Rosa's Child (15 page)

The first was the sexual abuse that started in her childhood and had gone on until she was an adult. What made this even worse was the Reverend's anger, which she had always feared greatly, when his wishes were denied.

Then, rather more difficult to describe but no less real for all that, there was the psychological abuse. What she found particularly difficult to deal with was the Reverend's obsession with her. Not only did he prevent her from forming a proper mother-daughter bond with Irene; he also interfered relentlessly with her attempts to get to know other men, and thus frustrated her chances of forming friendships, let alone a sexual partnership.

Naturally the Reverend had found it easier to drive away her boyfriends when Susi lived under his roof. Once she had left home he had been obliged to change tactics, obsessively telephoning and writing to her, and even turning up on her doorstep without warning. And yet, she now reminded him, after all this he still expected her to behave as a normal daughter and always made her feel guilty when she did not.

The third charge concerned the Reverend's denial of the truth about Susi's true origins: since he knew all about her Jewish heritage, it had been his responsibility to tell her. If he had done so she would have been free to choose which culture to embrace. He had even changed her name, so that she lost everything related to her roots. In short, he should have explained what he had done, and why, when Susi was old enough to make her own choices.

In a final bitter attack Susi added that the Reverend had saved her from Nazi persecution only to become her persecutor himself.

For the former clergyman, fast approaching his eightieth year, the time had come for confession. It was long overdue, but, never before challenged, he had never before confessed.

The Reverend's reply began with an admission that he had trembled on reading his daughter's words, and that he felt justly humiliated and dirty. He conceded that she had a right to make her accusations. Why should she carry burdens which were not of her making? he asked.

Then, in an eloquent confession of guilt, he wondered why he had not been 'blown off the face of the earth'. Having just delivered himself of this anguished cry, somewhat contradictorily he set about justifying his treatment of Susi. He had had no 'motives', he explained; it was just that when she was a child he was fascinated with her beyond reason. He carne to adore and ultimately to be infatuated by her. This was wrong in every possible sense, he confessed, and he alone was responsible for what happened between them. He was exclusively to blame - Susi should be free of guilt and indeed free in every way. At this point he made a tentative plea, repeated later, for his daughter's forgiveness.

The Reverend went on to acknowledge how misguided his possessiveness was, and that this trait was at the root of his problems. Almost from the start he had come to regard Susi as somehow his own, but he could now see this as 'very wicked indeed'.

As to why the Reverend had remained, so hypocritically, in a church whose morality he had betrayed, he could only answer that he had had nowhere else to go. Having failed to find work of another kind, he had remained a preacher for reasons of subsistence if nothing else.

On the question of his erasure of Susi's heritage, he defended himself by saying that she and Eunice had been told the facts of their immediate past when they were only eight years old. It was explained to them that they were not the Manns' own children but that they were adopted. They were always encouraged to have their own Bible - both Old Testament and New - and were never pressed to forget their past. It was true, he admitted, that they were not told the full story, and perhaps that was a grave mistake. However, this was never - he stressed the word - with the intention that they should forget their past: it was because he and his wife did not want the twins to be alienated, hurt by other children or teachers. There was no other reason, he insisted. And as for being Susi's persecutor - and thus being bracketed with the Nazis - it was the very last thing he had wanted to do.

In closing the letter the Reverend spoke of his utter humiliation and of being left with no alternative but to cast himself upon his daughter's mercy and that of the God of both Jewry and Christianity.

Finally the tables had turned. The victim, silent for so many years, had spoken out, had struck back. It had taken her so long to find the courage, but now at last a mirror had been held up to the abuser. For Susi the entire episode was extremely liberating. Suddenly the immense power that her father had held over since her childhood, which had controlled, even crippled her life, began to ebb away.

In fact, Susi felt that she was now the all-powerful one. Could she not inflict yet more damage on her erstwhile tormentor, should she so choose? Certainly there were many moments when she was sorely tempted. She could see now that as long as the abuser holds the power in the relationship, however that power is gained and preserved, he or she is free to continue the abuse. It is only when this power is broken by the abused, like an electric current being switched off, that the abuser's grip is loosened and the power transferred to the victim. For Susi, perhaps more important than the power in itself was the feeling of freedom it brought.

