awake to hear his words anymore, they were just words.  They had no meaning.  Nothing had meaning anymore.

28

Shadow watched Lacey slip away a little more every day and wanted to die.  He knew he was failing her and he couldn’t figure out what to do to help her.  He had watched as her eyes lost all light and dulled the way he knew his had done.  He looked up when Law slid on the stool beside him, but he didn’t offer a greeting.  That didn’t seem to bother Law.

“I don’t know who looks worse, you or Queenie.”

Shadow grunted.

“I went up to check on the house.  She looks like shit.  When’s the kid due?”

“Couple weeks.”

“Got the room ready?  Nursery?”

“Women threw her a shower.”

Lawless shook his head.  “Did you put the shit together?  Did you paint a fucking room?  Where the hell is the kid gonna sleep.  Get your head out of your fucking ass here Shad.  Get your ass home and take care of your woman.  She can’t do this shit by herself.”

“What the fuck do you know?”  Shadow turned on Law.  He was angry.  Lawless made him feel stupid and it pissed him off.  He wanted to fight.  He wanted to beat someone until they felt as shitty as he did and Law was the only one around.

“I remember Moose and Ink bitching over that shit.  Even painted that fucking room for Katie.  You did too, but here you are not giving two shits about your own goddamned kid.  You are one sorry piece of shit Shad.  What the fuck happened to you?  That is a good fucking woman you got and what do you do?  Leave her on her own.  Fucking pussy.”

“Fuck you Law.  What the hell do you know?  You talk a good game.  Always ready to fuck someone up, but who gets called when people need to die? ME!  I’m a fucking killer and it’s all I know how to do so don’t tell me what a piece of shit I am, I know what I am.  What the hell kind of father could I be?”

“A damned good one if you want to be, but you gotta want it.”

Lawless leaned against the bar as if he hadn’t a care in the world.  He pointed his beer at Shadow.

“You sell yourself short.  You are a mean fucker and you do some weird shit, but you aren’t as cold as you want everybody to think.”  He took a long pull off his beer.  “If you were, you wouldn’t give a shit what kind of father you’d make.  You’d just fuck that woman and not give a damn.”  He let that sink in for a minute before he spoke again.  “Go the fuck home and take care of your woman the way she took care of you when you went ape shit.  Bring her back and she will show you how to be a father.”

He took a long drink of his beer.

“And don’t fucking call me to put shit together.”

Shadow felt his anger drain away.  Lawless was a sadistic bastard.  Shadow had watched him carve people up and laugh like a demon while he did it, but damned if he didn’t make sense sometimes and the man cared for Lacey.  Shadow nodded and stood just as the door banged open.

29

Lacey was pissed.  Something wasn’t right today.  She had woken up all alone and for some reason that had just pissed her off.  Then there was nothing to eat that appealed to her so she had snapped at Mike and when she had turned to stomp out of the room she had stumped her toe on the corner of the cabinet.  To say she was more than grouchy was and understatement.

Trader tried to entertain her, but she bit his head off and when she found Shadow’s shirt lying on the floor she started bawling like a baby.

Why had her life been so shitty?  It had started out so well.  Seemed like every time good things happened, bad things overtook them like a flood.  She was tired of it.  She was tired of living like a piece of furniture.  She wanted a real life and she wanted to be loved.  She pulled off her clothes and stepped into the shower.  She was done.  She couldn’t live like this another minute.  She had to get the hell out of this house and she had to do it that day. 

She scrubbed her hair and shaved her legs.  She was leaving, but she would see Shadow first.  She would tell him that she loved him and that she would always.  She would tell him that if he ever thought he could love her that he could find her, but she would not spend one more day in his house like a prisoner.

She finished her shower and dried her hair.  She dressed carefully in a feminine maternity dress that she felt pretty in.  She applied her makeup and nodded to her reflection.  Now she just had to get past Mark and Trader.

Lacey walked into the living room to find Trader lounging on her couch.  He looked up and his face showed his surprise before it changed to disapproval.

“Where the fuck do you think you’re goin’?”

