Sex, Lies & Nikolai (23 page)

My life’s a balance of time at home with Scarlett, work, and then getting fucked by Nikolai in every position possible.

The days start to bleed into each other like that, and never during that time am I found ripping my heart out, stressing over bills. It feels surreal. I manage to pay off everything I’ve been in arrears for. I also upgrade some house things like bed sheets and pillows (and having new pillows is a heaven you can’t put a price on). I buy some toys for Scarlett, and I find a button at the shops that I give to Roberta to sew into Rumple. He’s got two eyes now, and Scarlett acts like he’s a brand new Rumple. To me, his second eyeball represents a new beginning.

She starts school in a couple weeks, and I can’t help but already stock the closet with crayons and colouring books. Every morning for breakfast I make her do a page in an activity book I found on clearance for 5-6 year olds. She traces a different letter each day, and she gets really good at it.

The money builds, and I keep expecting it to change me, but it doesn’t. I don’t turn into a spender, or a girl with manicured hands carrying shopping bags around, looking disgustedly at those less fortunate than me. No, I don’t change in any way. In fact, I find myself counting pennies
more.

I know I should indulge. I know I’m in need of decent clothes and maybe even a haircut. But…I
can’t
do it. As in…I physically am incapable. The poverty mindset cannot be shaken. It lingers inside you, even long after you’re past it.

Every time I want to buy something, I stop myself and think of how desperate I have been to get to this point. That struggle is still so present within me. I literally get the shakes, avoiding a purchase like it’s going to ruin everything I’ve worked for.

I try not to let it take over. When it comes to Scarlett, for instance, I’m more than happy to spend money on her. I never count pennies when it comes to a new top or a piece of chocolate at the store. I never think twice about it.

So why is it different with me?

I hope with time I’ll ease out of it. Not just for my sake, but for Scarlett’s too. I’d hate for her to pick up my stingy money habits.

When I’m not spending time with her, I’m spending every other evening at Nikolai’s apartment. He learns every inch of my body and fucks me hard every time. I come like a rocket over and over again. Then I get dressed and get out of there when we’re done. I don’t stick around, though every bone in my body longs to linger. I don’t want to get comfortable.

I’ve put Nikolai in one corner and the rest of my life in another. It’s the only way I can keep everything balanced inside of my head.

But nights are always the hardest. There is not an inch of my body I don’t feel the tingling touch he’s left behind. I convince myself it’s just the routine of life that’s made me feel this…
sinking
feeling when I leave his apartment. I know it’s not anything else, because I don’t give it a chance to become anything else.

The more I feel it, the more determined I am to prove that feeling wrong.

*

I’m sitting in Nikolai’s office. I’ve just gotten off work and made my way directly to his pawn shop. Vlad let me in without a word and I’ve been sitting on the leather black couch while Nikolai’s been in and out, mostly talking on the phone. Twice I’ve seen him collecting envelopes from people who’ve come by. He deposits them in a safe inside one of the cupboards of the kitchenette. He doesn’t even hide it, either. Just does it in the open like it’s completely natural, and I know his trust doesn’t extend to just anyone.

It kind of makes me feel good.

“I might rob you,” I joke after he’s closed the safe.

“You’d be the sexiest little bandit to ever do so,” he replies, smirking.

I pretend to watch the television as he returns to making phone calls, and every time I think I’m invisible, I sneak a glance at Nikolai only to find him watching me.

He talks in that native tongue of his, tracing his lower lip, getting heated in whatever he’s saying and his eyes are pinned on me the entire time. It makes my blood run quicker. The voyeuristic side of me wants to drop to my knees in front of his chair again and give him another blowjob, this time hearing the ache in his voice as he tries to talk on the phone.

But the shop’s too alive at the moment for that, and Vlad proves it by coming in just then, carrying two jewellery boxes in each hand. He drops them on the coffee table in front of me, and then proceeds to take a seat next to me. He has no regard for personal space, I can tell. I scoot a bit away from him, watching at the same time as he opens the boxes and removes two stunning Rolex watches. The faces are magnificent and big, and I can’t help but lean my head down to inspect them just as he is.

“Were those just pawned?” I ask.

He gives me a quick glance. “I’m appraising them first,” he tells me. “See what they’re worth and if they’re real.”

“Are they?”

“I’m about to check.”

I watch him flip the watch over and carefully unscrew the back of it. He removes it and then pulls out a tiny jeweller’s loupe from his pocket. He takes a few minutes inspecting the back.

“What are you looking for?” I wonder.

“The quality of the movement,” he explains. “Rolex make their own movements in-house and they are very high standard.”

“So the fake look cheap in the back.”

“The replica ones look the same on the outside, but you’re right, when you crack open the case in the back, they aren’t quality like the real kind.”

“So is it real?” I press after some time.

His face tightens, and he answers my question by tossing the watch on the coffee like it’s a piece of trash. It tumbles along the surface, no doubt catching scratches along the way. I nearly cringe just hearing it scrape along the surface.

“Okay,” I murmur, holding back a laugh. “I guess not.”

Vlad shakes his head. “I spoke with that dog for over twenty minutes. He promised me the sky they were real.”

“Does he really think you won’t figure it out?”

Vlad curses, using familiar words out of Nikolai’s vocabulary only in
very
different circumstances. “I’ll roughen him up for wasting my time.”

Just when I think they’re operating a legit business, he has to go and say something like that.

There is way too much testosterone in this place.

“What if it was real?” I question, amused.

“It wasn’t.”