And then came the moment for which everyone helping Susi in her search had been waiting. The public records office in Munich had managed to find out what had happened to Rosa. Hard facts at last, a commodity previously in short supply. The discovery had called for the most painstaking research and now one thing was certain: Rosa Bechhòfer had never set foot on English soil. Frau Schmidt, who had carried out the investigation, was now able to report on precisely what had become of Susi's mother. It was her access to Gestapo records which had done the trick. However, it was not good news.

Frau Schmidt contacted Sally and informed the BBC team, who were filming in Munich, what she had discovered before she told Susi. 'I set Susi up,' Sally now admits.

Although I had heard of Rosa's fate, I simply told Susi that this person 'might be able to tell you something about your mother'. I felt that the film needed to show that Susi really cared. Once again I was rather torn professionally speaking whether or not to include what I knew was going to be a most emotional moment: of Susi finding out about her mother. But what I did not want was to have been faced with filming Susi having revised the emotional process. I wanted raw emotion.

Sally was not disappointed. As Susi's diary records:

There seemed to be an air of mystery surrounding what was to take place that day. I walked into a fairly clinical setting of bookshelves and office material. Frau Schmidt was seated alongside me and I had no idea what she was to reveal. First a picture of the orphanage. I scanned my mind for memories. My mind began to whirl. I thought that all these records had been 'destroyed'. I've lived with this thought all my life and here is my name - with Lotte's clearly written too. I gulp the tears and realize how close I was to Nazi persecution. But here I am instead on this special journey. My hand shakes, lips quiver and I think I will have to leave. Then, in front of me, is a document relating to my father in which the phrases 'ill-health' and 'scratches under the arm' are mentioned. And Rosa has chosen not to disclose her twins. Such pain floods us both. Her denial. I quickly decide she had to do this for our safety. Then I look at the photograph and know I am going to explode. No I can't. Cameras. Sit tight. Clench your fist. Stifle the sob. Feel the pain to the pit of your stomach. Then I say, this is why I am here - to find you. Here you are. But I cannot bear to look at the sadness in your face.

Frau Schmidt continued her explanation, her tone businesslike and matter-of-fact. It was clear from her professionalism that she had carried out this role before. She revealed that Rosa's last position as a domestic servant was with the Bachers at their home in Munich's Leopoldstrasse. She was in their employ for some six and a half months, after which she was arrested and taken to a concentration camp for Jews. She spent five months in one camp within the city - originally it had been a monastery, but the Nazis had adapted it for their purposes - before being moved to another at 148 Knorrstrasse.

And then they came to the nub of it all. Frau Schmidt had also found Rosa's name on a list of 343 Jews destined for deportation to Piaski in Poland on 3 April 1942. Not one of these people - man, woman or child - had survived.

'I think she was the victim of a mass shooting,' Frau Schmidt said quietly. 'And I think that was the end of Rosa Bechhöfer.'

On hearing this, Susi recalls:

I began to shake and sob. I had a picture of this person fleeing for protection, to be finally caught and my worst fear was realized. Then a voice at my shoulder said: 'You knew that this was what you might find.' But there can now be nothing worse than this. This is the worst moment of my life. All these thoughts whizz by in my mind. It is worse than a horror movie. I long to escape. I want to scream and scream... I rush out. But there is nowhere to go. Sally follows. I sense her concern. I screech out: 'Oh God, and he destroyed Rosa's trust.' Once again EJM's shadow was there.

The following morning Susi realized that she might be able to effect her escape after all, if somewhat belatedly. Overwhelmed by her experience of the previous day, she set off in search of a travel agency in the centre of Munich to book an earlier flight home. She longed for the stability, the everyday ordinariness and familiarity of her home town.

