Saved by the Single Dad (15 page)

‘I don't want to disturb you in the morning. And I could do with some sleep tonight.'

Jack nodded. Saying it out loud had broken the spell. ‘I'll see you for supper then. Tomorrow.'

‘Yes.' She stood up, bending to kiss his cheek. That, somehow, seemed the most damning thing of all. That she still wanted him, maybe even loved him a little, but there was a gap between them which neither of them could bridge.

* * *

He didn't see her again until the following evening. She arrived home late, her face expressionless, and sat down with him in the lounge. Separate chairs, the way they always did, even if there would be no one to see if they curled up together on the sofa. It seemed almost normal, and strangely comforting after having brooded over the possibility that Cass might do what they'd agreed to do all along and take it into her head to call time on their relationship.

‘How are things?'

‘Fine. Good, actually. The electrician reckons it's safe to restore part of the power supply now, and that means I can get heaters in there to help dry the ground floor out a bit. The motorway's open again.'

One by one, the things that kept her here were disappearing. It was only a matter of time...

‘I'm going to move back in.'

Jack swallowed. ‘Already?'

‘It's easier for me to be there. As long as I have somewhere to sleep, they're still doing lunches and an evening meal up at the church hall.' She pressed her lips together. Clearly she didn't want to talk about it.

‘You have somewhere to sleep here.' His bed. In his arms.

‘I know.' She sighed. ‘But...'

Jack could feel it all slipping away. Protected by secrecy and the four walls of his bedroom, their love affair had blossomed, but as soon as they took it outside that, into the real world, it seemed unbearably fragile.

But maybe, with a little care, it could survive. ‘Will you come out with me? One evening. A meal, perhaps.'

She blinked at him. ‘You're asking me out on a date?'

‘Yeah. I am. Sarah will look after Ellie...'

‘I don't think that's a very good idea.'

‘Why not?' Okay, so he knew the reasons. Had struggled with the reasons, and Jack still wasn't sure that they weren't valid ones. But surely Cass could give it a try?

‘Because...' She stared at him for a moment, her gaze searching his face. ‘Because there's no future in it, Jack. I know what it's like to want a child so badly that your whole life seems shattered every time your body tells you that you're not pregnant. I can't go through that again.'

‘I'm not asking you to. All I'm asking is that we give it a little time. Find a way to work things out.'

She shook her head, her face suddenly impassive. ‘No. That would be too cruel.'

She got to her feet, leaving the room without even looking at him and closing the door behind her in a clear sign that he wasn't to follow her. He heard her soft footsteps on the stairs and the sound of her bedroom door close. Then silence.

Jack stared into the gathering gloom, which had once been a thrilling first hint of the darkness ahead. Now all he could feel was anger. He'd risked everything for Cass, his own heart, and Ellie's. He'd trusted her enough to try to let her into his life but she was still too fearful to even make the effort, and now she was going to leave him.

Maybe she was right and it would never have worked out. And, if that was the case, then he needed to think of Ellie. He needed to protect her.

He sat for a long time, brooding into the darkness, then slumped round on the sofa, fatigue taking over from the what-ifs that were filling his mind. No point in going up to bed. He knew that Cass wouldn't be coming.

* * *

Cass was up and packed before there was any sound from Ellie's bedroom. By the time she heard the tinkle of wind chimes heralding the fact that the little girl was awake, she was sitting on the bed in the spare room, staring at the wall.

It was all for the best. This had never been anything other than something temporary, something that couldn't touch their real lives. It had been three weeks since their first night together. Just about the duration of a holiday romance.

The sounds of Jack and Ellie in the bathroom. The smell of breakfast. Everyday things, now tainted with sadness. She waited until she heard Ellie running around in the sitting room, ready to jump on the new day with her customary glee, and went downstairs.

Jack was drowsy and tight-lipped. He closed the kitchen door and turned to her, his face unreadable.

‘You're going today?'

‘Yeah.'

He nodded. ‘Okay. I'm taking Ellie out to the petting zoo this morning. They've just opened up again after the floods.' His eyes softened suddenly and a thrill of hope ran through her veins. ‘Take your time packing.'