“But if it was?”

“Then that’s the condition it came in.”

I can’t tell if he’s joking, or being serious, but he’s straight-faced when he looks at me. I tug on my gemstone, glancing between the watch on the ground and then him.

“Is that real?” he then asks.

“What?”

He eyes my necklace. “
That
.”

I shake my head. “No way. It’s a fake.”

Vlad just looks at it, his brow furrowed in thought.

I hear Nikolai stand up, and I expect him to walk back out of the office like he’s done so many times before. But his movements slow to a stop in my peripheral. I slowly rip my gaze away from Vlad and look at him. He’s standing beside the couch now, his hands in his pockets, looking between Vlad and me.

“What is it?” he questions.

As if remembering, Vlad’s face darkens. He throws the other watch across the room – it makes a cracking sound when it hits the floor – and goes into a series of rants, his words running so fast that, even if I knew the language, I doubt I’d still understand him.

Nikolai barely blinks, shrugging at the end in the most careless way. “So what do we do? Beat everyone that comes through the door? Nine times out of ten they’re liars.”

“You’re not the one dealing with it,” Vlad complains. “It’s me. I’m in that godforsaken room every single day, taking in these little junkies. Today a man tried to sell me his tooth. Was covered in mangy saliva, straight out of his mouth!”

I light up. “Oh! Yeah, he tried to sell it to me too!”

“For eighty dollars?”

“Forty.”

Vlad curses. “I’m three times her size and he wanted more.”

I hold my breath to keep from laughing.

“Then the other day,” he continues, looking back at Nikolai, “one of them sukas threatened me with a needle.”

“Did he hurt you?” Nikolai questions.

“No.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“The problem is they’re filthy.”

“You want clean junkies?”

I laugh and Nikolai’s eyes soften at me.

Vlad isn’t impressed. He stands up. “I see the tables have turned,” he remarks dryly. “You’re not very fun when you’re docile, Niko.”

Nikolai smirks as Vlad leaves the room in a huff.

Yeah, way too much testosterone.

By the time I look back at Nikolai, he’s already staring at me and moving, cutting the distance between us in four smooth strides.

He crouches down and his arms come out on either side of me, caging me in. He’s more roughed up today. His shirt’s unbuttoned at the top, his sleeves rolled up, no tie or waist coat present. His jaw is more stubbled than it’s ever been before, and his hair is even unkempt.

Every time I see him he’s less put together than before.

It’s kind of hot.

“Rough day?” I wonder, smiling.

“I got my hands a little dirty,” he responds, moving in to kiss me.

“Do I want to know?”

“Not while you’re tasting my mouth.”

He deepens his kiss, stealing my breath. My hand drifts up his chest and around his neck, drawing out the feeling until I can’t breathe. He withdraws, and we’re already both fighting for air.

“Never a dull moment here.”

He swipes his tongue on my lower lip. “Not when you’re in the room, Alina.”

My heart pauses; even my mind goes silent at his remark said in such a sincere way.

We look at each other for several moments. His eyes are so blue, I think I swoon as deeply as I stare into them. He raises his hand and runs his finger over my cheek, his eyes burning through my features with such a look of wonder. It’s almost too much.

This whole time I’ve been waiting for him to get off the phone and give me his attention, and now all of a sudden I want him distracted again.

“Are you ready to go?” he finally asks, like we’re about to go on a date.

Words are lost on me, so I nod.

He offers his hand to me, and I take it. Swiftly, he pulls me up to him so my body is flushed against the length of his. I feel so short next to him. My head fits right under his chin, and when I look up, I come ridiculously close to kissing him.

As he looks me in the eyes, he mutters something to me just then.

“What did you say?”

He detaches from me, smiling weakly as he looks away. “I said let’s go.”

*

Nikolai’s vocabulary during sex keeps expanding. He pants things in my ear, words he’s never used, and I want desperately to understand them.

He thrusts inside me, burying his cock so deep I feel it hitting my walls. I gasp, my fingers digging into his back as he goes. He’s an unstoppable force, like a wrecking ball that won’t stop swinging until it’s crashed through every wall inside me.

We’re sweating, glistening, skin upon skin, and I’m holding onto him for dear life as he fucks me hard, thrust after agonizing thrust. He pulls on my hair, kissing me, demanding me with that look I know so well from him to say what he wants to hear.

“Nikolai,” I moan.

His face always cracks at the sound of his name on my tongue, and I don’t know why I put myself through it, because his movements turn sharper, faster and more punishing.

I come hard with him buried inside me, and he follows, his forehead pressed against mine. We catch our breaths pressed against one another. My finger runs down his spine, feeling over his muscles as they flex beneath me. His lips seek me out again, and he kisses me tenderly. He doesn’t stop, either. He kisses me on a level that’s far too intimate, and I quickly lose the breath I’ve just regained.

He pulls back and opens his eyes, looking into mine for some time. I feel trapped, because I have no choice but to look back. He’s still inside me, he’s still kissing me, and he watches me so closely, like he can’t bear the thought of looking away.

My heart picks up again, faster than moments ago when he’d thrust into me, bringing me to pleasure. I think he feels my heartbeats, because his eyes dim and he presses his chest more firmly against mine.

“Alina,” he whispers, looking at my lips, eyes, lips, lips.

“You’re crushing me,” I whisper back, trying to diffuse the moment.

He doesn’t smile, but he moves off me and fishes for his smoke on the night table. I’m busy staring at my trembling fingers and trying to get this hammering heart to slow down.