Over the past twenty-four hours Susi had undergone an extraordinary experience. Having spent half a century knowing nothing at all about her mother, she had found Rosa, only to lose her again just as suddenly. But at least now the process of mourning could begin, she consoled herself. All along Susi's mission had been to know. And now she knew. She knew too that such knowledge brought but one thing -immense pain.

Shortly after New Year 1991 the documentary 'Whatever Happened to Susi?' was broadcast on BBC2. The 'raw emotion' Sally had wanted was in ample supply, and undoubtedly accounted for the programme's enthusiastic reception. But not every letter was complimentary. Although the names of the Reverend and his wife had been changed in the documentary to Hopkins, this had not prevented the elderly couple from being identified with great ease as Edward and Irene Mann. And not just in the United Kingdom, where the programme was first shown, but later in a number of other countries. This was hardly surprising, for the couple's faces could be seen in close-up several times in the film.

Many eloquent words were written in defence of the Manns, a common objection being that they had been maligned, and that in particular the Reverend was a highly respected member of the Baptist Church and, although a fundamentalist, was by no means the 'hellfire and damnation' preacher he had been portrayed as. It was also stated with conviction that he and his wife had always placed the children's interests before other considerations, and that the overprotectiveness of which they had been accused was in fact genuine care.

For such support the Manns showed not the least sign of gratitude, although perhaps encouraged by it, they went on the attack, anxious to present themselves as the aggrieved party, the innocent and unwitting victims of abuse at the hands of the media. Irene Mann explains:

When we saw the film we just felt as if somebody was walking over us. There wasn't a single word of appreciation that the twins had been rescued. We were upset about this, because we had made Eunice and Grace our lives. Then we thought that other people have suffered and that we too must be prepared to face this. But I must say that I was very interested to see all the people Grace had met, and of how she had managed to go about doing this. My husband's reaction was one of despair. He just became silent. And for us both, there was nothing we could do or say about it. It was a fait accompli. We just felt at the mercy of the film. We threw ourselves upon the mercy of the public. But we shall never be able to get over the hurt of having been kept in the dark over the whole affair.

It was after Susi's meeting with Frau Schmidt and the completion of filming in Munich that a new twist in Rosa's story emerged. Susi would have been happy to accept the researcher's version of events and let the matter rest there, had she not seen one particular letter.

Aunt Martha, Rosa's elder sister, who had managed to emigrate to America before the war, had already revealed that she had an important document in her possession. It was a letter written in 1946 by one Maria Forster, with whom Rosa had worked in domestic service. Fearful that she might be arrested at any time, Rosa had asked her colleague to contact the New York Bechhofers on her behalf should that fateful day arrive, and entrusted her with various documents. Maria had given Rosa her word that she would do so at the first opportunity, and this she did.

20.6.46

Dear Sir/Madam

Since it is possible to write with America, I will fill a commission of your sister Rosei Bechhöfer to inform you that she was a cook by Miss Heines, Bauerstrasse 22, where I came as a domestic servant. After more processions she came into a concentration camp. Then she became ill - breast operation -and must go away 1943 with a transport, unknown where. I never heard from her anything more. It was very painful for Rosei. I enclose this birth certificate she gave me to keep it. So take this information to further use. I am able to give you more information in case you need them.

Respectfully

Maria Forster

No reply came from New York. Evidently a black sheep Rosa would remain, even in death. But that unbending attitude was not what most concerned Susi now. The simple fact was that the information given by Maria did not square with that provided by Frau Schmidt.

If Rosa had been shot in 1942, why should Maria state without hesitation that she was sent to a concentration camp the following year? And had not the Central British Fund for World Jewish Relief reported that she had applied to come to England during the spring of 1943? Furthermore, the International Tracing Service had recently uncovered new evidence of Rosa's having worked in a factory during the first part of that same year. While Susi was in no doubt that her mother had died at the hands of the Nazis, she was left with the painful feeling that some crucial information was still lacking. For this reason her file on Rosa, weighty though it was, could not be closed with a clear conscience.