Even Jack couldn't fix this. Neither could she. All they could do was to act as if nothing had happened, and that was easy enough. They'd been acting as if nothing was happening practically since they'd first laid eyes on each other.

‘I'm ready to go now.'

He nodded abruptly. ‘We'll be going soon. Then you can go.'

He couldn't help it. However much he was trying to come to terms with the past, he couldn't do it yet. Jack was cutting her out of his life, another casualty of loss, just like his father and Sal.

‘May I...' Cass almost choked on the words. Surely he couldn't be that cruel. ‘May I say goodbye to her?'

‘Of course.' A glimmer of warmth again in his eyes and then he turned, opening the kitchen door. ‘Take whatever time you need.'

It was cold comfort. Cass explained to Ellie that she was going back home today and the little girl nodded, taking it in her stride.

‘You're not going far.'

‘No, sweetie, not far. You know where I live.'

‘That's all right, then.'

Cass hugged her tight, squeezing her eyes closed to stop the tears. Jack called to her from the hallway, persuading her into her coat and wellingtons, and Ellie shouted a goodbye. When Cass went to the front door to wave them off, he didn't even look at her. If Ellie required a hug and a kiss goodbye, Jack obviously required neither.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

T
HE
CLOCK
RADIO
blared into life and Cass cursed it, reaching out to shut it off. The sudden movement prompted a twinge in her shoulder.

Well it might. She'd been up until midnight last night, putting flat-pack kitchen units together, and they'd been heavier than she'd expected. Today, she might take some time to reflect on the considerable amount of work she'd done on the house in the last two months. Take a few ‘work in progress' photographs to compare with the devastation of the ‘before' photos and spur her on to the distant date when ‘after' photos would be in order.

She took a long shower, still revelling in the fact that she had hot water again. Then padded back to her bedroom, sorting through her wardrobe and on a whim pulling out a skirt. Being able to wear something pretty in the house instead of muddying up her jeans yet again was novelty enough to smack of yet another new achievement.

She made coffee and then went back upstairs to her bedroom, sitting cross-legged on the bed and switching on the television. This was the one room in the house which didn't bear some signs of the devastation the flood had brought with it; downstairs was still a work in progress and the spare room was full of furniture. But here she could relax.

A film maybe. Watching TV on a Sunday morning seemed like the ultimate luxury. Cass picked up the remote from the bedside cabinet and switched to streaming, flipping through the films on offer. No, not that one. Or that one. Definitely not that; she'd heard it was a weepie. Or that—it was a love story.

The only thing that seemed to drive Jack from her mind was hard work. And the only thing which drove him from her dreams was physical and mental exhaustion. Cass hesitated, looking at her jeans, folded neatly on a chair. Maybe she should put them on and get on with the kitchen cabinets.

The doorbell rang and she climbed off the bed and walked over to the window. Perhaps someone from the village wanted her for something. She almost hoped that it might be a problem which required her immediate attention.

Peering out, she jumped back in horror. Jack's car was parked outside in the lane. Maybe he'd brought Ellie back to renew some acquaintance he'd made here and decided to pop in. Didn't he
know
he couldn't just do that?

Cass watched the front path and saw him stand away from the door, scanning the front of the house. He was alone, and suddenly fear clutched at her heart. Why would he come here without Ellie on a Sunday morning?

She raced downstairs, sliding her feet into her wellingtons when she realised they were the only footwear she had in the hallway. Then she flung open the door.

‘Jack...?'

He was making his way back up the path and he turned. Cass's stomach almost did a somersault as suddenly she realised that she hadn't remembered the warmth of his eyes at all. They'd always been so much better in reality.

‘What's the matter? Where's Ellie?' Surely the only thing that could bring him here alone was if there was some kind of trouble.

‘At Sarah's.' He paused for a moment and then strode back along the path towards her. ‘May I come in?'

The temptation to slam the door in his face fought with the need to look at him just a little longer, and lost by a whisker. And she'd opened the door now. Not letting him in would betray the fact that she cared one way or the other.