“Where ever the fuck I want to.”  She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him.

“Mike?  We may have a problem here.”  He yelled and Mike stepped into the room.  His frown was lightning quick and he shook his head.

“No.  You can’t leave this house and you know it.”

Lacey narrowed her eyes and glared at him.  “I can and I will.  I could call the sheriff.”

Mike raised his brows.

“I want to go to the club house and if that doesn’t go well, I may want to go somewhere else, but I am leaving this house.”

Mike pulled out his phone and dialed.  He narrowed his eyes when he got no answer.  “This isn’t a good idea Lacey.  Shadow will kick my ass.  You want me hurt over this shit Lacey, ‘cause he will hurt me?”

Lacey didn’t want anyone hurt.  Her face fell and she felt tears fill her eyes.  “I just want to get out of here.  Please, just take me to the clubhouse.”

Mike closed his eyes.  “Alright Lacey.  I’ll drive you.”

Lacey felt a sense of excitement for the first time in weeks.  She smiled and hugged Mike and then Trader so he didn’t feel left out.  She grabbed her purse and a coat and walked to her car.

Mike tried his phone three more times with no luck.  Lacey assumed he was trying to call Shadow, but got no answer.  That was strange.  They arrived at the clubhouse and found it quiet which was not unusual for the afternoon in the middle of the week.  She climbed from the car and started toward the door.

“Lacey hang on.  Something’s not right.  I can’t get anybody on the phone.”  Mike said and Lacey felt her blood run cold.  Something was not right.  She ran for the door with Mike right behind her and that’s when the first shots rang out.

30

Shadow felt fear run through him as he saw Lacey fall to the floor as bullets ripped into the clubhouse.  The thick concreate walls protected the room, but the door stood open and Lacey lay on the floor.  He scrambled across the floor only to find Lawless at his side.  They shoved the heavy door closed and tugged Mike off Lacey.  The man was bleeding and moaning in pain, but Lacey made no sound. 

Blood covered her pretty dress and Marcus couldn’t stand the sight of it.  Lawless shook his arm.

“Get her the fuck away from this door Shad.  Protect your woman.” 

Those words seemed to break something in Shadow.  He lifted Lacey and carried her to the kitchen and placed her on the table.  Lawless followed carrying Mike. 

“What the fuck were you thinking you son of a bitch.  I’ll kill you for this.”  Shadow raged.

“Shut the fuck up Shad.  Mike threw himself on your woman and took her fucking bullets.  Show some respect.”  Lawless was furious.  The sounds of gunfire began to intensify and Shadow knew his brothers were fighting back.

Rider ran in the room looking pale and rushed to Lacey.

“Get the fuck away from her Rider.”  Shadow yelled.

“Fuck you Shad.  If you had been taking care of her she wouldn’t have been here.”

Now wasn’t the time, but Rider would pay for that.  Preach stormed in through the back door with Mrs. on his ass. 

“Get the fucking guns and get to the roof.  Shad get your ass out there and take these bastards out.”

Lacey moaned in pain and Shadow ignored Preach to go to her.  She was bleeding from a wound in her shoulder.  He ripped open her dress and found a nasty looking gunshot wound. 

“Mrs.  Lacey’s been shot.”  He reached for a towel that was lying on the table and tried to staunch the bleeding.

“Shad, I said get your ass out there and kill those fuckers.”  Preach was pissed.

Lacey gripped Shadow’s hand and cried out in pain as she gripped her belly.

Shadow was gripped with indecision.  Preach was in his face.

“She’s fine Shad.  Just a scratch.  Now get your ass out there and kill the fuckers who are trying to kill your brothers.  Who put a fucking bullet in your woman.”

Shadow felt it then.  The cold that filled him before he killed.  He leaned down and kissed Lacey hard and left her there.  He had to trust his family to take care of her while he took care of them.  He was shocked to see Lawless step out with him.

“Let me help you Shad.  Nobody needs this much fucking death on their hands.”

Shad only nodded as they quietly slipped through the forest and into the road that lead to the compound.