She stood back from the door in silence and he nodded, wiping his feet and walking into the hall.

‘Wow. Quite a difference from last time I saw this.'

Presumably he was referring to the new plaster and skirting boards, and the scrubbed floorboards. All Cass could think about was that the last time he'd been here they'd had something, and now there was nothing.

‘It's been hard work.'

‘I imagine so.' He seemed a little jumpy. As if there was a point to all of this and he was working himself up to it.

‘What do you want, Jack?'

He turned his gaze on her, warm enough to melt chocolate. ‘I've come for you, princess.'

* * *

No.
No!
What had made him think that he could do this? Leave Ellie with Sarah and pop back for a day spent in bed. Who did he think she was?

‘Out.' She glared at him, hoping he'd go before she changed her mind. Her body had just caught on to the idea and was beginning to like it.

‘Cass, wait. Can we talk about this?'

‘There's nothing to talk about. You can't just drop in whenever you've got a free moment and you think you might like to warm your feet in my bed.'

Reproach flashed in his eyes. ‘It's not like that.'

‘Okay then, friends with benefits, whatever you want to call it. I'm not interested.'

‘Neither am I. Cass, can we sit down...?'

‘There's nowhere to sit. The kitchen's full of cupboards, and there's no furniture in the sitting room.' And she wasn't going to take him upstairs to her bedroom.

He rolled his eyes. ‘Then we'll do it here.'

‘No, we won't. Whatever it is.'

Suddenly he was too close. His lips just an inch away. Cass felt tears begin to roll down her cheeks. ‘Jack, stop it. Please...'

‘I don't want sex...'

‘Stop it!' Didn't he know that friendship was just as much out of the question? She couldn't bear it.

‘I want to marry you.'

Suddenly the air began to swim in front of her, distorting everything else. She felt her knees begin to buckle...

* * *

Jack managed to catch her before she hit the ground.
Stupid. Stupid.
He shouldn't have just come out with it like that but he was so afraid that Cass was going to throw him out before he got a chance to say it. He settled her in his arms and carried her upstairs, kicking open the nearest door and finding a room stacked with furniture. The other door revealed a large sunny bedroom with light oak furniture and white lace bedlinen.

She was already stirring in his arms and her fingers clutched at his shoulders when he walked over to the bed with her. ‘Boots... Jack...'

‘Okay. Just relax; I'll take them off.' The room was meticulously clean and tidy, and Jack knew that Cass would probably kill him if he let her wellingtons soil the bed. Sitting her down, he pulled her boots off and then guided her back on to the pillows.

His finger found the pulse in her neck. Strong, even if it was a little fast. His was probably faster.

‘I'm all right.'

‘I dare say you are. Stay down for a minute.'

She opened her eyes and their pale blue earnestness made his heart lurch. ‘I must have just...'

‘Have you been eating?' She'd felt light in his arms, and now that she was lying on her back he could see the line of her hips through the thin fabric of her skirt.

‘I...' Her face took on a look of grudging contrition. ‘I was putting the kitchen cabinets together last night and didn't stop for supper. I haven't got around to breakfast yet...'

‘And so you fainted.' Jack decided not to touch on the immediate reason in case she did it again. He got to his feet. ‘Stay there.'

‘I'm okay. Really. Just a bit embarrassed.'

Not half as embarrassed as he was, for being such an idiot as to just drop a marriage proposal on her, right out of the blue. But now wasn't the time to mention that, not until she'd had something to eat.

‘Stay there.'

‘But...'

‘No buts, Cass. If you move, I'll... Just don't move.' He tried to put as much authority as he could into his words before he hurried downstairs to the kitchen.

* * *

Cass could hear the banging of cupboard doors downstairs. Jack had asked her to marry him?

Maybe she'd got it wrong. Maybe he'd done it on impulse and was regretting it now. Or maybe he'd meant it, and she'd had to go and spoil the moment by fainting. It was her own stupid fault, but the constant hunger for Jack seemed to have overwhelmed everything lately, even hunger for food.

He appeared in the doorway, a glass of milk in one hand and a plate with a couple of croissants in the other. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, he waited for her to sit up before he put the plate on to her lap.

‘Feeling better?'

‘Yes, much. What were you going to say to me?'

‘Eat first.'

How was she going to eat with the words she thought Jack had said bursting in her head like fireworks? She picked up one of the croissants and put it down again.

‘I can't.'

He narrowed his eyes. ‘Try. C'mon, Cass, I know you can do it.'

‘I can't. Really. Jack...'
Please let this be what she thought it was. Please...

He flashed her a grin. ‘I'm glad you can't wait. Don't think I can either.'

‘Then get on with it! I'm feeling a little nervous.'

He chuckled. ‘Good. I'm feeling a bit nervous too.' Jack picked her hand up from her lap, kissing her fingers, and she nodded him on.

‘Cass, you taught me how to believe. And I believe in you. There's only one choice and I've made it. I love you and I want to be with you for the rest of my life. We'll take everything else as it comes, face it together.'

It was everything she wanted to hear. There was only one more question and she had to ask it now, before happiness chipped away at her resolve. ‘Are you sure you could be happy? If I couldn't give you children?'

‘Wrong question.' He shook his head, smiling. ‘If we can't have children
together
, then I can still be very happy. This is how sure I am...'

He reached into his pocket, pulling out a small box. When he opened it Cass clapped her hand to her mouth. The ring inside was beautiful, two diamonds twisted together in a gold setting.

‘You're the only woman I'm ever going to want, Cass. You and Ellie are the only family I'm ever going to need. The only question is whether that's enough for you.'

‘Me? Are you joking?' He was offering her the whole world and he wanted to know if it was enough?

His mouth curved into a smile. ‘I'll let you know when I'm joking.' He snapped the box shut again and put it back in his pocket.

‘Hey! Don't I get to look at it a bit more?'

‘I thought you might like to think about it for a while.'

‘Jack, ask me again. Please, I know my answer.'

He nodded. He knew her answer too. It had always been this way with Jack. Friends, lovers—they were like two pieces of a jigsaw that fitted perfectly.

He sat on the bed, holding her hands between his. ‘Will you marry me, Cass?'

‘Yes, Jack. I'll marry you.'

He took the ring out of the box, slipping it on to her finger.

* * *

They'd talked for hours, lying together on the bed, side by side. He'd told her his dreams and she'd told him hers. And all of those dreams began slowly to morph into plans.

He was so happy. It felt as if a great weight had been lifted off him, not just the weight of the last months, when he'd struggled to cope without Cass, but the weight of years.

‘You want something more to eat?' Jack doubted it. In his remorse at seeing her so thin, he'd raided the kitchen again and she'd worked her way through two sandwiches, a banana and a pot of yoghurt.

‘No. I... Were you serious when you said you didn't want sex?' The tone of Cass's voice intimated that she was pretty sure he hadn't been.

‘I only want sex under certain conditions.' Her eyebrows shot up and Jack couldn't help smiling.

‘Really? Well, you can't just leave me guessing. What conditions?'

‘To show how much I love you. To celebrate with you, comfort you, be your companion.' He leaned in to kiss her lightly on the lips, his body burning with need. ‘I'm not going to rule out cheap thrills...'

‘I like the sound of
cheap thrills
. Would it be quicker to tell me what you
don't
want?'

‘Yeah, much.' He eased his leg between her knees. ‘I don't want you to be worrying about what time of the month it is, or whether your temperature's just spiked. I want you to see me, Cass. Only me.'

Neither of them had been able to deny that they wanted a child together, but they'd agreed that what they already had was enough. Now was the time to test that out, whether Cass could really leave her own past behind and risk all her broken dreams against what they had now.

‘I'd really like that...' She gave him a dazzling smile. ‘No expectations, then?'

He wouldn't go quite that far. ‘Yeah, I've got expectations. That thing you do... The one that drives me crazy...'

‘Which thing is that?'

‘Every single one of them. All I see is you, sweetheart.'

‘And all I see is you.'

She wound her arms around his neck, pulling him down for a kiss. Then she whispered in his ear, ‘Take your clothes off...'